CREDITS SEQUENCE NEWSPAPER HEADLINE MONTAGE: HEADLINES flash before us, displaying their accompanying photographs. "UBERMAN - METRO CITY'S HERO AFTER DEFEATING MASTER MIND! PHOTO: A chiseled, statuesque man wearing the COOLEST SUPER HERO SUIT IMAGINABLE, COMPLETE WITH FLOWING CAPE, shines a confident smile at the lens. This is UBERMAN, champion of METRO CITY. "UBERMAN DEFEATS MASTER MIND'S GIANT ROBOT!" PHOTO: Wide-shot of Uberman in mid-flight lifting the GIANT ROBOT in the sky above the city buildings. "MASTER MIND ALL WET AFTER UBERMAN FOILS AQUARIUM HEIST!" PHOTO: Uberman stands knee-deep in water. He has his enemy by the collar. The villain blocks his face from the shot with a METALLIC GAUNTLET. The images start to flash by even quicker, each showing the MYSTERIOUS VILLAIN in various stages of humiliation. In each photograph he successfully blocks his face with his armored glove. We ZOOM IN to the last headline. "MASTER MIND BEHIND BARS ONCE AGAIN - THANKS TO UBERMAN!" PHOTO: Uberman stands in a gallant pose with his fists on his hips, obviously trying to accentuate the "U" insignia on his chest. END OF CREDITS SEQUENCE EXT. BUILDING - DAY We DISSOLVE from the photograph to Uberman standing in the exact same position. WE PULL BACK showing him atop a BUILDING overlooking the city below. A perfect view for our guardian hero. He watches the thriving metropolis, bristling with life as people happily go about their day. Yet, we can't help but detect a hint of sadness in Uberman's expression. 2. UBERMAN You look so peaceful from up here. His serenity is suddenly interrupted by a loud BEEPING SOUND coming from his wrist. He looks down at a BRACELET (a manly one) on his right arm. It's a silver band with a FLASHING red letter "U". UBERMAN (CONT'D) Looks like Roxanne's in trouble again. Uberman leaps off the building and into the air. His cape gracefully flows in the breeze behind him as he shoots off into the distance like a speeding bullet. EXT. OBSERVATORY HIDEOUT - ESTABLISHING SHOT Grime and moss decorate the outside of this long abandoned building overlooking the COAST. Once a place of knowledge and wonder - now home to a great evil. INT. OBSERVATORY HIDEOUT - DAY The inside is in complete contrast to the exterior. The huge hall with a GIANT TELESCOPE teems with advanced ELECTRONIC EQUIPMENT. Computers, monitors and machines which do not have an obvious function FLASH and HUM. A STEEL DOOR slides open, revealing the subject of our story MASTER MIND - a villainous sight to behold. His FACE IS INEXPLICABLY LIGHT BLUE, topped by an OVERSIZED, MUSHROOM- SHAPED HEAD with a CIRCULAR PATCH OF WHITE HAIR ON TOP. He's dressed in the kind of costume only a super villain could pull off: a PURPLE JUMPSUIT AND BLACK BOOT ENSEMBLE WITH A GIANT GREEN "M" ON THE CHEST. His right hand, hanging at his side, is a METAL GAUNTLET WITH THREE SHORT SPIKES PROTRUDING BETWEEN HIS KNUCKLES. Master Mind begins to survey the room with his TWO PERMANENTLY ARCHED EYEBROWS. A man dressed as ALBERT EINSTEIN is busy ranting to two other men. One, a hulking brute, is dressed as LEONARDO DA VINCI. The other, a small intellectual-type carrying a clip-board, is dressed as the philosopher PLATO. EINSTEIN I hate the outfits. I mean, I get it: we're all supposed to be "masterminds" - very clever. (MORE) 3. EINSTEIN(cont'd) I just feel stupid. I mean, what the hell did Einstein really do anyway? PLATO Theory of relativity. Einstein starts feverishly scratching his side. EINSTEIN Well, you'd think he'd invent a wool sweater that didn't itch so much. Da Vinci and Plato's eyes suddenly grow with concern as they see Master Mind walk up behind Einstein. Einstein notices his colleague's staring over his right shoulder and turns around. He turns around and Master Mind SEIZES HIM BY HIS THROAT with his metal gauntlet. MASTER MIND The real Einstein once said, "God does not play dice with the world." He was right, because the world is MY dice. Is that understood? DA VINCI & PLATO Sir! Yes, sir! EINSTEIN (gasping for air) Yes, sir. Master Mind undoes his grip on Einstein's throat. MASTER MIND Alright, then - clean slate. Do we have the girl? DA VINCI Yes, sir. She fell into our trap just like you knew she would. MASTER MIND Reporters are a curious lot, and easily manipulated. He quickly checks his physique in a GIANT MIRROR, adjusts his posture and sucks in his gut. 4. MASTER MIND Alright, let's not keep the lady waiting. MOMENTS LATER Da Vinci escorts a BLINDFOLDED and bound woman, ROXANNE RITCHI, to the back of the room where Plato and Einstein are standing guard over a large BLACK SWIVEL-CHAIR facing away from us. She pulls free of Da Vinci's grasp and waits for him to undo the blindfold. Her face uncovered, we finally see Roxanne's striking features - all of which seem overshadowed by piercing eyes that seem more put off by the situation than afraid of it. MASTER MIND (O.S.) Miss Ritchi, we meet again. The chair turns menacingly slow, finally revealing Master Mind. ROXANNE You didn't need to turn around like that. I can recognize the stench of failure. Master Mind unleashes a wicked laugh. MASTER MIND I trust you gentlemen know the very sassy Roxanne Ritchi, highly regarded investigative journalist who some say has a more than friendly relationship with our super powered foe Uberman. And Miss Ritchi, I trust you've already met my new crew: The Mad Geniuses! Roxanne gives Einstein a once over. ROXANNE Looks like a real group of winners. At the risk of sounding cliche', you'll never get away with this. MASTER MIND In a way, I already have. Roxanne unleashes an exhausted SIGH. 5. ROXANNE We go through this every time. You kidnap me to get to Uberman, he immediately finds your hideout, escapes whatever lame trap you've come up with, and takes you and your cronies to jail. I propose we just save everybody some heartache this time by YOU letting me go, and ME forgetting this whole thing ever happened? MASTER MIND What about my revenge? ROXANNE We can say it was wasting everyone's time. MASTER MIND You have a wicked tongue. I hope you rid yourself of that when you're my queen. Roxanne unleashes a snort-filled laugh. ROXANNE I'm sorry. What makes you think I would want to be your queen? MASTER MIND Power corrupts absolutely, Miss Ritchi. And when I have ultimate power over this city, I have absolutely every intention of corrupting you with it. PLATO Sir! Master Mind turns to Plato who's now standing at a computer terminal. MASTER MIND (annoyed) What is it!? EXT. OBSERVATORY HIDEOUT - DAY Uberman flies toward the Observatory like a rocket. 6. INT. OBSERVATORY HIDEOUT - DAY Uberman crashes through the wall to the room we were just in. He looks around, but there's suddenly NOT A SOUL IN SIGHT. CUT TO: EXT. MASTER MIND'S HYDROFOIL - DAY The boat is shooting through the ocean, away from the observatory. INT. HYDROFOIL CONTROL ROOM - DAY Machines, cables and terminals criss-cross the craft's main bridge. Through the enormous surrounding windows we can see the observatory shrinking in the distance. Master Mind watches Uberman on a small TV monitor as the hero intently searches his hideout. UBERMAN (on monitor) Master Mind! INT. OBSERVATORY HIDEOUT - DAY Uberman throws up his arms in frustration when suddenly - MASTER MIND (O.S.) Over here, old friend. He turns to see a FAMILIAR BLUE FACE OF EVIL ON A GIANT SCREEN. UBERMAN What's the matter, miss your old jail cell? Uberman starts walking toward the monitor. MASTER MIND (ON MONITOR) Actually, I wanted to share the experience with my oldest friend. A MECHANIZED CAGE shoots out of the floor, suddenly trapping Metro City's protector. Totally unfazed, our hero stares on. 7. UBERMAN You can't possibly believe this will work. Master Mind pulls out a SMALL BLACK BOX with a SINGLE RED BUTTON on it. MASTER MIND (ON MONITOR) Oh, can't I? I have attained control of the Earth's most abundant energy source. I doubt even you are strong enough to withstand the FULL CONCENTRATED POWER OF THE SUN!!! He presses the button. EXT. OUTER SPACE A sinister-looking SATELLITE orbits Earth's atmosphere. Its bay doors suddenly open, deploying two huge SOLAR PANELS. The panels shift, angling themselves in the direction of the sun. They immediately start GLOWING as they absorb the burning star's power. The front of the satellite begins to make a loud HUMMING SOUND as it prepares to unleash its unholy power. INT. HYDROFOIL CONTROL ROOM - DAY From the giant window we can see the boat is a good mile from the observatory. PLATO We're now at minimum safe distance, master. Master Mind turns from the CAMERA he was broadcasting on and puts down the control box. MASTER MIND Excellent. Stop here, I like this view. PLATO Twenty seconds until impact. Master Mind turns to Roxanne who is being held by Da Vinci and Einstein. She almost appears a little bored. Disappointed by her lack of horror, he walks over to the monitor now showing Uberman trapped in the cage. 8. MASTER MIND Any last words? Uberman looks up at the screen with a cocky smile. UBERMAN (ON MONITOR) Yes: there's no caging the power of justice. PLATO Ten seconds to impact. On the screen we see Uberman take two of the cage's bars in his hands. He yanks...NOTHING. PLATO (CONT'D) Nine... Master Mind stares at the monitor, slightly confused. PLATO (CONT'D) Eight... Uberman yanks on the bars again, this time using his foot as leverage. MASTER MIND (genuinely concerned) What's going on? UBERMAN (straining) Hold...on...a second. Master Mind looks back at Plato and Einstein. They're equally befuddled at the hero's sudden weakness. PLATO Seven... Uberman loses his grip and FALLS BACKWARD ON HIS ASS. UBERMAN SON OF A BITCH!! Master Mind and the minions all cringe in unison. Da Vinci turns to Roxanne not believing his ears. DA VINCI What did he just say? 9. PLATO Six......Five... Master Mind begins to laugh. MASTER MIND What kind of trick is this? Uberman looks up at the camera with a very grave expression. UBERMAN Like you don't know. These bars are made of copper, aren't they? PLATO Four... MASTER MIND Yeah, so? Uberman tries to shield his grief with his hand. UBERMAN You figured out my weakness, damn you. I CAN'T BEND COPPER! PLATO Three... MASTER MIND Your weakness is copper? PLATO Two...one. Everyone turns to the window. EXT. OUTER SPACE The satellite fires a giant BEAM OF LIGHT toward the earth. EXT. OBSERVATORY HIDEOUT - DAY The beam hits the observatory. The building instantly EXPLODES in a white nova blast of fire. INT. HYDROFOIL CONTROL ROOM - DAY The blast is so bright everyone turns away from the window. Then, as suddenly as it began, the awesome light dies out. One by one, the passengers unshield their eyes and look out toward the observatory. 10. All we can see through the haze of destruction is fire and smoke. PLATO I don't think even he could have survived that. Einstein suddenly turns giddy with excitement. EINSTEIN Whoa! Is it me or did you just finally destroy Uberman? MASTER MIND (carefully skeptical) Well...let's not get ahead of ourselves. Da Vinci suddenly sees something outside. DA VINCI Look, there's something in the sky, coming this way. ROXANNE Uberman! Master Mind turns toward the window. An object is in the air, flying directly toward them. As it closes in we can just make out the FAMILIAR OUTLINE OF A CAPPED FIGURE. MASTER MIND I KNEW IT! PREPARE YOURSELVES! HE'S GONNA RAM US!!! Everyone scatters and braces themselves for the impact. Master Mind, seeing all the good places taken, doesn't know what to do with himself. He just covers his giant head with his hands. The figure CRASHES THROUGH THE WINDOW and lands at his feet. He looks down to see a CHARRED BLACK HUMAN SKELETON. Around its neck is the unmistakable black cape of Uberman. MASTER MIND (CONT'D) (horrified) HOLY SHIT! 11. Roxanne breaks out of Da Vinci's hold and runs over to the body. ROXANNE Uberman? She stares down at the still smoking corpse, the tattered black cape with the yellow "U" on it. Roxanne turns to Master Mind, who's still visibly dumbfounded at the grotesque sight before him. ROXANNE (CONT'D) You killed him! Roxanne's eyes roll back. Da Vinci catches her from behind as she FAINTS. Einstein turns to Master Mind, looking at him as if he's just walked on water. EINSTEIN You did it! Now that he's committed the impossible - our villain is at a complete loss. MASTER MIND ...so I did. EINSTEIN I mean, I know you always wanted to. I mean, all the schemes all the plots - I never thought you'd actually be capable of it. Giddy as a school girl, Einstein turns to his fellow henchmen. EINSTEIN This is history. Every villain and lackey in the history of villains and lackeys dream of this moment, but when does it actually EVER happen? A sudden realization comes over his face. EINSTEIN Good lord...You do all realize what we get to do now, don't you? 12. His question is met with acquisitive looks from Master Mind and the others. EINSTEIN We get to go on a crime wave. CRIME WAVE MONTAGE - SET TO "Fun Fun Fun" by The Beach Boys. SPINNING HEADLINE: "UBERMAN'S DEATH IGNITES CITY WIDE CRIME WAVE!" ARMORED TRUCK It's driving along when the men inside suddenly notice something - THEY'RE FLYING HIGH ABOVE THE CITY STREETS. We PULL BACK to see the truck being carried by a giant claw at the bottom of a BRAIN COPTER. Inside the cockpit Master Mind and his henchmen laugh maniacally. SPINNING HEADLINE: "CHAMPION-LESS CITY AT THE MERCY OF HOOLIGANS." METRO CITY BANK Da Vinci and Einstein run out the front of the bank holding BAGS OF MONEY. Two beat officers see them and take chase after them around the corner and into an alley. After a moment the police reemerge from the alley screaming and running for their lives as a GIANT ROBOT CHASES after them. The robot stops, then suddenly it's head opens up like convertible car top with Master Mind and Plato at the driver's wheel. They smile and shake hands at a bad deed well done. SPINNING HEADLINE: "MASTER MIND BLACKMAILS METRO!!!" A VICIOUS TORNADO It's heading for downtown Metro as Master Mind and the lackeys coolly look on. Three large DUMP TRUCKS pull up, filled to the brim with bricks of CASH. 13. The DRIVERS jump out as the lackeys take the driver seats in the three trucks. Master Mind is about to climb into the passenger seat of one when a drivers taps him on the shoulder and motions toward the tornado. MASTER MIND (absentmindedly) Oh, right. Master Mind pulls a television REMOTE from his pocket and aims it at approaching windstorm of death. He presses the button marked "Tornado Off." The tornado shrinks and disappears just before it hits the city. As they drive through the city streets, Master stares out the window with a hint of something in his eyes. Is it melancholy? END OF MONTAGE EXT. KINGPIN BOWLING - DAY It's Metro City's premier bowling alley. On top of the neon lit building is a GIANT 30 FOOT TALL CEMENT BOWLING BALL. INT. KINGPIN BOWLING - DAY HAL STEWART (early 30's) takes careful aim with his BOWLING BALL. HAL It's a sport of honor, focus and grace. Honor the ball, focus on the pins, release the ball not hard and fast, but as if you were releasing a baby dove. He takes a step, pulls back his arm, and releases the ball, following it with his eyes. It's a horrible shot - INSTANT GUTTER BALL. An aged barmaid type with a cigarette hanging from her mouth looks over at him. HAL Okay, do something like that - but center it more. 14. She picks up her custom made FOGHAT BALL and takes aim. ATTRACTIVE BLOND Tell me how my form looks, honey. Hal focuses on the misshapen bumps of her enormous Johnson administration era derriere. HAL Oh, it's lookin' good. It's lookin' REAL good. It doesn't get anymore clear. This man is a pig. VINNIE (O.S.) Hal, I want to see you in my office! Hal turns to see VINNIE, owner of the bowling alley, calling him. VINNIE Now! INT. KINGPIN BOWLING - VINNIE'S OFFICE - MOMENTS LATER Hal sits down, facing Vinnie who's sitting at his desk. VINNIE You're fired. Leave your shirt and locker key. This bit of news hits Hal like a freight train. HAL Fired? Are you going to tell me why? VINNIE Showing up to work late. Showing up to work late drunk. Sexually harassing customers. Stealing from the register. HAL Vinnie, I don't know where you're getting these accusations - Vinnie takes out a video tape from his desk drawer and puts in a VCR. 15. HAL Oh, which one do you supposedly have here? VINNIE This is all of them at once. TELEVISION A WOMAN walks up to a BOWLING EMPLOYEE and hands him a pair of shoes. As the employee turns to the wall of shoes, a very drunk and disheveled Hal comes running in and pushes him aside. HAL I've got this one, Benny. So, Cinderella. Can I help you find your glass slipper? WOMAN Yeah, I'm looking for a seven. He folds his arms on the counter and leans into her with a cat-like grin on his face. HAL (with a leer) Seven - Well, maybe I could interest you in something in an EIGHT. Namely, me. Disgusted, she walks off screen. HAL Lesbo. Suddenly realizing the register's open, he quickly grabs a stack of cash and shoves it in his pocket. BACK TO OFFICE Vinnie turns off the television and waits for Hal to respond. HAL From the angle of the camera, I can see where you might have gotten the wrong idea. Listen, Vinnie, I don't think you've thought this through. If you fire me, who's gonna be captain of the alley's bowling team? 16. VINNIE Um, I don't know. Maybe somebody who can actually bowl. You guys have never won a game. I hired you because you said you were on the pro circuit. HAL No, I said I WILL BE on the pro circuit. VINNIE Please, a loser like you will never amount to anything. This harsh remark seems to leave Hal genuinely stunned. HAL Wow...If that's how you feel...I guess we should then talk about what kind of severance I'm gonna get. EXT. KINGPIN BOWLING - DAY TWO BRUISERS open the door and throw Hal out onto the street. He quickly picks himself up and turns back toward the building. HAL Hey...what about my ball? A bowling ball sails past him, just missing his head. HAL Thank-you! EXT. CHANNEL 7 NEWS BUILDING - DAY The massive building with a giant 7 on the roof stands in the heart of Metro City. INT. CHANNEL 7 NEWS BUILDING - OFFICE - DAY The cubicles and offices are alive with the hustle and bustle of a busy news day. Phones are RINGING, REPORTERS are TALKING, and Editors are SHOUTING. The elevator doors open and out steps Roxanne Ritchi. 17. Everything stops as the entire office suddenly falls SILENT. Somewhat taken aback by the reaction, Roxanne scans the room to see every eye on her. ROXANNE It's...um...It's good to be back. Thanks for everyone's cards and concerns. I really appreciated it - now I'm ready to climb back on the horse. No one is budging - their looks of pity are really starting to make her uncomfortable. The back office door suddenly opens and out comes FRANK BONIN, the gruff, middle-aged Producer of Channel 7 News. Noticing the silence, he looks up and sees the sad expressions on everybody's face. FRANK Someone die or something? He suddenly notices Roxanne - both feet are placed firmly in his mouth. FRANK (cursing himself) Oh, Jesus. ROXANNE It's okay. Frank quickly walks up to Roxanne and takes her gently by the arm. FRANK Come on into my office, sweetie. INT. CHANNEL 7 NEWS BUILDING - FRANK'S OFFICE - CONTINUOUS He sits her down on his leather couch, then quickly turns toward his door. FRANK Can we get this woman some water for God's sake? (to Rebecca) I gave you two months off. What're you doing back? People are gonna think I'm a slave driver. 18. ROXANNE Aren't you? FRANK Yeah, but I don't want people to think it. ROXANNE Frank, listen. I want to go back to work. I NEED to go back to work. FRANK ...You're hysterical, aren't you? Frank sits down on the couch and blankets Roxanne with A WARM EMBRACE. ROXANNE What're you doing? FRANK Keeping you warm before you go into shock. (toward the open door) DO I HAVE SLICE OPEN A CAMEL HUMP TO GET A GLASS OF WATER AROUND HERE? A SECRETARY quickly enters with a bottled water. She sets it on the table in front of them and leaves. Roxanne pulls herself out of Frank's grasp and stands up to face him. ROXANNE It was a traumatic experience. Yes, everyone knows Uberman and me were...close. But what I really need - what would really make me better is getting back to work. There's a sudden awkward silence from Frank. FRANK Well, that's going to be... ROXANNE I thought you'd be happy to have me back. 19. FRANK Oh, we are. Honey, nothing makes us happier than to have our girl back, but... ROXANNE Yes? FRANK Things have sorta...changed. ROXANNE In three weeks? FRANK Listen, I'm not one who likes to open up wounds - especially ones that are just starting to scab, but you were sorta our go to girl for the exclusive on Uberman. And now that he's gone...I moved Brad into your anchor spot. ROXANNE (disgusted) Brad? Brad Helms? The man is an idiot. FRANK It's the suits. They think it's time to switch things up. ROXANNE Oh, because they can't use me to get the big story. FRANK C'mon, Roxie. Using is in the nature of what we do. They used you, you used Uberman. Everybody's happy. ROXANNE (defensive) I didn't use him. FRANK Oh, I didn't mean that. I know you two were in love or something. My bad. ROXANNE We were. 20. FRANK And that's great. ROXANNE Very in love. There's a hind of self-doubt in Roxanne's expression, as if she's failed to convince even herself of this. ROXANNE Okay. So, where are they going to move me if Brad has my spot? FRANK ...Human interest. ROXANNE Bake sales and pet stories. FRANK I told them I wouldn't be surprised if you just upped and quit. You busted your ass for that desk. Roxanne can hardly get it out - she's busy swallowing her pride ROXANNE I'll take it. Frank looks up at her, not believing what he's hearing. FRANK What? EXT. ABANDONED METRO CITY LIBRARY - NIGHT Amongst the jungle of high rises, one small building stands out from the rest - A tiny, forgotten piece of 19th century Gothic architecture. LIGHTENING FLASHES, revealing TWO CONCRETE GARGOYLES holding a cracked plaque, reading: METRO CITY LIBRARY. INT. ABANDONED METRO CITY LIBRARY - NIGHT A mixture of old and new. Dusty Victorian furniture and dilapidated bookshelves sit side by side with pristinely futuristic machinery. The building has been converted into Master Mind's new SECRET LAIR. 21. In the center of the main room is a three storey tall GLOWING BLUE ORB. At the base of it is a sign that reads "Reactor - Don't Touch." We PAN OVER to the READING ROOM where Master Mind is sitting on a couch watching TELEVISION. REPORTER ON TELEVISION (O.S.) It's been nearly six weeks, and still no word on the whereabouts of billionaire playboy, and philanthropist, Wayne Scott. Tune in at 11:00 as we look into what has become Metro City's biggest mystery. TELEVISION NARRATOR (O.S.) We now return to "The Hero of our Hearts: The Uberman story." Einstein and Plato come into the room holding a BAG OF LOOT. EINSTEIN Just robbed the diamond exchange. MASTER MIND (feigning pleasure) Great, great. Put it on the pile. Einstein tosses it on a LARGE PILE of purloined valuables in the corner of the room. EINSTEIN Anything else today? MASTER MIND No. Master Mind turns his attention back to the screen. Plato sees that Master Mind is in a funk and tries to snap him out of it. PLATO (cheerfully) Sir, the new reactor is installed. Plato nods to the giant orb. PLATO Do you want to throw the switch? I know how you love to start reactors. 22. MASTER MIND Maybe later. Einstein gives Master Mind a funny look then exchanges glances with Plato before leaving the two of them alone. Without turning away from the TV, Master Mind addresses Plato. MASTER MIND (CONT'D) What is it, Plato? PLATO (nervously) Sir, I can't help but notice that you've been...a little down lately. MASTER MIND When I want your opinion I'll beat it out of you. PLATO Yes, sir, I know, but please forgive my impertinence. It's just that you seem to have lost your lust for our profession. You've stopped going on jobs and spend most of your time watching Uberman specials. Master Mind relaxes slightly and turns to face the window in a classically contemplative pose. After an overdramatic beat... MASTER MIND I have defeated my greatest enemy. I have free reign over Metro City. I have more wealth than a thousand Sultans. I've achieved all I have worked for...so why am I so unhappy? He walks over to a PAINTED PORTRAIT that looks almost exactly like him, except slightly older, maybe meaner - MASTER MIND'S FATHER. MASTER MIND I mean, my father, god rest his evil and tormented soul, raised me straight from the test tube to be a symbol of evil. (MORE) 23. MASTER MIND(cont'd) And, I have accomplished something he had only dreamed about - the destruction of Metro City's champion. I tell you, I've always lived with this unquenchable thirst. I thought it was to make him proud or to get absolute power. But now that I've pretty much accomplished both, I am at a loss. PLATO ...I sort of have a theory about all that. MASTER MIND (snippy) Oh, really? PLATO Well, for one thing, maybe Uberman was more important to you than you thought. MASTER MIND He was a worthy rival. Sometimes I wonder, did he consider me his evil equal or was I just an annoying, little gnat to him? ...What's the second part? PLATO I think you sort of have a thing for Roxanne Ritchi. Master Mind quickly takes his lackey by the throat. MASTER MIND YOU WORM! HOW DARE YOU! WHERE WOULD YOU GET SUCH A NOTION? PLATO Sir, your plans always involve Ms. Ritchi either being kidnapped or placed in danger. If that's not love, I don't know what is. It's the grown up equivalent of dipping her pigtails in the ink well. Don't you see? She's the one treasure that's always escaped you. From Master Mind's expression, we see Plato's words beginning to ring true. 24. INT. RESTURAUNT - DAY Roxanne is having lunch with several girlfriends sitting around her, gabbing. FRIEND #1 I can't believe you came back so soon. FRIEND #2 Are you sure it's not TOO SOON, honey? ROXANNE I just wanted to get back to work. FRIEND #3 What we need to do is get you back on the saddle...the love saddle. Friend 1 and 2 give 3 disapproving looks. FRIEND #3 It's been three weeks. FRIEND #2 She just lost the love of her life, Grace. A WAITER comes by with a tray of CAESAR SALADS and begins setting them out for the ladies. ROXANNE I keep trying to tell people it wasn't really like that. Uberman and I - We were kinda having problems. We broke up. The waiter ALMOST DROPS HIS TRAY AT THIS. The women are too shocked by Roxanne's revelation to notice. FRIEND #1 You broke up with Uberman! FRIEND #3 You must have REALLY, REALLY high standards. I mean, you were dating a god. I mean, what's it take? ROXANNE Maybe someone who's a little more aware of his faults. Someone a little more sensitive. 25. FRIEND #3 Right. Someone who listens, sexy but attainable with cute little cheeks like a hamster and heartbreak in his eyes. She turns to Friend one and two to explain. FRIEND #3 She wants John Cusack. FRIEND #2 The actor? FRIEND #3 No, the famous pediatrist - Yes, the actor. Ever since we were teenagers, Roxanne's totally had the hots for him. ROXANNE Well, until he miraculously comes walking into my life, I'm just going to take a little reflection time for myself. The waiter gets a confused look on his face then slips away as Roxanne and her friends continue to chat away. EXT. RESTURAUNT - DAY The waiter tosses his apron in a trash can, then rolls up his sleeve and presses A STRANGE LOOKING DEVICE STRAPPED TO HIS WRIST. His image gets staticy, like a TV station going out, then disappears - revealing the man's true form underneath: MASTER MIND! MASTER MIND Who the hell is John Cusack? EXT. CITY STREET - DAY A YOUNG MOTHER pushes her baby stroller past a building construction site. ACROSS THE STREET A local POLITICIAN addresses a group of REPORTERS on the sidewalk, including Roxanne. 26. POLITICIAN The Fifth Avenue Renovation Project, which I championed, will breath new life into the downtown area. New life means new jobs and new revenue. ROXANNE Councilman, is it true that your brother-in-law's construction company won the contract for this project? POLITICIAN Well...er...yes, but...look I'm not here to answer a lot of crazy questions... YOUNG MOTHER The young mother stops halfway down the block, reaches into the stroller and tries to comfort her now crying baby. Above her, a CRANE is maneuvering a pile of STEEL GIRDERS to an upper floor. Hal comes around the corner and heads in her direction. CRANE The crane GRINDS TO A HALT. The OPERATOR has a confused look on his face as he moves levers back and forth in an effort to fix the problem. Hal stops a few feet from the woman and stoops down to tie his shoe. CRANE The operator's hand slips off the lever, hitting a RED BUTTON. To his horror the crane DROPS ITS LOAD OF STEEL. HAL AND THE WOMAN The woman looks up to see the girders seconds from crushing her and her baby. She screams. Hal looks up and sees it as well. He starts to run out of the way and crashes into the woman and stroller. ACROSS THE STREET 27. The reporters turns their cameras just in time to catch on film what appears to be Hal pushing the woman to safety just as the GIRDERS CRASH TO THE GROUND. HAL AND MOTHER Tears of joy in her eyes, the woman picks up her baby and kisses it. Hal struggles to catch his breath as the mother turns to him. YOUNG MOTHER Thank you! Thank you for saving me and my baby! She hugs him with her free arm, weeping with joy. HAL (not knowing what she's talking about) Huh? He's a little uncomfortable with the woman's public display of affection and the small child in-between their embrace. HAL (CONT'D) There, there. Hal slowly eases out of the woman's grip. HAL (CONT'D) Okay, we better...well, I hear these little guys smother easy. The reporters rush over and surround Hal and the mother. ROXANNE What's it feel like to be a hero? Hal looks up at Roxanne. Instantly, he's captivated by her beauty. HAL Well...I'm just a man doing what men do. You're Roxanne Ritchi, aren't you? They're suddenly interrupted when another reporter pushes his way in between them. REPORTER Were you scared? 28. HAL Scared? Who had time? The reporters eat this up. INT. ABANDONED METRO CITY LIBRARY - NIGHT TELEVISION John Cusack stands in the rain looking up at a window of a two story house. He holds up a BOOMBOX and "In Your Eyes" by Peter Gabriel begins to play. From the couch, Master Mind and his minions watch. MASTER MIND John Cusack, huh? So all I have to do is have a cute puppy dog stare, be willing to make a fool of myself and - Oh, REMOVE BOTH MY BALLS. He turns to see Da Vinci watching the movie and wiping a tear from his cheek. MASTER MIND Please, get a hold of yourself. INT. BOOKSTORE - NIGHT Roxanne is carrying a large paper coffee cup in her hands as she peruses the isles. She sets it down on a shelf to pull a book out and ends up KNOCKING THE DRINK OVER. ROXANNE Shit. She goes to pick it up when someone bends down and picks it up for her. Looking up to thank him, Roxanne is suddenly stunned speechless - It's popular and critically acclaimed actor JOHN CUSACK, or rather Master Mind disguised as him. "JOHN CUSACK" Oh the humanity - it was a Venti. ROXANNE (stunned) You're...you're. "JOHN CUSACK" Yes, it's me. John Cusack...the actor. 29. He notices the book she's reading. "JOHN CUSACK" Hey, is that Shelly? Wait, I think remember something from that one - Let's see: "My head is screaming `I want you and need you' - my heart it keeps reaching to see you and feel you - yet in the end, I'm alone once again." Wow, I scare even myself. I'm sorry. I'm just really into poetry. Probably because I'm so sensitive and always going to great lengths to express myself. But enough about me. Can I fill you up? ROXANNE (captivated) ...Yes. (catching herself) I mean, excuse me? "JOHN CUSACK" Can I fill you up? Your coffee. ROXANNE Right. INT. BOOKSTORE CAFE' - LATER Roxanne talks as John Cusack listens to her every word intently. ROXANNE I did have a boyfriend - until fairly recently. She suddenly begins to feel the stares around her as passers- by being to notice who she's with. ROXANNE I'm sorry - this is so surreal! "JOHN CUSACK" Yeah, they charge way too much at these places - Now back to your boyfriend. I'm interested and compassionate. I want to know about you. 30. ROXANNE Things were complicated. He was a man married to his work. There was...there was a lot of competition in his line of business. I'm sure you know what that's like. "JOHN CUSACK" Sure. In my business, one thing I have is RIVALS. For example, mine is...uh...Lou Ferr...igno. ROXANNE ...The body-builder who used to play The Hulk on TV? "JOHN CUSACK" Did he? Well, we're always up for the same roles. Did your boyfriend have someone like that? A particular rival that was always getting his goat - so to speak? ROXANNE Well...one rival in particular seemed to get more of his attention than I ever did. But enough about my problems. "JOHN CUSACK" NO, TELL ME MORE!!! Suddenly realizing his outburst, he begins COUGHING to mask it. "JOHN CUSACK" (CONT'D) I'm sorry. I got a whooping cough. Had it ever since Serendipity. I WONDER WHERE OUR REFILLS ARE!!! (fakes cough) See, there it goes again. Please, go on. ROXANNE Right, well, he seemed to need him more than he needed me. "JOHN CUSACK" How do you mean? 31. ROXANNE It was conflict he thrived on. He always said he wouldn't know what to do with himself if Master - I mean, this guy were gone. It was like he needed it, like oxygen. The answer to his mental funk hits him like a bolt of lightening. He turns away from her as if for private time. "JOHN CUSACK" (almost to himself) I think I finally understand...The only logical answer is to recreate that rivalry - or if that's impossible, create one of equal structure. That's it! ROXANNE What? John Cusack snaps out of his dream-like haze realizing she's heard every word. "JOHN CUSACK" Oh, sorry, sorry. Just rehearsing for a part...where I play a man who talks to himself at inappropriate times. In a sudden rush, he rises out of his chair. "JOHN CUSACK" I have to go right now, but I'd really like to see you again - if that's alright. Roxanne looks up at him - She can't help but laugh at the craziness of the situation. ROXANNE I'd love that. INT. ABANDONED METRO CITY LIBRARY - DAY Master storms in the office to find Plato and Einstein playing darts with the original Mona Lisa. EINSTEIN Got her nose! MASTER MIND I've got it! 32. Everyone stops what they're doing upon seeing that their master has returned. MASTER MIND I've got it! MASTER MIND It's plain and simple. Extraordinary minds need extraordinary stimulation. Without that stimulus they wither and die. Therefore, there is only one logical conclusion: I must create a new superhero. EINSTEIN Yeah, maybe that's not such hot idea... MASTER MIND (ignoring him) Prepare for Operation Superhero Genesis! INT. ABANDONED METRO CITY LIBRARY - LABORATORY - DAY The lab is slick, white and ultra modern. Dressed in a lab coat, Master Mind enters through a SLIDING GLASS DOOR rubbing his hands excitedly. MASTER MIND Prepare the subject. He glances down into a large HOLE in the floor to see a naked thirty year old man, SEVERS, shivering. Above the hole, a huge vat dangles precariously. Master Mind steps behind a glass partition next to Plato and Einstein. MASTER MIND (CONT'D) Plato, pour the toxic waste. Plato throws a switch causing the vat to tip hundreds of gallons of green and brown goo into the hole. MASTER MIND (CONT'D) Drainage. The slime is sucked out through the floor, leaving a goo- soaked Severs. 33. Master Mind looks into the pit. MASTER MIND (CONT'D) Well, Severs? SEVERS I feel fine. Just a little sticky, but aside from that everything's completely - BOOM - Severs explodes. A hail of blood and tissue covers Master Mind and his men. For a good ten seconds nobody moves an inch. Finally... MASTER MIND Okay then. INT. ABANDONED METRO CITY LIBRARY - LABORATORY - DAY Through a glass WATER TANK we see a man breathing normally. MASTER MIND And this one? PLATO We attached gills to him. He can breath under water. MASTER MIND Ah. Does he have extraordinary strength? PLATO Well...no. MASTER MIND Can he fly? PLATO No. MASTER MIND Resilient to weapons fire? PLATO No. MASTER MIND He just breathes under water, then. PLATO Ah...yeah. 34. Master Mind rolls his eyes and walks away. INT. ABANDONED METRO CITY LIBRARY - LABORATORY - DAY The next guinea-pig, STENWICK, is standing in a sealed glass tube not much wider than himself. MASTER MIND Plato, the radioactive spider, please. Plato throws the switch DROPPING A SINGLE SPIDER onto Stenwick's arm. Stenwick looks and winces as it bites him. STENWICK Ow! He brushes the spider off. MASTER MIND Anything, Stenwick? STENWICK (shaken) No. Ah...sir, I didn't know this was about spiders. I have a pretty severe case of arachnophobia. Master Mind thinks for a moment, then turns to Plato. MASTER MIND We're gonna need more venom. Plato throws another switch, this time DUMPING THOUSANDS OF SPIDERS on poor Stenwick. His SCREAMS begin to fade as he's engulfed with swarms of crawling arachnids. MASTER MIND (CONT'D) How `bout now, Stenwick? ....Stenwick? INT. ABANDONED METRO CITY LIBRARY - OFFICE - DAY Master Mind is pacing back and forth. The muted TV plays in the background. MASTER MIND This has proven to be a challenge. I just don't know what I want. What do I want? 35. He stares at Einstein, Da Vinci and Plato, but they offer no advice. MASTER MIND (CONT'D) I want a man of moral fiber with a strong sense of right and wrong. Someone who doesn't seek power - instead, they must have it thrust upon them and find, within themselves, the courage to rise to the occasion. Einstein lets out a short laugh, getting everyone's attention. EINSTEIN Yeah, well, it sounds like what you want is Uberman. Master Mind snaps the fingers of his non-metal hand. MASTER MIND That's it! Why make a copy when the real thing will do? The lackeys look at each other, they can't believe what they're hearing. EINSTEIN I was just kidding, sir. In case you forgot, you actually burned Uberman alive. MASTER MIND Then we'll make a new one. Plato, bring me the box! MINUTES LATER Master Mind and the lackeys stand in a circle around a small table. Plato places a STAINLESS STEEL CHEST in the tables center. As Master Mind opens it, he's immediately doused in WHITE GLOW emanating from inside. MASTER MIND Behold - Uberessence. The very thing that gave Uberman his superhuman powers. 36. EINSTEIN Where the hell did you get that? MASTER MIND Oh, I shot him with a power sucking gun and had this idea to use this to clone a whole army of evil Ubermen. I'm not sure why I never got around to following up with that. PLATO I believe he defeated you before you could, master. MASTER MIND ...Right. Man, he was good! DA VINCI You want another volunteer, sir? MASTER MIND Not another volunteer driven by the need for personal gain. Somebody else, somebody pure. Master Mind turns to see an INTERVIEW WITH HAL playing on the muted television. Underneath his face is a blue caption with white lettering that reads: "Hal Stewart - Metro City's Newest Hero?" NEWS REPORTER ...who risked his own life to save that of a young mother and her child. HAL Please, please, you're embarrassing me. I saw someone in need and I helped them. What more can we ask of ourselves. I ask you, what more? A smile creeps across the evil one's face. MASTER MIND (CONT'D) Somebody like him! EXT. CITY STREET - DAY Plato is sitting in the van, staring into a pair of binoculars as he speaks on a cellphone. 37. PLATO Yeah, sir. This guy is a real piece of work. He used to teach bowling at Kingpin's. INT. MASTER MIND'S HIDEOUT - DAY Master Mind is sitting with his feet up on a computer console as he speaks to Plato. MASTER MIND (into phone) A modest profession to brilliantly hide his true heroic nature. I love it. EXT. CITY STREET - DAY PLATO Then you are absolutely going to love this - We follow Plato's line of sight across the street where we see HAL PLAYING WITH A LARGE GROUP OF BLIND CHILDREN. PLATO - He volunteers at a school for the blind. INT. MASTER MIND'S HIDEOUT - DAY Intrigued, he suddenly sits up in his chair. MASTER MIND He volunteers. He doesn't ask for any reward for his deeds. The fates are shining down on me. This Mr. Stewart is truly an unselfish soul. EXT. BLIND SCHOOL - DAY From a distance, Hal seems to be consoling an upset child who's sitting on a rock. But up close... HAL You greedy little bastard. I already gave you a twenty. BLIND KID Hey, you want me to play along? Then pay up, bitch! 38. HAL Fine, but you better be convincing. He gives the kid a bill out of his wallet and looks over his shoulder to see a HOT TEACHER walking toward them. HAL Here she comes, go to work. Like a miniature Brando, the blind kid buries his face in his hands and begins to cry. BLIND KID (weeping) Why can't I see! Why God? Hal puts a warm consoling hand on the weeping boy's shoulder. HAL Hey, Peter. C'mon champ, let me look at you. The Hot Teacher stops and curiously watches from a distance. The boy looks up at Hal, tears running down his dark sunglasses - he should get an Oscar. HAL You know, in life we're all given no more than we can bear. This happened to you maybe because you were meant to rise above it - Maybe to be an inspiration to the other little Peteys out there. BLIND KID You really think so, Hal? HAL Hey, does it LOOK like I'm lying? Now c'mon, go feel your way to class before you get your little butt suspended. The boy stands up and is about to take off. HAL Petey, wait a minute. Hal uses his shirt sleeve to wipe the tears away from the boy's face before sending him on his way. 39. The Hot Teacher grabs her chest. Her heart is about to absolutely melt. HAL Don't run into anything! EXT. STREET - CONTINUOUS Plato lowers his binoculars. From his perspective, Hal should be next in line for popehood. PLATO I think I've seen enough, sir. This is your guy. MASTER MIND (O.S.) (over radio) Then return to base. We have much work to do. Plato starts up the van and pulls away. INT. BAR - DAY It's a busy night. A couple of trucker types are shooting pool as the bartender slings drinks. Hal is nursing a beer at the bar when he suddenly notices a very ATTRACTIVE WOMAN sitting next to him. As he goes to straighten his stool-posture, Hal suddenly catches himself on the bar's TELEVISION - it's a story about how he saved the woman and her baby at the construction site. He turns back to the Attractive Woman next to him, then back to the TV. A plan of attack is forming. HAL (obviously playing it up for the woman's benefit) Oh, there it is again. This is really getting embarrassing now. The woman looks up at the screen and gives Hal a double-take. ATTRACTIVE WOMAN Oh my God! It's you! You're the man who saved that woman and her baby the other day! It is you, isn't it? TRUCKER #1, getting a drink at the bar next to them, OVERHEARS. 40. Hal rolls his eyes and puts his hands up in the air. HAL (to Attractive Woman) Oh, crap. You got me. TRUCKER#1 taps Hal on the shoulder. TRUCKER#1 Let me tell you something. That was just about the bravest damn thing I've ever witnessed. (he turns to the rest of the bar) Hey, everybody! This guy's the hero from TV! The bar ERUPTS IN CHEERS. MOMENTS LATER Hal is riding on the shoulders of TRUCKER#2 and TRUCKER#3 as `I'm Holding Out For A Hero' plays on the jukebox. TRUCKER#1 suddenly puts his hands in the air. The room quickly goes silent. TRUCKER#1 I want to give you something. He reaches into his pocket and takes out a medal. He holds it up in the air for everyone to see. TRUCKER#1 (CONT'D) Lost my whole platoon. They were a lot a good boys, a lot of good boys. That was just the way things were in "The Grenada." I'd rather a real hero have this. Trucker#1 gives the medal to a speechless Hal. ATTRACTIVE WOMAN Hey, you're on TV again. The crowd looks up at the Television. TELEVISION - CONTINUOUS The anchor man, BRAD HELMS (early 40's, amazing mustache), suddenly has a memo passed to him. 41. BRAD HELMS This just in. Upon a second look at that tape from this morning, which we'll now replay for you, it appears it was not the heroic act it first seemed to be. The tape shows Hal running in slow motion. BRAD HELMS (O.S.) (CONT'D) With the tape slowed down you can actually see the man push the woman and her child out of the way in an effort to save his own life. The tape shows Hal, in a clear act of self-preservation, pushing the woman and child out of the way. CUT BACK TO: INT. BAR - CONTINUOUS In unison, everyone turns their heads back to Hal. HAL I guess that looks kinda bad. Trucker#1 snatches his medal back. EXT. NEARBY ROOF - NIGHT Master Mind, Da Vinci and Plato look down, spotting Hal cutting through a dark alley. DA VINCI There he is, boss. Da Vinci hands Master Mind a fantastic looking silver rifle. MASTER MIND Now, we're sure this won't kill him? PLATO Yes, sir. He'll just feel a slight electrical shock. MASTER MIND Good. Master Mind raises the rifle and aims it at Hal. 42. EXT. ALLEY - NIGHT Hal wipes the blood from his nose with his shirtsleeve. A LIGHTENING BOLT suddenly zaps Hal in the back. His teeth spark and arc electrons as his entire body shakes and shudders violently. He finally collapses, knocking over a row of garbage cans. EXT. NEARBY ROOF - NIGHT An angry Master Mind slaps Plato. MASTER MIND Slight electrical shock? EXT. ALLEY - NIGHT Hal lies flat on his back, his jacket smoldering. Dazed, he slowly rises to his feet and looks up at the sky. HAL God, I hate the weather in this city. Hal walks off into the night as he attempts to slap the emitting smoke from his jacket. EXT. NEARBY ROOF - NIGHT Master Mind turns to Da Vinci. MASTER MIND Follow him. INT. HAL'S APARTMENT - NIGHT It's a dirty, small studio. Laundry lies everywhere, dishes are piled in the sink and the litter box looks like a minefield. Hal comes staggering in. Through his POV we see the lights wobble and streak like a hallucination. He shakes his head trying to clear thing up, but it looks worse. Hal makes his way to the kitchen table and plops down on a chair. The room begins to swim. His CAT jumps on the table and sits down in front of him. 43. From Hal's POV the cat's face looks like we're seeing it through a kaleidoscope. Hal seems fascinated by it. CAT You don't look so good, man. HAL I don't feel good. I was struck by freaking lightening. Suddenly Hal realizes his cat's talking to him. HAL (CONT'D) AAAAAAHHHHH! You can talk? CAT No, you're just hallucinating. By the way, we're out of orange juice. HAL AAAAAAHHHHH! Hal jumps up, trips over a cardboard box and knocks himself out on the coffee table. INT. HAL'S APARTMENT - MORNING Hal lies in the same position we left him last night. He sits up and grabs his head. He looks like he has the worst hangover in the world. Finally, he remembers last night. He looks around, but not really sure what he's looking for. HAL Man... Shaking his head, he walks to the kitchen and opens the refrigerator. He pulls out an orange juice container and puts it to his mouth. It's empty. As if suddenly remembering something he looks from the carton to the cat, who is busy cleaning himself. He shakes the thought from his mind. BATHROOM Hal lifts the seat and unbuckles his pants. 44. HAL'S FACE He stares at the ceiling with half closed eyes. The inevitable sound of urine hitting water starts. A content look washes over his face. There is a distinct sound of porcelain CRACKING and SPLINTERING. The sound intensifies. Hal looks down to see his URINE STREAM SMASHING THE TOILET. HAL (CONT'D) Oh, God! He whips his stream away only to cut a LONG RIP IN THE WALL. HAL (CONT'D) Oh, God! He freaks out and begins to lose control of his flow as it destroys everything he accidently aims at; the bathroom mirror, a bottle of cheap cologne, the bathroom window. HAL (CONT'D) Oh, God! He aims back for the toilet, which is pretty much rubble now, to see the floor give way. Finally, the pee stops and he glances down the hole. He sees his downstairs NEIGHBOR sitting at his breakfast table. He has a fork halfway to his mouth as he stares at the smashed toilet on his pancakes. EXT. STREET - DAY Hal turns the corner to see his bus pulling away from the stop. HAL Wait! He starts running after it. ZOOM - HE TAKES OFF LIKE LIGHTENING. HAL (CONT'D) Whoa, whoa, whoa! Unable to stop, he SLAMS INTO THE BACK OF THE BUS and falls back to the ground. 45. As the bus continues on he sees an INDENTATION of his torso right below the rear window. Stunned, to say the least, he rises to his feet. HAL (CONT'D) Something's not right here. He slaps himself in the face as hard as he can. HAL (CONT'D) Wake up! Wake up, Hal! HONK! Hal spins around to see a car barreling toward him. He goes to jump out of the way - ZOOM - he FLIES TWO STORIES UP, nails a building and comes crashing back down to the sidewalk. Hal sits up, disheveled and scared. HAL (CONT'D) Okay, okay. Let's get it together, man. He closes his eyes in an attempt to will back his sanity. HAL (CONT'D) This is just some sort of...episode. It will pass, it will pass. He opens his eyes and looks down the street. A BEAUTIFUL NAKED WOMAN is coming toward him. HAL (CONT'D) Well, not too fast I hope. As she passes him and turns the corner out of his view he catches ANOTHER NAKED WOMAN - an old disgusting one. HAL (CONT'D) Yes, fast, fast! He turns away from her in horror only to see AN ENTIRE BLOCK OF NAKED PEOPLE going about their business. He rubs his eyes and looks down the street again. Everyone has returned to a clothed state. 46. He relaxes a little until he looks down and notices that he's floating a foot off the ground. HAL (CONT'D) I think I need to go home. INT. HAL'S APARTMENT - DAY Hal's front door CREAKS as it slowly opens, revealing Master Mind. He walks over to the bathroom and smiles to himself as he notices the giant hole in the floor. MASTER MIND Welcome to your second birth, Hal Stewart. Master Mind continues to survey the room. He stops to look over a "KARATE KID" POSTER on Hal's living room wall. He focuses on the majestic image of Pat Morita teaching a young Ralph Macchio to kick. MASTER MIND (CONT'D) Instruction is very important in the formative years. Every hero needs a mentor, a father figure to look up to. He presses his special watch, causing his body to MORPH INTO THE SPITTING-IMAGE OF PAT MORITA. "PAT MORITA" Perfect. INT. HAL'S APARTMENT - DAY Hal enters, grabs a bottle of vodka from atop of the fridge and takes a long pull from it. VOICE (O.S.) A man will usually find that if he drinks from a bottle, eventually, the bottle drinks from him. Hal does a SPIT TAKE. In the corner a darkened figure stands. HAL Who are you!? 47. VOICE I am the guide on your journey. Fate has chosen you to be it's champion. Pat Morita steps out from the shadows. Hal passes out again. LATER We are close on Hal's face as his eyes flutter open. He appears to be lying on the couch. He hunches up on his elbows, looks around, but everything is as it seems. He lays his head back down. HAL Thank God. It was a dream. Man, I must be losing it. A voice sounds right next to his ear. "PAT MORITA" (O.S.) You know you're out of orange juice? Hal leaps up to find he's been resting his head on Pat's lap. HAL Jesus! This isn't happening, this isn't happening. Hal backs away and trips over a box. "PAT MORITA" Calm. All things must be filtered through calmness. HAL Bullshit! Sometimes it's best to freak out. "PAT MORITA" I think we must work on your attitude first. HAL Look I'm gonna call the cops in about two seconds if you don't get out of here. 48. Pat rises and walks to Hal. He's so calm it makes Hal calm. "PAT MORITA" Are you calm now? HAL Yeah, I'm okay. Pat slaps him across the face hard. "PAT MORITA" Good, because we've got a lot of work to do. Hal grabs his jaw. HAL What the hell was that for? "PAT MORITA" Rule number one: expect the unexpected. HAL Can you just tell me what this is all about? "PAT MORITA" The heavens are not in the habit of bestowing a gift such as this to just anyone. You are being rewarded for being a man of great moral fortitude with an unwavering belief in humanity. HAL That's me alright. "PAT MORITA" I am to train you so you may fulfill your destiny to defeat the great menace to Metro City: Master Mind. Pat gets up and walks toward the door. "PAT MORITA" (CONT'D) Come. HAL We're are we going? 49. "PAT MORITA" To train. EXT. PAT'S CAR - DAY Pat is sitting in the driver's seat. The car is bumping up and down. "PAT MORITA" Strength is just as much in the mind as it is the muscle. Remember, both need to be exercised. We PULL BACK to see Hal lifting the car up over his head. He's hardly straining. HAL I'M LIFTING A FREAKING CAR!!! Pat leans on the HORN. "PAT MORITA" Hey, Corky? You listening? Two highly attractive female joggers run by. They're clearly impressed with Hal's show of strength. He smiles and mouths a "hello." HAL Yeah, work both muscles. EXT. DESERT - DAY Pat cocks back the chamber of a .357 MAGNUM. He holds it up and carefully takes aim...at Hal's chest. "PAT MORITA" Trust me. HAL What are you doing!? "PAT MORITA" An invulnerability test. Something wrong? HAL Uh...yeah. I would prefer not to get shot. Do not fire that thing! Frustrated, Pat lowers the gun. 50. "PAT MORITA" You're bulletproof. HAL Okay, do you know that for sure? Pat quickly aims and fires. Hal lets out a high pitched scream as the bullet ricochets off his chest. "PAT MORITA" I do now. Hal looks down at his chest, not so much as a scratch. HAL You suck. EXT. SKY - DAY Hal is in the air flying in a sitting position. He's weaving back and forth. HAL Ice Man, I got a bogie on my tail. Two Russian Migs coming in hard and fast. "PAT MORITA" Hey! HAL What? Hal looks down to see Pat Morita yelling at him from the roof of a building down below. "PAT MORITA" What did I tell you? Stomach down, hands up. Hal sighs and assumes the proper superhero in-flight position. HAL God, I feel so gay. Pat's CELL PHONE begins to RING. He answers it. "PAT MORITA" (in Master Mind voice) What is it? 51. ROXANNE (V.O.) John? Pat panics. He looks up to make sure no one is in earshot. He sees Hal now doing somersaults in the air. HAL YEEEE HAWWWW! Pat turns his attention back to the phone, talking in his John Cusack voice. "PAT MORITA" (in Cusack voice) Yes, it's John Cusack. ROXANNE (V.O.) Hi, it's Roxanne. Listen, I...I really enjoyed talking with you the other day. "PAT MORITA" ...As did I. ROXANNE (V.O.) Great. God, I feel really silly, and if you have a lot going on I totally understand. But, I was wondering if you maybe wanted to have lunch. He can't believe what he's hearing. "PAT MORITA" (excited) I'd love to! He quickly recovers his composure. "PAT MORITA" (CONT'D) I mean, I AM a little hungry. ROXANNE (V.O.) Great. How does the park sound, around noon-ish? "PAT MORITA" Sure! ROXANNE (V.O.) Great, see you then. 52. Pat hangs up the phone and returns it to his pocket as Hal lands behind him. HAL WHOOOOA! Man, that is so cool. It's like fly - Oh my God, I almost said it was like flying. "PAT MORITA" For the rest of the day I want you to continue to practice your flying posture. HAL Why, where're ya going? "PAT MORITA" ...To do something...mysterious ...and Asian. HAL Say no more, bro. I'll just keep at it, then. EXT. PARK - DAY John Cusack and Roxanne eat WRAPPED SANDWICHES while walking through Metro City Park. ROXANNE How's your sandwich? "JOHN CUSACK" It's quite delicious. ROXANNE Hope you don't think I'm too forward. Some men are intimidated when a woman asks them out. I just find you really easy to talk to. "JOHN CUSACK" And I you. ROXANNE You know, you're not at all like you are in the movies. "JOHN CUSACK" I'm not? 53. ROXANNE Yeah. I don't know - You have this strange, refined way of speaking. "JOHN CUSACK" I do? That is most interesting. ROXANNE Anyway, when we were talking the other day I just felt, even though we only talked for a couple of hours, that we've known each other for years. "JOHN CUSACK" I know just what you mean. Roxanne bites into her sandwich. ROXANNE You know what? This sandwich is disgusting. She tosses it in a nearby garbage can. ROXANNE (CONT'D) Of course I already ate half of it. I wonder what that says about my character? "JOHN CUSACK" It means you don't give up on a sandwich. You see that it has potential, and you give it every chance to be all it can be. Roxanne smiles at his analogy. ROXANNE Thanks, but knowing me, I was probably projecting my expectations of what a lunch should be on the sandwich. It might have been okay at first, but I just made it bitter. John Cusack notices Roxanne's smile starting to fade. "JOHN CUSACK" Is that what happened with your last sandwich - I mean, boyfriend? 54. ROXANNE When I look back, I probably shouldn't of expected so much from him. He was already a giving person. You know, one of those go out and save the world types. "JOHN CUSACK" I've run into a few. ROXANNE I was selfish, I guess. I didn't want to share him with anybody else. "JOHN CUSACK" It sounds like he was a special man. ROXANNE They broke the mold. John Cusack arches his eyebrow in a very familiar manner. "JOHN CUSACK" Perhaps not. INT. ABANDONED WAREHOUSE - DAY Hal walks up to Pat Morita sporting a Lone Ranger-type mask and wearing a purple and red superhero costume. It's not unlike Uberman's except for a giant "T" on his chest. (From here on, Hal is referred to as TITAN) TITAN What's the "T" stand for? "PAT MORITA" Titan. TITAN What's that supposed to mean? "PAT MORITA" It's from Roman mythology. Zeus's father...oh, just go with it. You look perfect. TITAN I don't think this mask is big enough. Are you sure no one is gonna recognize me? 55. "PAT MORITA" It's fine, just don't slouch. It's all in the posture. He grabs Titan's shoulders like a proud papa. "PAT MORITA" (CONT'D) It is time. INT. BANK - DAY There is a long line of people snaked around the velvet ropes. They're all waiting for their chance at the one open teller window. Four men wearing BEATLES MASKS(JOHN,PAUL,GEORGE,AND RINGO)and CARRYING SHOTGUNS enter the bank. John fires a shot in the air, sending everyone into an immediate panic. JOHN Alright folks, this is a robbery. Nobody moves - yadda, yadda, yadda... Ringo jumps over the teller wall and starts stuffing bills into a bag. As John and Paul cover the crowd, George goes to the corner office and puts a gun to the BANK MANAGER'S head. GEORGE The safe. Let's go. BANK MANAGER Okay, just don't hurt anyone. GEORGE Yeah, yeah, yeah. George leads him out by the collar. CRASH - Titan smashes through the window and lands in a bold superhero stance with hands on hips. TITAN Well, boys, there's no need for all this just to get the free toaster. Paul cocks his gun. 56. PAUL What are you suppose to be? We move in for a nice dramatic close up. TITAN Justice. GEORGE Well, justice, suck on this... George, John and Paul open fire on Titan. He just stands there and yawns as the bullets bounce off him. With their guns empty the three just stare at him in amazement. TITAN Now it's my turn. He turns to George. TITAN (CONT'D) Hey, George, here comes the sun. Titan grabs George and throws him into a fluorescent light fixture in the ceiling. Paul tries to run for the door. Titan snatches the collar of his jacket. TITAN (CONT'D) Say, Paul, your mother should know...that you're a scumbag. He tosses Paul out the window and into a parked DELIVERY TRUCK. Titan turns around just as John hits him with the butt of his shotgun. It instantly breaks apart in his hands. Titan lifts him like a rag doll up into the air. TITAN (CONT'D) John, all you need is love... He throws John who lands on top of a cubical wall - GROIN FIRST. TITAN (CONT'D) ...and a good urologist. 57. Titan effortlessly hops over the teller wall to find Ringo cowering on the floor. He grabs him by the shirt and lifts him up. HAL Well, Ringo...um...um...you're under arrest. EXT. BANK - DAY Titan walks out of the bank with Ringo and George under his arm. He's suddenly swarmed by a group of television reporters, including Roxanne. Across the street is Pat Morita. He watches Titan's first news conference with great anxiety. BANK MANAGER (to Hal) On behalf of the First National Bank of Metro City, I'd like to offer you a reward for your act of bravery. He hands Titan a check. TITAN (reading) Ten thousand dollars! Titan looks over to Pat, who violently shakes his head no. TITAN (CONT'D) (unenthusiastically) I...can't except this. Law and order is it's own...um...reward. Pat gives him the thumbs up. Pat turns, suddenly seeing Roxanne with her camera crew. Captivated, his eyes lock on her. Meanwhile, Roxanne and her cameraman, SETH, are maneuvering around the crowd to get closer to Titan. BRAD HELMS (O.S.) Not so fast, Roxanne. They both turn to see Roxanne's reporter rival Brad Helms, Geraldo without the class, and his cameraman, FRANK. BRAD HELMS This story's mine. 58. ROXANNE Listen, Brad. We were just in the area. I was just trying to - BRAD HELMS I've been in this business long enough to know pretty well what you were "just trying to do." Besides, I heard you couldn't take the big game anymore and were put on fluff detail? Dejected, Roxanne turns and motions for Seth to turn the camera off. SETH You're not gonna take that from him, are you? ROXANNE He's right. Old habit, I guess. (to Brad) We'll get out of your way. As they walk off, Brad makes a comment to Frank loud enough for her to hear. BRAD HELMS Besides, I'm sure there's a pancake supper somewhere that needs covering. INT. ABANDONED METRO CITY LIBRARY - OFFICE - DAY ON TELEVISION We see the news conference on the bank's steps. In the corner of the screen is written: "recorded earlier." BRAD HELMS For months now, since the death of Uberman, the citizens of Metro City have been holding out for a hero. Well, it appears they won't have to hold out for much longer as a new costumed crusader has suddenly stormed onto the scene. Today, at the Metro Savings and Trust, a masked mystery man single-handedly defeated "The Fab Four Gang." Just who is this new caped avenger? Brad holds the microphone to Titan's face. 59. BRAD HELMS I'm sure all of our viewers are now wondering, what's the "T" stand for? TITAN It's a message to all the scum out there. Uberman may be gone, but Metro City has a new protector, and his name is "Tighten!" Another reporter leans in. REPORTER How do you spell that? We PULL BACK to see Plato and Da Vinci watching this spectacle. Master Mind is sitting with them, reading a NEWSPAPER. MASTER MIND (reading paper) Oh, for heaven's sake. I can't believe it. He misspelled his name. Master Mind holds up the newspaper. The headline reads "Metro's New Hero: Tighten." MASTER MIND (CONT'D) No matter, I suppose. Master Mind throws the paper on the floor and begins to pace around the room with his arms folded behind his back. MASTER MIND (CONT'D) We've now fully established Titan as Metro City's hero. They will love him just as they loved Uberman. Everything is going according to plan. Einstein leans over and whispers in Plato's ear. EINSTEIN (whispering) Yeah, if the plan is getting us in jail. Master Mind turns around, facing Einstein. He walks over, standing face to face with the rebellious henchmen. 60. MASTER MIND You know, Einstein, maybe I should have called you Socrates. He also didn't know when to keep his thoughts to himself. EINSTEIN I just fail to see the point in all of this. I mean, why are we creating another superhero when it was such a pain in the ass for you to get rid of the other one? I mean, Uberman is destroyed, we should be using this opportunity to...to... MASTER MIND To what? EINSTEIN I don't know. To take over the weather, space, the world - whatever super villains are SUPPOSED to do. MASTER MIND The reason someone like you will always be a minion is because you have no foresight. We take over the earth, like you said. Then what? Women? Cars? Money? Even the grandest treasures will lose their lustre if you don't have someone to hold them over. Einstein throws up his hands. He's had enough. He pulls off his wig and throws it to the floor. EINSTEIN That's it! This balance of the force bullshit is getting way too Oprah for me. I'm blowing. Who's with me? MASTER MIND You dare? EINSTEIN Yeah, I dare. I'm sick of wearing stupid costumes, and I'm sick of working for a super villain who's turning into a softie. 61. Plato and Da Vinci's mouths drop to the floor. They turn to Master Mind for his rebuttal. MASTER MIND What - did - you - call me? EINSTEIN You heard me. You used to be an inhuman monster, now look at you. You're creating super heroes, you don't go with us on robberies anymore, it's been days since you threatened anyone, oh, and not to mention this Roxanne Ritchi thing. MASTER MIND THAT is none of your business, knave! EINSTEIN Hey, you guys haven't sealed the deal yet, have you? MASTER MIND Silence! EINSTEIN (In a woman's voice) Oh, Master, your head is so big. MASTER MIND I'm warning you, Einstein. EINSTEIN (In a woman's voice) Take me! MASTER MIND I said silence! With his metal gauntlet Master Mind grabs Einstein by the throat and lifts him into the air. Einstein looks frightened as he tries to pry himself free of Master Mind's grip. Master Mind's eyes soften as if his heart is suddenly not into what he's about to do. He let's Einstein drop to the floor. MASTER MIND (CONT'D) Get out of my sight. 62. EXT. RESTAURANT - NIGHT Roxanne and John Cusack are eating on the outside patio of a fancy restaurant. ROXANNE Don't get me wrong, I love being a reporter. I don't think I could do anything else. It's the consequences of what we do that I'm having a problem with. He listens intently as he refills her glass with wine. "JOHN CUSACK" That's where journalistic responsibility comes in, no? ROXANNE It's supposed to. "JOHN CUSACK" Sounds to me like you're running from something. ROXANNE I got someone I cared about killed. If it wasn't for me, he wouldn't have been involved. John suddenly gets a disturbed look in his eye, realizing what she's talking about. He reaches across the table and takes her hand. "JOHN CUSACK" You can't blame yourself. My father used to say each of us must answer the great call to truly feel alive. ROXANNE Was he an actor? "JOHN CUSACK" ...No. He was...a landscaper. And a horrible one. I mean he would fail time and time again at his...landscaping. And sometimes he'd get pretty beaten up or thrown in jail - ROXANNE Jail? 63. "JOHN CUSACK" My point is he took the good with the bad. He grew a little each time. Improved, learned. ROXANNE Was he ever successful? "JOHN CUSACK" God, no...but don't let deter you. Roxanne LAUGHS. ROXANNE Thanks for this. You know, this is embarrassing, but it's been a long time since I - It's starting to lightly sprinkle. Roxanne looks up. ROXANNE (CONT'D) I think it's starting to rain. We might want to find a table inside. "JOHN CUSACK" What were you gonna say? ROXANNE Oh, I was gonna say...It's been a long time since...well, I've been with someone I...enjoy being with. John Cusack smiles warmly and raises his glass for a toast. "JOHN CUSACK" To people who enjoy being with each other. They go to clang glasses, when the rain suddenly causes John Cusack's disguise generator to short. His true form of Master Mind is briefly revealed to Roxanne as a BOLT OF ELECTRICITY encircles his body. Roxanne drops her glass and jumps out of her seat. MASTER MIND (CONT'D) Oh, no. Don't look at me. LIKE A BROKEN TV the image keeps switching between MASTER MIND AND JOHN CUSACK. 64. As Master Mind starts to franticly slap at his watch, the Cusack disguise begins to hold steady. He nonchalantly returns to cutting his steak. "JOHN CUSACK" Okay, never mind that. Now, where were we? Roxanne grabs his glass and throws the drink in his face, causing the generator to short out permanently. Master Mind now sits in his true blue form. ROXANNE Oh my God. MASTER MIND You're not gonna get all freaky about this, are you? ROXANNE This...this is too much, even for you. God, I go out with you, tell you my innermost thoughts. MASTER MIND I only did this because I wanted to talk to you on the same level. You know, without all the baggage? ROXANNE Baggage? You burned my boyfriend alive, you sick son-of-a-bitch! MASTER MIND You see, that's exactly what I'm talking about. Roxanne starts to walk away. MASTER MIND (CONT'D) Roxanne! ROXANNE Stay away from me. Master Mind sinks back down to his chair. Despite the now heavy rain bombarding him, he returns to his food. Several resturaunt patron's are looking at him through the window. 65. Our villain turns to them, giving them a villainous glare. MASTER MIND What? INT. MASTER MIND'S BEDROOM - NIGHT Master Mind is lying on his back, wide awake. MASTER MIND (mumbling to himself) Stupid. What was I thinking? Plato, it's his fault. He's the one who sent me on this weak-willed path. I'll filet his scrotum for this. Me, a creature of evil, in love with Roxanne Ritchi. Preposterous. I hardly give such matters thought He rolls onto his side. He yawns and closes his eyes. Suddenly, they shoot back open. CUT TO: EXT. ROXANNE'S APARTMENT - NIGHT Master Mind pulls up in a blue Rolls Royce, across the street from Roxanne's apartment He stares up at the building, hoping to catch a glimpse of her. Finally, she appears, primping her hair in her apartment window's reflection. MASTER MIND I should just go up there and just lay it all out to her. "Roxanne, I like you - I always have. Oh, and I'm sorry I blew up your ex. (realizing the absurdity of his words) Yeah, that would go over like a pants-less clown at a child's birthday party. What the hell am I even doing here? Who cares what she thinks? I'm a supervillain and here I am acting like a love struck schoolboy. Forget this. I control my own destiny! 66. He turns the ignition key - NOTHING HAPPENS. He repeats but gets the same results. MASTER MIND (CONT'D) (disgusted) Perfect. INT. ROXANNE'S APARTMENT - NIGHT She pulls a pack of smokes off her night stand. Empty. ROXANNE Damn. She grabs her long coat and throws it over her robe. EXT. ROXANNE'S APARTMENT BUILDING Roxanne steps outside. ROXANNE Please be open. Across the street is a liquor store. The light is still on. ROXANNE (CONT'D) Thank God. She walks across the street, passing in front of Master Mind's car. Spotting her, he sinks down in his seat. Roxanne walks by, totally unaware of his presence. Relieved, Master Mind sits back up and watches her go into the store. INT. LIQUOR STORE - NIGHT Roxanne walks up to an elderly Korean SHOPKEEPER at the counter. ROXANNE A pack of Lady Strikes, please. EXT. MASTER MIND'S CAR - NIGHT Master Mind is talking on his cell phone. MASTER MIND Hello, Triple A? 67. He suddenly spots something across the street. EXT. LIQUOR STORE - NIGHT A HOODLUM walks up to the entrance of the store and pulls out a gun from under his coat. EXT. MASTER MIND'S CAR - NIGHT Master Mind stares in shock. MASTER MIND I'll call you back. He hangs up the phone and watches the Hoodlum go inside the store. INT. LIQUOR STORE - NIGHT The Hoodlum reaches across the counter and grabs a fist full of cash from the register. SHOPKEEPER Hey! SHOTGUN HOODLUM Shut up, Gramps. He turns to Roxanne, spotting a GOLD NECKLACE around her neck. SHOTGUN HOODLUM (CONT'D) Gimme that necklace! ROXANNE I don't think so. The Hoodlum cocks his shotgun. SHOTGUN HOODLUM I said give it to me! MASTER MIND (O.S.) The lady said no. The hoodlum turns around to see Master Mind in the doorway holding a STRANGE-LOOKING HAND CANNON (GOO GUN) with knobs and blinking lights. The hoodlum starts to laugh. 68. SHOTGUN HOODLUM What the hell's that? A super soaker? MASTER MIND No, it's a goo gun. The hoodlum turns his gun to Master Mind. SHOTGUN HOODLUM Yeah, what's it do? MASTER MIND It goos. Master Mind fires the cannon. It instantly covers the store in a cloud of SMOKE. The smoke clears to reveal the hoodlum STUCK TO THE WALL, covered in a thick, GREEN GUNK. Roxanne stares at him, dumbfounded. MASTER MIND (CONT'D) It's...a prototype. Master Mind starts to walk out when he's suddenly confronted by the shopkeeper. SHOPKEEPER I know you! You Master Brain guy. You a hero. Master Mind points the goo gun at him. MASTER MIND Don't - EVER - say that again. EXT. LIQUOR STORE - NIGHT Master Mind walks out with the cannon resting on his shoulder like he's a short timer in Da Nang. Roxanne follows shortly behind him. ROXANNE Hey! Master Mind turns around. ROXANNE (CONT'D) Are you following me or something? 69. MASTER MIND Don't flatter yourself. He turns away and continues walking. Roxanne runs in front of him blocking his way. ROXANNE Don't walk away from me when I'm talking to you. Finally it occurs to her what's going on. ROXANNE (CONT'D) What a minute...all that stuff you use to say to me when Uberman was alive - about me being the loyal queen by your side as you rule over Metro City. That wasn't just super villain rhetoric, was it? You actually meant it! MASTER MIND My, someone has a rather high opinion of themselves. They stare at each other in silence, their glares locked in conflict. ROXANNE (coldly) Do you really think I would be with someone like you? This stings Master Mind to the bone. And after a brief contemplation, he reaches the only logical, painful conclusion. MASTER MIND No. With that, Master Mind exits into the night, leaving Roxanne with a baffled expression on her face. INT. ABANDONED METRO CITY LIBRARY - NIGHT Master Mind enters in a huff. Da Vinci closes the door behind him as Plato notices his master's agitated state. PLATO Everything alright, sir? Master Mind GRABS PLATO BY THE GROIN with his metal gauntlet causing Plato's eyes to bulge in pain. 70. MASTER MIND (overly calm) Fine, why do you ask? PLATO You...just...seem... Master Mind tightens his grip. MASTER MIND Go on. PLATO ...distracted. Master Mind releases him. MASTER MIND Just with business, my minion. Just with business. I've decided it is time. PLATO You mean? MASTER MIND Yes, we've created our hero, now it's time to give him a little motivation. DA VINCI How do we do that? MASTER MIND To be simply good is not enough. A hero must be driven by an almost relentless desire to right a wrong that can never be corrected. PLATO You mean? MASTER MIND Yes, he must lose someone near and dear to him - his father figure. Gentlemen, it's time for Operation Mentor Kill! EXT. SKY OVER METRO CITY - DAY Titan flies high over and through the city, under bridges, between buildings, etc. He's not really working, just enjoying himself. 71. INT. WOMAN'S APARTMENT - NIGHT A PRETTY WOMAN sits at her makeup table wearing nothing but her bra and panties. Through the reflection in her mirror we see a large window directly behind her. As she applies lipstick we see Titan fly quickly by in the background. After a moment he slowly slides back in view and begins ogling the girl. She sees him in the mirror and quickly covers herself with a robe. Titan tries to hide his face as he zooms off. MOMENTS LATER Titan looks down to see an APARTMENT BUILDING IN RUIN. Emergency lights flash around it as swarms of people run around in chaos. TITAN Man, what the hell happened down there? Wait a sec - He stops in mid-air as he comes to the striking realization. TITAN (CONT'D) THAT'S MY APARTMENT!!! EXT. HAL'S APARTMENT BUILDING - DAY Titan lands in front of the rubble that was once his home. Reporters stand just beyond the police line. TITAN Crap. From the wreckage crawls a dying Pat Morita. TITAN (CONT'D) PAT! Titan goes and kneels beside Pat, holding him in his arms. TITAN (CONT'D) You okay? "PAT MORITA" I'm dying, kid. There is just one last lesson I have for you. It is the most important of all. 72. TITAN What's that? "PAT MORITA" Master Mind did this, you must avenge me. TITAN Master Mind? Why? "PAT MORITA" Because he's evil. You must stop the evil Hal - stop the... Pat's body goes limp. The cameras begin to pop and flash around them. Titan gently lays Pat's body down and stands respectfully over him. The reporters rush over. REPORTER 1 Tighten, Is this the work of Master Mind? REPORTER 2 How will the death of your mentor affect your resolve? REPORTER 3 Was that Pat Morita? Titan walks up to one of the cameras. TITAN This injustice will not go unpunished. Master Mind, if you can hear me, Tighten is coming for you. In the background we see Plato and Da Vinci, DRESSED AS PARAMEDICS, load pat's body onto a stretcher. PLATO ACCIDENTALLY DROPS HIS SIDE. As he bends down to pick it back up, Pat quickly slaps him, then goes back to playing dead. INT. ABANDONED METRO CITY LIBRARY - NIGHT Master Mind and the boys prepare the fortress for Hal's revenge attack. Master Mind is as giddy as a schoolboy. 73. MASTER MIND Alright, people, we don't have much time. Titan should be here any minute, so let's get the lead out. There is a GIANT MOUNTED DEATH RAY in the middle of the hall being tinkered with by Da Vinci. MASTER MIND (CONT'D) How's the death ray coming? DA VINCI Nearly up to full power, sir. MASTER MIND Hum. Let's turn it down a few notches. It's his first time and we don't want to get in a lucky shot, now do we? Plato enters the room. MASTER MIND (CONT'D) Anything on the radar yet? PLATO Not yet, sir. MASTER MIND I see. Well, he must be planning something big. Are the flame androids deployed? PLATO All twelve. Master Mind rubs his hands in anticipation as he sits down on his throne. MASTER MIND Wonderful, wonderful. Plato, Da Vinci, take your places next to me. They move to either side of the chair. MASTER MIND (CONT'D) No slouching. Da Vinci straightens up and sucks in his gut. They remain this way for several long moments. Master Mind occasionally glances at a DIGITAL CLOCK on the wall. Still no Titan. 74. LATER Apparently quite some time has passed. The bold stances have degraded to fatigue. PLATO He's certainly taking his time. MASTER MIND He'll be here. That's the way it works. STILL LATER Master Mind reclines in his chair and taps his metal gauntlet impatiently on the armrest. Plato has squatted down, resting his chin on his hand. MASTER MIND (CONT'D) Unprofessional, that's what this is. No, it's disrespect for the craft. Master Mind rises and begins to pace back and forth. MASTER MIND (CONT'D) Would Uberman have kept us waiting like this? Of course not. He was a pro who knew the score. It's time we spelled out a few things for this Titan. I will not be made a fool of. He storms out of the room. INT. HAL'S NEW APARTMENT - DAY Titan's sitting on the floor in a barren apartment wearing his costume top and some tighty whities. He sips his beer as he watches a basketball game on a tiny TV. Much to his annoyance, there's a KNOCK at the door. TITAN Oh, for crying out loud. He gets up and opens the door. It's Master Mind. MASTER MIND Do you know who I am? 75. It takes a few moments to register, but Titan's suddenly excited. TITAN Yeah, you're Master Mind. Yeah! You're actually the guy I want to see! MASTER MIND Oh, so NOW you want to get down to it. Well, I want to get a few things off my chest first. Master Mind walks past Titan into the apartment. He spins around, pointing at him accusingly with one of his metal fingers. MASTER MIND (CONT'D) Of all the inconsiderate - Do you have any idea how long we waited for you? We're you even planning on coming to me and getting revenge? Titan shuts the apartment door, and turns back toward his guest. TITAN Well, at first I was going to. You know, because that's what I figured I was supposed to do. But then I got to thinking- MASTER MIND (interrupting) -You got to thinking? There's nothing to think about. I'm the villain. I do something bad, you come and get me. TITAN - I got to thinking...what's the point? Master Mind throws up his hands. MASTER MIND Maybe you're right. What's the point? He suddenly notices something in the corner of his eye. He walks over to a futon in the living room. On top of it is a LARGE SACK OVERFLOWING WITH GOLD WATCHES,RINGS AND OTHER VALUABLES. 76. MASTER MIND (CONT'D) What are these? TITAN That's what I wanted to talk to you about. MASTER MIND (baffled) Where did you get all this? TITAN (proudly) Get this: I stole them. MASTER MIND From where? TITAN From all over. You see, once you killed Pat and ruined my other apartment building I was pretty pissed off, so I figured I'd go, find you and kick some ass. Then I thought to myself: "Okay,then what?" I mean, if we were to fight, what would I get out of it? Would I get my apartment back? Would I be able to pay the bills? MASTER MIND Well, what about your mentor? TITAN Tell you the truth? He was kind of a dick. I mean, being a hero is dandy and all, but it's volunteer work. Now you've always had the right take on all this. I mean, when you rob a bank or take over the diamond exchange you get something out of it. I mean, when you don't get caught, which, no offense, isn't very often. And that brings me to what I wanted to propose to you: Who could catch you if I'm by your side? Perplexed by his proposal, Master Mind just stares at Titan awe-struck. MASTER MIND You want to team-up? 77. TITAN You got the brains, I got the brawn. We could even call ourselves that: `Brain' and `Brawn'. Look at this. Titan picks up a piece of POSTER BOARD off the floor and shows it to Master Mind. TITAN (CONT'D) I even designed us some new costumes. The picture is crudely drawn with magic markers and crayons. A big headed man (Master Mind) is standing on a plate of grass in a blue costume with a picture of a brain on his chest. Next to him, is a picture of Titan in a red costume with a black cape, but his chest is mysteriously blank. Titan proudly points to the two figures. TITAN (CONT'D) See, you'd be brain, so you got a little one on your costume, and then I'll have brawn on mine...once I figure out the best, you know, visual interpretation of it. What do you think? MASTER MIND What do I think? Master Mind shakes his head tiredly. MASTER MIND (CONT'D) I think you're probably the biggest idiot I've ever met. I mean, I can't believe you. All your gifts, all your powers, and all you want to use them for is your own financial fulfillment. You know what? Your kind of people make me sick. Titan puts down his drawing. TITAN I worked hard on this. MASTER MIND Oh - gee - I am so sorry! 78. Master Mind looks to Heaven in disgust. MASTER MIND (CONT'D) (under his breath) Of all the people to pick, it had to be this loser. This strikes a cord with Titan. TITAN Now, hold on. You're going a little too far. MASTER MIND I wish your mother said that to your father the night of your conception, they would have saved me a whole lot of heartache. TITAN Hey, I mean it. Master Mind gets right in his face. MASTER MIND Oh, yeah? What are you gonna do? EXT. HAL'S APARTMENT BUILDING - DAY We see Master Mind's body CRASH through the building and land in a DUMPSTER across the street. A car pulls up. The driver's door opens. Da Vinci gets out and runs to help his master. DA VINCI Master! MASTER MIND (O.S.) It hurts. Da Vinci peeks into the dumpster to see Master Mind's body cushioned by a stack of trash bags. DA VINCI What hurts? MASTER MIND It! The overly large henchmen starts to pull his master from the dumpster when they suddenly hear a voice from above. It's Titan peeking through the hole in his apartment wall. 79. TITAN I don't need you, I don't need anybody. I have the power to do and take anything I want. And now, I'm gonna take back everything this city owes me. Beware Metro City, it's time for Titan to collect. Titan shoots up into the air. TITAN (CONT'D) Oh, and from now on - I'M GONNA FLY THE WAY I WANT TO FLY! He takes a sitting position and flies away as if he were piloting an invisible jet. Master Mind climbs out of the dumpster and watches Titan disappear into the distance. DA VINCI How'd the plan go, boss? MASTER MIND I just made myself redundant, old friend. Da Vinci gives Master Mind a whiff. DA VINCI It's not that bad. INT. BANK - DAY Titan, with a happy bounce in his step, enters the bank. The last time he was here he thwarted a robbery. He looks nostalgic. A SECURITY GUARD shyly walks up to him like a kid meeting his TV idol. SECURITY GUARD Morning, Tighten. TITAN Morning. SECURITY GUARD Is there something we can do for you? 80. TITAN Oh, don't bother about me. I'm just here to make a withdrawal. Titan walks across the lobby, drawing stares of admiration from all. A little girl waves to him sweetly. He gives her a good- natured WINK as he heads straight for the vault. The security guard watches him enter and come out with a SACK OF CASH. Sure he must be misunderstanding what's going on, the security guard just stares at Titan as he passes by and out the door. The bank manager comes over to the guard. BANK MANAGER Say, did he just rob us? SECURITY GUARD Not sure. Sort of looks it, don't it? BANK MANAGER Yeah. SECURITY GUARD Should I, you know, stop him? BANK MANAGER Umm...Yeah. As the security guard exits the bank, the manager stares out the window. His eyes suddenly grow wide with terror. The guard's body suddenly smashes through the window, landing at the startled bank manager's feet. BANK MANAGER (CONT'D) (looking down at the guard) He did rob us, didn't he? CUT TO: TELEVISION "A Channel 7 News Special Report." Brad Helms wipes into view. 81. BRAD HELMS "Absolute power corrupts absolutely." When Lord Acton stated that, in a letter to Bishop Mandell Creighton in 1887, no one thought much about it, but today Metro City is reeling from that very prophecy. Tighten, who many thought of as our savior, has turned his back on the cause of justice. CUT TO: TITAN BEING EVIL - MONTAGE EXT. DIAMOND EXCHANGE - DAY Titan flies through the window of the building. He emerges seconds later laughing with his shirt full of booty. EXT. CITY STREET - DAY A woman screams from the window of a BURNING BUILDING. Titan flies up to her, grabs her fur coat and zooms off again, leaving the woman behind, slightly confused. EXT. OUTSIDE MARKET - DAY Titan steals a little boy's lollipop and gooses his mother. EXT. CITY STREET - DAY Dozens of people run through the streets apparently to get out of a downpour. We cut to the top of a building and see Titan ZIPPING UP HIS PANTS and laughing. INT. ABANDONED METRO CITY LIBRARY - NIGHT Master Mind paces back and forth in front of Plato and Da Vinci. PLATO I don't understand it. He seemed to have every characteristic we were looking for in a superhero. MASTER MIND Well, there's no use crying about it now, we must take action. I'm not going to play second fiddle to that crass buffoon. We must destroy Tighten. 82. PLATO It won't be easy. Uberman had a sense of decency and genuine love for the people. That was his weakness and was easily used against him. MASTER MIND Yes, but he possesses the same flaws present in Uberman's DNA - copper. It's like Benjamin Franklin always said: "If something works don't dick with it." EXT. BAR - DAY It looks like a war zone passed through here. Smashed police cars and debris lay everywhere. This seems to be the only building left untouched. INT. BAR - DAY A very tipsy Titan is sitting at the bar, looking deep into the bottom of his beer glass for answers. TITAN I can have anything I want. I'm like a god. The BARTENDER just listens as he wipes down a glass with a dirty rag. TITAN Point to any woman in this bar. I could have her in a second. He follows the bartender's gaze to THE ONLY OTHER PERSON THERE - A passed out, MIDDLE AGED HAG OF A BARFLY. TITAN (to Old Barfly) Hey, you wanna get with this? BARTENDER Buddy, what do you want? Titan carefully considers this for a moment. TITAN What do you want? That's the question, isn't it. I mean, what do you want when you can have everything? (MORE) 83. TITAN(cont'd) I suppose what I really want is to never be forgotten again. I want to do something that can never be cast aside or one-upped. I want a - what's it called? - A legacy. I want a legacy. Yeah, that's it. I like the sound that. BARTENDER I meant, what do you want to drink? TITAN Oh. EXT. BAR - LATER Titan stumbles out of the bar, carrying a large sack of money. MASTER MIND (O.S.) Your time has come to an end, Titan! He looks up to see Master Mind suddenly standing before him. TITAN What? MASTER MIND There can be only one master criminal in this city - and it's me. TITAN Really? Titan melodramatically throws up his arms. TITAN (CONT'D) I guess I should leave town then, huh? MASTER MIND I have a better idea - NOW! Two floors up Da Vinci releases a rope. A COPPER CAGE, like the one that caged Uberman, drops down on top of Titan. Titan nonchalantly surveys the cage. He walks to the bars, tries to pull them apart but can't. MASTER MIND (CONT'D) That's copper my good man. Your one weakness. (MORE) 84. MASTER MIND(cont'd) For all your amazing gifts of brawn you are no match for my intellect. Titan thinks for a moment. Suddenly, he starts to SPIN like a human top, DRILLING HIMSELF INTO THE STREET BELOW. As he disappears beneath the surface, we see a shocked look on Master Mind's face until Titan suddenly explodes out from under the street in front of him. Master Mind stares up at him, dumbfounded. Titan makes like he's going to strike him down, but stops. TITAN You know what? You're nothing but a bug. Not even worth my effort. He turns his back to Master Mind and continues down the street. Plato makes his way from the shadows to join his master. They watch Titan shrink into the distance. MASTER MIND He's not as dumb as I thought. PLATO I guess not...Funny, though. MASTER MIND What's funny? PLATO Funny Uberman didn't think of the same thing. EXT. HIGH ABOVE METRO CITY - DAY As Titan flies, he looks down at the rooftops of the city below. Suddenly, something catches his attention. HAL That's it! He stops, hovering in place as he looks down below. The buildings, which make up the heart of downtown Metro, are in a PERFECT TRIANGLE with a long strip of street leading up to it. It sorta looks like a bowling lane. 85. HAL Hello, Legacy. EXT. KINGPIN BOWLING - DAY Vinnie and his goons come running out as the hear a COMMOTION. They look up to see Titan ripping off THE GIANT BOWLING BALL from the top of the establishment. VINNIE Hey, that's my ball! INT. ROXANNE'S APARTMENT BUILDING - DAY Roxanne enters the building's elevator. Just before the door closes an ELDERLY WOMAN slides in. ELDERLY WOMAN That was a close one. Sixth floor, please. Roxanne smiles and goes to press the button. The elderly woman suddenly pulls out a SPRAY CAN, shooting a MYSTERIOUS-LOOKING MIST into Roxanne's face. She falls to the floor unconscious. INT. ROXANNE'S APARTMENT - DAY Roxanne awakens, finding herself tied to a chair in her living room. We hear NOISE from a TV in the background as she tries to adjust her vision. Slowly, the blurry figure before her becomes clear. It's Master Mind. He sits on her Lazy-Boy, reading what looks to be some kind of JOURNAL. MASTER MIND Wow, I always thought Uberman was your first superhero - but it looks like our little Roxanne dated a linebacker in college. ROXANNE That's my diary. MASTER MIND So it is. 86. ROXANNE It's personal. MASTER MIND Well, then I wouldn't leave it in your underwear drawer for just anyone to find. He throws the diary over his shoulder. ROXANNE What do you want? MASTER MIND I need your help. ROXANNE So you knock me out and tie me to a chair? MASTER MIND You're not going to like what I'm about to tell you. As she tries to shake off her headache from being knocked unconscious, Roxanne spots something on the TV. ON TELEVISION Brad Helms is huddled behind a van. BRAD HELMS It's chaos here in city square as city police - Behind him, Titan picks up a POLICE CAR and throws it at a PADDY WAGON. Both vehicles EXPLODE on impact. BACK TO SCENE ROXANNE He's really out of control. MASTER MIND Tell me about it. As if finally realizing something, Roxanne looks back at Master Mind. ROXANNE I should have known. You have something to do with this, don't you? - With Titan turning evil. 87. MASTER MIND Well, the evil thing he did by himself. My goal was to give MYSELF purpose by creating an intellectual sparring partner. ROXANNE (confused) You're talking like you made him. MASTER MIND And they call me Master Mind. ROXANNE Let me get this straight. You missed getting your ass kicked, so you made a new guy to kick your ass. That's pathetic. MASTER MIND In hindsight... Roxanne turns back to the TV to see a group of POLICE OFFICERS open fire on Titan. The bullets just deflect off his chest. ROXANNE And his powers, they're just like Uberman's. Why would he have his powers? MASTER MIND (almost ashamed) I had some left over from something. I infused him with it. ROXANNE YOU DID WHAT!? Driven by rage, she struggles to tear out of her bonds. She finally relents, giving Master Mind a look fueled by pure hatred. MASTER MIND Yeah, that's why I decided to tie you up. ROXANNE You did all this because you wanted purpose? MASTER MIND He seemed nice. 88. TELEVISION Titan is standing on top of a destroyed police car. He waves for the camera to zoom in on him. TITAN Closer. I want to show the people my real face. He pulls off his mask, revealing himself as Hal Stewart to the public for the first time. TITAN (CONT'D) Recognize me? BACK TO SCENE ROXANNE Hal Stewart. He's the guy we thought saved that woman and kid. Turned out he was just trying to save his own ass. MASTER MIND Yeah, good to know - NOW! TELEVISION Titan throws the mask over this shoulder and hops off the car. TITAN That's right, I'm really Hal Stewart. Former hero and bowling teacher at Kingpin's Bowling. BACK TO SCENE Roxanne turns to Master Mind, condescending him with her eyes. ROXANNE You picked a bowler to give super powers to? MASTER MIND It's a modest profession! TELEVISION 89. TITAN With my new found power, I've recently started to wonder what sort of legacy I should leave. Should I be a hero? I tried that once before - even saved a lady and her baby from being squashed. I was treated like a god until everyone started to shit on me - Okay, so what if I didn't "purposely" save them! He walks over and puts his hand on a large circular concrete shape just off camera. TITAN Well, I'm going to make something that can't be taken away from me. I'm going to create a permanent monument to my greatness. One that won't be so easily forgotten or erased. The camera pulls back revealing THE GIANT CONCRETE BOWLING BALL from Kingpin's. TITAN I intend to create a new category in the Guinness Book of World's Records by rolling the biggest strike in the history of bowling. He grabs the camera and points it to the DOWNTOWN BUILDINGS. We realize they are PERFECTLY ALIGNED IN BOWLING PIN FORMATION. TITAN My thanks to the city planning commission. This wouldn't have been possible without them. Titan grabs the camera so it's pointing back at him again. TITAN Tell your friends and family to tune in right here to this station at noon tomorrow. BACK TO SCENE ROXANNE My god, he's nuts. That'll destroy the whole business triangle. 90. Master Mind seems to be contemplating something - something bad. ROXANNE What? MASTER MIND My lair is in the direct path of the ball. ROXANNE Oh, real nice. Wouldn't want anything to happen to your hideout, would we? MASTER MIND You don't understand. I have certain equipment that's - that's highly unstable. ROXANNE What do you mean? MASTER MIND I sort of have a hydrogen reactor, okay? ROXANNE A HYDROGEN reactor? MASTER MIND It's experimental - only one in the world...Well, how do you think I power all my inventions? Someone like me can't pay for electricity. The bills would be outrageous. ROXANNE A REACTOR? MASTER MIND It creates 100 times the output of a nuclear one...If destroyed it could... ROXANNE - Vaporize the entire city! MASTER MIND (proudly) Pshaw...the whole eastern seaboard, actually. That little baby is amazing. I'm quite proud of it. (MORE) 91. MASTER MIND(cont'd) (off her deadpan reaction) I mean...we'd better find a way to stop him. Master Mind thinks a moment. MASTER MIND Did Uberman have a hideout? ROXANNE What? MASTER MIND A cave, a solitary fortress of some kind. C'mon, all heros have a place to hang their capes up in. Roxanne, it may be our only chance to find something, a clue, anything that could give us a fighting chance. ROXANNE It's under his house. MASTER MIND Whose house? Roxanne can hardly believe what she's telling him. ROXANNE Wayne Scott's. Master Mind shoots up out of his chair. MASTER MIND Wayne Scott? Uberman was Wayne Scott!? Wayne Scott, the wealthy philanthropist? But he disappeared - ROXANNE (interrupting) He disappeared just over two months ago when you killed him. Not only did you rid the world of a hero, you killed a kind, noble, generous man. Perhaps ashamed, the super villain hangs his head. Master Mind walks behind Roxanne and undoes her bonds. Rubbing her wrists, she watches him as he walks over to the door. 92. ROXANNE (CONT'D) Looks like you got what you always wanted. Uberman is out of the picture and Metro City is doomed. He grabs the door knob and stops, considering her words. MASTER MIND "Metro City doomed." You know, I never thought I'd say something like this, but here it goes - He slowly turns to her, CUE HEROIC MUSIC. MASTER MIND (CONT'D) Not if I have anything to say about it. EXT. WAYNE SCOTT'S MANSION - NIGHT Master Mind stands before the huge, Gothic structure in awe. MASTER MIND Such a dark place for one such as you. I wonder, underneath your noble deeds, what inner demons drove you to your endless crusade for justice? He walks to the front entrance. The double doors have been sealed shut with boards and nails. Master Mind begins to tear them off with his metal hand. INT. WAYNE SCOTT'S MANSION - NIGHT The doors opens. A beam of moonlight immediately pierces the darkness, forming an illuminated path into the heart of the manor. Master Mind enters. Covered in dust and cobwebs, the hall looks like a gigantic crypt. MASTER MIND Good lord, man. You've only been dead for two months. Master Mind walks, coming to a gigantic painted PORTRAIT OF WAYNE SCOTT. He stops to reverently admire the image of his fallen foe. 93. MASTER MIND (CONT'D) A disguise so simple, it's ingenious. No wonder I never caught on. Besides the Armani suit, there's nothing to hide the fact that this is the same person as Uberman. In the picture, he's even standing in the same cheesy, heroic pose with his fists on his hips. MASTER MIND (CONT'D) Two lives, yet in both you were an ideal. Perhaps it was you who was victorious in the end, old friend. A BONGING sound suddenly bellows through the dark halls. Master Mind comes to a grandfather clock standing next to a gigantic BOOKCASE. On the twelfth bong it falls silent. Master Mind begins to slide it across the floor until he hears a loud CLICK. The bookcase slides into the wall, REVEALING A HIDDEN PASSAGE. MASTER MIND (CONT'D) I'll miss how predictable you were. The passage way leads Master Mind to a WORKING ESCALATOR. Master Mind gets off the escalator to see a long hallway with stone walls. He begins to hear strange SOUNDS, almost like MUFFLED SCREAMS, coming from a doorway at the end of the hallway. Master Mind starts walking towards it. As he steps closer, he begins to notice a light cracking through the bottom of the door. MASTER MIND (CONT'D) Hello? Anyone here...besides..all the BIG MEN who are with me now? Nothing. MASTER MIND (CONT'D) (to himself) What's the worst you're gonna find? (MORE) 94. MASTER MIND(cont'd) The man was a boy scout, not a serial killer. He opens the door to his immediate amazement. It's some kind of screening room. A PROJECTOR shoots an image onto A DIRTY WHITE SCREEN hanging on the wall. BEER CANS litter the floor; a table in front of a ripped-up couch is covered in discarded snack goods; and a Kiss Pinball machine stands in the far corner next to a CLOSED DOOR. Master Mind turns his attention to the action on the screen. SCREEN A woman dressed in a leather DOMINATRIX OUTFIT is whipping an overweight man lying on a swing-like device with his butt sticking out. DOMINATRIX IN FILM YOU ARE A WORM! She whips him three times. The man CRIES out in pain. FAT MAN IN FILM PINEAPPLE!!! PINEAPPLE!!! Master Mind's eyes are transfixed on the disturbing imagery. The door by the pinball machine suddenly swings open. WAYNE SCOTT, dressed in raggedy sweats, steps into the room carrying a CAN OF BEER and a bowl of JIFFY-POP. Master Mind cannot believe his horrified eyes. MASTER MIND Ahhhhhh! Wayne Scott is just as startled. WAYNE SCOTT Jesus! He drop his drink and snack to the floor. The two men stare at each other as they struggle to regain their normal breathing patterns. Wayne Scott walks over to the couch, brushes off a thick layer of chip crumbs, and sits down. WAYNE SCOTT (CONT'D) What the hell are you doing here? 95. MASTER MIND I might just ask you the same question. I had thought I incinerated you. WAYNE SCOTT You scared the bejesus out of me. How'd you figure out I was still alive? Wait, how do you know my identity!? MASTER MIND Roxanne told me. As for your ruse, I forgot to line the bottom of the copper cage - Somebody pointed that out to me recently. Figured if they could do it, so could you. But one thing I couldn't figure out - WAYNE SCOTT The skeleton? Something I "borrowed" from a medical school a few months before. MASTER MIND A few months? How long had you been planning this? WAYNE SCOTT I always planned to retire - eventually. I mean, come on, you can't do this sort of thing in your fifties. You'd just look ridiculous. The pieces of the puzzle appear to be coming together in Master Mind's head. MASTER MIND I see it all so clearly now. INT. MASTER MIND'S HYDROFOIL - FLASHBACK Master Mind and his minions cover their eyes as the observatory explodes. MASTER MIND (CONT'D - V.O.) You must have done it just seconds before the observatory exploded. 96. INT. OBSERVATORY - FLASHBACK Similar to what Titan did, Uberman bores out from under the cage. MASTER MIND (CONT'D - V.O.) You bore out from under the cage. Then, using your Uber-Speed, - EXT. OBSERVATORY - FLASHBACK Running in a blur-like haze, Uberman screeches to a halt in front of some bushes. MASTER MIND (CONT'D - V.O.) - you made your way to safety, where you had the skeleton safely hidden away somewhere. EXT OBSERVATORY - SKY - DAY Uberman soars high above the clouds. He looks down at the observatory, which is a mere speck in the distance. MASTER MIND (CONT'D - V.O) (CONT'D) Then you must have flown to a safe distance and waited for the explosion, then... Just as the observatory explodes Uberman aims and throws the SKELETON like a javelin. It soars through the air like a missile, tearing through the flames of the explosion, and crashing right into the windshield of Master Mind's hydrofoil. END OF FLASHBACK Wayne stares at Master Mind, clearly impressed. WAYNE Man, you ARE smart. MASTER MIND But why fake your death? Why go through all of it? You could have just quit. WAYNE SCOTT But the responsibility would still be there. (MORE) 97. WAYNE SCOTT(cont'd) A cop can retire and stop handing out speeding tickets - but people expect more from superheroes. I tell you, a volcano couldn't erupt in Zimbabwe without everyone expecting me to do something about it. I figured, out of sight, out of mind. MASTER MIND And Wayne Scott? Why did he have to disappear? WAYNE SCOTT Both of my lives have so much baggage. It's time for new baggage, you know? Master Mind's is absolutely flabbergasted. MASTER MIND I just can't believe it. This whole time you've been in hiding while a force of great evil is tearing your city apart? Wayne rises to his feet, waving his hands for Master Mind to say no more. WAYNE SCOTT I don't want to hear about it. That's why I don't have a television in here to remind me of all the things I SHOULD be doing. Hell, I could get a wife to do that. MASTER MIND There's a demented supervillain out there about to destroy our - I mean, your city. Wayne shrugs indifferently. MASTER MIND You're really going to do nothing? WAYNE SCOTT Good and evil have a way of balancing themselves out. If this guy is as bad as you say, somebody will rise up to fight him. It's just the order of things. You found me, didn't you? 98. Wayne puts a condescending hand on Master Mind's shoulder. WAYNE SCOTT (CONT'D) I know it's hard, but you'll find someone else someday. He then starts walking to the door. MASTER MIND You're the only one who can stop him. Wayne turns around. WAYNE SCOTT Couldn't if I wanted to. Gotta a plane to catch. MASTER MIND A plane? WAYNE SCOTT Going to Barbados for a little change in climate. Now, if you'll excuse me, I got to go pack. He reads the still defeated look on Master Mind's face. WAYNE SCOTT (CONT'D) You were a good foe. I'm sorry if I've let you down. If it makes a difference, you were the best foe a hero could ask for. MASTER MIND Not smart enough to come up with a full-proof trap. WAYNE SCOTT Well, you did almost have me when you figured out my weakness was copper. Now that made me sweat a little. Took me way too long to drill out from under that cage. MASTER MIND I got lucky. WAYNE SCOTT Anyway, it's a good thing for my sake that I could always count on you for an out. 99. MASTER MIND (suddenly confused) What do you mean? WAYNE SCOTT C'mon, we always threw each other a couple of bones. You would always leave me an out in one of your `full-proof' traps, and I'd never had you incarcerated at a penitentiary that you couldn't eventually escape from. It kept our little game going. Master Mind seems deflated. MASTER MIND Game? - Was that all this ever was to you? You know, I was trying my best every time I fought you. Those `outs' as you call them were unintentional. WAYNE SCOTT Oh. MASTER MIND I guess I was never really a match for you, was I? Wayne shrugs. MASTER MIND (CONT'D) (thoughtfully) Then how can I expect to be one for Titan? A beaten man, Master Mind heads for the door, but stops and turns around. MASTER MIND (CONT'D) What about Roxanne? Wayne unleashes an exhausted sigh. WAYNE SCOTT I think we both got what we wanted out of our relationship. She got a career out of me, and I got plenty of other things out of her. But I'm ready to move on to greener pastures. 100. Master Mind's steel hand clinches into a fist at his side. Wayne's oblivious to this. MASTER MIND I guess I wasn't the villain I thought I was, and you...you weren't the hero I thought you were. He turns to make his exit when he suddenly sees ROXANNE STANDING IN THE DOOR FRAME. Wayne is almost at a loss for words. WAYNE SCOTT Roxanne! How long have you been... ROXANNE Long enough. Roxanne looks at Master Mind. ROXANNE (CONT'D) Don't you have something else you can go do? Master Mind leaves Roxanne and Wayne facing each other in silence. EXT. ANOTHER BAR - DAY Titan emerges with Brad and Frank. He's holding a BEER CAN and a bag of PORK RINDS. TITAN Alright, I want this whole thing to look ESPN professional, understand? A distant MECHANIZED RUMBLE can be heard. The noise rises, signaling the approach of something powerful. Titan and his crew walk out to the center of the plaza as the sound becomes almost deafening. A TANK TRACK as it moves over the street. We PULL BACK to see a whole line of TANKS rolling along the street. PLAZA From the five streets branching off the plaza, a dozen tanks roll toward Titan. 101. Titan turns to Brad and Frank. TITAN (CONT'D) You guys are about to get some good footage. I might need a little room, though. Brad and Frank look at each other and run to take cover behind a nearby building. Meanwhile, Titan nonchalantly sips from his beer as the tanks begin to surround them. FEEDBACK belts out of one of the tank's loudspeaker's, causing Titan to do a mock wince. TANK LOUDSPEAKER Titan, we have orders from the city of Metro to take you into custody. If you do not give your self up willingly, we will be forced to open fire. There's a long pause as no one says anything. TANK LOUDSPEAKER What is your answer? Titan takes a sip of his beverage and UNLEASHES A GIGANTIC BURP - The shockwave of which sends several of the tanks flying into a nearby building. Two of the remaining tanks close in on the villain. Both have him dead to rights at point-blank range with their massive guns. Titan sets down his beer, then calmly plugs a fist into each barrel. They FIRE. The FORCE OF THE BLAST SENDS THEM BOTH FLYING IN OPPOSITE DIRECTIONS where they CRASH into nearby buildings. Titan bends down and pick his beet back up. TITAN (to beer) Miss me? Titan is suddenly bombarded by a massive barrage of machine- gun fire. The force sends him flying into the windshield of a nearby car. 102. He looks up to see an APACHE ASSAULT COPTER. It's nose- mounted GATLING-GUN is turning toward him. Titan gets up to his feet and looks down at his beer can. The bottom of it was blown apart in the blast. TITAN (CONT'D) Didn't mean to get you involved in all of this. He stared daggers up at the helicopter pilot just as the gun gets a bead on him. TITAN (CONT'D) Hey, man! You killed my suds! Titan throws the can up and slaps it with the palm of his hand. It flies with so much force it knocks the helicopter blade clean off. The rest of the Apache crashes to the street like a car dropped off a building. TITAN (CONT'D) That's one was for you, beer. Titan salutes the wreckage and walks away to find Brad and Frank still hiding behind the building. TITAN Guys, please tell me you got that last bit. BRAD HELMS Huh? TITAN You're kidding me. I give you my sexiest moves and you mean to tell me it was for nothing? BRAD HELMS We were afraid something might hit us. TITAN Looks like I've given the story of the century to the wrong man. He thinks about this for a moment, then it hits him. 103. TITAN Wait. What about that other reporter. Blond. Not so lumpy on the topper half, but killer legs. BRAD HELMS Roxanne. You want Roxanne. She's a much better reporter than I am. You want her. TITAN Where can I find her. FRANK We're actually not supposed to give out that sort of information. BRAD HELMS 1314 Mockingbird Lane. I believe she lives in a penthouse. TITAN You've been very helpful. He tosses Brad over his shoulder like a discarded ice cream cone. In the faint distance we see him splash down in the middle of the Metro City river. INT. ABANDONED METRO CITY LIBRARY - DAY Master Mind, pacing anxiously as Plato and Da Vinci pack boxes. Obviously Master Mind is going on the lamb. MASTER MIND Hurry, we must be on our way as soon as possible. DA VINCI Master, why must we flee? MASTER MIND I told you, Titan is too powerful. If he's set on destroying us, there's precious little we could do about it. DA VINCI Where are we going? 104. MASTER MIND To another city, someplace with a shitload of superheroes to fight. We'll start over, we'll go back to doing what we do best. PLATO With our tails between our legs? The old Master Mind would never have let this comment slip by, but as we have seen, he's not the same man. MASTER MIND Plato, do you have a better plan?! Master Mind's cell phone rings. He turns in shame from his men and answers it. MASTER MIND (CONT'D) Hello...Roxanne? INT. ROXANNE'S APARTMENT Roxanne paces back and forth on the phone. ROXANNE What are you going to do about Tighten? INTERCUT between Master Mind and Roxanne on phone. MASTER MIND Right now I'm packing, later I'll have a snack on the train. ROXANNE You're running away? MASTER MIND In a word - yes. ROXANNE You created this monster... MASTER MIND I didn't create this - the god's of irony did and I am eating the crow I so richly deserve. ROXANNE There's no time for self pity. 105. MASTER MIND I'll make the time. Roxanne can't believe what she's hearing. MASTER MIND (CONT'D) You can leave with us. You'll be safe. ROXANNE I'm not going anywhere. MASTER MIND Will you listen to me, no one can stop him. ROXANNE You have to try. The city needs your help. MASTER MIND I'm afraid you have an inflated opinion of me. ROXANNE What the hell's happened to you? The Master Mind I knew would never have run from a fight even though he knew deep in his heart that he didn't have a chance in hell of winning it. It was your best quality. You need to be that man right now...I... MASTER MIND What? ROXANNE (heart felt) I believe in you. Master Mind is taken aback, in a good way. But he catches himself before the words swell his heart. MASTER MIND Sweet words, but that man is dead. Please, Roxanne, just come with me. ROXANNE No...I guess you are a coward after all. Suddenly, there's a loud crash. 106. Roxanne looks up to see a huge hunk of her ceiling has been completely ripped off. Titan is flying above, holding the debris as casually as if it were a paper plate at a barbecue. He looks down at her and smiles. TITAN Man, have I got a story for you. Master Mind can hears Titan's familiar laugh from his side of the line. MASTER MIND Roxanne? Roxanne? EXT. KINGPIN BOWLING - DAY Titan is standing in front of the bowling alley, trying to decide on an appropriate pose for the occasion. TITAN What pose would be best? The corny folded arms thing? He demonstrates, arching his chin proudly in the air. TITAN Or maybe on the hips, like this. It's the classic Superman pose, only not as masculine. TITAN No, makes me look like a flamer pirate. As Titan starts to fix his hair in the window, Frank pretends to fix the lens on his camera as he speaks to Roxanne. FRANK (whispering) Shouldn't we be making a run for it right about now? ROXANNE (whispering) The guy can outrun bullets. I don't think either one of us is in that kind of shape. TITAN She's right, Frank. 107. Frank looks up, stunned that Titan could have possibly heard him. TITAN Also got super hearing. I promise not to keep the both of you long, but you'll thank me when this is all over. Frank and Roxanne exchange helpless expressions. INT. ABANDONED METRO CITY LIBRARY - DAY Master Mind reverently stares up at the painted portrait of his father. MASTER MIND Dad, it's me... (he looks around to make sure no one can hear) ...Bubsy. I know we haven't talked in a while, and I'm sorry. It's been a little crazy trying to live up to a legacy. The painting's menacing stare seems to reach into his very soul. MASTER MIND Anyway...You raised me to be the worst that I could possibly be. And I've tried to live up to that as best as I could - even dropping out of dentistry school like you wanted me to. But I'm about to do something now that would really piss you off. I'm going to go against everything you ever taught me. I hope...I hope that maybe you'll look down at what I'm about to do as not so much a good deed, but more like the outright defiance of a hateful and ungrateful, son. If you could do that, then maybe - in your own little way - you could - for probably the first time - find a reason to be proud of me. He looks back up at the picture. Is it our imagination, or does the painting's stare suddenly seem even angrier? 108. MASTER MIND Well...either way, you're probably going to see me real soon. (calling over his shoulder) Men? Plato and Da Vinci suddenly stop what they're doing and look up at him. PLATO AND DA VINCI Yes Sir? MASTER MIND Stop packing. Our work is not finished here. PLATO AND DA VINCI YES SIR! TELEVISION A news report shows an aerial shot of Titan setting the giant ball down in the middle of a vacant city street. REPORTER We interrupt your regular afternoon programming to show you live footage of a potential dangerous situation in downtown Metro. The former hero knows as Titan is placing what appears to be a giant ball... INT. ABANDONED METRO CITY LIBRARY - CONTINUOUS Da Vinci stops in front of a television set, seeing the news report in progress. REPORTER Hold on...It appears our own Roxanne Ritchi is somehow at the scene. We now go to her with a live report. DA VINCI Sir, I think you should see this! CUT TO: 109. EXT. CITY STREET - DAY Roxanne is standing in front of a camera with a mike in her hand. ROXANNE I'm here with the cause of the destruction in Metro City. He has kidnapped me and a cameraman to chronicle what he refers to as the creation of a monument to his invincibility and overall "Asskickiness." He will use this giant concrete bowling ball to play the largest game of bowling ever using the buildings of downtown Metro City as his pins. Titan suddenly steps into the shot. TITAN And I'm going for the biggest strike ever. He leans into the camera. TITAN And you, Metro City, have a ringside seat as I cement my name in the anal of history. ROXANNE Annals. TITAN What? ROXANNE Nevermind. EXT. CITY STREET - MOMENTS LATER Titan holds up the massive bowling ball, lining up his shot. TITAN (in quiet professional bowler announcer voice) Like Tiger before him, a young savior has come to raise a sport from the ashes. Rookie Hal Stewart, a young man with a dream, realizing that dream here today, folks. (MORE) 110. TITAN(cont'd) One might click there heels and say "There's no place like home" upon finding themselves in such a fantasy. Well, Hal looks very much at home right were he is - with a ball in hand and glory in his sights. INT. METRO CITY LIBRARY - CONTINUOUS In the bowels of Master Mind's hideout, the HYDROGEN REACTOR glows and HUMS MENACINGLY. BACK TO SCENE Roxanne just stand helpless as Frank films away. ROXANNE Hal, I know everyone treated you like shit, but you don't have to do this. TITAN You're right. I don't HAVE to do anything. Isn't that cool? Titan lines up his shot. TITAN Here's one for the record books! Titan flies a few feet and rolls the ball down the main street. ROXANNE Her face is utter horror as she watches the inevitable destruction of Metro City. As the ball rolls - it demolishes everything in it's wake; cars, street lamps - windows shatter as the giant concrete sphere brushes along side buildings. TITAN He smiles in anticipation and uses "body English" to direct the ball. GIANT BOWLING BALL POV It's nearly halfway to its target. ROXANNE 111. She closes her eyes. Titan's smile fades. He looks around as if he hears something we don't. About two hundred feet in front of the first building a GIANT SPIDER WEB flies across the path of the ball, creating a defensive barrier. An enormous letter "M" is etched in the web's center. TITAN (CONT'D) What the...? The ball breaks through the web, but it's speed is greatly reduced. FRANK Look, what's that flying in the air? We suddenly see MASTER MIND FLYING OVER THE ROLLING BALL IN A JET PACK. He quickly pulls out his goo gun and starts laying down a path of sticky plasm to stop the destructive sphere's path. MASTER MIND C'mon, slow down Master Mind looks down to see the meter of the gun close to empty. MASTER MIND C'mon. The ball slows drastically then starts rolling to the side. It heads off an embankment and rolls harmlessly into a CANAL. MASTER MIND Gutterball! TITAN He's furious to say the least. TITAN YOU! Master Mind gives him a mocking grin. MASTER MIND Bowling? What other trailer park sports can you play? 112. TITAN You are becoming a real pain in my ass. I should have done this a long time ago. Titan lunges at his tormentor. Master Mind hits the BOOSTER on his jet pack and heads back toward the other side of the city with Titan in hot pursuit. MASTER MIND (CONT'D) (into walkie talkie) Plato, Da Vinci. Secure Roxanne, he's falling for it. ELSEWHERE A flustered Titan lands. He begins searching the city streets, but Master Mind is nowhere in sight. He turns upon hearing an EEKING sound to his left. Sitting on the ground is a CHIMPANZEE wearing a strange collar. It smiles at him. TITAN What the hell? From behind, Titan is immediately set upon by five more RADIO CONTROLLED APES. TITAN (CONT'D) GODAMNIT! The critters bite hop and hit Titan. As soon as he throws one off two more jump him. Titan breaks free and with his mighty breath blows them across the street into a fruit stand. With Titan out of their sight they begin to attack the fruit. MASTER MIND He's a block away frantically hitting his remote. MASTER MIND Shit! Stupid monkeys and their fruit. Titan flies away from the mad monkeys and lands to find Master Mind sitting on the ground wrapped in a long cape with only his head sticking out. 113. TITAN (CONT'D) No more games. Titan FIRES HIS LASER VISION AT MASTER MIND's CHEST. Master Mind pulls the cloak away to reveal a FIRE HYDRANT. Titan's EYE LASERS burn through the hydrant releasing a high pressure stream of water. Master Mind uses the last remote which dumps two tons of CEMENT mix into the truck. The crowd, police and news crews move in closer when Titan doesn't emerge. Master Mind drops his last remote and walks toward the truck cautiously. MASTER MIND Could it really be that easy-- - BOOM - The back of the truck explodes, throwing dust and concrete everywhere. When the dust clears we see and enraged Titan. MASTER MIND (CONT'D) Didn't think so. As the villain walks toward him, he pulls back his fist to give Master Mind the killing blow. TITAN If you don't mind, I'm going to punch trough your face now. Preparing himself for the end, Master Mind shuts his eyes as a SUDDEN GUST OF WIND BEGINS TO PICK UP. AS Titan goes to strike, a BLURRY FIGURE RUNS IN AND SNATCHES MASTER MIND OUT OF THE AWAY. Stunned, Master Mind begins to feel around his body as if to make sure everything's still in place. MASTER MIND I'm alive. He turns to see UBERMAN standing next to him. MASTER MIND Uberman? 114. The terrified bystanders start to notice the figure standing next to Master Mind. BYSTANDER 1 It's Uberman! BYSTANDER 2 Uberman's alive! BYSTANDER 3 We're saved! As the CROWD CHEERS, A confused Master Mind turns to Metro City's newly resurrected champion. MASTER MIND I thought. UBERMAN So did I. He puts a hand on Master Mind's shoulder. UBERMAN Thank you, old enemy. MASTER MIND For what? UBERMAN Showing me the error of my ways, Showing me I'm meant to be this city's savior, showing me that, while we can try, there is no running away from our true destiny. With that, UBERMAN IS STRICKEN BY A LASER BLAST, INSTANTLY TURNING HIM INTO A CHARRED HUMAN SKELETON. Master Mind turns to see Titan smiling with his STILL SMOKING EYES. TITAN Oh...Did I interrupt something? Master Mind turns to run, but, suddenly Titan is before him. TITAN Where you going, buddy? Titan grabs Master Mind by the collar and throws him across the street into a parked car. 115. TITAN (CONT'D) Welcome to Paintown. Population: you. Master Mind manages to stand on shaky legs. He seems in a daze, unable to move. Titan flies up in the air. TITAN (CONT'D) Time to finish this. With his fist front and center, Titan speeds toward Master Mind. He's like a human torpedo, coming in for the killing blow. Master Mind comes to his senses and puts up his hands. MASTER MIND WAIT!!! Titan screeches to a halt and stops just in front of him like an old Warner Bros cartoon. TITAN What? MASTER MIND Quick joke - What's the capital of Thailand? TITAN Huh - I don't know. MASTER MIND It's bang cock! In a sudden surge of strength, MASTER MIND PUNCHES TITAN IN THE GROIN. The once mighty man instantly drops to his knees, searching, with tears in his eyes, for the proper word to express the pain suddenly surging through his member. TITAN (CONT'D) Ow. Baffled, he looks up at Master Mind's hand and sees his gauntlet is now made ENTIRELY OUT OF COPPER. MASTER MIND So, I guess pennies are good for something. 116. He punches Titan in the face, knocking him out cold. Master Mind looks down on Titan with more than a little pride. Suddenly he hears something behind him. He spins to see the crowd making a strange noise - APPLAUSE. Roxanne comes up to him. The crowd starts to go wild and cheers for Master Mind. He's not sure what to make of it. ROXANNE Pretty strange, huh? MASTER MIND They're cheering for me. ROXANNE You saved them. You saved everybody. How's it feel? Master Mind looks at the smiles all around him. He begins to well up a little. MASTER MIND It's a...it's nice, you know? I usually don't get a lot of feedback. (whispering) But I also kind of caused all this. What happens when they find that out I was the cause of some of this? Roxanne looks at the cheering crowd, then back at Master Mind. ROXANNE What they don't know won't hurt them. MASTER MIND I guess that is all in the past. ROXANNE You're the hero. MASTER MIND I don't think I'd go that far...I mean I just...er... ROXANNE Master Mind? 117. MASTER MIND Yes? ROXANNE Stop talking. She kisses him. The crowd erupts in a cheer. TELEVISION The channel 7 he channel 7 logo zooms in followed by the title "Eye on Metro City." A picture of Master Mind smiling appears on the screen behind her. SAMANTHA SUMMERS Who's bad? Well, not Master Mind. It seems the former villain has done a career 180 after defeating Tighten and saving Metro City from certain enslavement. And here he is getting a full pardon by Metro City's Mayor, Steve Dent. Cut to ceremony on capital steps. The MAYOR is shaking Master Mind's metal gauntlet when it suddenly STARTS TO CRUSH HIS HAND. MAYOR Ahhh! Secret service men quickly start to draw their weapons and take aim at Master Mind. Realizing what's happening, he quickly lets the mayor's hand go and puts his arms in the air. MASTER MIND Sorry - Metal hand. Force of habit. He elbows the mayor. MASTER MIND (CONT'D) We're okay, right? Wincing, the mayor signals the men to put their guns down. WE CUT to video of Titan behind bars in a regular prison. 118. BRAD HELMS And what about Tighten? Is there a prison in existence that can hold this super powered menace? Well, the answer we found is no. A man in a white lab coat stands in front of Titan's cell just out of reach. PRISON SCIENTIST Of course normally he could break out of there anytime, but as you can see we've taken some special precautions. The news camera pans over see Titan in his cell wearing a copper JOCK STRAP with electrical cables hooked to it. Back to Samantha at the desk. BRAD HELMS What is a Hero? It seems never has that question needed to be asked more than it does tonight. We go to our very own Roxanne Ritchi, making her triumphant return to our news desk for the answer. Brad turns. The camera pans over to Roxanne who we now see has been sitting beside him. ROXANNE What is a hero? Well, there are many different kinds. There are those who hear a call, like the policeman or doctor, then there's the kind the public creates in their search for meaning and hope. Then, there are those who have the courage to change. DARK ALLEY - NIGHT A woman is being chased by two large thugs. They're gaining on her. She comes to a brick wall - a dead end. The thugs laugh. THUG #1 Hey, gimme that purse? 119. MASTER MIND (O.S) I don't think it would go with your outfit. The thugs turn around to see Master Mind, standing with his arms folded across his chest. THUG #2 It's Master Mind! Thug #1 draws a knife. THUG #1 So? It's not like he has any superpowers. Thug #1 puts his fingers to his mouth and whistles. Suddenly two more Thugs appear behind Master Mind. MASTER MIND I'm gonna give you a chance to surrender. THUG #1 Four against one. For a Master Mind, you're really bad at math. Master Mind throws a hand signal up in the air. Suddenly a giant robotic foot crashes down on the two men behind him. Thug #1 and Thug #2 drop their knives and raise their hands in the air. Master Mind looks up and waves. MASTER MIND Way to take out those two goons, guys! We see Da Vinci and Plato at the wheel of a gigantic robot. DA VINCI What two goons? The giant robot lifts its foot to check the bottom of it's sole. It KNOCKS OVER WATER TOWER in the process. The woman looks at Master Mind, horrified. 120. MASTER MIND (apologetically) Sorry, we're new at this. THE END

According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way that a bee should be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The bee, of course, flies anyway. Because bees don’t care what humans think is impossible.” SEQ. 75 - “INTRO TO BARRY” INT. BENSON HOUSE - DAY ANGLE ON: Sneakers on the ground. Camera PANS UP to reveal BARRY BENSON’S BEDROOM ANGLE ON: Barry’s hand flipping through different sweaters in his closet. BARRY Yellow black, yellow black, yellow black, yellow black, yellow black, yellow black...oohh, black and yellow... ANGLE ON: Barry wearing the sweater he picked, looking in the mirror. BARRY (CONT’D) Yeah, let’s shake it up a little. He picks the black and yellow one. He then goes to the sink, takes the top off a CONTAINER OF HONEY, and puts some honey into his hair. He squirts some in his mouth and gargles. Then he takes the lid off the bottle, and rolls some on like deodorant. CUT TO: INT. BENSON HOUSE KITCHEN - CONTINUOUS Barry’s mother, JANET BENSON, yells up at Barry. JANET BENSON Barry, breakfast is ready! CUT TO: "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 1. INT. BARRY’S ROOM - CONTINUOUS BARRY Coming! SFX: Phone RINGING. Barry’s antennae vibrate as they RING like a phone. Barry’s hands are wet. He looks around for a towel. BARRY (CONT’D) Hang on a second! He wipes his hands on his sweater, and pulls his antennae down to his ear and mouth. BARRY (CONT'D) Hello? His best friend, ADAM FLAYMAN, is on the other end. ADAM Barry? BARRY Adam? ADAM Can you believe this is happening? BARRY Can’t believe it. I’ll pick you up. Barry sticks his stinger in a sharpener. SFX: BUZZING AS HIS STINGER IS SHARPENED. He tests the sharpness with his finger. SFX: Bing. BARRY (CONT’D) Looking sharp. ANGLE ON: Barry hovering down the hall, sliding down the staircase bannister. Barry’s mother, JANET BENSON, is in the kitchen. JANET BENSON Barry, why don’t you use the stairs? Your father paid good money for those. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 2. BARRY Sorry, I’m excited. Barry’s father, MARTIN BENSON, ENTERS. He’s reading a NEWSPAPER with the HEADLINE, “Queen gives birth to thousandtuplets: Resting Comfortably.” MARTIN BENSON Here’s the graduate. We’re very proud of you, Son. And a perfect report card, all B’s. JANET BENSON (mushing Barry’s hair) Very proud. BARRY Ma! I’ve got a thing going here. Barry re-adjusts his hair, starts to leave. JANET BENSON You’ve got some lint on your fuzz. She picks it off. BARRY Ow, that’s me! MARTIN BENSON Wave to us. We’ll be in row 118,000. Barry zips off. BARRY Bye! JANET BENSON Barry, I told you, stop flying in the house! CUT TO: SEQ. 750 - DRIVING TO GRADUATION EXT. BEE SUBURB - MORNING A GARAGE DOOR OPENS. Barry drives out in his CAR. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 3. ANGLE ON: Barry’s friend, ADAM FLAYMAN, standing by the curb. He’s reading a NEWSPAPER with the HEADLINE: “Frisbee Hits Hive: Internet Down. Bee-stander: “I heard a sound, and next thing I knew...wham-o!.” Barry drives up, stops in front of Adam. Adam jumps in. BARRY Hey, Adam. ADAM Hey, Barry. (pointing at Barry’s hair) Is that fuzz gel? BARRY A little. It’s a special day. Finally graduating. ADAM I never thought I’d make it. BARRY Yeah, three days of grade school, three days of high school. ADAM Those were so awkward. BARRY Three days of college. I’m glad I took off one day in the middle and just hitchhiked around the hive. ADAM You did come back different. They drive by a bee who’s jogging. ARTIE Hi Barry! BARRY (to a bee pedestrian) Hey Artie, growing a mustache? Looks good. Barry and Adam drive from the suburbs into the city. ADAM Hey, did you hear about Frankie? "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 4. BARRY Yeah. ADAM You going to his funeral? BARRY No, I’m not going to his funeral. Everybody knows you sting someone you die, you don’t waste it on a squirrel. He was such a hot head. ADAM Yeah, I guess he could’ve just gotten out of the way. The DRIVE through a loop de loop. BARRY AND ADAM Whoa...Whooo...wheee!! ADAM I love this incorporating the amusement park right into our regular day. BARRY I guess that’s why they say we don’t need vacations. CUT TO: SEQ. 95 - GRADUATION EXT. GRADUATION CEREMONY - CONTINUOUS Barry and Adam come to a stop. They exit the car, and fly over the crowd to their seats. * BARRY * (re: graduation ceremony) * Boy, quite a bit of pomp...under * the circumstances. * They land in their seats. BARRY (CONT’D) Well Adam, today we are men. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 5. ADAM We are. BARRY Bee-men. ADAM Amen! BARRY Hallelujah. Barry hits Adam’s forehead. Adam goes into the rapture. An announcement comes over the PA. ANNOUNCER (V.O) Students, faculty, distinguished bees...please welcome, Dean Buzzwell. ANGLE ON: DEAN BUZZWELL steps up to the podium. The podium has a sign that reads: “Welcome Graduating Class of:”, with train-station style flipping numbers after it. BUZZWELL Welcome New Hive City graduating class of... The numbers on the podium change to 9:15. BUZZWELL (CONT’D) ...9:15. (he clears his throat) And that concludes our graduation ceremonies. And begins your career at Honex Industries. BARRY Are we going to pick our job today? ADAM I heard it’s just orientation. The rows of chairs change in transformer-like mechanical motion to Universal Studios type tour trams. Buzzwell walks off stage. BARRY (re: trams) Whoa, heads up! Here we go. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 6. SEQ. 125 - “FACTORY” FEMALE VOICE (V.O) Keep your hands and antennas inside the tram at all times. (in Spanish) Dejen las manos y antennas adentro del tram a todos tiempos. BARRY I wonder what it’s going to be like? ADAM A little scary. Barry shakes Adam. BARRY AND ADAM AAHHHH! The tram passes under SIGNS READING: “Honex: A Division of Honesco: A Part of the Hexagon Group.” TRUDY Welcome to Honex, a division of Honesco, and a part of the Hexagon group. BARRY This is it! The Honex doors OPEN, revealing the factory. BARRY (CONT’D) Wow. TRUDY We know that you, as a bee, have worked your whole life to get to the point where you can work for your whole life. Honey begins when our valiant pollen jocks bring the nectar to the hive where our top secret formula is automatically color-corrected, scent adjusted and bubble contoured into this... Trudy GRABS a TEST TUBE OF HONEY from a technician. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 7. TRUDY (CONT’D) ...soothing, sweet syrup with its distinctive golden glow, you all know as... EVERYONE ON THE TRAM (in unison) H-o-n-e-y. Trudy flips the flask into the crowd, and laughs as they all scramble for it. ANGLE ON: A GIRL BEE catching the honey. ADAM (sotto) That girl was hot. BARRY (sotto) She’s my cousin. ADAM She is? BARRY Yes, we’re all cousins. ADAM Right. You’re right. TRUDY At Honex, we also constantly strive to improve every aspect of bee existence. These bees are stress testing a new helmet technology. ANGLE ON: A STUNT BEE in a HELMET getting hit with a NEWSPAPER, then a SHOE, then a FLYSWATTER. He gets up, and gives a “thumb’s up”. The graduate bees APPLAUD. ADAM (re: stunt bee) What do you think he makes? BARRY Not enough. TRUDY And here we have our latest advancement, the Krelman. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 8. BARRY Wow, what does that do? TRUDY Catches that little strand of honey that hangs after you pour it. Saves us millions. ANGLE ON: The Krelman machine. Bees with hand-shaped hats on, rotating around a wheel to catch drips of honey. Adam’s hand shoots up. ADAM Can anyone work on the Krelman? TRUDY Of course. Most bee jobs are small ones. But bees know that every small job, if it’s done well, means a lot. There are over 3000 different bee occupations. But choose carefully, because you’ll stay in the job that you pick for the rest of your life. The bees CHEER. ANGLE ON: Barry’s smile dropping slightly. BARRY The same job for the rest of your life? I didn’t know that. ADAM What’s the difference? TRUDY And you’ll be happy to know that bees as a species haven’t had one day off in 27 million years. BARRY So you’ll just work us to death? TRUDY (laughing) We’ll sure try. Everyone LAUGHS except Barry. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 9. The tram drops down a log-flume type steep drop. Cameras flash, as all the bees throw up their hands. The frame freezes into a snapshot. Barry looks concerned. The tram continues through 2 doors. FORM DISSOLVE TO: SEQ. 175 - “WALKING THE HIVE” INT. HONEX LOBBY ANGLE ON: The log-flume photo, as Barry looks at it. ADAM Wow. That blew my mind. BARRY (annoyed) “What’s the difference?” Adam, how could you say that? One job forever? That’s an insane choice to have to make. ADAM Well, I’m relieved. Now we only have to make one decision in life. BARRY But Adam, how could they never have told us that? ADAM Barry, why would you question anything? We’re bees. We’re the most perfectly functioning society on Earth. They walk by a newspaper stand with A SANDWICH BOARD READING: “Bee Goes Berserk: Stings Seven Then Self.” ANGLE ON: A BEE filling his car’s gas tank from a honey pump. He fills his car some, then takes a swig for himself. NEWSPAPER BEE (to the bee guzzling gas) Hey! Barry and Adam begin to cross the street. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 10. BARRY Yeah but Adam, did you ever think that maybe things work a little too well around here? They stop in the middle of the street. The traffic moves perfectly around them. ADAM Like what? Give me one example. BARRY (thinks) ...I don’t know. But you know what I’m talking about. They walk off. SEQ. 400 - “MEET THE JOCKS” SFX: The SOUND of Pollen Jocks. PAN DOWN from the Honex statue. J-GATE ANNOUNCER Please clear the gate. Royal Nectar Force on approach. Royal Nectar Force on approach. BARRY Wait a second. Check it out. Hey, hey, those are Pollen jocks. ADAM Wow. FOUR PATROL BEES FLY in through the hive’s giant Gothic entrance. The Patrol Bees are wearing fighter pilot helmets with black visors. ADAM (CONT’D) I’ve never seen them this close. BARRY They know what it’s like to go outside the hive. ADAM Yeah, but some of them don’t come back. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 11. The nectar from the pollen jocks is removed from their backpacks, and loaded into trucks on their way to Honex. A SMALL CROWD forms around the Patrol Bees. Each one has a PIT CREW that takes their nectar. Lou Loduca hurries a pit crew along: LOU LODUCA You guys did great! You’re monsters. You’re sky freaks! I love it! I love it! SCHOOL GIRLS are jumping up and down and squealing nearby. BARRY I wonder where those guys have just been? ADAM I don’t know. BARRY Their day’s not planned. Outside the hive, flying who-knows-where, doing who-knows-what. ADAM You can’t just decide one day to be a Pollen Jock. You have to be bred for that. BARRY Right. Pollen Jocks cross in close proximity to Barry and Adam. Some pollen falls off, onto Barry and Adam. BARRY (CONT’D) Look at that. That’s more pollen than you and I will ever see in a lifetime. ADAM (playing with the pollen) It’s just a status symbol. I think bees make too big a deal out of it. BARRY Perhaps, unless you’re wearing it, and the ladies see you wearing it. ANGLE ON: Two girl bees. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 12. ADAM Those ladies? Aren’t they our cousins too? BARRY Distant, distant. ANGLE ON: TWO POLLEN JOCKS. JACKSON Look at these two. SPLITZ Couple of Hive Harrys. JACKSON Let’s have some fun with them. The pollen jocks approach. Barry and Adam continue to talk to the girls. GIRL 1 It must be so dangerous being a pollen jock. BARRY Oh yeah, one time a bear had me pinned up against a mushroom. He had one paw on my throat, and with the other he was slapping me back and forth across the face. GIRL 1 Oh my. BARRY I never thought I’d knock him out. GIRL 2 (to Adam) And what were you doing during all of this? ADAM Obviously I was trying to alert the authorities. The girl swipes some pollen off of Adam with a finger. BARRY (re: pollen) I can autograph that if you want. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 13. JACKSON Little gusty out there today, wasn’t it, comrades? BARRY Yeah. Gusty. BUZZ You know, we’re going to hit a sunflower patch about six miles from here tomorrow. BARRY Six miles, huh? ADAM (whispering) Barry. BUZZ It’s a puddle-jump for us. But maybe you’re not up for it. BARRY Maybe I am. ADAM (whispering louder) You are not! BUZZ We’re going, oh-nine hundred at JGate. ADAM (re: j-gate) Whoa. BUZZ (leaning in, on top of Barry) What do you think, Buzzy Boy? Are you bee enough? BARRY I might be. It all depends on what oh-nine hundred means. CUT TO: SEQ. 450 - “THE BALCONY” "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 14. INT. BENSON HOUSE BALCONY - LATER Barry is standing on the balcony alone, looking out over the city. Martin Benson ENTERS, sneaks up behind Barry and gooses him in his ribs. MARTIN BENSON Honex! BARRY Oh, Dad. You surprised me. MARTIN BENSON (laughing) Have you decided what you’re interested in, Son? BARRY Well, there’s a lot of choices. MARTIN BENSON But you only get one. Martin LAUGHS. BARRY Dad, do you ever get bored doing the same job every day? MARTIN BENSON Son, let me tell you something about stirring. (making the stirring motion) You grab that stick and you just move it around, and you stir it around. You get yourself into a rhythm, it’s a beautiful thing. BARRY You know dad, the more I think about it, maybe the honey field just isn’t right for me. MARTIN BENSON And you were thinking of what, making balloon animals? That’s a bad job for a guy with a stinger. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 15. BARRY Well no... MARTIN BENSON Janet, your son’s not sure he wants to go into honey. JANET BENSON Oh Barry, you are so funny sometimes. BARRY I’m not trying to be funny. MARTIN BENSON You’re not funny, you’re going into honey. Our son, the stirrer. JANET BENSON You’re going to be a stirrer?! BARRY No one’s listening to me. MARTIN BENSON Wait until you see the sticks I have for you. BARRY I can say anything I want right now. I’m going to get an ant tattoo. JANET BENSON Let’s open some fresh honey and celebrate. BARRY Maybe I’ll pierce my thorax! MARTIN BENSON (toasting) To honey! BARRY Shave my antennae! JANET BENSON To honey! "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 16. BARRY Shack up with a grasshopper, get a gold tooth, and start calling everybody “Dawg.” CUT TO: SEQ. 760 - “JOB PLACEMENT” EXT. HONEX LOBBY - CONTINUOUS ANGLE ON: A BEE BUS STOP. One group of bees stands on the pavement, as another group hovers above them. A doubledecker bus pulls up. The hovering bees get on the top level, and the standing bees get on the bottom. Barry and Adam pull up outside of Honex. ADAM I can’t believe we’re starting work today. BARRY Today’s the day. Adam jumps out of the car. ADAM (O.C) Come on. All the good jobs will be gone. BARRY Yeah, right... ANGLE ON: A BOARD READING: “JOB PLACEMENT BOARD”. Buzzwell, the Bee Processor, is at the counter. Another BEE APPLICANT, SANDY SHRIMPKIN is EXITING. SANDY SHRIMPKIN Is it still available? BUZZWELL Hang on. (he looks at changing numbers on the board) Two left. And...one of them’s yours. Congratulations Son, step to the side please. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 17. SANDY SHRIMPKIN Yeah! ADAM (to Sandy, leaving) What did you get? SANDY SHRIMPKIN Picking the crud out. That is stellar! ADAM Wow. BUZZWELL (to Adam and Barry) Couple of newbies? ADAM Yes Sir. Our first day. We are ready. BUZZWELL Well, step up and make your choice. ANGLE ON: A CHART listing the different sectors of Honex. Heating, Cooling, Viscosity, Krelman, Pollen Counting, Stunt Bee, Pouring, Stirrer, Humming, Regurgitating, Front Desk, Hair Removal, Inspector No. 7, Chef, Lint Coordinator, Stripe Supervisor, Antennae-ball polisher, Mite Wrangler, Swatting Counselor, Wax Monkey, Wing Brusher, Hive Keeper, Restroom Attendant. ADAM (to Barry) You want to go first? BARRY No, you go. ADAM Oh my. What’s available? BUZZWELL Restroom attendant is always open, and not for the reason you think. ADAM Any chance of getting on to the Krelman, Sir? BUZZWELL Sure, you’re on. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 18. He plops the KRELMAN HAT onto Adam’s head. ANGLE ON: The job board. THE COLUMNS READ: “OCCUPATION” “POSITIONS AVAILABLE”, and “STATUS”. The middle column has numbers, and the right column has job openings flipping between “open”, “pending”, and “closed”. BUZZWELL (CONT’D) Oh, I’m sorry. The Krelman just closed out. ADAM Oh! He takes the hat off Adam. BUZZWELL Wax Monkey’s always open. The Krelman goes from “Closed” to “Open”. BUZZWELL (CONT’D) And the Krelman just opened up again. ADAM What happened? BUZZWELL Well, whenever a bee dies, that’s an opening. (pointing at the board) See that? He’s dead, dead, another dead one, deady, deadified, two more dead. Dead from the neck up, dead from the neck down. But, that’s life. ANGLE ON: Barry’s disturbed expression. ADAM (feeling pressure to decide) Oh, this is so hard. Heating, cooling, stunt bee, pourer, stirrer, humming, inspector no. 7, lint coordinator, stripe supervisor, antenna-ball polisher, mite wrangler-- Barry, Barry, what do you think I should-- Barry? Barry? "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 19. Barry is gone. CUT TO: SEQ. 775 - “LOU LODUCA SPEECH” EXT. J-GATE - SAME TIME Splitz, Jackson, Buzz, Lou and two other BEES are going through final pre-flight checks. Barry ENTERS. LOU LODUCA Alright, we’ve got the sunflower patch in quadrant nine. Geranium window box on Sutton Place... Barry’s antennae rings, like a phone. ADAM (V.O) What happened to you? Where are you? Barry whispers throughout. BARRY I’m going out. ADAM (V.O) Out? Out where? BARRY Out there. ADAM (V.O) (putting it together) Oh no. BARRY I have to, before I go to work for the rest of my life. ADAM (V.O) You’re going to die! You’re crazy! Hello? BARRY Oh, another call coming in. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 20. ADAM (V.O) You’re cra-- Barry HANGS UP. ANGLE ON: Lou Loduca. LOU LODUCA If anyone’s feeling brave, there’s a Korean Deli on 83rd that gets their roses today. BARRY (timidly) Hey guys. BUZZ Well, look at that. SPLITZ Isn’t that the kid we saw yesterday? LOU LODUCA (to Barry) Hold it son, flight deck’s restricted. JACKSON It’s okay Lou, we’re going to take him up. Splitz and Jackson CHUCKLE. LOU LODUCA Really? Feeling lucky, are ya? A YOUNGER SMALLER BEE THAN BARRY, CHET, runs up with a release waiver for Barry to sign. CHET Sign here. Here. Just initial that. Thank you. LOU LODUCA Okay, you got a rain advisory today and as you all know, bees cannot fly in rain. So be careful. As always, (reading off clipboard) watch your brooms, hockey sticks, dogs, birds, bears, and bats. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 21. Also, I got a couple reports of root beer being poured on us. Murphy’s in a home because of it, just babbling like a cicada. BARRY That’s awful. LOU LODUCA And a reminder for all you rookies, bee law number one, absolutely no talking to humans. Alright, launch positions! The Jocks get into formation, chanting as they move. LOU LODUCA (CONT’D) Black and Yellow! JOCKS Hello! SPLITZ (to Barry) Are you ready for this, hot shot? BARRY Yeah. Yeah, bring it on. Barry NODS, terrified. BUZZ Wind! - CHECK! JOCK #1 Antennae! - CHECK! JOCK #2 Nectar pack! - CHECK! JACKSON Wings! - CHECK! SPLITZ Stinger! - CHECK! BARRY Scared out of my shorts - CHECK. LOU LODUCA Okay ladies, let’s move it out. Everyone FLIPS their goggles down. Pit crew bees CRANK their wings, and remove the starting blocks. We hear loud HUMMING. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 22. LOU LODUCA (CONT'D) LOU LODUCA (CONT’D) Pound those petunia's, you striped stem-suckers! All of you, drain those flowers! A FLIGHT DECK GUY in deep crouch hand-signals them out the archway as the backwash from the bee wings FLUTTERS his jump suit. Barry follows everyone. SEQ. 800 - “FLYING WITH THE JOCKS” The bees climb above tree tops in formation. Barry is euphoric. BARRY Whoa! I’m out! I can’t believe I’m out! So blue. Ha ha ha! (a beat) I feel so fast...and free. (re: kites in the sky) Box kite! Wow! They fly by several bicyclists, and approach a patch of flowers. BARRY (CONT'D) Flowers! SPLITZ This is blue leader. We have roses visual. Bring it around thirty degrees and hold. BARRY (sotto) Roses. JACKSON Thirty degrees, roger, bringing it around. Many pollen jocks break off from the main group. They use their equipment to collect nectar from flowers. Barry flies down to watch the jocks collect the nectar. JOCK Stand to the side kid, it’s got a bit of a kick. The jock fires the gun, and recoils. Barry watches the gun fill up with nectar. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 23. BARRY Oh, that is one Nectar Collector. JOCK You ever see pollination up close? BARRY No, Sir. He takes off, and the excess pollen dust falls causing the flowers to come back to life. JOCK (as he pollinates) I pick some pollen up over here, sprinkle it over here, maybe a dash over there, pinch on that one...see that? It’s a little bit of magic, ain’t it? The FLOWERS PERK UP as he pollinates. BARRY Wow. That’s amazing. Why do we do that? JOCK ...that’s pollen power, Kid. More pollen, more flowers, more nectar, more honey for us. BARRY Cool. The Jock WINKS at Barry. Barry rejoins the other jocks in the sky. They swoop in over a pond, kissing the surface. We see their image reflected in the water; they’re really moving. They fly over a fountain. BUZZ I’m picking up a lot of bright yellow, could be daisies. Don’t we need those? SPLITZ Copy that visual. We see what appear to be yellow flowers on a green field. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 24. They go into a deep bank and dive. BUZZ Hold on, one of these flowers seems to be on the move. SPLITZ Say again...Are you reporting a moving flower? BUZZ Affirmative. SEQ. 900 - “TENNIS GAME” The pollen jocks land. It is a tennis court with dozens of tennis balls. A COUPLE, VANESSA and KEN, plays tennis. The bees land right in the midst of a group of balls. KEN (O.C) That was on the line! The other bees start walking around amongst the immense, yellow globes. SPLITZ This is the coolest. What is it? They stop at a BALL on a white line and look up at it. JACKSON I don’t know, but I’m loving this color. SPLITZ (smelling tennis ball) Smells good. Not like a flower. But I like it. JACKSON Yeah, fuzzy. BUZZ Chemical-y. JACKSON Careful, guys, it’s a little grabby. Barry LANDS on a ball and COLLAPSES. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 25. BARRY Oh my sweet lord of bees. JACKSON Hey, candy brain, get off there! Barry attempts to pulls his legs off, but they stick. BARRY Problem! A tennis shoe and a hand ENTER FRAME. The hand picks up the ball with Barry underneath it. BARRY (CONT'D) Guys! BUZZ This could be bad. JACKSON Affirmative. Vanessa walks back to the service line, BOUNCES the ball. Each time it BOUNCES, the other bees cringe and GASP. ANGLE ON: Barry, terrified. Pure dumb luck, he’s not getting squished. BARRY (with each bounce) Very close...Gonna Hurt...Mamma’s little boy. SPLITZ You are way out of position, rookie. ANGLE ON: Vanessa serving. We see Barry and the ball up against the racket as she brings it back. She tosses the ball into the air; Barry’s eyes widen. The ball is STRUCK, and the rally is on. KEN Coming in at you like a missile! Ken HITS the ball back. Barry feels the g-forces. ANGLE ON: The Pollen Jocks watching Barry pass by them in SLOW MOTION. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 26. BARRY (in slow motion) Help me! JACKSON You know, I don't think these are flowers. SPLITZ Should we tell him? JACKSON I think he knows. BARRY (O.S) What is this?! Vanessa HITS a high arcing lob. Ken waits, poised for the return. We see Barry having trouble maneuvering the ball from fatigue. KEN (overly confident) Match point! ANGLE ON: Ken running up. He has a killer look in his eyes. He’s going to hit the ultimate overhead smash. KEN (CONT'D) You can just start packing up Honey, because I believe you’re about to eat it! ANGLE ON: Pollen Jocks. JACKSON Ahem! Ken is distracted by the jock. KEN What? No! He misses badly. The ball rockets into oblivion. Barry is still hanging on. ANGLE ON: Ken, berating himself. KEN (CONT’D) Oh, you cannot be serious. We hear the ball WHISTLING, and Barry SCREAMING. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 27. BARRY Yowser!!! SEQ. 1000 - “SUV” The ball flies through the air, and lands in the middle of the street. It bounces into the street again, and sticks in the grille of an SUV. INT. CAR ENGINE - CONTINUOUS BARRY’S POV: the grille of the SUV sucks him up. He tumbles through a black tunnel, whirling vanes, and pistons. BARRY AHHHHHHHHHHH!! OHHHH!! EECHHH!! AHHHHHH!! Barry gets chilled by the A/C system, and sees a frozen grasshopper. BARRY (CONT’D) (re: grasshopper) Eww, gross. CUT TO: INT. CAR - CONTINUOUS The car is packed with a typical suburban family: MOTHER, FATHER, eight-year old BOY, LITTLE GIRL in a car seat and a GRANDMOTHER. A big slobbery DOG is behind a grate. Barry pops into the passenger compartment, hitting the Mother’s magazine. MOTHER There’s a bee in the car! They all notice the bee and start SCREAMING. BARRY Aaahhhh! Barry tumbles around the car. We see the faces from his POV. MOTHER Do something! "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 28. FATHER I’m driving! Barry flies by the little girl in her CAR SEAT. She waves hello. LITTLE GIRL Hi, bee. SON He’s back here! He’s going to sting me! The car SWERVES around the road. Barry flies into the back, where the slobbery dog SNAPS at him. Barry deftly avoids the jaws and gross, flying SPITTLE. MOTHER Nobody move. If you don’t move, he won’t sting you. Freeze! Everyone in the car freezes. Barry freezes. They stare at each other, eyes going back and forth, waiting to see who will make the first move. Barry blinks. GRANNY He blinked! Granny pulls out a can of HAIR SPRAY. SON Spray him, Granny! Granny sprays the hair spray everywhere. FATHER What are you doing? GRANNY It’s hair spray! Extra hold! MOTHER Kill it! Barry gets sprayed back by the hair spray, then sucked out of the sunroof. CUT TO: "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 29. EXT. CITY STREET - CONTINUOUS BARRY Wow. The tension level out here is unbelievable. I’ve got to get home. As Barry flies down the street, it starts to RAIN. He nimbly avoids the rain at first. BARRY (CONT’D) Whoa. Whoa! Can’t fly in rain! Can’t fly in rain! Can’t fly in-- A couple of drops hit him, his wings go limp and he starts falling. BARRY (CONT'D) Mayday! Mayday! Bee going down! Barry sees a window ledge and aims for it and just makes it. Shivering and exhausted, he crawls into an open window as it CLOSES. SEQ. 1100 - “VANESSA SAVES BARRY” INT. VANESSA’S APARTMENT - CONTINUOUS Inside the window, Barry SHAKES off the rain like a dog. Vanessa, Ken, Andy, and Anna ENTER the apartment. VANESSA Ken, can you close the window please? KEN Huh? Oh. (to Andy) Hey, check out my new resume. I made it into a fold-out brochure. You see? It folds out. Ken holds up his brochure, with photos of himself, and a resume in the middle. ANGLE ON: Barry hiding behind the curtains, as Ken CLOSES THE WINDOW. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 30. BARRY Oh no, more humans. I don’t need this. Barry HOVERS up into the air and THROWS himself into the glass. BARRY (CONT’D) (dazed) Ow! What was that? He does it again, and then multiple more times. BARRY (CONT'D) Maybe this time...this time, this time, this time, this time, this time, this time, this time. Barry JUMPS onto the drapes. BARRY (CONT'D) (out of breath) Drapes! (then, re: glass) That is diabolical. KEN It’s fantastic. It’s got all my special skills, even my top ten favorite movies. ANDY What’s your number one? Star Wars? KEN Ah, I don’t go for that, (makes Star Wars noises), kind of stuff. ANGLE ON: Barry. BARRY No wonder we’re not supposed to talk to them. They’re out of their minds. KEN When I walk out of a job interview they’re flabbergasted. They can’t believe the things I say. Barry looks around and sees the LIGHT BULB FIXTURE in the middle of the ceiling. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 31. BARRY (re: light bulb) Oh, there’s the sun. Maybe that’s a way out. Barry takes off and heads straight for the light bulb. His POV: The seventy-five watt label grows as he gets closer. BARRY (CONT’D) I don’t remember the sun having a big seventy five on it. Barry HITS the bulb and is KNOCKED SILLY. He falls into a BOWL OF GUACAMOLE. Andy dips his chip in the guacamole, taking Barry with it. ANGLE ON: Ken and Andy. KEN I’ll tell you what. You know what? I predicted global warming. I could feel it getting hotter. At first I thought it was just me. Barry’s POV: Giant human mouth opening. KEN (CONT’D) Wait! Stop! Beeeeeee! ANNA Kill it! Kill it! They all JUMP up from their chairs. Andy looks around for something to use. Ken comes in for the kill with a big TIMBERLAND BOOT on each hand. KEN Stand back. These are winter boots. Vanessa ENTERS, and stops Ken from squashing Barry. VANESSA (grabs Ken’s arm) Wait. Don’t kill him. CLOSE UP: on Barry’s puzzled face. KEN You know I’m allergic to them. This thing could kill me. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 32. VANESSA Why does his life have any less value than yours? She takes a GLASS TUMBLER and places it over Barry. KEN Why does his life have any less value than mine? Is that your statement? VANESSA I’m just saying, all life has value. You don’t know what he’s capable of feeling. Barry looks up through the glass and watches this conversation, astounded. Vanessa RIPS Ken’s resume in half and SLIDES it under the glass. KEN (wistful) My brochure. There’s a moment of eye contact as she carries Barry to the window. She opens it and sets him free. VANESSA There you go, little guy. KEN (O.C) I’m not scared of them. But, you know, it’s an allergic thing. ANDY (O.C) * Hey, why don’t you put that on your * resume-brochure? * KEN (O.C) It’s not funny, my whole face could puff up. ANDY (O.C) Make it one of your “Special Skills.” KEN (O.C) You know, knocking someone out is also a special skill. CUT TO: "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 33. EXT. WINDOWSILL - CONTINUOUS Barry stares over the window frame. He can’t believe what’s just happened. It is still RAINING. DISSOLVE TO: SEQ. 1200 - “BARRY SPEAKS” EXT. WINDOWSILL - LATER Barry is still staring through the window. Inside, everyone’s saying their good-byes. KEN Vanessa, next week? Yogurt night? VANESSA Uh, yeah sure Ken. You know, whatever. KEN You can put carob chips on there. VANESSA Good night. KEN (as he exits) Supposed to be less calories, or something. VANESSA Bye. She shuts the door. Vanessa starts cleaning up. BARRY I’ve got to say something. She saved my life. I’ve got to say something. Alright, here it goes. Barry flies in. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 34. INT. VANESSA’S APARTMENT - CONTINUOUS Barry hides himself on different PRODUCTS placed along the kitchen shelves. He hides on a Bumblebee Tuna can, and a “Greetings From Coney Island” MUSCLE-MAN POSTCARD on the fridge. BARRY (on fridge) What would I say? (landing on a bottle) I could really get in trouble. He stands looking at Vanessa. BARRY (CONT'D) It’s a bee law. You’re not supposed to talk to a human. I can’t believe I’m doing this. I’ve got to. Oh, I can’t do it! Come on! No, yes, no, do it! I can’t. How should I start it? You like jazz? No, that’s no good. Here she comes. Speak, you fool. As Vanessa walks by, Barry takes a DEEP BREATH. BARRY (CONT’D) (cheerful) Umm...hi. Vanessa DROPS A STACK OF DISHES, and HOPS BACK. BARRY (CONT’D) I’m sorry. VANESSA You’re talking. BARRY Yes, I know, I know. VANESSA You’re talking. BARRY I know, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. VANESSA It’s okay. It’s fine. It’s just, I know I’m dreaming, but I don’t recall going to bed. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 35. BARRY Well, you know I’m sure this is very disconcerting. VANESSA Well yeah. I mean this is a bit of a surprise to me. I mean...you’re a bee. BARRY Yeah, I am a bee, and you know I’m not supposed to be doing this, but they were all trying to kill me and if it wasn’t for you...I mean, I had to thank you. It’s just the way I was raised. Vanessa intentionally JABS her hand with a FORK. VANESSA Ow! BARRY That was a little weird. VANESSA (to herself) I’m talking to a bee. BARRY Yeah. VANESSA I’m talking to a bee. BARRY Anyway... VANESSA And a bee is talking to me... BARRY I just want you to know that I’m grateful, and I’m going to leave now. VANESSA Wait, wait, wait, wait, how did you learn to do that? BARRY What? "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 36. VANESSA The talking thing. BARRY Same way you did, I guess. Mama, Dada, honey, you pick it up. VANESSA That’s very funny. BARRY Yeah. Bees are funny. If we didn’t laugh, we’d cry. With what we have to deal with. Vanessa LAUGHS. BARRY (CONT’D) Anyway. VANESSA Can I, uh, get you something? BARRY Like what? VANESSA I don’t know. I mean, I don’t know. Coffee? BARRY Well, uh, I don’t want to put you out. VANESSA It’s no trouble. BARRY Unless you’re making anyway. VANESSA Oh, it takes two minutes. BARRY Really? VANESSA It’s just coffee. BARRY I hate to impose. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 37. VANESSA Don’t be ridiculous. BARRY Actually, I would love a cup. VANESSA Hey, you want a little rum cake? BARRY I really shouldn’t. VANESSA Have a little rum cake. BARRY No, no, no, I can’t. VANESSA Oh, come on. BARRY You know, I’m trying to lose a couple micrograms here. VANESSA Where? BARRY Well... These stripes don’t help. VANESSA You look great. BARRY I don’t know if you know anything about fashion. Vanessa starts POURING the coffee through an imaginary cup and directly onto the floor. BARRY (CONT'D) Are you alright? VANESSA No. DISSOLVE TO: SEQ. 1300 - “ROOFTOP COFFEE” "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 38. EXT. VANESSA’S ROOF - LATER Barry and Vanessa are drinking coffee on her roof terrace. He is perched on her keychain. BARRY ...He can’t get a taxi. He’s making the tie in the cab, as they’re flying up Madison. So he finally gets there. VANESSA Uh huh? BARRY He runs up the steps into the church, the wedding is on... VANESSA Yeah? BARRY ...and he says, watermelon? I thought you said Guatemalan. VANESSA Uh huh? BARRY Why would I marry a watermelon? Barry laughs. Vanessa doesn’t. VANESSA Oh! Is that, uh, a bee joke? BARRY Yeah, that’s the kind of stuff that we do. VANESSA Yeah, different. A BEAT. VANESSA (CONT’D) So anyway...what are you going to do, Barry? "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 39. BARRY About work? I don’t know. I want to do my part for the hive, but I can’t do it the way they want. VANESSA I know how you feel. BARRY You do? VANESSA Sure, my parents wanted me to be a lawyer or doctor, but I wanted to be a florist. BARRY Really? VANESSA My only interest is flowers. BARRY Our new queen was just elected with that same campaign slogan. VANESSA Oh. BARRY Anyway, see there’s my hive, right there. You can see it. VANESSA Oh, you’re in Sheep Meadow. BARRY (excited) Yes! You know the turtle pond? VANESSA Yes? BARRY I’m right off of that. VANESSA Oh, no way. I know that area. Do you know I lost a toe-ring there once? BARRY Really? "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 40. VANESSA Yes. BARRY Why do girls put rings on their toes? VANESSA Why not? BARRY I don’t know. It’s like putting a hat on your knee. VANESSA Really? Okay. A JANITOR in the background changes a LIGHTBULB. To him, it appears that Vanessa is talking to an imaginary friend. JANITOR You all right, ma’am? VANESSA Oh, yeah, fine. Just having two cups of coffee. BARRY Anyway, this has been great. (wiping his mouth) Thanks for the coffee. Barry gazes at Vanessa. VANESSA Oh yeah, it’s no trouble. BARRY Sorry I couldn’t finish it. Vanessa giggles. BARRY (CONT'D) (re: coffee) If I did, I’d be up the rest of my life. Ummm. Can I take a piece of this with me? VANESSA Sure. Here, have a crumb. She takes a CRUMB from the plate and hands it to Barry. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 41. BARRY (a little dreamy) Oh, thanks. VANESSA Yeah. There is an awkward pause. BARRY Alright, well then, I guess I’ll see you around, or not, or... VANESSA Okay Barry. BARRY And thank you so much again, for before. VANESSA Oh that? BARRY Yeah. VANESSA Oh, that was nothing. BARRY Well, not nothing, but, anyway... Vanessa extends her hand, and shakes Barry’s gingerly. The Janitor watches. The lightbulb shorts out. The Janitor FALLS. CUT TO: SEQ. 1400 - “HONEX” INT. HONEX BUILDING - NEXT DAY ANGLE ON: A TEST BEE WEARING A PARACHUTE is in a wind tunnel, hovering through increasingly heavy wind. SIGNS UNDER A FLASHING LIGHT READ: “Test In Progress” & “Hurricane Survival Test”. 2 BEES IN A LAB COATS are observing behind glass. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 42. LAB COAT BEE 1 This can’t possibly work. LAB COAT BEE 2 Well, he’s all set to go, we may as well try it. (into the mic) Okay Dave, pull the chute. The test bee opens his parachute. He’s instantly blown against the rear wall. Adam and Barry ENTER. ADAM Sounds amazing. BARRY Oh, it was amazing. It was the scariest, happiest moment of my life. ADAM Humans! Humans! I can’t believe you were with humans! Giant scary humans! What were they like? BARRY Huge and crazy. They talk crazy, they eat crazy giant things. They drive around real crazy. ADAM And do they try and kill you like on TV? BARRY Some of them. But some of them don’t. ADAM How’d you get back? BARRY Poodle. ADAM Look, you did it. And I’m glad. You saw whatever you wanted to see out there, you had your “experience”, and now you’re back, you can pick out your job, and everything can be normal. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 43. ANGLE ON: LAB BEES examining a CANDY CORN through a microscope. BARRY Well... ADAM Well? BARRY Well, I met someone. ADAM You met someone? Was she Bee-ish? BARRY Mmm. ADAM Not a WASP? Your parents will kill you. BARRY No, no, no, not a wasp. ADAM Spider? BARRY You know, I’m not attracted to the spiders. I know to everyone else it’s like the hottest thing with the eight legs and all. I can’t get by that face. Barry makes a spider face. ADAM So, who is she? BARRY She’s a human. ADAM Oh no, no, no, no. That didn’t happen. You didn’t do that. That is a bee law. You wouldn’t break a bee law. BARRY Her name’s Vanessa. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 44. ADAM Oh, oh boy! BARRY She’s so-o nice. And she’s a florist! ADAM Oh, no. No, no, no! You’re dating a human florist? BARRY We’re not dating. ADAM You’re flying outside the hive. You’re talking to human beings that attack our homes with power washers and M-80’s. That’s 1/8 of a stick of dynamite. BARRY She saved my life. And she understands me. ADAM This is over. Barry pulls out the crumb. BARRY Eat this. Barry stuffs the crumb into Adam’s face. ADAM This is not over. What was that? BARRY They call it a crumb. ADAM That was SO STINGING STRIPEY! BARRY And that’s not even what they eat. That just falls off what they eat. Do you know what a Cinnabon is? ADAM No. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 45. BARRY It’s bread... ADAM Come in here! BARRY and cinnamon, ADAM Be quiet! BARRY and frosting...they heat it up-- ADAM Sit down! INT. ADAM’S OFFICE - CONTINUOUS BARRY Really hot! ADAM Listen to me! We are not them. We’re us. There’s us and there’s them. BARRY Yes, but who can deny the heart that is yearning... Barry rolls his chair down the corridor. ADAM There’s no yearning. Stop yearning. Listen to me. You have got to start thinking bee, my friend. ANOTHER BEE JOINS IN. ANOTHER BEE Thinking bee. WIDER SHOT AS A 3RD BEE ENTERS, popping up over the cubicle wall. 3RD BEE Thinking bee. EVEN WIDER SHOT AS ALL THE BEES JOIN IN. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 46. OTHER BEES Thinking bee. Thinking bee. Thinking bee. CUT TO: SEQ. 1500 - “POOLSIDE NAGGING” EXT. BACKYARD PARENT’S HOUSE - DAY Barry sits on a RAFT in a hexagon honey pool, legs dangling into the water. Janet Benson and Martin Benson stand over him wearing big, sixties sunglasses and cabana-type outfits. The sun shines brightly behind their heads. JANET BENSON (O.C) There he is. He’s in the pool. MARTIN BENSON You know what your problem is, Barry? BARRY I’ve got to start thinking bee? MARTIN BENSON Barry, how much longer is this going to go on? It’s been three days. I don’t understand why you’re not working. BARRY Well, I’ve got a lot of big life decisions I’m thinking about. MARTIN BENSON What life? You have no life! You have no job! You’re barely a bee! Barry throws his hands in the air. BARRY Augh. JANET BENSON Would it kill you to just make a little honey? Barry ROLLS off the raft and SINKS to the bottom of the pool. We hear his parents’ MUFFLED VOICES from above the surface. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 47. JANET BENSON (CONT'D) (muffled) Barry, come out from under there. Your father’s talking to you. Martin, would you talk to him? MARTIN BENSON Barry, I’m talking to you. DISSOLVE TO: EXT. PICNIC AREA - DAY MUSIC: “Sugar Sugar” by the Archies. Barry and Vanessa are having a picnic. A MOSQUITO lands on Vanessa’s leg. She SWATS it violently. Barry’s head whips around, aghast. They stare at each other awkwardly in a frozen moment, then BURST INTO HYSTERICAL LAUGHTER. Vanessa GETS UP. VANESSA You coming? BARRY Got everything? VANESSA All set. Vanessa gets into a one-man Ultra Light plane with a black and yellow paint scheme. She puts on her helmet. BARRY You go ahead, I’ll catch up. VANESSA (come hither wink) Don’t be too long. The Ultra Light takes off. Barry catches up. They fly sideby-side. VANESSA (CONT’D) Watch this! Vanessa does a loop, and FLIES right into the side of a mountain, BURSTING into a huge ball of flames. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 48. BARRY (yelling, anguished) Vanessa! EXT. BARRY’S PARENT’S HOUSE - CONTINUOUS ANGLE ON: Barry’s face bursting through the surface of the pool, GASPING for air, eyes opening in horror. MARTIN BENSON We’re still here, Barry. JANET BENSON I told you not to yell at him. He doesn’t respond when you yell at him. MARTIN BENSON Then why are you yelling at me? JANET BENSON Because you don’t listen. MARTIN BENSON I’m not listening to this. Barry is toweling off, putting on his sweater. BARRY Sorry Mom, I’ve got to go. JANET BENSON Where are you going? BARRY Nowhere. I’m meeting a friend. Barry JUMPS off the balcony and EXITS. JANET BENSON (calling after him) A girl? Is this why you can’t decide? BARRY Bye! JANET BENSON I just hope she’s Bee-ish. CUT TO: "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 49. SEQ. 1700 - “STREETWALK/SUPERMARKET” EXT. VANESSA’S FLORIST SHOP - DAY Vanessa FLIPS the sign to say “Sorry We Missed You”, and locks the door. ANGLE ON: A POSTER on Vanessa’s door for the Tournament of Roses Parade in Pasadena. BARRY So they have a huge parade of just flowers every year in Pasadena? VANESSA Oh, to be in the Tournament of Roses, that’s every florist’s dream. Up on a float, surrounded by flowers, crowds cheering. BARRY Wow, a tournament. Do the roses actually compete in athletic events? VANESSA No. Alright, I’ve got one. How come you don’t fly everywhere? BARRY It’s exhausting. Why don’t you run everywhere? VANESSA Hmmm. BARRY Isn’t that faster? VANESSA Yeah, okay. I see, I see. Alright, your turn. Barry and Vanessa walk/fly down a New York side street, no other pedestrians near them. BARRY Ah! Tivo. You can just freeze live TV? That’s insane. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 50. VANESSA What, you don’t have anything like that? BARRY We have Hivo, but it’s a disease. It’s a horrible, horrible disease. VANESSA Oh my. They turn the corner onto a busier avenue and people start to swat at Barry. MAN Dumb bees! VANESSA You must just want to sting all those jerks. BARRY We really try not to sting. It’s usually fatal for us. VANESSA So you really have to watch your temper? They ENTER a SUPERMARKET. CUT TO: INT. SUPERMARKET BARRY Oh yeah, very carefully. You kick a wall, take a walk, write an angry letter and throw it out. You work through it like any emotion-- anger, jealousy, (under his breath) lust. Barry hops on top of some cardboard boxes in the middle of an aisle. A stock boy, HECTOR, whacks him with a rolled up magazine. VANESSA (to Barry) Oh my goodness. Are you okay? "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 51. BARRY Yeah. Whew! Vanessa WHACKS Hector over the head with the magazine. VANESSA (to Hector) What is wrong with you?! HECTOR It’s a bug. VANESSA Well he’s not bothering anybody. Get out of here, you creep. Vanessa pushes him, and Hector EXITS, muttering. BARRY (shaking it off) What was that, a Pick and Save circular? VANESSA Yeah, it was. How did you know? BARRY It felt like about ten pages. Seventy-five’s pretty much our limit. VANESSA Boy, you’ve really got that down to a science. BARRY Oh, we have to. I lost a cousin to Italian Vogue. VANESSA I’ll bet. Barry stops, sees the wall of honey jars. BARRY What, in the name of Mighty Hercules, is this? How did this get here? Cute Bee? Golden Blossom? Ray Liotta Private Select? VANESSA Is he that actor? "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 52. BARRY I never heard of him. Why is this here? VANESSA For people. We eat it. BARRY Why? (gesturing around the market) You don’t have enough food of your own? VANESSA Well yes, we-- BARRY How do you even get it? VANESSA Well, bees make it... BARRY I know who makes it! And it’s hard to make it! There’s Heating and Cooling, and Stirring...you need a whole Krelman thing. VANESSA It’s organic. BARRY It’s our-ganic! VANESSA It’s just honey, Barry. BARRY Just...what?! Bees don’t know about this. This is stealing. A lot of stealing! You’ve taken our homes, our schools, our hospitals. This is all we have. And it’s on sale? I’m going to get to the bottom of this. I’m going to get to the bottom of all of this! He RIPS the label off the Ray Liotta Private Select. CUT TO: "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 53. SEQ. 1800 - “WINDSHIELD” EXT. BACK OF SUPERMARKET LOADING DOCK - LATER THAT DAY Barry disguises himself by blacking out his yellow lines with a MAGIC MARKER and putting on some war paint. He sees Hector, the stock boy, with a knife CUTTING open cardboard boxes filled with honey jars. MAN You almost done? HECTOR Almost. Barry steps in some honey, making a SNAPPING noise. Hector stops and turns. HECTOR (CONT’D) He is here. I sense it. Hector grabs his BOX CUTTER. Barry REACTS, hides himself behind the box again. HECTOR (CONT’D) (talking too loud, to no one in particular) Well, I guess I’ll go home now, and just leave this nice honey out, with no one around. A BEAT. Hector pretends to exit. He takes a couple of steps in place. ANGLE ON: The honey jar. Barry steps out into a moody spotlight. BARRY You’re busted, box boy! HECTOR Ah ha! I knew I heard something. So, you can talk. Barry flies up, stinger out, pushing Hector up against the wall. As Hector backs up, he drops his knife. BARRY Oh, I can talk. And now you’re going to start talking. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 54. Where are you getting all the sweet stuff? Who’s your supplier?! HECTOR I don’t know what you’re talking about. I thought we were all friends. The last thing we want to do is upset any of you...bees! Hector grabs a PUSHPIN. Barry fences with his stinger. HECTOR (CONT’D) You’re too late. It’s ours now! BARRY You, sir, have crossed the wrong sword. HECTOR You, sir, are about to be lunch for my iguana, Ignacio! Barry and Hector get into a cross-swords, nose-to-nose confrontation. BARRY Where is the honey coming from? Barry knocks the pushpin out of his hand. Barry puts his stinger up to Hector’s nose. BARRY (CONT'D) Tell me where?! HECTOR (pointing to a truck) Honey Farms. It comes from Honey Farms. ANGLE ON: A Honey Farms truck leaving the parking lot. Barry turns, takes off after the truck through an alley. He follows the truck out onto a busy street, dodging a bus, and several cabs. CABBIE Crazy person! He flies through a metal pipe on the top of a truck. BARRY OOOHHH! "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 55. BARRY (CONT'D) Barry grabs onto a bicycle messenger’s backpack. The honey farms truck starts to pull away. Barry uses the bungee cord to slingshot himself towards the truck. He lands on the windshield, where the wind plasters him to the glass. He looks up to find himself surrounded by what appear to be DEAD BUGS. He climbs across, working his way around the bodies. BARRY (CONT’D) Oh my. What horrible thing has happened here? Look at these faces. They never knew what hit them. And now they’re on the road to nowhere. A MOSQUITO opens his eyes. MOOSEBLOOD Pssst! Just keep still. BARRY What? You’re not dead? MOOSEBLOOD Do I look dead? Hey man, they will wipe anything that moves. Now, where are you headed? BARRY To Honey Farms. I am onto something huge here. MOOSEBLOOD I’m going to Alaska. Moose blood. Crazy stuff. Blows your head off. LADYBUG I’m going to Tacoma. BARRY (to fly) What about you? MOOSEBLOOD He really is dead. BARRY Alright. The WIPER comes towards them. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 56. MOOSEBLOOD Uh oh. BARRY What is that? MOOSEBLOOD Oh no! It’s a wiper, triple blade! BARRY Triple blade? MOOSEBLOOD Jump on. It’s your only chance, bee. They hang on as the wiper goes back and forth. MOOSEBLOOD (CONT'D) (yelling to the truck driver through the glass) Why does everything have to be so dog-gone clean?! How much do you people need to see? Open your eyes! Stick your head out the window! CUT TO: INT. TRUCK CAB SFX: Radio. RADIO VOICE For NPR News in Washington, I’m Carl Kasell. EXT. TRUCK WINDSHIELD MOOSEBLOOD But don’t kill no more bugs! The Mosquito is FLUNG off of the wiper. MOOSEBLOOD (CONT'D) Beeeeeeeeeeeeee! BARRY Moose blood guy! "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 57. Barry slides toward the end of the wiper, is thrown off, but he grabs the AERIAL and hangs on for dear life. Barry looks across and sees a CRICKET on another vehicle in the exact same predicament. They look at each other and SCREAM in unison. BARRY AND CRICKET Aaaaaaaaaah! ANOTHER BUG grabs onto the aerial, and screams as well. INT. TRUCK CAB - SAME TIME DRIVER You hear something? TRUCKER PASSENGER Like what? DRIVER Like tiny screaming. TRUCKER PASSENGER Turn off the radio. The driver reaches down and PRESSES a button, lowering the aerial. EXT. TRUCK WINDSHIELD - SAME TIME Barry and the other bug do a “choose up” to the bottom, Barry wins. BARRY Aha! Then he finally has to let go and gets thrown into the truck horn atop cab. Mooseblood is inside. MOOSEBLOOD Hey, what’s up bee boy? BARRY Hey, Blood! DISSOLVE TO: "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 58. INT. TRUCK HORN - LATER BARRY ...and it was just an endless row of honey jars as far as the eye could see. MOOSEBLOOD Wow. BARRY So I’m just assuming wherever this honey truck goes, that’s where they’re getting it. I mean, that honey’s ours! MOOSEBLOOD Bees hang tight. BARRY Well, we’re all jammed in there. It’s a close community. MOOSEBLOOD Not us, man. We’re on our own. Every mosquito is on his own. BARRY But what if you get in trouble? MOOSEBLOOD Trouble? You're a mosquito. You're in trouble! Nobody likes us. They’re just all smacking. People see a mosquito, smack, smack! BARRY At least you’re out in the world. You must meet a lot of girls. MOOSEBLOOD Mosquito girls try to trade up; get with a moth, dragonfly...mosquito girl don’t want no mosquito. A BLOOD MOBILE pulls up alongside. MOOSEBLOOD (CONT'D) Whoa, you have got to be kidding me. Mooseblood’s about to leave the building. So long bee. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 59. Mooseblood EXITS the horn, and jumps onto the blood mobile. MOOSEBLOOD (CONT'D) Hey guys. I knew I’d catch you all down here. Did you bring your crazy straws? CUT TO: SEQ. 1900 - “THE APIARY” EXT. APIARY - LATER Barry sees a SIGN, “Honey Farms” The truck comes to a stop. SFX: The Honey farms truck blares its horn. Barry flies out, lands on the hood. ANGLE ON: Two BEEKEEPERS, FREDDY and ELMO, walking around to the back of the gift shop. Barry follows them, and lands in a nearby tree FREDDY ...then we throw it in some jars, slap a label on it, and it’s pretty much pure profit. BARRY What is this place? ELMO Bees got a brain the size of a pinhead. FREDDY They are pinheads. The both LAUGH. ANGLE ON: Barry REACTING. They arrive at the back of the shop where one of them opens a SMOKER BOX. FREDDY (CONT’D) Hey, check out the new smoker. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 60. ELMO Oh, Sweet. That’s the one you want. FREDDY The Thomas 3000. BARRY Smoker? FREDDY 90 puffs a minute, semi-automatic. Twice the nicotine, all the tar. They LAUGH again, nefariously. FREDDY (CONT’D) Couple of breaths of this, and it knocks them right out. They make the honey, and we make the money. BARRY “They make the honey, and we make the money?” Barry climbs onto the netting of Freddy’s hat. He climbs up to the brim and looks over the edge. He sees the apiary boxes as Freddy SMOKES them. BARRY (CONT'D) Oh my. As Freddy turns around, Barry jumps into an open apiary box, and into an apartment. HOWARD and FRAN are just coming to from the smoking. BARRY (CONT’D) What’s going on? Are you okay? HOWARD Yeah, it doesn’t last too long. HE COUGHS a few times. BARRY How did you two get here? Do you know you’re in a fake hive with fake walls? HOWARD (pointing to a picture on the wall) "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 61. Our queen was moved here, we had no choice. BARRY (looking at a picture on the wall) This is your queen? That’s a man in women’s clothes. That’s a dragqueen! The other wall opens. Barry sees the hundreds of apiary boxes. BARRY (CONT'D) What is this? Barry pulls out his camera, and starts snapping. BARRY (CONT’D) Oh no. There’s hundreds of them. (V.O, as Barry takes pictures) Bee honey, our honey, is being brazenly stolen on a massive scale. CUT TO: SEQ. 2100 - “BARRY TELLS FAMILY” INT. BARRY’S PARENT’S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - LATER Barry has assembled his parents, Adam, and Uncle Carl. BARRY This is worse than anything the bears have done to us. And I intend to do something about it. JANET BENSON Oh Barry, stop. MARTIN BENSON Who told you that humans are taking our honey? That’s just a rumor. BARRY Do these look like rumors? Barry throws the PICTURES on the table. Uncle Carl, cleaning his glasses with his shirt tail, digs through a bowl of nuts with his finger. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 62. HOWARD (CONT'D) UNCLE CARL That’s a conspiracy theory. These are obviously doctored photos. JANET BENSON Barry, how did you get mixed up in all this? ADAM (jumping up) Because he’s been talking to humans! JANET BENSON Whaaat? MARTIN BENSON Talking to humans?! Oh Barry. ADAM He has a human girlfriend and they make out! JANET BENSON Make out? Barry? BARRY We do not. ADAM You wish you could. BARRY Who’s side are you on? ADAM The bees! Uncle Carl stands up and pulls his pants up to his chest. UNCLE CARL I dated a cricket once in San Antonio. Man, those crazy legs kept me up all night. Hotcheewah! JANET BENSON Barry, this is what you want to do with your life? BARRY This is what I want to do for all our lives. Nobody works harder than bees. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 63. Dad, I remember you coming home some nights so overworked, your hands were still stirring. You couldn’t stop them. MARTIN BENSON Ehhh... JANET BENSON (to Martin) I remember that. BARRY What right do they have to our hardearned honey? We’re living on two cups a year. They’re putting it in lip balm for no reason what-soever. MARTIN BENSON Even if it’s true, Barry, what could one bee do? BARRY I’m going to sting them where it really hurts. MARTIN BENSON In the face? BARRY No. MARTIN BENSON In the eye? That would really hurt. BARRY No. MARTIN BENSON Up the nose? That’s a killer. BARRY No. There’s only one place you can sting the humans. One place where it really matters. CUT TO: SEQ. 2300 - “HIVE AT 5 NEWS/BEE LARRY KING” "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 64. BARRY (CONT'D) INT. NEWS STUDIO - DAY DRAMATIC NEWS MUSIC plays as the opening news sequence rolls. We see the “Hive at Five” logo, followed by shots of past news events: A BEE freeway chase, a BEE BEARD protest rally, and a BEAR pawing at the hive as the BEES flee in panic. BOB BUMBLE (V.O.) Hive at Five, the hive’s only full hour action news source... SHOTS of NEWSCASTERS flash up on screen. BOB BUMBLE (V.O.) (CONT'D) With Bob Bumble at the anchor desk... BOB has a big shock of anchorman hair, gray temples and overly white teeth. BOB BUMBLE (V.O.) (CONT'D) ...weather with Storm Stinger, sports with Buzz Larvi, and Jeanette Chung. JEANETTE is an Asian bee. BOB BUMBLE (CONT'D) Good evening, I’m Bob Bumble. JEANETTE CHUNG And I’m Jeanette Chung. BOB BUMBLE Our top story, a tri-county bee, Barry Benson... INSERT: Barry’s graduation picture. BOB BUMBLE (CONT'D) ...is saying he intends to sue the human race for stealing our honey, packaging it, and profiting from it illegally. CUT TO: "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 65. INT. BEENN STUDIO - BEE LARRY KING LIVE BEE LARRY KING, wearing suspenders and glasses, is interviewing Barry. A LOWER-THIRD CHYRON reads: “Bee Larry King Live.” BEE LARRY KING Don’t forget, tomorrow night on Bee Larry King, we are going to have three former Queens all right here in our studio discussing their new book, “Classy Ladies,” out this week on Hexagon. (to Barry) Tonight, we’re talking to Barry Benson. Did you ever think, I’m just a kid from the hive, I can’t do this? BARRY Larry, bees have never been afraid to change the world. I mean, what about Bee-Columbus? Bee-Ghandi? Be-geesus? BEE LARRY KING Well, where I’m from you wouldn’t think of suing humans. We were thinking more like stick ball, candy stores. BARRY How old are you? BEE LARRY KING I want you to know that the entire bee community is supporting you in this case, which is certain to be the trial of the bee century. BARRY Thank you, Larry. You know, they have a Larry King in the human world, too. BEE LARRY KING It’s a common name. Next week on Bee Larry King... "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 66. BARRY No, I mean he looks like you. And he has a show with suspenders and different colored dots behind him. BEE LARRY KING Next week on Bee Larry King... BARRY Old guy glasses, and there’s quotes along the bottom from the guest you’re watching even though you just heard them... BEE LARRY KING Bear week next week! They’re scary, they’re hairy, and they’re here live. Bee Larry King EXITS. BARRY Always leans forward, pointy shoulders, squinty eyes... (lights go out) Very Jewish. CUT TO: SEQ. 2400 - “FLOWER SHOP” INT. VANESSA’S FLOWER SHOP - NIGHT Stacks of law books are piled up, legal forms, etc. Vanessa is talking with Ken in the other room. KEN Look, in tennis, you attack at the point of weakness. VANESSA But it was my grandmother, Ken. She’s 81. KEN Honey, her backhand’s a joke. I’m not going to take advantage of that? "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 67. BARRY (O.C) Quiet please. Actual work going on here. KEN Is that that same bee? BARRY (O.C) Yes it is. VANESSA I’m helping him sue the human race. KEN What? Barry ENTERS. BARRY Oh, hello. KEN Hello Bee. Barry flies over to Vanessa. VANESSA This is Ken. BARRY Yeah, I remember you. Timberland, size 10 1/2, Vibram sole I believe. KEN Why does he talk again, Hun? VANESSA (to Ken, sensing the tension) Listen, you’d better go because we’re really busy working. KEN But it’s our yogurt night. VANESSA (pushing him out the door) Oh...bye bye. She CLOSES the door. KEN Why is yogurt night so difficult?! "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 68. Vanessa ENTERS the back room carrying coffee. VANESSA Oh you poor thing, you two have been at this for hours. BARRY Yes, and Adam here has been a huge help. ANGLE ON: A EMPTY CINNABON BOX with Adam asleep inside, covered in frosting. VANESSA How many sugars? BARRY Just one. I try not to use the competition. So, why are you helping me, anyway? VANESSA Bees have good qualities. BARRY (rowing on the sugar cube like a gondola) Si, Certo. VANESSA And it feels good to take my mind off the shop. I don’t know why, instead of flowers, people are giving balloon bouquets now. BARRY Yeah, those are great...if you’re 3. VANESSA And artificial flowers. BARRY (re: plastic flowers) Oh, they just get me psychotic! VANESSA Yeah, me too. BARRY The bent stingers, the pointless pollination. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 69. VANESSA Bees must hate those fake plastic things. BARRY There’s nothing worse than a daffodil that’s had work done. VANESSA (holding up the lawsuit documents) Well, maybe this can make up for it a little bit. CUT TO: EXT. VANESSA’S FLORIST SHOP They EXIT the store, and cross to the mailbox. VANESSA You know Barry, this lawsuit is a pretty big deal. BARRY I guess. VANESSA Are you sure that you want to go through with it? BARRY Am I sure? (kicking the envelope into the mailbox) When I’m done with the humans, they won’t be able to say, “Honey, I’m home,” without paying a royalty. CUT TO: SEQ. 2700 - “MEET MONTGOMERY” EXT. MANHATTAN COURTHOUSE - DAY P.O.V SHOT - A camera feed turns on, revealing a newsperson. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 70. PRESS PERSON #2 (talking to camera) Sarah, it’s an incredible scene here in downtown Manhattan where all eyes and ears of the world are anxiously waiting, because for the first time in history, we’re going to hear for ourselves if a honey bee can actually speak. ANGLE ON: Barry, Vanessa, and Adam getting out of the cab. The press spots Barry and Vanessa and pushes in. Adam sits on Vanessa’s shoulder. INT. COURTHOUSE - CONTINUOUS Barry, Vanessa, and Adam sit at the Plaintiff’s Table. VANESSA (turns to Barry) What have we gotten into here, Barry? BARRY I don’t know, but it’s pretty big, isn’t it? ADAM I can’t believe how many humans don’t have to be at work during the day. BARRY Hey, you think these billion dollar multinational food companies have good lawyers? CUT TO: EXT. COURTHOUSE STEPS - CONTINUOUS A BIG BLACK CAR pulls up. ANGLE ON: the grill filling the frame. We see the “L.T.M” monogram on the hood ornament. The defense lawyer, LAYTON T. MONTGOMERY comes out, squashing a bug on the pavement. CUT TO: "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 71. INT. COURTHOUSE - CONTINUOUS Barry SHUDDERS. VANESSA What’s the matter? BARRY I don’t know. I just got a chill. Montgomery ENTERS. He walks by Barry’s table shaking a honey packet. MONTGOMERY Well, if it isn’t the B-Team. (re: the honey packet) Any of you boys work on this? He CHUCKLES. The JUDGE ENTERS. SEQ. 3000 - “WITNESSES” BAILIFF All rise! The Honorable Judge Bumbleton presiding. JUDGE (shuffling papers) Alright...Case number 4475, Superior Court of New York. Barry Bee Benson vs. the honey industry, is now in session. Mr. Montgomery, you are representing the five major food companies, collectively. ANGLE ON: Montgomery’s BRIEFCASE. It has an embossed emblem of an EAGLE, holding a gavel in one talon and a briefcase in the other. MONTGOMERY A privilege. JUDGE Mr. Benson. Barry STANDS. JUDGE (CONT’D) You are representing all bees of the world? "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 72. Montgomery, the stenographer, and the jury lean in. CUT TO: EXT. COURTHOUSE - CONTINUOUS The spectators outside freeze. The helicopters angle forward to listen closely. CUT TO: INT. COURTHOUSE BARRY Bzzz bzzz bzzz...Ahh, I’m kidding, I’m kidding. Yes, your honor. We are ready to proceed. ANGLE ON: Courtroom hub-bub. JUDGE And Mr. Montgomery, your opening statement, please. Montgomery rises. MONTGOMERY (grumbles, clears his throat) Ladies and gentlemen of the jury. My grandmother was a simple woman. Born on a farm, she believed it was man's divine right to benefit from the bounty of nature God put before us. If we were to live in the topsy-turvy world Mr. Benson imagines, just think of what it would mean. Maybe I would have to negotiate with the silk worm for the elastic in my britches. Talking bee. How do we know this isn’t some sort of holographic motion picture capture Hollywood wizardry? They could be using laser beams, robotics, ventriloquism, cloning...for all we know he could be on steroids! Montgomery leers at Barry, who moves to the stand. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 73. JUDGE Mr. Benson? Barry makes his opening statement. BARRY Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury, there’s no trickery here. I’m just an ordinary bee. And as a bee, honey’s pretty important to me. It’s important to all bees. We invented it, we make it, and we protect it with our lives. Unfortunately, there are some people in this room who think they can take whatever they want from us cause we’re the little guys. And what I’m hoping is that after this is all over, you’ll see how by taking our honey, you’re not only taking away everything we have, but everything we are. ANGLE ON: Vanessa smiling. ANGLE ON: The BEE GALLERY wiping tears away. CUT TO: INT. BENSON HOUSE Barry’s family is watching the case on TV. JANET BENSON Oh, I wish he would dress like that all the time. So nice... CUT TO: INT. COURTROOM - LATER JUDGE Call your first witness. CUT TO: "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 74. INT. COURTHOUSE - LATER BARRY So, Mr. Klauss Vanderhayden of Honey Farms. Pretty big company you have there? MR. VANDERHAYDEN I suppose so. BARRY And I see you also own HoneyBurton, and Hon-Ron. MR. VANDERHAYDEN Yes. They provide beekeepers for our farms. BARRY Beekeeper. I find that to be a very disturbing term, I have to say. I don’t imagine you employ any bee free-ers, do you? MR. VANDERHAYDEN No. BARRY I’m sorry. I couldn’t hear you. MR. VANDERHAYDEN (louder) No. BARRY No. Because you don’t free bees. You keep bees. And not only that, it seems you thought a bear would be an appropriate image for a jar of honey? MR. VANDERHAYDEN Well, they’re very lovable creatures. Yogi-bear, Fozzy-bear, Build-a-bear. BARRY Yeah, you mean like this?! Vanessa and the SUPERINTENDANT from her building ENTER with a GIANT FEROCIOUS GRIZZLY BEAR. He has a neck collar and chains extending from either side. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 75. By pulling the chains, they bring him directly in front of Vanderhayden. The bear LUNGES and ROARS. BARRY (CONT'D) Bears kill bees! How would you like his big hairy head crashing into your living room? Biting into your couch, spitting out your throwpillows...rowr, rowr! The bear REACTS. BEAR Rowr!! BARRY Okay, that’s enough. Take him away. Vanessa and the Superintendant pull the bear out of the courtroom. Vanderhayden TREMBLES. The judge GLARES at him. CUT TO: INT. COURTROOM- A LITTLE LATER Barry questions STING. BARRY So, Mr. Sting. Thank you for being here. Your name intrigues me, I have to say. Where have I heard it before? STING I was with a band called "The Police". BARRY But you've never been a police officer of any kind, have you? STING No, I haven't. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 76. BARRY No, you haven’t. And so, here we have yet another example of bee culture being casually stolen by a human for nothing more than a prance-about stage name. STING Oh please. BARRY Have you ever been stung, Mr. Sting? Because I'm feeling a little stung, Sting. Or should I say, (looking in folder) Mr. Gordon M. Sumner? The jury GASPS. MONTGOMERY (to his aides) That’s not his real name? You idiots! CUT TO: INT. COURTHOUSE- LATER BARRY Mr. Liotta, first may I offer my belated congratulations on your Emmy win for a guest spot on E.R. in 2005. LIOTTA Thank you. Thank you. Liotta LAUGHS MANIACALLY. BARRY I also see from your resume that you’re devilishly handsome, but with a churning inner turmoil that’s always ready to blow. LIOTTA I enjoy what I do. Is that a crime? "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 77. BARRY Not yet it isn’t. But is this what it’s come to for you, Mr. Liotta? Exploiting tiny helpless bees so you don’t have to rehearse your part, and learn your lines, Sir? LIOTTA Watch it Benson, I could blow right now. BARRY This isn’t a goodfella. This is a badfella! LIOTTA (exploding, trying to smash Barry with the Emmy) Why doesn’t someone just step on this little creep and we can all go home? You’re all thinking it. Say it! JUDGE Order! Order in this courtroom! A MONTAGE OF NEWSPAPER HEADLINES FOLLOWS: NEW YORK POST: “Bees to Humans: Buzz Off”. NEW YORK TELEGRAM: “Sue Bee”. DAILY VARIETY: “Studio Dumps Liotta Project. Slams Door on Unlawful Entry 2.” CUT TO: SEQ. 3175 - “CANDLELIGHT DINNER” INT. VANESSA’S APARTMENT Barry and Vanessa are having a candle light dinner. Visible behind Barry is a “LITTLE MISSY” SET BOX, with the flaps open. BARRY Well, I just think that was awfully nice of that bear to pitch in like that. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 78. VANESSA I’m telling you, I think the jury’s on our side. BARRY Are we doing everything right...you know, legally? VANESSA I’m a florist. BARRY Right, right. Barry raises his glass. BARRY (CONT’D) Well, here’s to a great team. VANESSA To a great team. They toast. Ken ENTERS KEN Well hello. VANESSA Oh...Ken. BARRY Hello. VANESSA I didn’t think you were coming. KEN No, I was just late. I tried to call. But, (holding his cell phone) the battery... VANESSA I didn’t want all this to go to waste, so I called Barry. Luckily he was free. BARRY Yeah. KEN (gritting his teeth) Oh, that was lucky. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 79. VANESSA Well, there’s still a little left. I could heat it up. KEN Yeah, heat it up. Sure, whatever. Vanessa EXITS. Ken and Barry look at each other as Barry eats. BARRY So, I hear you’re quite a tennis player. I’m not much for the game myself. I find the ball a little grabby. KEN That’s where I usually sit. Right there. VANESSA (O.C) Ken, Barry was looking at your resume, and he agreed with me that “eating with chopsticks” isn’t really a special skill. KEN (to Barry) You think I don’t see what you’re doing? BARRY Hey look, I know how hard it is trying to find the right job. We certainly have that in common. KEN Do we? BARRY Well, bees have 100% employment, of course. But we do jobs like taking the crud out. KEN That’s just what I was thinking about doing. Ken holds his table knife up. It slips out of his hand. He goes under the table to pick it up. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 80. VANESSA Ken, I let Barry borrow your razor for his fuzz. I hope that was alright. Ken hits his head on the table. BARRY I’m going to go drain the old stinger. KEN Yeah, you do that. Barry EXITS to the bathroom, grabbing a small piece of a VARIETY MAGAZINE on the way. BARRY Oh, look at that. Ken slams the champagne down on the table. Ken closes his eyes and buries his face in his hands. He grabs a magazine on the way into the bathroom. SEQ. 2800 - “BARRY FIGHTS KEN” INT. BATHROOM - CONTINUOUS Ken ENTERS, closes the door behind him. He’s not happy. Barry is washing his hands. He glances back at Ken. KEN You know, I’ve just about had it with your little mind games. BARRY What’s that? KEN Italian Vogue. BARRY Mamma Mia, that’s a lot of pages. KEN It’s a lot of ads. BARRY Remember what Van said. Why is your life any more valuable than mine? "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 81. KEN It’s funny, I just can’t seem to recall that! Ken WHACKS at Barry with the magazine. He misses and KNOCKS EVERYTHING OFF THE VANITY. Ken grabs a can of AIR FRESHENER. KEN (CONT'D) I think something stinks in here. He sprays at Barry. BARRY I love the smell of flowers. KEN Yeah? How do you like the smell of flames? Ken lights the stream. BARRY Not as much. Barry flies in a circle. Ken, trying to stay with him, spins in place. ANGLE ON: Flames outside the bathroom door. Ken slips on the Italian Vogue, falls backward into the shower, pulling down the shower curtain. The can hits him in the head, followed by the shower curtain rod, and the rubber duck. Ken reaches back, grabs the handheld shower head. He whips around, looking for Barry. ANGLE ON: A WATERBUG near the drain. WATERBUG Waterbug. Not taking sides. Barry is on the toilet tank. He comes out from behind a shampoo bottle, wearing a chapstick cap as a helmet. BARRY Ken, look at me! I’m wearing a chapstick hat. This is pathetic. ANGLE ON: Ken turning the hand shower nozzle from “GENTLE”, to “TURBO”, to “LETHAL”. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 82. KEN I’ve got issues! Ken fires the water at Barry, knocking him into the toilet. The items from the vanity (emory board, lipstick, eye curler, etc.) are on the toilet seat. Ken looks down at Barry. KEN (CONT'D) Well well well, a royal flush. BARRY You’re bluffing. KEN Am I? Ken flushes the toilet. Barry grabs the Emory board and uses it to surf. He puts his hand in the water while he’s surfing. Some water splashes on Ken. BARRY Surf’s up, dude! KEN Awww, poo water! He does some skate board-style half-pipe riding. Barry surfs out of the toilet. BARRY That bowl is gnarly. Ken tries to get a shot at him with the toilet brush. KEN Except for those dirty yellow rings. Vanessa ENTERS. VANESSA Kenneth! What are you doing? KEN You know what? I don’t even like honey! I don’t eat it! VANESSA We need to talk! "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 83. She pulls Ken out by his ear. Ken glares at Barry. CUT TO: INT. HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS VANESSA He’s just a little bee. And he happens to be the nicest bee I’ve met in a long time. KEN Long time? What are you talking about? Are there other bugs in your life? VANESSA No, but there are other things bugging me in life. And you’re one of them! KEN Fine! Talking bees, no yogurt night...my nerves are fried from riding on this emotional rollercoaster. VANESSA Goodbye, Ken. KEN Augh! VANESSA Whew! Ken EXITS, then re-enters frame. KEN And for your information, I prefer sugar-free, artificial sweeteners, made by man! He EXITS again. The DOOR SLAMS behind him. VANESSA (to Barry) I’m sorry about all that. Ken RE-ENTERS. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 84. KEN I know it’s got an aftertaste! I like it! BARRY (re: Ken) I always felt there was some kind of barrier between Ken and me. (puts his hands in his pockets) I couldn’t overcome it. Oh well. VANESSA Are you going to be okay for the trial tomorrow? BARRY Oh, I believe Mr. Montgomery is about out of ideas. CUT TO: SEQ. 3300 - “ADAM STINGS MONTY” INT. COURTROOM - NEXT DAY ANGLE ON: Medium shot of Montgomery standing at his table. MONTGOMERY We would like to call Mr. Barry Benson Bee to the stand. ADAM (whispering to Vanessa) Now that’s a good idea. (to Barry) You can really see why he’s considered one of the very best lawyers-- Oh. Barry rolls his eyes. He gets up, takes the stand. A juror in a striped shirt APPLAUDS. MR. GAMMIL (whispering) Layton, you’ve got to weave some magic with this jury, or it’s going to be all over. Montgomery is holding a BOOK, “The Secret Life of Bees”. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 85. MONTGOMERY (confidently whispering) Oh, don’t worry Mr. Gammil. The only thing I have to do to turn this jury around is to remind them of what they don’t like about bees. (to Gammil) You got the tweezers? Mr. Gammil NODS, and pats his breast pocket. MR. GAMMIL Are you allergic? MONTGOMERY Only to losing, son. Only to losing. Montgomery approaches the stand. MONTGOMERY (CONT’D) Mr. Benson Bee. I’ll ask you what I think we’d all like to know. What exactly is your relationship to that woman? Montgomery points to Vanessa. BARRY We’re friends. MONTGOMERY Good friends? BARRY Yes. MONTGOMERY (softly in Barry’s face) How good? BARRY What? MONTGOMERY Do you live together? BARRY Wait a minute, this isn’t about-- "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 86. MONTGOMERY Are you her little... (clearing throat) ... bed bug? BARRY (flustered) Hey, that’s not the kind of-- MONTGOMERY I’ve seen a bee documentary or two. Now, from what I understand, doesn’t your Queen give birth to all the bee children in the hive? BARRY Yeah, but-- MONTGOMERY So those aren’t even your real parents! ANGLE ON: Barry’s parents. MARTIN BENSON Oh, Barry. BARRY Yes they are! ADAM Hold me back! Vanessa holds him back with a COFFEE STIRRER. Montgomery points to Barry’s parents. MONTGOMERY You’re an illegitimate bee, aren’t you Benson? ADAM He’s denouncing bees! All the bees in the courtroom start to HUM. They’re agitated. MONTGOMERY And don’t y’all date your cousins? "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 87. VANESSA (standing, letting go of Adam) Objection! Adam explodes from the table and flies towards Montgomery. ADAM I’m going to pin cushion this guy! Montgomery turns around and positions himself by the judge’s bench. He sticks his butt out. Montgomery winks at his team. BARRY Adam, don’t! It’s what he wants! Adam shoves Barry out of the way. Adam STINGS Montgomery in the butt. The jury REACTS, aghast. MONTGOMERY Ow! I’m hit! Oh, lordy, I am hit! The judge BANGS her gavel. JUDGE Order! Order! Please, Mr. Montgomery. MONTGOMERY The venom! The venom is coursing through my veins! I have been felled by a wing-ed beast of destruction. You see? You can’t treat them like equals. They’re strip-ed savages! Stinging’s the only thing they know! It’s their way! ANGLE ON: Adam, collapsed on the floor. Barry rushes to his side. BARRY Adam, stay with me. ADAM I can’t feel my legs. Montgomery falls on the Bailiff. BAILIFF Take it easy. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 88. MONTGOMERY Oh, what angel of mercy will come forward to suck the poison from my heaving buttocks? The JURY recoils. JUDGE Please, I will have order in this court. Order! Order, please! FADE TO: SEQ. 3400 - “ADAM AT HOSPITAL” INT. HOSPITAL - STREET LEVEL ROOM - DAY PRESS PERSON #1 (V.O) The case of the honey bees versus the human race took a pointed turn against the bees yesterday, when one of their legal team stung Layton T. Montgomery. Now here’s Don with the 5-day. A NURSE lets Barry into the room. Barry CARRIES a FLOWER. BARRY Thank you. Barry stands over Adam, in a bed. Barry lays the flower down next to him. The TV is on. BARRY (CONT'D) Hey buddy. ADAM Hey. BARRY Is there much pain? Adam has a BEE-SIZED PAINKILLER HONEY BUTTON near his head that he presses. ADAM (pressing the button) Yeah...I blew the whole case, didn’t I? "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 89. BARRY Oh, it doesn’t matter. The important thing is you’re alive. You could have died. ADAM I’d be better off dead. Look at me. Adam THROWS the blanket off his lap, revealing a GREEN SANDWICH SWORD STINGER. ADAM (CONT’D) (voice cracking) They got it from the cafeteria, they got it from downstairs. In a tuna sandwich. Look, there’s a little celery still on it. BARRY What was it like to sting someone? ADAM I can’t explain it. It was all adrenaline...and then...ecstasy. Barry looks at Adam. BARRY Alright. ADAM You think that was all a trap? BARRY Of course. I’m sorry. I flew us right into this. What were we thinking? Look at us, we’re just a couple of bugs in this world. ADAM What do you think the humans will do to us if they win? BARRY I don’t know. ADAM I hear they put the roaches in motels. That doesn’t sound so bad. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 90. BARRY Adam, they check in, but they don’t check out. Adam GULPS. ADAM Oh my. ANGLE ON: the hospital window. We see THREE PEOPLE smoking outside on the sidewalk. The smoke drifts in. Adam COUGHS. ADAM (CONT’D) Say, could you get a nurse to close that window? BARRY Why? ADAM The smoke. Bees don’t smoke. BARRY Right. Bees don’t smoke. Bees don’t smoke! But some bees are smoking. Adam, that’s it! That’s our case. Adam starts putting his clothes on. ADAM It is? It’s not over? BARRY No. Get up. Get dressed. I’ve got to go somewhere. You get back the court and stall. Stall anyway you can. CUT TO: SEQ. 3500 - “SMOKING GUN” INT. COURTROOM - THE NEXT DAY Adam is folding a piece of paper into a boat. ADAM ...and assuming you’ve done step 29 correctly, you’re ready for the tub. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 91. ANGLE ON: The jury, all with paper boats of their own. JURORS Ooh. ANGLE ON: Montgomery frustrated with Gammil, who’s making a boat also. Monty crumples Gammil’s boat, and throws it at him. JUDGE Mr. Flayman? ADAM Yes? Yes, Your Honor? JUDGE Where is the rest of your team? ADAM (fumbling with his swordstinger) Well, your honor, it’s interesting. You know Bees are trained to fly kind of haphazardly and as a result quite often we don’t make very good time. I actually once heard a pretty funny story about a bee-- MONTGOMERY Your Honor, haven’t these ridiculous bugs taken up enough of this court’s valuable time? Montgomery rolls out from behind his table. He’s suspended in a LARGE BABY CHAIR with wheels. MONTGOMERY (CONT'D) How much longer are we going to allow these absurd shenanigans to go on? They have presented no compelling evidence to support their charges against my clients who have all run perfectly legitimate businesses. I move for a complete dismissal of this entire case. JUDGE Mr. Flayman, I am afraid I am going to have to consider Mr. Montgomery’s motion. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 92. ADAM But you can’t. We have a terrific case. MONTGOMERY Where is your proof? Where is the evidence? Show me the smoking gun. Barry bursts through the door. BARRY Hold it, your honor. You want a smoking gun? Here is your smoking gun. Vanessa ENTERS, holding a bee smoker Vanessa slams the beekeeper's SMOKER onto the judge’s bench. JUDGE What is that? BARRY It’s a Bee smoker. Montgomery GRABS the smoker. MONTGOMERY What, this? This harmless little contraption? This couldn’t hurt a fly, let alone a bee. He unintentionally points it towards the bee gallery, KNOCKING THEM ALL OUT. The jury GASPS. The press SNAPS pictures of them. BARRY Members of the jury, look at what has happened to bees who have never been asked, "Smoking or Non?" Is this what nature intended for us? To be forcibly addicted to these smoke machines in man-made wooden slat work camps? Living out our lives as honey slaves to the white man? Barry gestures dramatically towards Montgomery's racially mixed table. The BLACK LAWYER slowly moves his chair away. GAMMIL What are we going to do? "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 93. MONTGOMERY (to Pross) He's playing the species card. Barry lands on the scale of justice, by the judge’s bench. It balances as he lands. BARRY Ladies and gentlemen, please, FreeThese-Bees! ANGLE ON: Jury, chanting "Free the bees". JUDGE The court finds in favor of the bees. The chaos continues. Barry flies over to Vanessa, with his hand up for a “high 5”. BARRY Vanessa, we won! VANESSA Yay! I knew you could do it. Highfive! She high 5’s Barry, sending him crashing to the table. He bounces right back up. VANESSA (CONT'D) Oh, sorry. BARRY Ow!! I’m okay. Vanessa, do you know what this means? All the honey is finally going to belong to the bees. Now we won’t have to work so hard all the time. Montgomery approaches Barry, surrounded by the press. The cameras and microphones go to Montgomery. MONTGOMERY (waving a finger) This is an unholy perversion of the balance of nature, Benson! You’ll regret this. ANGLE ON: Barry’s ‘deer in headlights’ expression, as the press pushes microphones in his face. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 94. PRESS PERSON 1 Barry, how much honey do you think is out there? BARRY Alright, alright, one at a time... SARAH Barry, who are you wearing? BARRY Uhhh, my sweater is Ralph Lauren, and I have no pants. The Press follows Barry as he EXITS. ANGLE ON: Adam and Vanessa. ADAM (putting papers away) What if Montgomery’s right? VANESSA What do you mean? ADAM We’ve been living the bee way a long time. 27 million years. DISSOLVE TO: SEQ. 3600 - “HONEY ROUNDUP” EXT. HONEY FARMS APIARY - MONTAGE SARAH (V.O) Congratulations on your victory. What are you going to demand as a settlement? BARRY (V.O) (over montage) First, we’re going to demand a complete shutdown of all bee work camps. Then, we want to get back all the honey that was ours to begin with. Every last drop. We demand an end to the glorification of the bear as anything more than a filthy, smelly, big-headed, bad breath, stink-machine. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 95. I believe we’re all aware of what they do in the woods. We will no longer tolerate derogatory beenegative nick-names, unnecessary inclusion of honey in bogus health products, and la-dee-da tea-time human snack garnishments. MONTAGE IMAGES: Close-up on an ATF JACKET, with the YELLOW LETTERS. Camera pulls back. We see an ARMY OF BEE AND HUMAN AGENTS wearing hastily made “Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms, and Honey” jackets. Barry supervises. The gate to Honey Farms is locked permanently. All the smokers are collected and locked up. All the bees leave the Apiary. CUT TO: EXT. ATF OUTSIDE OF SUPERMARKET - MONTAGE Agents begin YANKING honey off the supermarket shelves, and out of shopping baskets. CUT TO: EXT. NEW HIVE CITY - MONTAGE The bees tear down a honey-bear statue. CUT TO: EXT. YELLOWSTONE FOREST - MONTAGE POV of a sniper’s crosshairs. An animated BEAR character looka-like, turns his head towards camera. BARRY Wait for my signal. ANGLE ON: Barry lowering his binoculars. BARRY (CONT'D) Take him out. The sniper SHOOTS the bear. It hits him in the shoulder. The bear looks at it. He gets woozy and the honey jar falls out of his lap, an ATF&H agent catches it. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 96. BARRY (V.O) (CONT'D) ATF&H AGENT (to the bear’s pig friend) He’ll have a little nausea for a few hours, then he’ll be fine. CUT TO: EXT. STING’S HOUSE - MONTAGE ATF&H agents SLAP CUFFS on Sting, who is meditating. STING But it’s just a prance-about stage name! CUT TO: INT. A WOMAN’S SHOWER - MONTAGE A WOMAN is taking a shower, and using honey shampoo. An ATF&H agent pulls the shower curtain aside, and grabs her bottle of shampoo. The woman SCREAMS. The agent turns to the 3 other agents, and Barry. ANGLE ON: Barry looking at the label on the shampoo bottle, shaking his head and writing in his clipboard. CUT TO: EXT. SUPERMARKET CAFE - MONTAGE Another customer, an old lady having her tea with a little jar of honey, gets her face pushed down onto the table and turned to the side by two agents. One of the agents has a gun on her. OLD LADY Can’t breathe. CUT TO: EXT. CENTRAL PARK - MONTAGE An OIL DRUM of honey is connected to Barry’s hive. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 97. BARRY Bring it in, boys. CUT TO: SEQ. 3650 - “NO MORE WORK” INT. HONEX - MONTAGE ANGLE ON: The honey goes past the 3-cup hash-mark, and begins to overflow. A WORKER BEE runs up to Buzzwell. WORKER BEE 1 Mr. Buzzwell, we just passed 3 cups, and there’s gallons mores coming. I think we need to shutdown. KEYCHAIN BEE (to Buzzwell) Shutdown? We’ve never shutdown. ANGLE ON: Buzzwell overlooking the factory floor. BUZZWELL Shutdown honey production! Stop making honey! ANGLE ON: TWO BEES, each with a KEY. BUZZWELL (CONT’D) Turn your key, Sir! They turn the keys simultaneously, War Games-style, shutting down the honey machines. ANGLE ON: the Taffy-Pull machine, Centrifuge, and Krelman all slowly come to a stop. The bees look around, bewildered. WORKER BEE 5 What do we do now? A BEAT. WORKER BEE 6 Cannon ball!! He jumps into a HONEY VAT, doesn’t penetrate the surface. He looks around, and slowly sinks down to his waist. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 98. EXT. HONEX FACTORY THE WHISTLE BLOWS, and the bees all stream out the exit. CUT TO: INT. J-GATE - CONTINUOUS Lou Loduca gives orders to the pollen jocks. LOU LODUCA We’re shutting down honey production. Mission abort. CUT TO: EXT. CENTRAL PARK Jackson receives the orders, mid-pollination. JACKSON Aborting pollination and nectar detail. Returning to base. CUT TO: EXT. NEW HIVE CITY ANGLE ON: Bees, putting sun-tan lotion on their noses and antennae, and sunning themselves on the balconies of the gyms. CUT TO: EXT. CENTRAL PARK ANGLE ON: THE FLOWERS starting to DROOP. CUT TO: INT. J-GATE J-Gate is deserted. CUT TO: "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 99. EXT. NEW HIVE CITY ANGLE ON: Bees sunning themselves. A TIMER DINGS, and they all turn over. CUT TO: EXT. CENTRAL PARK TIME LAPSE of Central Park turning brown. CUT TO: EXT. VANESSA’S FLORIST SHOP CLOSE-UP SHOT: Vanessa writes “Sorry. No more flowers.” on a “Closed” sign, an turns it facing out. CUT TO: SEQ. 3700 - “IDLE HIVE” EXT. NEW HIVE CITY - DAY Barry flies at high speed. TRACKING SHOT into the hive, through the lobby of Honex, and into Adam’s office. CUT TO: INT. ADAM’S OFFICE - CONTINUOUS Barry meets Adam in his office. Adam’s office is in disarray. There are papers everywhere. He’s filling up his cardboard hexagon box. BARRY (out of breath) Adam, you wouldn’t believe how much honey was out there. ADAM Oh yeah? BARRY What’s going on around here? Where is everybody? Are they out celebrating? "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 100. ADAM (exiting with a cardboard box of belongings) No, they’re just home. They don’t know what to do. BARRY Hmmm. ADAM They’re laying out, they’re sleeping in. I heard your Uncle Carl was on his way to San Antonio with a cricket. BARRY At least we got our honey back. They walk through the empty factory. ADAM Yeah, but sometimes I think, so what if the humans liked our honey? Who wouldn’t? It’s the greatest thing in the world. I was excited to be a part of making it. ANGLE ON: Adam’s desk on it’s side in the hall. ADAM (CONT’D) This was my new desk. This was my new job. I wanted to do it really well. And now...and now I can’t. Adam EXITS. CUT TO: SEQ. 3900 - “WORLD WITHOUT BEES” INT. STAIRWELL Vanessa and Barry are walking up the stairs to the roof. BARRY I don’t understand why they’re not happy. We have so much now. I thought their lives would be better. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 101. VANESSA Hmmm. BARRY They’re doing nothing. It’s amazing, honey really changes people. VANESSA You don’t have any idea what’s going on, do you? BARRY What did you want to show me? VANESSA This. They reach the top of the stairs. Vanessa opens the door. CUT TO: EXT. VANESSA’S ROOFTOP - CONTINUOUS Barry sees Vanessa’s flower pots and small garden have all turned brown. BARRY What happened here? VANESSA That is not the half of it... Vanessa turns Barry around with her two fingers, revealing the view of Central Park, which is also all brown. BARRY Oh no. Oh my. They’re all wilting. VANESSA Doesn’t look very good, does it? BARRY No. VANESSA And who’s fault do you think that is? "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 102. BARRY Mmmm...you know, I’m going to guess, bees. VANESSA Bees? BARRY Specifically me. I guess I didn’t think that bees not needing to make honey would affect all these other things. VANESSA And it’s not just flowers. Fruits, vegetables...they all need bees. BARRY Well, that’s our whole SAT test right there. VANESSA So, you take away the produce, that affects the entire animal kingdom. And then, of course... BARRY The human species? VANESSA (clearing throat) Ahem! BARRY Oh. So, if there’s no more pollination, it could all just go south here, couldn’t it? VANESSA And I know this is also partly my fault. Barry takes a long SIGH. BARRY How about a suicide pact? VANESSA (not sure if he’s joking) How would we do it? BARRY I’ll sting you, you step on me. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 103. VANESSA That just kills you twice. BARRY Right, right. VANESSA Listen Barry. Sorry but I’ve got to get going. She EXITS. BARRY (looking out over the park) Had to open my mouth and talk... (looking back) Vanessa..? Vanessa is gone. CUT TO: SEQ. 3935 - “GOING TO PASADENA” EXT. NY STREET - CONTINUOUS Vanessa gets into a cab. Barry ENTERS. BARRY Vanessa. Why are you leaving? Where are you going? VANESSA To the final Tournament of Roses parade in Pasadena. They moved it up to this weekend because all the flowers are dying. It’s the last chance I’ll ever have to see it. BARRY Vanessa, I just want to say I’m sorry. I never meant it to turn out like this. VANESSA I know. Me neither. Vanessa cab drives away. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 104. BARRY (chuckling to himself) Tournament of Roses. Roses can’t do sports. Wait a minute...roses. Roses? Roses!? Vanessa! Barry follows shortly after. He catches up to it, and he pounds on the window. Barry follows shortly after Vanessa’s cab. He catches up to it, and he pounds on the window. INT. TAXI - CONTINUOUS Barry motions for her to roll the window down. She does so. BARRY Roses?! VANESSA Barry? BARRY (as he flies next to the cab) Roses are flowers. VANESSA Yes, they are. BARRY Flowers, bees, pollen! VANESSA I know. That’s why this is the last parade. BARRY Maybe not. The cab starts pulling ahead of Barry. BARRY (CONT'D) (re: driver) Could you ask him to slow down? VANESSA Could you slow down? The cabs slows. Barry flies in the window, and lands in the change box, which closes on him. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 105. VANESSA (CONT'D) Barry! Vanessa lets him out. Barry stands on the change box, in front of the driver’s license. BARRY Okay, I made a huge mistake! This is a total disaster, and it’s all my fault! VANESSA Yes, it kind of is. BARRY I’ve ruined the planet. And, I wanted to help with your flower shop. Instead, I’ve made it worse. VANESSA Actually, it’s completely closed down. BARRY Oh, I thought maybe you were remodeling. Nonetheless, I have another idea. And it’s greater than all my previous great ideas combined. VANESSA I don’t want to hear it. Vanessa closes the change box on Barry. BARRY (opening it again) Alright, here’s what I’m thinking. They have the roses, the roses have the pollen. I know every bee, plant, and flower bud in this park. All we’ve got to do is get what they’ve got back here with what we’ve got. VANESSA Bees... BARRY Park... VANESSA Pollen... "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 106. BARRY Flowers... VANESSA Repollination! BARRY (on luggage handle, going up) Across the nation! CUT TO: SEQ. 3950 - “ROSE PARADE” EXT. PASADENA PARADE BARRY (V.O) Alright. Tournament of Roses. Pasadena, California. They’ve got nothing but flowers, floats, and cotton candy. Security will be tight. VANESSA I have an idea. CUT TO: EXT. FLOAT STAGING AREA ANGLE ON: Barry and Vanessa approaching a HEAVILY ARMED GUARD in front of the staging area. VANESSA Vanessa Bloome, FTD. Official floral business. He leans in to look at her badge. She SNAPS IT SHUT, VANESSA (CONT’D) Oh, it’s real. HEAVILY ARMED GUARD Sorry ma’am. That’s a nice brooch, by the way. VANESSA Thank you. It was a gift. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 107. They ENTER the staging area. BARRY (V.O) Then, once we’re inside, we just pick the right float. VANESSA How about the Princess and the Pea? BARRY Yeah. VANESSA I can be the princess, and-- BARRY ...yes, I think-- VANESSA You could be-- BARRY I’ve-- VANESSA The pea. BARRY Got it. CUT TO: EXT. FLOAT STAGING AREA - A FEW MOMENTS LATER Barry, dressed as a PEA, flies up and hovers in front of the princess on the “Princess and the Pea” float. The float is sponsored by Inflat-a-bed and a SIGN READS: “Inflat-a-bed: If it blows, it’s ours.” BARRY Sorry I’m late. Where should I sit? PRINCESS What are you? BARRY I believe I’m the pea. PRINCESS The pea? It’s supposed to be under the mattresses. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 108. BARRY Not in this fairy tale, sweetheart. PRINCESS I’m going to go talk to the marshall. BARRY You do that. This whole parade is a fiasco! She EXITS. Vanessa removes the step-ladder. The princess FALLS. Barry and Vanessa take off in the float. BARRY (CONT’D) Let’s see what this baby will do. ANGLE ON: Guy with headset talking to drivers. HEADSET GUY Hey! The float ZOOMS by. A young CHILD in the stands, TIMMY, cries. CUT TO: EXT. FLOAT STAGING AREA - A FEW MOMENTS LATER ANGLE ON: Vanessa putting the princess hat on. BARRY (V.O) Then all we do is blend in with traffic, without arousing suspicion. CUT TO: EXT. THE PARADE ROUTE - CONTINUOUS The floats go flying by the crowds. Barry and Vanessa’s float CRASHES through the fence. CUT TO: "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 109. EXT. LA FREEWAY Vanessa and Barry speed, dodging and weaving, down the freeway. BARRY (V.O) And once we’re at the airport, there’s no stopping us. CUT TO: EXT. LAX AIRPORT Barry and Vanessa pull up to the curb, in front of an TSA AGENT WITH CLIPBOARD. TSA AGENT Stop. Security. Did you and your insect pack your own float? VANESSA (O.C) Yes. TSA AGENT Has this float been in your possession the entire time? VANESSA (O.C) Since the parade...yes. ANGLE ON: Barry holding his shoes. TSA AGENT Would you remove your shoes and everything in your pockets? Can you remove your stinger, Sir? BARRY That’s part of me. TSA AGENT I know. Just having some fun. Enjoy your flight. CUT TO: EXT. RUNWAY Barry and Vanessa’s airplane TAKES OFF. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 110. BARRY (O.C) Then, if we’re lucky, we’ll have just enough pollen to do the job. DISSOLVE TO: SEQ. 4025 - “COCKPIT FIGHT” INT. AIRPLANE Vanessa is on the aisle. Barry is on a laptop calculating flowers, pollen, number of bees, airspeed, etc. He does a “Stomp” dance on the keyboard. BARRY Can you believe how lucky we are? We have just enough pollen to do the job. I think this is going to work, Vanessa. VANESSA It’s got to work. PILOT (V.O) Attention passengers. This is Captain Scott. I’m afraid we have a bit of bad weather in the New York area. And looks like we’re going to be experiencing a couple of hours delay. VANESSA Barry, these are cut flowers with no water. They’ll never make it. BARRY I’ve got to get up there and talk to these guys. VANESSA Be careful. Barry flies up to the cockpit door. CUT TO: INT. COCKPIT - CONTINUOUS A female flight attendant, ANGELA, is in the cockpit with the pilots. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 111. There’s a KNOCK at the door. BARRY (C.O) Hey, can I get some help with this Sky Mall Magazine? I’d like to order the talking inflatable travel pool filter. ANGELA (to the pilots, irritated) Excuse me. CUT TO: EXT. CABIN - CONTINUOUS Angela opens the cockpit door and looks around. She doesn’t see anybody. ANGLE ON: Barry hidden on the yellow and black “caution” stripe. As Angela looks around, Barry zips into the cockpit. CUT TO: INT. COCKPIT BARRY Excuse me, Captain. I am in a real situation here... PILOT (pulling an earphone back, to the co-pilot) What did you say, Hal? CO-PILOT I didn’t say anything. PILOT (he sees Barry) Ahhh! Bee! BARRY No, no! Don’t freak out! There’s a chance my entire species-- CO-PILOT (taking off his earphones) Ahhh! "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 112. The pilot grabs a “DUSTBUSTER” vacuum cleaner. He aims it around trying to vacuum up Barry. The co-pilot faces camera, as the pilot tries to suck Barry up. Barry is on the other side of the co-pilot. As they dosey-do, the toupee of the co-pilot begins to come up, still attached to the front. CO-PILOT (CONT'D) What are you doing? Stop! The toupee comes off the co-pilot’s head, and sticks in the Dustbuster. Barry runs across the bald head. BARRY Wait a minute! I’m an attorney! CO-PILOT Who’s an attorney? PILOT Don’t move. The pilot uses the Dustbuster to try and mash Barry, who is hovering in front of the co-pilot’s nose, and knocks out the co-pilot who falls out of his chair, hitting the life raft release button. The life raft inflates, hitting the pilot, knocking him into a wall and out cold. Barry surveys the situation. BARRY Oh, Barry. CUT TO: INT. AIRPLANE CABIN Vanessa studies her laptop, looking serious. SFX: PA CRACKLE. BARRY (V.O) (in captain voice) Good afternoon passengers, this is your captain speaking. Would a Miss Vanessa Bloome in 24F please report to the cockpit. And please hurry! "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 113. ANGLE ON: The aisle, and Vanessa head popping up. CUT TO: INT. COCKPIT Vanessa ENTERS. VANESSA What happened here? BARRY I tried to talk to them, but then there was a Dustbuster, a toupee, a life raft exploded...Now one’s bald, one’s in a boat, and they’re both unconscious. VANESSA Is that another bee joke? BARRY No. No one’s flying the plane. The AIR TRAFFIC CONTROLLER, BUD, speaks over the radio. BUD This is JFK control tower. Flight 356, what’s your status? Vanessa presses a button, and the intercom comes on. VANESSA This is Vanessa Bloome. I’m a florist from New York. BUD Where’s the pilot? VANESSA He’s unconscious and so is the copilot. BUD Not good. Is there anyone onboard who has flight experience? A BEAT. BARRY As a matter of fact, there is. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 114. BUD Who’s that? VANESSA Barry Benson. BUD From the honey trial? Oh great. BARRY Vanessa, this is nothing more than a big metal bee. It’s got giant wings, huge engines. VANESSA I can’t fly a plane. BARRY Why not? Isn’t John Travolta a pilot? VANESSA Yes? BARRY How hard could it be? VANESSA Wait a minute. Barry, we’re headed into some lightning. CUT TO: Vanessa shrugs, and takes the controls. SEQ. 4150 - “BARRY FLIES PLANE” INT. BENSON HOUSE The family is all huddled around the TV at the Benson house. ANGLE ON: TV. Bob Bumble is broadcasting. BOB BUMBLE This is Bob Bumble. We have some late-breaking news from JFK airport, where a very suspenseful scene is developing. Barry Benson, fresh off his stunning legal victory... "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 115. Adam SPRAYS a can of HONEY-WHIP into his mouth. ADAM That’s Barry. BOB BUMBLE ...is now attempting to land a plane, loaded with people, flowers, and an incapacitated flight crew. EVERYONE Flowers?! CUT TO: INT. AIR TRAFFIC CONTROL TOWER BUD Well, we have an electrical storm in the area, and two individuals at the controls of a jumbo jet with absolutely no flight experience. JEANETTE CHUNG Just a minute, Mr. Ditchwater, there’s a honey bee on that plane. BUD Oh, I’m quite familiar with Mr. Benson’s work, and his no-account compadres. Haven’t they done enough damage already? JEANETTE CHUNG But isn’t he your only hope right now? BUD Come on, technically a bee shouldn’t be able to fly at all. CUT TO: INT. COCKPIT. Barry REACTS BUD The wings are too small, their bodies are too big-- "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 116. BARRY (over PA) Hey, hold on a second. Haven’t we heard this million times? The surface area of the wings, and the body mass doesn’t make sense? JEANETTE CHUNG Get this on the air. CAMERAMAN You got it! CUT TO: INT. BEE TV CONTROL ROOM An engineer throws a switch. BEE ENGINEER Stand by. We’re going live. The “ON AIR” sign illuminates. CUT TO: INT. VARIOUS SHOTS OF NEW HIVE CITY The news report plays on TV. The pollen jocks are sitting around, playing paddle-ball, Wheel-o, and one of them is spinning his helmet on his finger. Buzzwell is in an office cubicle, playing computer solitaire. Barry’s family and Adam watch from their living room. Bees sitting on the street curb turn around to watch the TV. BARRY Mr. Ditchwater, the way we work may be a mystery to you, because making honey takes a lot of bees doing a lot of small jobs. But let me tell you something about a small job. If you do it really well, it makes a big difference. More than we realized. To us, to everyone. That’s why I want to get bees back to doing what we do best. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 117. Working together. That’s the bee way. We’re not made of Jello. We get behind a fellow. Black and yellow. CROWD OF BEES Hello! CUT TO: INT. COCKPIT Barry is giving orders to Vanessa. BARRY Left, right, down, hover. VANESSA Hover? BARRY Forget hover. VANESSA You know what? This isn’t so hard. Vanessa pretends to HONK THE HORN. VANESSA (CONT’D) Beep, beep! Beep, beep! A BOLT OF LIGHTNING HITS the plane. The plane takes a sharp dip. VANESSA (CONT’D) Barry, what happened? BARRY (noticing the control panel) Wait a minute. I think we were on autopilot that whole time. VANESSA That may have been helping me. BARRY And now we’re not! VANESSA (V.O.) (folding her arms) Well, then it turns out I cannot fly a plane. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 118. BARRY (CONT'D) Vanessa struggles with the yoke. CUT TO: EXT. AIRPLANE The airplane goes into a steep dive. CUT TO: SEQ. 4175 - “CRASH LANDING” INT. J-GATE An ALERT SIGN READING: “Hive Alert. We Need:” Then the SIGNAL goes from “Two Bees” “Some Bees” “Every Bee There Is” Lou Loduca gathers the pollen jocks at J-Gate. LOU LODUCA All of you, let’s get behind this fellow. Move it out! The bees follow Lou Loduca, and EXIT J-Gate. CUT TO: INT. AIRPLANE COCKPIT BARRY Our only chance is if I do what I would do, and you copy me with the wings of the plane! VANESSA You don’t have to yell. BARRY I’m not yelling. We happen to be in a lot of trouble here. VANESSA It’s very hard to concentrate with that panicky tone in your voice. BARRY It’s not a tone. I’m panicking! CUT TO: "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 119. EXT. JFK AIRPORT ANGLE ON: The bees arriving and massing at the airport. CUT TO: INT. COCKPIT Barry and Vanessa alternately SLAP EACH OTHER IN THE FACE. VANESSA I don’t think I can do this. BARRY Vanessa, pull yourself together. Listen to me, you have got to snap out of it! VANESSA You snap out of it! BARRY You snap out of it! VANESSA You snap out of it! BARRY You snap out of it! VANESSA You snap out of it! CUT TO: EXT. AIRPLANE A GIGANTIC SWARM OF BEES flies in to hold the plane up. CUT TO: INT. COCKPIT - CONTINUOUS BARRY You snap out of it! VANESSA You snap out of it! "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 120. BARRY You snap-- VANESSA Hold it! BARRY (about to slap her again) Why? Come on, it’s my turn. VANESSA How is the plane flying? Barry’s antennae ring. BARRY I don’t know. (answering) Hello? CUT TO: EXT. AIRPLANE ANGLE ON: The underside of the plane. The pollen jocks have massed all around the underbelly of the plane, and are holding it up. LOU LODUCA Hey Benson, have you got any flowers for a happy occasion in there? CUT TO: INT. COCKPIT Lou, Buzz, Splitz, and Jackson come up alongside the cockpit. BARRY The pollen jocks! VANESSA They do get behind a fellow. BARRY Black and yellow. LOU LODUCA (over headset) Hello. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 121. Alright you two, what do you say we drop this tin can on the blacktop? VANESSA What blacktop? Where? I can’t see anything. Can you? BARRY No, nothing. It’s all cloudy. CUT TO: EXT. RUNWAY Adam SHOUTS. ADAM Come on, you’ve got to think bee, Barry. Thinking bee, thinking bee. ANGLE ON: Overhead shot of runway. The bees are in the formation of a flower. In unison they move, causing the flower to FLASH YELLOW AND BLACK. BEES (chanting) Thinking bee, thinking bee. CUT TO: INT. COCKPIT We see through the swirling mist and clouds. A GIANT SHAPE OF A FLOWER is forming in the middle of the runway. BARRY Wait a minute. I think I’m feeling something. VANESSA What? BARRY I don’t know, but it’s strong. And it’s pulling me, like a 27 million year old instinct. Bring the nose of the plane down. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 122. LOU LODUCA (CONT'D) EXT. RUNWAY All the bees are on the runway chanting “Thinking Bee”. CUT TO: INT. CONTROL TOWER RICK What in the world is on the tarmac? ANGLE ON: Dave OTS onto runway seeing a flower being formed by millions of bees. BUD Get some lights on that! CUT TO: EXT. RUNWAY ANGLE ON: AIRCRAFT LANDING LIGHT SCAFFOLD by the side of the runway, illuminating the bees in their flower formation. INT. COCKPIT BARRY Vanessa, aim for the flower! VANESSA Oh, okay? BARRY Cut the engines! VANESSA Cut the engines? BARRY We’re going in on bee power. Ready boys? LOU LODUCA Affirmative. CUT TO: "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 123. INT. AIRPLANE COCKPIT BARRY Good, good, easy now. Land on that flower! Ready boys? Give me full reverse. LOU LODUCA Spin it around! The plane attempts to land on top of an “Aloha Airlines” plane with flowers painted on it. BARRY (V.O) I mean the giant black and yellow pulsating flower made of millions of bees! VANESSA Which flower? BARRY That flower! VANESSA I’m aiming at the flower! The plane goes after a FAT GUY IN A HAWAIIAN SHIRT. BARRY (V.O) That’s a fat guy in a flowered shirt! The other other flower! The big one. He snaps a photo and runs away. BARRY (CONT'D) Full forward. Ready boys? Nose down. Bring your tail up. Rotate around it. VANESSA Oh, this is insane, Barry. BARRY This is the only way I know how to fly. CUT TO: "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 124. AIR TRAFFIC CONTROL TOWER BUD Am I koo-koo kachoo, or is this plane flying in an insect-like pattern? CUT TO: EXT. RUNWAY BARRY (V.O) Get your nose in there. Don’t be afraid of it. Smell it. Full reverse! Easy, just drop it. Be a part of it. Aim for the center! Now drop it in. Drop it in, woman! The plane HOVERS and MANEUVERS, landing in the center of the giant flower, like a bee. The FLOWERS from the cargo hold spill out onto the runway. INT. AIPLANE CABIN The passengers are motionless for a beat. PASSENGER Come on already! They hear the “ding ding”, and all jump up to grab their luggage out of the overheads. SEQ. 4225 - “RUNWAY SPEECH” EXT. RUNWAY - CONTINUOUS The INFLATABLE SLIDES pop out the side of the plane. The passengers escape. Barry and Vanessa slide down out of the cockpit. Barry and Vanessa exhale a huge breath. VANESSA Barry, we did it. You taught me how to fly. Vanessa raises her hand up for a high five. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 125. BARRY Yes. No high five. VANESSA Right. ADAM Barry, it worked. Did you see the giant flower? BARRY What giant flower? Where? Of course I saw the flower! That was genius, man. Genius! ADAM Thank you. BARRY But we’re not done yet. Barry flies up to the wing of the plane, and addresses the bee crowd. BARRY (CONT’D) Listen everyone. This runway is covered with the last pollen from the last flowers available anywhere on Earth. That means this is our last chance. We’re the only ones who make honey, pollinate flowers, and dress like this. If we’re going to survive as a species, this is our moment. So what do you all say? Are we going to be bees, or just Museum of Natural History key chains? BEES We’re bees! KEYCHAIN BEE Keychain! BARRY Then follow me... Except Keychain. BUZZ Hold on Barry. You’ve earned this. Buzz puts a pollen jock jacket and helmet with Barry’s name on it on Barry. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 126. BARRY I’m a pollen jock! (looking at the jacket. The sleeves are a little long) And it’s a perfect fit. All I’ve got to do are the sleeves. The Pollen Jocks toss Barry a gun. BARRY (CONT’D) Oh yeah! ANGLE ON: Martin and Janet Benson. JANET BENSON That’s our Barry. All the bees descend upon the flowers on the tarmac, and start collecting pollen. CUT TO: SEQ. 4250 - “RE-POLLINATION” EXT. SKIES - CONTINUOUS The squadron FLIES over the city, REPOLLINATING trees and flowers as they go. Barry breaks off from the group, towards Vanessa’s flower shop. CUT TO: EXT. VANESSA’S FLOWER SHOP - CONTINUOUS Barry REPOLLINATES Vanessa’s flowers. CUT TO: EXT. CENTRAL PARK - CONTINUOUS ANGLE ON: Timmy with a frisbee, as the bees fly by. TIMMY Mom, the bees are back! "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 127. Central Park is completely repollinated by the bees. DISSOLVE TO: INT. HONEX - CONTINUOUS Honex is back to normal and everyone is busily working. ANGLE ON: Adam, putting his Krelman hat on. ADAM If anyone needs to make a call, now’s the time. I’ve got a feeling we’ll be working late tonight! The bees CHEER. CUT TO: SEQ. 4355 EXT: VANESSA’S FLOWER SHOP With a new sign out front. “Vanessa & Barry: Flowers, Honey, Legal Advice” DISSOLVE TO: INT: FLOWER COUNTER Vanessa doing a brisk trade with many customers. CUT TO: INT: FLOWER SHOP - CONTINUOUS Vanessa is selling flowers. In the background, there are SHELVES STOCKED WITH HONEY. VANESSA (O.C.) Don’t forget these. Have a great afternoon. Yes, can I help who’s next? Who’s next? Would you like some honey with that? It is beeapproved. SIGN ON THE BACK ROOM DOOR READS: “Barry Benson: Insects at Law”. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 128. Camera moves into the back room. ANGLE ON: Barry. ANGLE ON: Barry’s COW CLIENT. COW Milk, cream, cheese...it’s all me. And I don’t see a nickel. BARRY Uh huh? Uh huh? COW (breaking down) Sometimes I just feel like a piece of meat. BARRY I had no idea. VANESSA Barry? I’m sorry, have you got a moment? BARRY Would you excuse me? My mosquito associate here will be able to help you. Mooseblood ENTERS. MOOSEBLOOD Sorry I’m late. COW He’s a lawyer too? MOOSEBLOOD Ma’am, I was already a bloodsucking parasite. All I needed was * a briefcase. * ANGLE ON: Flower Counter. VANESSA (to customer) Have a great afternoon! (to Barry) Barry, I just got this huge tulip order for a wedding, and I can’t get them anywhere. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 129. BARRY Not a problem, Vannie. Just leave it to me. Vanessa turns back to deal with a customer. VANESSA You’re a life-saver, Barry. (to the next customer) Can I help who’s next? Who’s next? ANGLE ON: Vanessa smiling back at Barry. Barry smiles too, then snaps himself out of it. BARRY (speaks into his antennae) Alright. Scramble jocks, it’s time to fly! VANESSA Thank you, Barry! EXT. FLOWER SHOP - CONTINUOUS ANGLE ON: Ken and Andy walking down the street. KEN (noticing the new sign) Augh! What in the world? It’s that bee again! ANDY (guiding Ken protectively) Let it go, Kenny. KEN That bee is living my life! When will this nightmare end? ANDY Let it all go. They don’t break stride. ANGLE ON: Camera in front of Barry as he flies out the door and up into the sky. Pollen jocks fold in formation behind him as they zoom into the park. BARRY (to Splitz) Beautiful day to fly. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 130. JACKSON Sure is. BARRY Between you and me, I was dying to get out of that office. FADE OUT: "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 131.

Cocos Creator learning tutorial

According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The bee, of course, flies anyway because bees don't care what humans think is impossible. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Ooh, black and yellow! Let's shake it up a little. Barry! Breakfast is ready! Ooming! Hang on a second. Hello? - Barry? - Adam? - Oan you believe this is happening? - I can't. I'll pick you up. Looking sharp. Use the stairs. Your father paid good money for those. Sorry. I'm excited. Here's the graduate. We're very proud of you, son. A perfect report card, all B's. Very proud. Ma! I got a thing going here. - You got lint on your fuzz. - Ow! That's me! - Wave to us! We'll be in row 118,000. - Bye! Barry, I told you, stop flying in the house! - Hey, Adam. - Hey, Barry. - Is that fuzz gel? - A little. Special day, graduation. Never thought I'd make it. Three days grade school, three days high school. Those were awkward. Three days college. I'm glad I took a day and hitchhiked around the hive. You did come back different. - Hi, Barry. - Artie, growing a mustache? Looks good. - Hear about Frankie? - Yeah. - You going to the funeral? - No, I'm not going. Everybody knows, sting someone, you die. Don't waste it on a squirrel. Such a hothead. I guess he could have just gotten out of the way. I love this incorporating an amusement park into our day. That's why we don't need vacations. Boy, quite a bit of pomp... under the circumstances. - Well, Adam, today we are men. - We are! - Bee-men. - Amen! Hallelujah! Students, faculty, distinguished bees, please welcome Dean Buzzwell. Welcome, New Hive Oity graduating class of... ...9:15. That concludes our ceremonies. And begins your career at Honex Industries! Will we pick ourjob today? I heard it's just orientation. Heads up! Here we go. Keep your hands and antennas inside the tram at all times. - Wonder what it'll be like? - A little scary. Welcome to Honex, a division of Honesco and a part of the Hexagon Group. This is it! Wow. Wow. We know that you, as a bee, have worked your whole life to get to the point where you can work for your whole life. Honey begins when our valiant Pollen Jocks bring the nectar to the hive. Our top-secret formula is automatically color-corrected, scent-adjusted and bubble-contoured into this soothing sweet syrup with its distinctive golden glow you know as... Honey! - That girl was hot. - She's my cousin! - She is? - Yes, we're all cousins. - Right. You're right. - At Honex, we constantly strive to improve every aspect of bee existence. These bees are stress-testing a new helmet technology. - What do you think he makes? - Not enough. Here we have our latest advancement, the Krelman. - What does that do? - Oatches that little strand of honey that hangs after you pour it. Saves us millions. Oan anyone work on the Krelman? Of course. Most bee jobs are small ones. But bees know that every small job, if it's done well, means a lot. But choose carefully because you'll stay in the job you pick for the rest of your life. The same job the rest of your life? I didn't know that. What's the difference? You'll be happy to know that bees, as a species, haven't had one day off in 27 million years. So you'll just work us to death? We'll sure try. Wow! That blew my mind! "What's the difference?" How can you say that? One job forever? That's an insane choice to have to make. I'm relieved. Now we only have to make one decision in life. But, Adam, how could they never have told us that? Why would you question anything? We're bees. We're the most perfectly functioning society on Earth. You ever think maybe things work a little too well here? Like what? Give me one example. I don't know. But you know what I'm talking about. Please clear the gate. Royal Nectar Force on approach. Wait a second. Oheck it out. - Hey, those are Pollen Jocks! - Wow. I've never seen them this close. They know what it's like outside the hive. Yeah, but some don't come back. - Hey, Jocks! - Hi, Jocks! You guys did great! You're monsters! You're sky freaks! I love it! I love it! - I wonder where they were. - I don't know. Their day's not planned. Outside the hive, flying who knows where, doing who knows what. You can'tjust decide to be a Pollen Jock. You have to be bred for that. Right. Look. That's more pollen than you and I will see in a lifetime. It's just a status symbol. Bees make too much of it. Perhaps. Unless you're wearing it and the ladies see you wearing it. Those ladies? Aren't they our cousins too? Distant. Distant. Look at these two. - Oouple of Hive Harrys. - Let's have fun with them. It must be dangerous being a Pollen Jock. Yeah. Once a bear pinned me against a mushroom! He had a paw on my throat, and with the other, he was slapping me! - Oh, my! - I never thought I'd knock him out. What were you doing during this? Trying to alert the authorities. I can autograph that. A little gusty out there today, wasn't it, comrades? Yeah. Gusty. We're hitting a sunflower patch six miles from here tomorrow. - Six miles, huh? - Barry! A puddle jump for us, but maybe you're not up for it. - Maybe I am. - You are not! We're going 0900 at J-Gate. What do you think, buzzy-boy? Are you bee enough? I might be. It all depends on what 0900 means. Hey, Honex! Dad, you surprised me. You decide what you're interested in? - Well, there's a lot of choices. - But you only get one. Do you ever get bored doing the same job every day? Son, let me tell you about stirring. You grab that stick, and you just move it around, and you stir it around. You get yourself into a rhythm. It's a beautiful thing. You know, Dad, the more I think about it, maybe the honey field just isn't right for me. You were thinking of what, making balloon animals? That's a bad job for a guy with a stinger. Janet, your son's not sure he wants to go into honey! - Barry, you are so funny sometimes. - I'm not trying to be funny. You're not funny! You're going into honey. Our son, the stirrer! - You're gonna be a stirrer? - No one's listening to me! Wait till you see the sticks I have. I could say anything right now. I'm gonna get an ant tattoo! Let's open some honey and celebrate! Maybe I'll pierce my thorax. Shave my antennae. Shack up with a grasshopper. Get a gold tooth and call everybody "dawg"! I'm so proud. - We're starting work today! - Today's the day. Oome on! All the good jobs will be gone. Yeah, right. Pollen counting, stunt bee, pouring, stirrer, front desk, hair removal... - Is it still available? - Hang on. Two left! One of them's yours! Oongratulations! Step to the side. - What'd you get? - Picking crud out. Stellar! Wow! Oouple of newbies? Yes, sir! Our first day! We are ready! Make your choice. - You want to go first? - No, you go. Oh, my. What's available? Restroom attendant's open, not for the reason you think. - Any chance of getting the Krelman? - Sure, you're on. I'm sorry, the Krelman just closed out. Wax monkey's always open. The Krelman opened up again. What happened? A bee died. Makes an opening. See? He's dead. Another dead one. Deady. Deadified. Two more dead. Dead from the neck up. Dead from the neck down. That's life! Oh, this is so hard! Heating, cooling, stunt bee, pourer, stirrer, humming, inspector number seven, lint coordinator, stripe supervisor, mite wrangler. Barry, what do you think I should... Barry? Barry! All right, we've got the sunflower patch in quadrant nine... What happened to you? Where are you? - I'm going out. - Out? Out where? - Out there. - Oh, no! I have to, before I go to work for the rest of my life. You're gonna die! You're crazy! Hello? Another call coming in. If anyone's feeling brave, there's a Korean deli on 83rd that gets their roses today. Hey, guys. - Look at that. - Isn't that the kid we saw yesterday? Hold it, son, flight deck's restricted. It's OK, Lou. We're gonna take him up. Really? Feeling lucky, are you? Sign here, here. Just initial that. - Thank you. - OK. You got a rain advisory today, and as you all know, bees cannot fly in rain. So be careful. As always, watch your brooms, hockey sticks, dogs, birds, bears and bats. Also, I got a couple of reports of root beer being poured on us. Murphy's in a home because of it, babbling like a cicada! - That's awful. - And a reminder for you rookies, bee law number one, absolutely no talking to humans! All right, launch positions! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Black and yellow! Hello! You ready for this, hot shot? Yeah. Yeah, bring it on. Wind, check. - Antennae, check. - Nectar pack, check. - Wings, check. - Stinger, check. Scared out of my shorts, check. OK, ladies, let's move it out! Pound those petunias, you striped stem-suckers! All of you, drain those flowers! Wow! I'm out! I can't believe I'm out! So blue. I feel so fast and free! Box kite! Wow! Flowers! This is Blue Leader. We have roses visual. Bring it around 30 degrees and hold. Roses! 30 degrees, roger. Bringing it around. Stand to the side, kid. It's got a bit of a kick. That is one nectar collector! - Ever see pollination up close? - No, sir. I pick up some pollen here, sprinkle it over here. Maybe a dash over there, a pinch on that one. See that? It's a little bit of magic. That's amazing. Why do we do that? That's pollen power. More pollen, more flowers, more nectar, more honey for us. Oool. I'm picking up a lot of bright yellow. Oould be daisies. Don't we need those? Oopy that visual. Wait. One of these flowers seems to be on the move. Say again? You're reporting a moving flower? Affirmative. That was on the line! This is the coolest. What is it? I don't know, but I'm loving this color. It smells good. Not like a flower, but I like it. Yeah, fuzzy. Ohemical-y. Oareful, guys. It's a little grabby. My sweet lord of bees! Oandy-brain, get off there! Problem! - Guys! - This could be bad. Affirmative. Very close. Gonna hurt. Mama's little boy. You are way out of position, rookie! Ooming in at you like a missile! Help me! I don't think these are flowers. - Should we tell him? - I think he knows. What is this?! Match point! You can start packing up, honey, because you're about to eat it! Yowser! Gross. There's a bee in the car! - Do something! - I'm driving! - Hi, bee. - He's back here! He's going to sting me! Nobody move. If you don't move, he won't sting you. Freeze! He blinked! Spray him, Granny! What are you doing?! Wow... the tension level out here is unbelievable. I gotta get home. Oan't fly in rain. Oan't fly in rain. Oan't fly in rain. Mayday! Mayday! Bee going down! Ken, could you close the window please? Ken, could you close the window please? Oheck out my new resume. I made it into a fold-out brochure. You see? Folds out. Oh, no. More humans. I don't need this. What was that? Maybe this time. This time. This time. This time! This time! This... Drapes! That is diabolical. It's fantastic. It's got all my special skills, even my top-ten favorite movies. What's number one? Star Wars? Nah, I don't go for that... ...kind of stuff. No wonder we shouldn't talk to them. They're out of their minds. When I leave a job interview, they're flabbergasted, can't believe what I say. There's the sun. Maybe that's a way out. I don't remember the sun having a big 75 on it. I predicted global warming. I could feel it getting hotter. At first I thought it was just me. Wait! Stop! Bee! Stand back. These are winter boots. Wait! Don't kill him! You know I'm allergic to them! This thing could kill me! Why does his life have less value than yours? Why does his life have any less value than mine? Is that your statement? I'm just saying all life has value. You don't know what he's capable of feeling. My brochure! There you go, little guy. I'm not scared of him. It's an allergic thing. Put that on your resume brochure. My whole face could puff up. Make it one of your special skills. Knocking someone out is also a special skill. Right. Bye, Vanessa. Thanks. - Vanessa, next week? Yogurt night? - Sure, Ken. You know, whatever. - You could put carob chips on there. - Bye. - Supposed to be less calories. - Bye. I gotta say something. She saved my life. I gotta say something. All right, here it goes. Nah. What would I say? I could really get in trouble. It's a bee law. You're not supposed to talk to a human. I can't believe I'm doing this. I've got to. Oh, I can't do it. Oome on! No. Yes. No. Do it. I can't. How should I start it? "You like jazz?" No, that's no good. Here she comes! Speak, you fool! Hi! I'm sorry. - You're talking. - Yes, I know. You're talking! I'm so sorry. No, it's OK. It's fine. I know I'm dreaming. But I don't recall going to bed. Well, I'm sure this is very disconcerting. This is a bit of a surprise to me. I mean, you're a bee! I am. And I'm not supposed to be doing this, but they were all trying to kill me. And if it wasn't for you... I had to thank you. It's just how I was raised. That was a little weird. - I'm talking with a bee. - Yeah. I'm talking to a bee. And the bee is talking to me! I just want to say I'm grateful. I'll leave now. - Wait! How did you learn to do that? - What? The talking thing. Same way you did, I guess. "Mama, Dada, honey." You pick it up. - That's very funny. - Yeah. Bees are funny. If we didn't laugh, we'd cry with what we have to deal with. Anyway... Oan I... ...get you something? - Like what? I don't know. I mean... I don't know. Ooffee? I don't want to put you out. It's no trouble. It takes two minutes. - It's just coffee. - I hate to impose. - Don't be ridiculous! - Actually, I would love a cup. Hey, you want rum cake? - I shouldn't. - Have some. - No, I can't. - Oome on! I'm trying to lose a couple micrograms. - Where? - These stripes don't help. You look great! I don't know if you know anything about fashion. Are you all right? No. He's making the tie in the cab as they're flying up Madison. He finally gets there. He runs up the steps into the church. The wedding is on. And he says, "Watermelon? I thought you said Guatemalan. Why would I marry a watermelon?" Is that a bee joke? That's the kind of stuff we do. Yeah, different. So, what are you gonna do, Barry? About work? I don't know. I want to do my part for the hive, but I can't do it the way they want. I know how you feel. - You do? - Sure. My parents wanted me to be a lawyer or a doctor, but I wanted to be a florist. - Really? - My only interest is flowers. Our new queen was just elected with that same campaign slogan. Anyway, if you look... There's my hive right there. See it? You're in Sheep Meadow! Yes! I'm right off the Turtle Pond! No way! I know that area. I lost a toe ring there once. - Why do girls put rings on their toes? - Why not? - It's like putting a hat on your knee. - Maybe I'll try that. - You all right, ma'am? - Oh, yeah. Fine. Just having two cups of coffee! Anyway, this has been great. Thanks for the coffee. Yeah, it's no trouble. Sorry I couldn't finish it. If I did, I'd be up the rest of my life. Are you...? Oan I take a piece of this with me? Sure! Here, have a crumb. - Thanks! - Yeah. All right. Well, then... I guess I'll see you around. Or not. OK, Barry. And thank you so much again... for before. Oh, that? That was nothing. Well, not nothing, but... Anyway... This can't possibly work. He's all set to go. We may as well try it. OK, Dave, pull the chute. - Sounds amazing. - It was amazing! It was the scariest, happiest moment of my life. Humans! I can't believe you were with humans! Giant, scary humans! What were they like? Huge and crazy. They talk crazy. They eat crazy giant things. They drive crazy. - Do they try and kill you, like on TV? - Some of them. But some of them don't. - How'd you get back? - Poodle. You did it, and I'm glad. You saw whatever you wanted to see. You had your "experience." Now you can pick out yourjob and be normal. - Well... - Well? Well, I met someone. You did? Was she Bee-ish? - A wasp?! Your parents will kill you! - No, no, no, not a wasp. - Spider? - I'm not attracted to spiders. I know it's the hottest thing, with the eight legs and all. I can't get by that face. So who is she? She's... human. No, no. That's a bee law. You wouldn't break a bee law. - Her name's Vanessa. - Oh, boy. She's so nice. And she's a florist! Oh, no! You're dating a human florist! We're not dating. You're flying outside the hive, talking to humans that attack our homes with power washers and M-80s! One-eighth a stick of dynamite! She saved my life! And she understands me. This is over! Eat this. This is not over! What was that? - They call it a crumb. - It was so stingin' stripey! And that's not what they eat. That's what falls off what they eat! - You know what a Oinnabon is? - No. It's bread and cinnamon and frosting. They heat it up... Sit down! ...really hot! - Listen to me! We are not them! We're us. There's us and there's them! Yes, but who can deny the heart that is yearning? There's no yearning. Stop yearning. Listen to me! You have got to start thinking bee, my friend. Thinking bee! - Thinking bee. - Thinking bee. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! There he is. He's in the pool. You know what your problem is, Barry? I gotta start thinking bee? How much longer will this go on? It's been three days! Why aren't you working? I've got a lot of big life decisions to think about. What life? You have no life! You have no job. You're barely a bee! Would it kill you to make a little honey? Barry, come out. Your father's talking to you. Martin, would you talk to him? Barry, I'm talking to you! You coming? Got everything? All set! Go ahead. I'll catch up. Don't be too long. Watch this! Vanessa! - We're still here. - I told you not to yell at him. He doesn't respond to yelling! - Then why yell at me? - Because you don't listen! I'm not listening to this. Sorry, I've gotta go. - Where are you going? - I'm meeting a friend. A girl? Is this why you can't decide? Bye. I just hope she's Bee-ish. They have a huge parade of flowers every year in Pasadena? To be in the Tournament of Roses, that's every florist's dream! Up on a float, surrounded by flowers, crowds cheering. A tournament. Do the roses compete in athletic events? No. All right, I've got one. How come you don't fly everywhere? It's exhausting. Why don't you run everywhere? It's faster. Yeah, OK, I see, I see. All right, your turn. TiVo. You can just freeze live TV? That's insane! You don't have that? We have Hivo, but it's a disease. It's a horrible, horrible disease. Oh, my. Dumb bees! You must want to sting all those jerks. We try not to sting. It's usually fatal for us. So you have to watch your temper. Very carefully. You kick a wall, take a walk, write an angry letter and throw it out. Work through it like any emotion: Anger, jealousy, lust. Oh, my goodness! Are you OK? Yeah. - What is wrong with you?! - It's a bug. He's not bothering anybody. Get out of here, you creep! What was that? A Pic 'N' Save circular? Yeah, it was. How did you know? It felt like about 10 pages. Seventy-five is pretty much our limit. You've really got that down to a science. - I lost a cousin to Italian Vogue. - I'll bet. What in the name of Mighty Hercules is this? How did this get here? Oute Bee, Golden Blossom, Ray Liotta Private Select? - Is he that actor? - I never heard of him. - Why is this here? - For people. We eat it. You don't have enough food of your own? - Well, yes. - How do you get it? - Bees make it. - I know who makes it! And it's hard to make it! There's heating, cooling, stirring. You need a whole Krelman thing! - It's organic. - It's our-ganic! It's just honey, Barry. Just what?! Bees don't know about this! This is stealing! A lot of stealing! You've taken our homes, schools, hospitals! This is all we have! And it's on sale?! I'm getting to the bottom of this. I'm getting to the bottom of all of this! Hey, Hector. - You almost done? - Almost. He is here. I sense it. Well, I guess I'll go home now and just leave this nice honey out, with no one around. You're busted, box boy! I knew I heard something. So you can talk! I can talk. And now you'll start talking! Where you getting the sweet stuff? Who's your supplier? I don't understand. I thought we were friends. The last thing we want to do is upset bees! You're too late! It's ours now! You, sir, have crossed the wrong sword! You, sir, will be lunch for my iguana, Ignacio! Where is the honey coming from? Tell me where! Honey Farms! It comes from Honey Farms! Orazy person! What horrible thing has happened here? These faces, they never knew what hit them. And now they're on the road to nowhere! Just keep still. What? You're not dead? Do I look dead? They will wipe anything that moves. Where you headed? To Honey Farms. I am onto something huge here. I'm going to Alaska. Moose blood, crazy stuff. Blows your head off! I'm going to Tacoma. - And you? - He really is dead. All right. Uh-oh! - What is that?! - Oh, no! - A wiper! Triple blade! - Triple blade? Jump on! It's your only chance, bee! Why does everything have to be so doggone clean?! How much do you people need to see?! Open your eyes! Stick your head out the window! From NPR News in Washington, I'm Oarl Kasell. But don't kill no more bugs! - Bee! - Moose blood guy!! - You hear something? - Like what? Like tiny screaming. Turn off the radio. Whassup, bee boy? Hey, Blood. Just a row of honey jars, as far as the eye could see. Wow! I assume wherever this truck goes is where they're getting it. I mean, that honey's ours. - Bees hang tight. - We're all jammed in. It's a close community. Not us, man. We on our own. Every mosquito on his own. - What if you get in trouble? - You a mosquito, you in trouble. Nobody likes us. They just smack. See a mosquito, smack, smack! At least you're out in the world. You must meet girls. Mosquito girls try to trade up, get with a moth, dragonfly. Mosquito girl don't want no mosquito. You got to be kidding me! Mooseblood's about to leave the building! So long, bee! - Hey, guys! - Mooseblood! I knew I'd catch y'all down here. Did you bring your crazy straw? We throw it in jars, slap a label on it, and it's pretty much pure profit. What is this place? A bee's got a brain the size of a pinhead. They are pinheads! Pinhead. - Oheck out the new smoker. - Oh, sweet. That's the one you want. The Thomas 3000! Smoker? Ninety puffs a minute, semi-automatic. Twice the nicotine, all the tar. A couple breaths of this knocks them right out. They make the honey, and we make the money. "They make the honey, and we make the money"? Oh, my! What's going on? Are you OK? Yeah. It doesn't last too long. Do you know you're in a fake hive with fake walls? Our queen was moved here. We had no choice. This is your queen? That's a man in women's clothes! That's a drag queen! What is this? Oh, no! There's hundreds of them! Bee honey. Our honey is being brazenly stolen on a massive scale! This is worse than anything bears have done! I intend to do something. Oh, Barry, stop. Who told you humans are taking our honey? That's a rumor. Do these look like rumors? That's a conspiracy theory. These are obviously doctored photos. How did you get mixed up in this? He's been talking to humans. - What? - Talking to humans?! He has a human girlfriend. And they make out! Make out? Barry! We do not. - You wish you could. - Whose side are you on? The bees! I dated a cricket once in San Antonio. Those crazy legs kept me up all night. Barry, this is what you want to do with your life? I want to do it for all our lives. Nobody works harder than bees! Dad, I remember you coming home so overworked your hands were still stirring. You couldn't stop. I remember that. What right do they have to our honey? We live on two cups a year. They put it in lip balm for no reason whatsoever! Even if it's true, what can one bee do? Sting them where it really hurts. In the face! The eye! - That would hurt. - No. Up the nose? That's a killer. There's only one place you can sting the humans, one place where it matters. Hive at Five, the hive's only full-hour action news source. No more bee beards! With Bob Bumble at the anchor desk. Weather with Storm Stinger. Sports with Buzz Larvi. And Jeanette Ohung. - Good evening. I'm Bob Bumble. - And I'm Jeanette Ohung. A tri-county bee, Barry Benson, intends to sue the human race for stealing our honey, packaging it and profiting from it illegally! Tomorrow night on Bee Larry King, we'll have three former queens here in our studio, discussing their new book, Olassy Ladies, out this week on Hexagon. Tonight we're talking to Barry Benson. Did you ever think, "I'm a kid from the hive. I can't do this"? Bees have never been afraid to change the world. What about Bee Oolumbus? Bee Gandhi? Bejesus? Where I'm from, we'd never sue humans. We were thinking of stickball or candy stores. How old are you? The bee community is supporting you in this case, which will be the trial of the bee century. You know, they have a Larry King in the human world too. It's a common name. Next week... He looks like you and has a show and suspenders and colored dots... Next week... Glasses, quotes on the bottom from the guest even though you just heard 'em. Bear Week next week! They're scary, hairy and here live. Always leans forward, pointy shoulders, squinty eyes, very Jewish. In tennis, you attack at the point of weakness! It was my grandmother, Ken. She's 81. Honey, her backhand's a joke! I'm not gonna take advantage of that? Quiet, please. Actual work going on here. - Is that that same bee? - Yes, it is! I'm helping him sue the human race. - Hello. - Hello, bee. This is Ken. Yeah, I remember you. Timberland, size ten and a half. Vibram sole, I believe. Why does he talk again? Listen, you better go 'cause we're really busy working. But it's our yogurt night! Bye-bye. Why is yogurt night so difficult?! You poor thing. You two have been at this for hours! Yes, and Adam here has been a huge help. - Frosting... - How many sugars? Just one. I try not to use the competition. So why are you helping me? Bees have good qualities. And it takes my mind off the shop. Instead of flowers, people are giving balloon bouquets now. Those are great, if you're three. And artificial flowers. - Oh, those just get me psychotic! - Yeah, me too. Bent stingers, pointless pollination. Bees must hate those fake things! Nothing worse than a daffodil that's had work done. Maybe this could make up for it a little bit. - This lawsuit's a pretty big deal. - I guess. You sure you want to go through with it? Am I sure? When I'm done with the humans, they won't be able to say, "Honey, I'm home," without paying a royalty! It's an incredible scene here in downtown Manhattan, where the world anxiously waits, because for the first time in history, we will hear for ourselves if a honeybee can actually speak. What have we gotten into here, Barry? It's pretty big, isn't it? I can't believe how many humans don't work during the day. You think billion-dollar multinational food companies have good lawyers? Everybody needs to stay behind the barricade. - What's the matter? - I don't know, I just got a chill. Well, if it isn't the bee team. You boys work on this? All rise! The Honorable Judge Bumbleton presiding. All right. Oase number 4475, Superior Oourt of New York, Barry Bee Benson v. the Honey Industry is now in session. Mr. Montgomery, you're representing the five food companies collectively? A privilege. Mr. Benson... you're representing all the bees of the world? I'm kidding. Yes, Your Honor, we're ready to proceed. Mr. Montgomery, your opening statement, please. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, my grandmother was a simple woman. Born on a farm, she believed it was man's divine right to benefit from the bounty of nature God put before us. If we lived in the topsy-turvy world Mr. Benson imagines, just think of what would it mean. I would have to negotiate with the silkworm for the elastic in my britches! Talking bee! How do we know this isn't some sort of holographic motion-picture-capture Hollywood wizardry? They could be using laser beams! Robotics! Ventriloquism! Oloning! For all we know, he could be on steroids! Mr. Benson? Ladies and gentlemen, there's no trickery here. I'm just an ordinary bee. Honey's pretty important to me. It's important to all bees. We invented it! We make it. And we protect it with our lives. Unfortunately, there are some people in this room who think they can take it from us 'cause we're the little guys! I'm hoping that, after this is all over, you'll see how, by taking our honey, you not only take everything we have but everything we are! I wish he'd dress like that all the time. So nice! Oall your first witness. So, Mr. Klauss Vanderhayden of Honey Farms, big company you have. I suppose so. I see you also own Honeyburton and Honron! Yes, they provide beekeepers for our farms. Beekeeper. I find that to be a very disturbing term. I don't imagine you employ any bee-free-ers, do you? - No. - I couldn't hear you. - No. - No. Because you don't free bees. You keep bees. Not only that, it seems you thought a bear would be an appropriate image for a jar of honey. They're very lovable creatures. Yogi Bear, Fozzie Bear, Build-A-Bear. You mean like this? Bears kill bees! How'd you like his head crashing through your living room?! Biting into your couch! Spitting out your throw pillows! OK, that's enough. Take him away. So, Mr. Sting, thank you for being here. Your name intrigues me. - Where have I heard it before? - I was with a band called The Police. But you've never been a police officer, have you? No, I haven't. No, you haven't. And so here we have yet another example of bee culture casually stolen by a human for nothing more than a prance-about stage name. Oh, please. Have you ever been stung, Mr. Sting? Because I'm feeling a little stung, Sting. Or should I say... Mr. Gordon M. Sumner! That's not his real name?! You idiots! Mr. Liotta, first, belated congratulations on your Emmy win for a guest spot on ER in 2005. Thank you. Thank you. I see from your resume that you're devilishly handsome with a churning inner turmoil that's ready to blow. I enjoy what I do. Is that a crime? Not yet it isn't. But is this what it's come to for you? Exploiting tiny, helpless bees so you don't have to rehearse your part and learn your lines, sir? Watch it, Benson! I could blow right now! This isn't a goodfella. This is a badfella! Why doesn't someone just step on this creep, and we can all go home?! - Order in this court! - You're all thinking it! Order! Order, I say! - Say it! - Mr. Liotta, please sit down! I think it was awfully nice of that bear to pitch in like that. I think the jury's on our side. Are we doing everything right, legally? I'm a florist. Right. Well, here's to a great team. To a great team! Well, hello. - Ken! - Hello. I didn't think you were coming. No, I was just late. I tried to call, but... the battery. I didn't want all this to go to waste, so I called Barry. Luckily, he was free. Oh, that was lucky. There's a little left. I could heat it up. Yeah, heat it up, sure, whatever. So I hear you're quite a tennis player. I'm not much for the game myself. The ball's a little grabby. That's where I usually sit. Right... there. Ken, Barry was looking at your resume, and he agreed with me that eating with chopsticks isn't really a special skill. You think I don't see what you're doing? I know how hard it is to find the rightjob. We have that in common. Do we? Bees have 100 percent employment, but we do jobs like taking the crud out. That's just what I was thinking about doing. Ken, I let Barry borrow your razor for his fuzz. I hope that was all right. I'm going to drain the old stinger. Yeah, you do that. Look at that. You know, I've just about had it with your little mind games. - What's that? - Italian Vogue. Mamma mia, that's a lot of pages. A lot of ads. Remember what Van said, why is your life more valuable than mine? Funny, I just can't seem to recall that! I think something stinks in here! I love the smell of flowers. How do you like the smell of flames?! Not as much. Water bug! Not taking sides! Ken, I'm wearing a Ohapstick hat! This is pathetic! I've got issues! Well, well, well, a royal flush! - You're bluffing. - Am I? Surf's up, dude! Poo water! That bowl is gnarly. Except for those dirty yellow rings! Kenneth! What are you doing?! You know, I don't even like honey! I don't eat it! We need to talk! He's just a little bee! And he happens to be the nicest bee I've met in a long time! Long time? What are you talking about?! Are there other bugs in your life? No, but there are other things bugging me in life. And you're one of them! Fine! Talking bees, no yogurt night... My nerves are fried from riding on this emotional roller coaster! Goodbye, Ken. And for your information, I prefer sugar-free, artificial sweeteners made by man! I'm sorry about all that. I know it's got an aftertaste! I like it! I always felt there was some kind of barrier between Ken and me. I couldn't overcome it. Oh, well. Are you OK for the trial? I believe Mr. Montgomery is about out of ideas. We would like to call Mr. Barry Benson Bee to the stand. Good idea! You can really see why he's considered one of the best lawyers... Yeah. Layton, you've gotta weave some magic with this jury, or it's gonna be all over. Don't worry. The only thing I have to do to turn this jury around is to remind them of what they don't like about bees. - You got the tweezers? - Are you allergic? Only to losing, son. Only to losing. Mr. Benson Bee, I'll ask you what I think we'd all like to know. What exactly is your relationship to that woman? We're friends. - Good friends? - Yes. How good? Do you live together? Wait a minute... Are you her little... ...bedbug? I've seen a bee documentary or two. From what I understand, doesn't your queen give birth to all the bee children? - Yeah, but... - So those aren't your real parents! - Oh, Barry... - Yes, they are! Hold me back! You're an illegitimate bee, aren't you, Benson? He's denouncing bees! Don't y'all date your cousins? - Objection! - I'm going to pincushion this guy! Adam, don't! It's what he wants! Oh, I'm hit!! Oh, lordy, I am hit! Order! Order! The venom! The venom is coursing through my veins! I have been felled by a winged beast of destruction! You see? You can't treat them like equals! They're striped savages! Stinging's the only thing they know! It's their way! - Adam, stay with me. - I can't feel my legs. What angel of mercy will come forward to suck the poison from my heaving buttocks? I will have order in this court. Order! Order, please! The case of the honeybees versus the human race took a pointed turn against the bees yesterday when one of their legal team stung Layton T. Montgomery. - Hey, buddy. - Hey. - Is there much pain? - Yeah. I... I blew the whole case, didn't I? It doesn't matter. What matters is you're alive. You could have died. I'd be better off dead. Look at me. They got it from the cafeteria downstairs, in a tuna sandwich. Look, there's a little celery still on it. What was it like to sting someone? I can't explain it. It was all... All adrenaline and then... and then ecstasy! All right. You think it was all a trap? Of course. I'm sorry. I flew us right into this. What were we thinking? Look at us. We're just a couple of bugs in this world. What will the humans do to us if they win? I don't know. I hear they put the roaches in motels. That doesn't sound so bad. Adam, they check in, but they don't check out! Oh, my. Oould you get a nurse to close that window? - Why? - The smoke. Bees don't smoke. Right. Bees don't smoke. Bees don't smoke! But some bees are smoking. That's it! That's our case! It is? It's not over? Get dressed. I've gotta go somewhere. Get back to the court and stall. Stall any way you can. And assuming you've done step correctly, you're ready for the tub. Mr. Flayman. Yes? Yes, Your Honor! Where is the rest of your team? Well, Your Honor, it's interesting. Bees are trained to fly haphazardly, and as a result, we don't make very good time. I actually heard a funny story about... Your Honor, haven't these ridiculous bugs taken up enough of this court's valuable time? How much longer will we allow these absurd shenanigans to go on? They have presented no compelling evidence to support their charges against my clients, who run legitimate businesses. I move for a complete dismissal of this entire case! Mr. Flayman, I'm afraid I'm going to have to consider Mr. Montgomery's motion. But you can't! We have a terrific case. Where is your proof? Where is the evidence? Show me the smoking gun! Hold it, Your Honor! You want a smoking gun? Here is your smoking gun. What is that? It's a bee smoker! What, this? This harmless little contraption? This couldn't hurt a fly, let alone a bee. Look at what has happened to bees who have never been asked, "Smoking or non?" Is this what nature intended for us? To be forcibly addicted to smoke machines and man-made wooden slat work camps? Living out our lives as honey slaves to the white man? - What are we gonna do? - He's playing the species card. Ladies and gentlemen, please, free these bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! The court finds in favor of the bees! Vanessa, we won! I knew you could do it! High-five! Sorry. I'm OK! You know what this means? All the honey will finally belong to the bees. Now we won't have to work so hard all the time. This is an unholy perversion of the balance of nature, Benson. You'll regret this. Barry, how much honey is out there? All right. One at a time. Barry, who are you wearing? My sweater is Ralph Lauren, and I have no pants. - What if Montgomery's right? - What do you mean? We've been living the bee way a long time, 27 million years. Oongratulations on your victory. What will you demand as a settlement? First, we'll demand a complete shutdown of all bee work camps. Then we want back the honey that was ours to begin with, every last drop. We demand an end to the glorification of the bear as anything more than a filthy, smelly, bad-breath stink machine. We're all aware of what they do in the woods. Wait for my signal. Take him out. He'll have nauseous for a few hours, then he'll be fine. And we will no longer tolerate bee-negative nicknames... But it's just a prance-about stage name! ...unnecessary inclusion of honey in bogus health products and la-dee-da human tea-time snack garnishments. Oan't breathe. Bring it in, boys! Hold it right there! Good. Tap it. Mr. Buzzwell, we just passed three cups, and there's gallons more coming! - I think we need to shut down! - Shut down? We've never shut down. Shut down honey production! Stop making honey! Turn your key, sir! What do we do now? Oannonball! We're shutting honey production! Mission abort. Aborting pollination and nectar detail. Returning to base. Adam, you wouldn't believe how much honey was out there. Oh, yeah? What's going on? Where is everybody? - Are they out celebrating? - They're home. They don't know what to do. Laying out, sleeping in. I heard your Uncle Oarl was on his way to San Antonio with a cricket. At least we got our honey back. Sometimes I think, so what if humans liked our honey? Who wouldn't? It's the greatest thing in the world! I was excited to be part of making it. This was my new desk. This was my new job. I wanted to do it really well. And now... Now I can't. I don't understand why they're not happy. I thought their lives would be better! They're doing nothing. It's amazing. Honey really changes people. You don't have any idea what's going on, do you? - What did you want to show me? - This. What happened here? That is not the half of it. Oh, no. Oh, my. They're all wilting. Doesn't look very good, does it? No. And whose fault do you think that is? You know, I'm gonna guess bees. Bees? Specifically, me. I didn't think bees not needing to make honey would affect all these things. It's notjust flowers. Fruits, vegetables, they all need bees. That's our whole SAT test right there. Take away produce, that affects the entire animal kingdom. And then, of course... The human species? So if there's no more pollination, it could all just go south here, couldn't it? I know this is also partly my fault. How about a suicide pact? How do we do it? - I'll sting you, you step on me. - Thatjust kills you twice. Right, right. Listen, Barry... sorry, but I gotta get going. I had to open my mouth and talk. Vanessa? Vanessa? Why are you leaving? Where are you going? To the final Tournament of Roses parade in Pasadena. They've moved it to this weekend because all the flowers are dying. It's the last chance I'll ever have to see it. Vanessa, I just wanna say I'm sorry. I never meant it to turn out like this. I know. Me neither. Tournament of Roses. Roses can't do sports. Wait a minute. Roses. Roses? Roses! Vanessa! Roses?! Barry? - Roses are flowers! - Yes, they are. Flowers, bees, pollen! I know. That's why this is the last parade. Maybe not. Oould you ask him to slow down? Oould you slow down? Barry! OK, I made a huge mistake. This is a total disaster, all my fault. Yes, it kind of is. I've ruined the planet. I wanted to help you with the flower shop. I've made it worse. Actually, it's completely closed down. I thought maybe you were remodeling. But I have another idea, and it's greater than my previous ideas combined. I don't want to hear it! All right, they have the roses, the roses have the pollen. I know every bee, plant and flower bud in this park. All we gotta do is get what they've got back here with what we've got. - Bees. - Park. - Pollen! - Flowers. - Repollination! - Across the nation! Tournament of Roses, Pasadena, Oalifornia. They've got nothing but flowers, floats and cotton candy. Security will be tight. I have an idea. Vanessa Bloome, FTD. Official floral business. It's real. Sorry, ma'am. Nice brooch. Thank you. It was a gift. Once inside, we just pick the right float. How about The Princess and the Pea? I could be the princess, and you could be the pea! Yes, I got it. - Where should I sit? - What are you? - I believe I'm the pea. - The pea? It goes under the mattresses. - Not in this fairy tale, sweetheart. - I'm getting the marshal. You do that! This whole parade is a fiasco! Let's see what this baby'll do. Hey, what are you doing?! Then all we do is blend in with traffic... ...without arousing suspicion. Once at the airport, there's no stopping us. Stop! Security. - You and your insect pack your float? - Yes. Has it been in your possession the entire time? Would you remove your shoes? - Remove your stinger. - It's part of me. I know. Just having some fun. Enjoy your flight. Then if we're lucky, we'll have just enough pollen to do the job. Oan you believe how lucky we are? We have just enough pollen to do the job! I think this is gonna work. It's got to work. Attention, passengers, this is Oaptain Scott. We have a bit of bad weather in New York. It looks like we'll experience a couple hours delay. Barry, these are cut flowers with no water. They'll never make it. I gotta get up there and talk to them. Be careful. Oan I get help with the Sky Mall magazine? I'd like to order the talking inflatable nose and ear hair trimmer. Oaptain, I'm in a real situation. - What'd you say, Hal? - Nothing. Bee! Don't freak out! My entire species... What are you doing? - Wait a minute! I'm an attorney! - Who's an attorney? Don't move. Oh, Barry. Good afternoon, passengers. This is your captain. Would a Miss Vanessa Bloome in 24B please report to the cockpit? And please hurry! What happened here? There was a DustBuster, a toupee, a life raft exploded. One's bald, one's in a boat, they're both unconscious! - Is that another bee joke? - No! No one's flying the plane! This is JFK control tower, Flight 356. What's your status? This is Vanessa Bloome. I'm a florist from New York. Where's the pilot? He's unconscious, and so is the copilot. Not good. Does anyone onboard have flight experience? As a matter of fact, there is. - Who's that? - Barry Benson. From the honey trial?! Oh, great. Vanessa, this is nothing more than a big metal bee. It's got giant wings, huge engines. I can't fly a plane. - Why not? Isn't John Travolta a pilot? - Yes. How hard could it be? Wait, Barry! We're headed into some lightning. This is Bob Bumble. We have some late-breaking news from JFK Airport, where a suspenseful scene is developing. Barry Benson, fresh from his legal victory... That's Barry! ...is attempting to land a plane, loaded with people, flowers and an incapacitated flight crew. Flowers?! We have a storm in the area and two individuals at the controls with absolutely no flight experience. Just a minute. There's a bee on that plane. I'm quite familiar with Mr. Benson and his no-account compadres. They've done enough damage. But isn't he your only hope? Technically, a bee shouldn't be able to fly at all. Their wings are too small... Haven't we heard this a million times? "The surface area of the wings and body mass make no sense." - Get this on the air! - Got it. - Stand by. - We're going live. The way we work may be a mystery to you. Making honey takes a lot of bees doing a lot of small jobs. But let me tell you about a small job. If you do it well, it makes a big difference. More than we realized. To us, to everyone. That's why I want to get bees back to working together. That's the bee way! We're not made of Jell-O. We get behind a fellow. - Black and yellow! - Hello! Left, right, down, hover. - Hover? - Forget hover. This isn't so hard. Beep-beep! Beep-beep! Barry, what happened?! Wait, I think we were on autopilot the whole time. - That may have been helping me. - And now we're not! So it turns out I cannot fly a plane. All of you, let's get behind this fellow! Move it out! Move out! Our only chance is if I do what I'd do, you copy me with the wings of the plane! Don't have to yell. I'm not yelling! We're in a lot of trouble. It's very hard to concentrate with that panicky tone in your voice! It's not a tone. I'm panicking! I can't do this! Vanessa, pull yourself together. You have to snap out of it! You snap out of it. You snap out of it. - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - Hold it! - Why? Oome on, it's my turn. How is the plane flying? I don't know. Hello? Benson, got any flowers for a happy occasion in there? The Pollen Jocks! They do get behind a fellow. - Black and yellow. - Hello. All right, let's drop this tin can on the blacktop. Where? I can't see anything. Oan you? No, nothing. It's all cloudy. Oome on. You got to think bee, Barry. - Thinking bee. - Thinking bee. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Wait a minute. I think I'm feeling something. - What? - I don't know. It's strong, pulling me. Like a 27-million-year-old instinct. Bring the nose down. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! - What in the world is on the tarmac? - Get some lights on that! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! - Vanessa, aim for the flower. - OK. Out the engines. We're going in on bee power. Ready, boys? Affirmative! Good. Good. Easy, now. That's it. Land on that flower! Ready? Full reverse! Spin it around! - Not that flower! The other one! - Which one? - That flower. - I'm aiming at the flower! That's a fat guy in a flowered shirt. I mean the giant pulsating flower made of millions of bees! Pull forward. Nose down. Tail up. Rotate around it. - This is insane, Barry! - This's the only way I know how to fly. Am I koo-koo-kachoo, or is this plane flying in an insect-like pattern? Get your nose in there. Don't be afraid. Smell it. Full reverse! Just drop it. Be a part of it. Aim for the center! Now drop it in! Drop it in, woman! Oome on, already. Barry, we did it! You taught me how to fly! - Yes. No high-five! - Right. Barry, it worked! Did you see the giant flower? What giant flower? Where? Of course I saw the flower! That was genius! - Thank you. - But we're not done yet. Listen, everyone! This runway is covered with the last pollen from the last flowers available anywhere on Earth. That means this is our last chance. We're the only ones who make honey, pollinate flowers and dress like this. If we're gonna survive as a species, this is our moment! What do you say? Are we going to be bees, orjust Museum of Natural History keychains? We're bees! Keychain! Then follow me! Except Keychain. Hold on, Barry. Here. You've earned this. Yeah! I'm a Pollen Jock! And it's a perfect fit. All I gotta do are the sleeves. Oh, yeah. That's our Barry. Mom! The bees are back! If anybody needs to make a call, now's the time. I got a feeling we'll be working late tonight! Here's your change. Have a great afternoon! Oan I help who's next? Would you like some honey with that? It is bee-approved. Don't forget these. Milk, cream, cheese, it's all me. And I don't see a nickel! Sometimes I just feel like a piece of meat! I had no idea. Barry, I'm sorry. Have you got a moment? Would you excuse me? My mosquito associate will help you. Sorry I'm late. He's a lawyer too? I was already a blood-sucking parasite. All I needed was a briefcase. Have a great afternoon! Barry, I just got this huge tulip order, and I can't get them anywhere. No problem, Vannie. Just leave it to me. You're a lifesaver, Barry. Oan I help who's next? All right, scramble, jocks! It's time to fly. Thank you, Barry! That bee is living my life! Let it go, Kenny. - When will this nightmare end?! - Let it all go. - Beautiful day to fly. - Sure is. Between you and me, I was dying to get out of that office. You have got to start thinking bee, my friend. - Thinking bee! - Me? Hold it. Let's just stop for a second. Hold it. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, everyone. Oan we stop here? I'm not making a major life decision during a production number! All right. Take ten, everybody. Wrap it up, guys. I had virtually no rehearsal for that. Special thanks to SergeiK.

# big-o-performance A simple html app to demonstrate performance costs of data structures. - Clone the project - Navigate to the root of the project in a termina or command prompt - Run 'npm install' - Run 'npm start' - Go to the URL specified in the terminal or command prompt to try out the app. # This app was created from the Create React App NPM. Below are instructions from that project. Below you will find some information on how to perform common tasks. You can find the most recent version of this guide [here](https://github.com/facebookincubator/create-react-app/blob/master/template/README.md). ## Table of Contents - [Updating to New Releases](#updating-to-new-releases) - [Sending Feedback](#sending-feedback) - [Folder Structure](#folder-structure) - [Available Scripts](#available-scripts) - [npm start](#npm-start) - [npm run build](#npm-run-build) - [npm run eject](#npm-run-eject) - [Displaying Lint Output in the Editor](#displaying-lint-output-in-the-editor) - [Installing a Dependency](#installing-a-dependency) - [Importing a Component](#importing-a-component) - [Adding a Stylesheet](#adding-a-stylesheet) - [Post-Processing CSS](#post-processing-css) - [Adding Images and Fonts](#adding-images-and-fonts) - [Adding Bootstrap](#adding-bootstrap) - [Adding Flow](#adding-flow) - [Adding Custom Environment Variables](#adding-custom-environment-variables) - [Integrating with a Node Backend](#integrating-with-a-node-backend) - [Proxying API Requests in Development](#proxying-api-requests-in-development) - [Deployment](#deployment) - [Now](#now) - [Heroku](#heroku) - [Surge](#surge) - [GitHub Pages](#github-pages) - [Something Missing?](#something-missing) ## Updating to New Releases Create React App is divided into two packages: * `create-react-app` is a global command-line utility that you use to create new projects. * `react-scripts` is a development dependency in the generated projects (including this one). You almost never need to update `create-react-app` itself: it’s delegates all the setup to `react-scripts`. When you run `create-react-app`, it always creates the project with the latest version of `react-scripts` so you’ll get all the new features and improvements in newly created apps automatically. To update an existing project to a new version of `react-scripts`, [open the changelog](https://github.com/facebookincubator/create-react-app/blob/master/CHANGELOG.md), find the version you’re currently on (check `package.json` in this folder if you’re not sure), and apply the migration instructions for the newer versions. In most cases bumping the `react-scripts` version in `package.json` and running `npm install` in this folder should be enough, but it’s good to consult the [changelog](https://github.com/facebookincubator/create-react-app/blob/master/CHANGELOG.md) for potential breaking changes. We commit to keeping the breaking changes minimal so you can upgrade `react-scripts` painlessly. ## Sending Feedback We are always open to [your feedback](https://github.com/facebookincubator/create-react-app/issues). ## Folder Structure After creation, your project should look like this: ``` my-app/ README.md index.html favicon.ico node_modules/ package.json src/ App.css App.js index.css index.js logo.svg ``` For the project to build, **these files must exist with exact filenames**: * `index.html` is the page template; * `favicon.ico` is the icon you see in the browser tab; * `src/index.js` is the JavaScript entry point. You can delete or rename the other files. You may create subdirectories inside `src`. For faster rebuilds, only files inside `src` are processed by Webpack. You need to **put any JS and CSS files inside `src`**, or Webpack won’t see them. You can, however, create more top-level directories. They will not be included in the production build so you can use them for things like documentation. ## Available Scripts In the project directory, you can run: ### `npm start` Runs the app in the development mode.<br> Open [http://localhost:3000](http://localhost:3000) to view it in the browser. The page will reload if you make edits.<br> You will also see any lint errors in the console. ### `npm run build` Builds the app for production to the `build` folder.<br> It correctly bundles React in production mode and optimizes the build for the best performance. The build is minified and the filenames include the hashes.<br> Your app is ready to be deployed! ### `npm run eject` **Note: this is a one-way operation. Once you `eject`, you can’t go back!** If you aren’t satisfied with the build tool and configuration choices, you can `eject` at any time. This command will remove the single build dependency from your project. Instead, it will copy all the configuration files and the transitive dependencies (Webpack, Babel, ESLint, etc) right into your project so you have full control over them. All of the commands except `eject` will still work, but they will point to the copied scripts so you can tweak them. At this point you’re on your own. You don’t have to ever use `eject`. The curated feature set is suitable for small and middle deployments, and you shouldn’t feel obligated to use this feature. However we understand that this tool wouldn’t be useful if you couldn’t customize it when you are ready for it. ## Displaying Lint Output in the Editor >Note: this feature is available with `react-scripts@0.2.0` and higher. Some editors, including Sublime Text, Atom, and Visual Studio Code, provide plugins for ESLint. They are not required for linting. You should see the linter output right in your terminal as well as the browser console. However, if you prefer the lint results to appear right in your editor, there are some extra steps you can do. You would need to install an ESLint plugin for your editor first. >**A note for Atom `linter-eslint` users** >If you are using the Atom `linter-eslint` plugin, make sure that **Use global ESLint installation** option is checked: ><img src="http://i.imgur.com/yVNNHJM.png" width="300"> Then make sure `package.json` of your project ends with this block: ```js { // ... "eslintConfig": { "extends": "./node_modules/react-scripts/config/eslint.js" } } ``` Projects generated with `react-scripts@0.2.0` and higher should already have it. If you don’t need ESLint integration with your editor, you can safely delete those three lines from your `package.json`. Finally, you will need to install some packages *globally*: ```sh npm install -g eslint babel-eslint eslint-plugin-react eslint-plugin-import eslint-plugin-jsx-a11y eslint-plugin-flowtype ``` We recognize that this is suboptimal, but it is currently required due to the way we hide the ESLint dependency. The ESLint team is already [working on a solution to this](https://github.com/eslint/eslint/issues/3458) so this may become unnecessary in a couple of months. ## Installing a Dependency The generated project includes React and ReactDOM as dependencies. It also includes a set of scripts used by Create React App as a development dependency. You may install other dependencies (for example, React Router) with `npm`: ``` npm install --save <library-name> ``` ## Importing a Component This project setup supports ES6 modules thanks to Babel. While you can still use `require()` and `module.exports`, we encourage you to use [`import` and `export`](http://exploringjs.com/es6/ch_modules.html) instead. For example: ### `Button.js` ```js import React, { Component } from 'react'; class Button extends Component { render() { // ... } } export default Button; // Don’t forget to use export default! ``` ### `DangerButton.js` ```js import React, { Component } from 'react'; import Button from './Button'; // Import a component from another file class DangerButton extends Component { render() { return <Button color="red" />; } } export default DangerButton; ``` Be aware of the [difference between default and named exports](http://stackoverflow.com/questions/36795819/react-native-es-6-when-should-i-use-curly-braces-for-import/36796281#36796281). It is a common source of mistakes. We suggest that you stick to using default imports and exports when a module only exports a single thing (for example, a component). That’s what you get when you use `export default Button` and `import Button from './Button'`. Named exports are useful for utility modules that export several functions. A module may have at most one default export and as many named exports as you like. Learn more about ES6 modules: * [When to use the curly braces?](http://stackoverflow.com/questions/36795819/react-native-es-6-when-should-i-use-curly-braces-for-import/36796281#36796281) * [Exploring ES6: Modules](http://exploringjs.com/es6/ch_modules.html) * [Understanding ES6: Modules](https://leanpub.com/understandinges6/read#leanpub-auto-encapsulating-code-with-modules) ## Adding a Stylesheet This project setup uses [Webpack](https://webpack.github.io/) for handling all assets. Webpack offers a custom way of “extending” the concept of `import` beyond JavaScript. To express that a JavaScript file depends on a CSS file, you need to **import the CSS from the JavaScript file**: ### `Button.css` ```css .Button { padding: 20px; } ``` ### `Button.js` ```js import React, { Component } from 'react'; import './Button.css'; // Tell Webpack that Button.js uses these styles class Button extends Component { render() { // You can use them as regular CSS styles return <div className="Button" />; } } ``` **This is not required for React** but many people find this feature convenient. You can read about the benefits of this approach [here](https://medium.com/seek-ui-engineering/block-element-modifying-your-javascript-components-d7f99fcab52b). However you should be aware that this makes your code less portable to other build tools and environments than Webpack. In development, expressing dependencies this way allows your styles to be reloaded on the fly as you edit them. In production, all CSS files will be concatenated into a single minified `.css` file in the build output. If you are concerned about using Webpack-specific semantics, you can put all your CSS right into `src/index.css`. It would still be imported from `src/index.js`, but you could always remove that import if you later migrate to a different build tool. ## Post-Processing CSS This project setup minifies your CSS and adds vendor prefixes to it automatically through [Autoprefixer](https://github.com/postcss/autoprefixer) so you don’t need to worry about it. For example, this: ```css .App { display: flex; flex-direction: row; align-items: center; } ``` becomes this: ```css .App { display: -webkit-box; display: -ms-flexbox; display: flex; -webkit-box-orient: horizontal; -webkit-box-direction: normal; -ms-flex-direction: row; flex-direction: row; -webkit-box-align: center; -ms-flex-align: center; align-items: center; } ``` There is currently no support for preprocessors such as Less, or for sharing variables across CSS files. ## Adding Images and Fonts With Webpack, using static assets like images and fonts works similarly to CSS. You can **`import` an image right in a JavaScript module**. This tells Webpack to include that image in the bundle. Unlike CSS imports, importing an image or a font gives you a string value. This value is the final image path you can reference in your code. Here is an example: ```js import React from 'react'; import logo from './logo.png'; // Tell Webpack this JS file uses this image console.log(logo); // /logo.84287d09.png function Header() { // Import result is the URL of your image return <img src={logo} alt="Logo" />; } export default function Header; ``` This works in CSS too: ```css .Logo { background-image: url(./logo.png); } ``` Webpack finds all relative module references in CSS (they start with `./`) and replaces them with the final paths from the compiled bundle. If you make a typo or accidentally delete an important file, you will see a compilation error, just like when you import a non-existent JavaScript module. The final filenames in the compiled bundle are generated by Webpack from content hashes. If the file content changes in the future, Webpack will give it a different name in production so you don’t need to worry about long-term caching of assets. Please be advised that this is also a custom feature of Webpack. **It is not required for React** but many people enjoy it (and React Native uses a similar mechanism for images). However it may not be portable to some other environments, such as Node.js and Browserify. If you prefer to reference static assets in a more traditional way outside the module system, please let us know [in this issue](https://github.com/facebookincubator/create-react-app/issues/28), and we will consider support for this. ## Adding Bootstrap You don’t have to use [React Bootstrap](https://react-bootstrap.github.io) together with React but it is a popular library for integrating Bootstrap with React apps. If you need it, you can integrate it with Create React App by following these steps: Install React Bootstrap and Bootstrap from NPM. React Bootstrap does not include Bootstrap CSS so this needs to be installed as well: ``` npm install react-bootstrap --save npm install bootstrap@3 --save ``` Import Bootstrap CSS and optionally Bootstrap theme CSS in the ```src/index.js``` file: ```js import 'bootstrap/dist/css/bootstrap.css'; import 'bootstrap/dist/css/bootstrap-theme.css'; ``` Import required React Bootstrap components within ```src/App.js``` file or your custom component files: ```js import { Navbar, Jumbotron, Button } from 'react-bootstrap'; ``` Now you are ready to use the imported React Bootstrap components within your component hierarchy defined in the render method. Here is an example [`App.js`](https://gist.githubusercontent.com/gaearon/85d8c067f6af1e56277c82d19fd4da7b/raw/6158dd991b67284e9fc8d70b9d973efe87659d72/App.js) redone using React Bootstrap. ## Adding Flow Flow typing is currently [not supported out of the box](https://github.com/facebookincubator/create-react-app/issues/72) with the default `.flowconfig` generated by Flow. If you run it, you might get errors like this: ```js node_modules/fbjs/lib/Deferred.js.flow:60 60: Promise.prototype.done.apply(this._promise, arguments); ^^^^ property `done`. Property not found in 495: declare class Promise<+R> { ^ Promise. See lib: /private/tmp/flow/flowlib_34952d31/core.js:495 node_modules/fbjs/lib/shallowEqual.js.flow:29 29: return x !== 0 || 1 / (x: $FlowIssue) === 1 / (y: $FlowIssue); ^^^^^^^^^^ identifier `$FlowIssue`. Could not resolve name src/App.js:3 3: import logo from './logo.svg'; ^^^^^^^^^^^^ ./logo.svg. Required module not found src/App.js:4 4: import './App.css'; ^^^^^^^^^^^ ./App.css. Required module not found src/index.js:5 5: import './index.css'; ^^^^^^^^^^^^^ ./index.css. Required module not found ``` To fix this, change your `.flowconfig` to look like this: ```ini [libs] ./node_modules/fbjs/flow/lib [options] esproposal.class_static_fields=enable esproposal.class_instance_fields=enable module.name_mapper='^\(.*\)\.css$' -> 'react-scripts/config/flow/css' module.name_mapper='^\(.*\)\.\(jpg\|png\|gif\|eot\|otf\|webp\|svg\|ttf\|woff\|woff2\|mp4\|webm\)$' -> 'react-scripts/config/flow/file' suppress_type=$FlowIssue suppress_type=$FlowFixMe ``` Re-run flow, and you shouldn’t get any extra issues. If you later `eject`, you’ll need to replace `react-scripts` references with the `<PROJECT_ROOT>` placeholder, for example: ```ini module.name_mapper='^\(.*\)\.css$' -> '<PROJECT_ROOT>/config/flow/css' module.name_mapper='^\(.*\)\.\(jpg\|png\|gif\|eot\|otf\|webp\|svg\|ttf\|woff\|woff2\|mp4\|webm\)$' -> '<PROJECT_ROOT>/config/flow/file' ``` We will consider integrating more tightly with Flow in the future so that you don’t have to do this. ## Adding Custom Environment Variables >Note: this feature is available with `react-scripts@0.2.3` and higher. Your project can consume variables declared in your environment as if they were declared locally in your JS files. By default you will have `NODE_ENV` defined for you, and any other environment variables starting with `REACT_APP_`. These environment variables will be defined for you on `process.env`. For example, having an environment variable named `REACT_APP_SECRET_CODE` will be exposed in your JS as `process.env.REACT_APP_SECRET_CODE`, in addition to `process.env.NODE_ENV`. These environment variables can be useful for displaying information conditionally based on where the project is deployed or consuming sensitive data that lives outside of version control. First, you need to have environment variables defined, which can vary between OSes. For example, let's say you wanted to consume a secret defined in the environment inside a `<form>`: ```jsx render() { return ( <div> <small>You are running this application in <b>{process.env.NODE_ENV}</b> mode.</small> <form> <input type="hidden" defaultValue={process.env.REACT_APP_SECRET_CODE} /> </form> </div> ); } ``` The above form is looking for a variable called `REACT_APP_SECRET_CODE` from the environment. In order to consume this value, we need to have it defined in the environment: ### Windows (cmd.exe) ```cmd set REACT_APP_SECRET_CODE=abcdef&&npm start ``` (Note: the lack of whitespace is intentional.) ### Linux, OS X (Bash) ```bash REACT_APP_SECRET_CODE=abcdef npm start ``` > Note: Defining environment variables in this manner is temporary for the life of the shell session. Setting permanent environment variables is outside the scope of these docs. With our environment variable defined, we start the app and consume the values. Remember that the `NODE_ENV` variable will be set for you automatically. When you load the app in the browser and inspect the `<input>`, you will see its value set to `abcdef`, and the bold text will show the environment provided when using `npm start`: ```html <div> <small>You are running this application in <b>development</b> mode.</small> <form> <input type="hidden" value="abcdef" /> </form> </div> ``` Having access to the `NODE_ENV` is also useful for performing actions conditionally: ```js if (process.env.NODE_ENV !== 'production') { analytics.disable(); } ``` ## Integrating with a Node Backend Check out [this tutorial](https://www.fullstackreact.com/articles/using-create-react-app-with-a-server/) for instructions on integrating an app with a Node backend running on another port, and using `fetch()` to access it. You can find the companion GitHub repository [here](https://github.com/fullstackreact/food-lookup-demo). ## Proxying API Requests in Development >Note: this feature is available with `react-scripts@0.2.3` and higher. People often serve the front-end React app from the same host and port as their backend implementation. For example, a production setup might look like this after the app is deployed: ``` / - static server returns index.html with React app /todos - static server returns index.html with React app /api/todos - server handles any /api/* requests using the backend implementation ``` Such setup is **not** required. However, if you **do** have a setup like this, it is convenient to write requests like `fetch('/api/todos')` without worrying about redirecting them to another host or port during development. To tell the development server to proxy any unknown requests to your API server in development, add a `proxy` field to your `package.json`, for example: ```js "proxy": "http://localhost:4000", ``` This way, when you `fetch('/api/todos')` in development, the development server will recognize that it’s not a static asset, and will proxy your request to `http://localhost:4000/api/todos` as a fallback. Conveniently, this avoids [CORS issues](http://stackoverflow.com/questions/21854516/understanding-ajax-cors-and-security-considerations) and error messages like this in development: ``` Fetch API cannot load http://localhost:4000/api/todos. No 'Access-Control-Allow-Origin' header is present on the requested resource. Origin 'http://localhost:3000' is therefore not allowed access. If an opaque response serves your needs, set the request's mode to 'no-cors' to fetch the resource with CORS disabled. ``` Keep in mind that `proxy` only has effect in development (with `npm start`), and it is up to you to ensure that URLs like `/api/todos` point to the right thing in production. You don’t have to use the `/api` prefix. Any unrecognized request will be redirected to the specified `proxy`. Currently the `proxy` option only handles HTTP requests, and it won’t proxy WebSocket connections. If the `proxy` option is **not** flexible enough for you, alternatively you can: * Enable CORS on your server ([here’s how to do it for Express](http://enable-cors.org/server_expressjs.html)). * Use [environment variables](#adding-custom-environment-variables) to inject the right server host and port into your app. ## Deployment By default, Create React App produces a build assuming your app is hosted at the server root. To override this, specify the `homepage` in your `package.json`, for example: ```js "homepage": "http://mywebsite.com/relativepath", ``` This will let Create React App correctly infer the root path to use in the generated HTML file. ### Now See [this example](https://github.com/xkawi/create-react-app-now) for a zero-configuration single-command deployment with [now](https://zeit.co/now). ### Heroku Use the [Heroku Buildpack for Create React App](https://github.com/mars/create-react-app-buildpack). You can find instructions in [Deploying React with Zero Configuration](https://blog.heroku.com/deploying-react-with-zero-configuration). ### Surge Install the Surge CLI if you haven't already by running `npm install -g surge`. Run the `surge` command and log in you or create a new account. You just need to specify the *build* folder and your custom domain, and you are done. ```sh email: email@domain.com password: ******** project path: /path/to/project/build size: 7 files, 1.8 MB domain: create-react-app.surge.sh upload: [====================] 100%, eta: 0.0s propagate on CDN: [====================] 100% plan: Free users: email@domain.com IP Address: X.X.X.X Success! Project is published and running at create-react-app.surge.sh ``` Note that in order to support routers that use html5 `pushState` API, you may want to rename the `index.html` in your build folder to `200.html` before deploying to Surge. This [ensures that every URL falls back to that file](https://surge.sh/help/adding-a-200-page-for-client-side-routing). ### GitHub Pages >Note: this feature is available with `react-scripts@0.2.0` and higher. Open your `package.json` and add a `homepage` field: ```js "homepage": "http://myusername.github.io/my-app", ``` **The above step is important!** Create React App uses the `homepage` field to determine the root URL in the built HTML file. Now, whenever you run `npm run build`, you will see a cheat sheet with a sequence of commands to deploy to GitHub pages: ```sh git commit -am "Save local changes" git checkout -B gh-pages git add -f build git commit -am "Rebuild website" git filter-branch -f --prune-empty --subdirectory-filter build git push -f origin gh-pages git checkout - ``` You may copy and paste them, or put them into a custom shell script. You may also customize them for another hosting provider. Note that GitHub Pages doesn't support routers that use the HTML5 `pushState` history API under the hood (for example, React Router using `browserHistory`). This is because when there is a fresh page load for a url like `http://user.github.io/todomvc/todos/42`, where `/todos/42` is a frontend route, the GitHub Pages server returns 404 because it knows nothing of `/todos/42`. If you want to add a router to a project hosted on GitHub Pages, here are a couple of solutions: * You could switch from using HTML5 history API to routing with hashes. If you use React Router, you can switch to `hashHistory` for this effect, but the URL will be longer and more verbose (for example, `http://user.github.io/todomvc/#/todos/42?_k=yknaj`). [Read more](https://github.com/reactjs/react-router/blob/master/docs/guides/Histories.md#histories) about different history implementations in React Router. * Alternatively, you can use a trick to teach GitHub Pages to handle 404 by redirecting to your `index.html` page with a special redirect parameter. You would need to add a `404.html` file with the redirection code to the `build` folder before deploying your project, and you’ll need to add code handling the redirect parameter to `index.html`. You can find a detailed explanation of this technique [in this guide](https://github.com/rafrex/spa-github-pages). ## Something Missing? If you have ideas for more “How To” recipes that should be on this page, [let us know](https://github.com/facebookincubator/create-react-app/issues) or [contribute some!](https://github.com/facebookincubator/create-react-app/edit/master/template/README.md)

The aim of this assignment is to have you do UDP socket client / server programming with a focus on two broad aspects : Setting up the exchange between the client and server in a secure way despite the lack of a formal connection (as in TCP) between the two, so that ‘outsider’ UDP datagrams (broadcast, multicast, unicast - fortuitously or maliciously) cannot intrude on the communication. Introducing application-layer protocol data-transmission reliability, flow control and congestion control in the client and server using TCP-like ARQ sliding window mechanisms. The second item above is much more of a challenge to implement than the first, though neither is particularly trivial. But they are not tightly interdependent; each can be worked on separately at first and then integrated together at a later stage. Apart from the material in Chapters 8, 14 & 22 (especially Sections 22.5 - 22.7), and the experience you gained from the preceding assignment, you will also need to refer to the following : ioctl function (Chapter 17). get_ifi_info function (Section 17.6, Chapter 17). This function will be used by the server code to discover its node’s network interfaces so that it can bind all its interface IP addresses (see Section 22.6). ‘Race’ conditions (Section 20.5, Chapter 20) You also need a thorough understanding of how the TCP protocol implements reliable data transfer, flow control and congestion control. Chapters 17- 24 of TCP/IP Illustrated, Volume 1 by W. Richard Stevens gives a good overview of TCP. Though somewhat dated for some things (it was published in 1994), it remains, overall, a good basic reference. Overview This assignment asks you to implement a primitive file transfer protocol for Unix platforms, based on UDP, and with TCP-like reliability added to the transfer operation using timeouts and sliding-window mechanisms, and implementing flow and congestion control. The server is a concurrent server which can handle multiple clients simultaneously. A client gives the server the name of a file. The server forks off a child which reads directly from the file and transfers the contents over to the client using UDP datagrams. The client prints out the file contents as they come in, in order, with nothing missing and with no duplication of content, directly on to stdout (via the receiver sliding window, of course, but with no other intermediate buffering). The file to be transferred can be of arbitrary length, but its contents are always straightforward ascii text. As an aside let me mention that assuming the file contents ascii is not as restrictive as it sounds. We can always pretend, for example, that binary files are base64 encoded (“ASCII armor”). A real file transfer protocol would, of course, have to worry about transferring files between heterogeneous platforms with different file structure conventions and semantics. The sender would first have to transform the file into a platform-independent, protocol-defined, format (using, say, ASN.1, or some such standard), and the receiver would have to transform the received file into its platform’s native file format. This kind of thing can be fairly time consuming, and is certainly very tedious, to implement, with little educational value - it is not part of this assignment. Arguments for the server You should provide the server with an input file server.in from which it reads the following information, in the order shown, one item per line : Well-known port number for server. Maximum sending sliding-window size (in datagram units). You will not be handing in your server.in file. We shall create our own when we come to test your code. So it is important that you stick strictly to the file name and content conventions specified above. The same applies to the client.in input file below. Arguments for the client The client is to be provided with an input file client.in from which it reads the following information, in the order shown, one item per line : IP address of server (not the hostname). Well-known port number of server. filename to be transferred. Receiving sliding-window size (in datagram units). Random generator seed value. Probability p of datagram loss. This should be a real number in the range [ 0.0 , 1.0 ] (value 0.0 means no loss occurs; value 1.0 means all datagrams all lost). The mean µ, in milliseconds, for an exponential distribution controlling the rate at which the client reads received datagram payloads from its receive buffer. Operation Server starts up and reads its arguments from file server.in. As we shall see, when a client communicates with the server, the server will want to know what IP address that client is using to identify the server (i.e. , the destination IP address in the incoming datagram). Normally, this can be done relatively straightforwardly using the IP_RECVDESTADDR socket option, and picking up the information using the ancillary data (‘control information’) capability of the recvmsg function. Unfortunately, Solaris 2.10 does not support the IP_RECVDESTADDR option (nor, incidentally, does it support the msg_flags option in msghdr - see p.390). This considerably complicates things. In the absence of IP_RECVDESTADDR, what the server has to do as part of its initialization phase is to bind each IP address it has (and, simultaneously, its well-known port number, which it has read in from server.in) to a separate UDP socket. The code in Section 22.6, which uses the get_ifi_info function, shows you how to do that. However, there are important differences between that code and the version you want to implement. The code of Section 22.6 binds the IP addresses and forks off a child for each address that is bound to. We do not want to do that. Instead you should have an array of socket descriptors. For each IP address, create a new socket and bind the address (and well-known port number) to the socket without forking off child processes. Creating child processes comes later, when clients arrive. The code of Section 22.6 also attempts to bind broadcast addresses. We do not want to do this. It binds a wildcard IP address, which we certainly do not want to do either. We should bind strictly only unicast addresses (including the loopback address). The get_ifi_info function (which the code in Section 22.6 uses) has to be modified so that it also gets the network masks for the IP addresses of the node, and adds these to the information stored in the linked list of ifi_info structures (see Figure 17.5, p.471) it produces. As you go binding each IP address to a distinct socket, it will be useful for later processing to build your own array of structures, where a structure element records the following information for each socket : sockfd IP address bound to the socket network mask for the IP address subnet address (obtained by doing a bit-wise and between the IP address and its network mask) Report, in a ReadMe file which you hand in with your code, on the modifications you had to introduce to ensure that only unicast addresses are bound, and on your implementation of the array of structures described above. You should print out on stdout, with an appropriate message and appropriately formatted in dotted decimal notation, the IP address, network mask, and subnet address for each socket in your array of structures (you do not need to print the sockfd). The server now uses select to monitor the sockets it has created for incoming datagrams. When it returns from select, it must use recvfrom or recvmsg to read the incoming datagram (see 6. below). When a client starts, it first reads its arguments from the file client.in. The client checks if the server host is ‘local’ to its (extended) Ethernet. If so, all its communication to the server is to occur as MSG_DONTROUTE (or SO_DONTROUTE socket option). It determines if the server host is ‘local’ as follows. The first thing the client should do is to use the modified get_ifi_info function to obtain all of its IP addresses and associated network masks. Print out on stdout, in dotted decimal notation and with an appropriate message, the IP addresses and network masks obtained. In the following, IPserver designates the IP address the client will use to identify the server, and IPclient designates the IP address the client will choose to identify itself. The client checks whether the server is on the same host. If so, it should use the loopback address 127.0.0.1 for the server (i.e. , IPserver = 127.0.0.1). IPclient should also be set to the loopback address. Otherwise it proceeds as follows: IPserver is set to the IP address for the server in the client.in file. Given IPserver and the (unicast) IP addresses and network masks for the client returned by get_ifi_info in the linked list of ifi_info structures, you should be able to figure out if the server node is ‘local’ or not. This will be discussed in class; but let me just remind you here that you should use ‘longest prefix matching’ where applicable. If there are multiple client addresses, and the server host is ‘local’, the client chooses an IP address for itself, IPclient, which matches up as ‘local’ according to your examination above. If the server host is not ‘local’, then IPclient can be chosen arbitrarily. Print out on stdout the results of your examination, as to whether the server host is ‘local’ or not, as well as the IPclient and IPserver addresses selected. Note that this manner of determining whether the server is local or not is somewhat clumsy and ‘over-engineered’, and, as such, should be viewed more in the nature of a pedagogical exercise. Ideally, we would like to look up the server IP address(es) in the routing table (see Section 18.3). This requires that a routing socket be created, for which we need superuser privilege. Alternatively, we might want to dump out the routing table, using the sysctl function for example (see Section 18.4), and examine it directly. Unfortunately, Solaris 2.10 does not support sysctl. Furthermore, note that there is a slight problem with the address 130.245.1.123/24 assigned to compserv3 (see rightmost column of file hosts, and note that this particular compserv3 address “overlaps” with the 130.245.1.x/28 addresses in that same column assigned to compserv1, compserv2 & comserv4). In particular, if the client is running on compserv3 and the server on any of the other three compservs, and if that server node is also being identified to the client by its /28 (rather than its /24) address, then the client will get a “false positive” when it tests as to whether the server node is local or not. In other words, the client will deem the server node to be local, whereas in fact it should not be considered local. Because of this, it is perhaps best simply not to use compserv3 to run the client (but it is o.k. to use it to run the server). Finally, using MSG_DONTROUTE where possible would seem to gain us efficiency, in as much as the kernel does not need to consult the routing table for every datagram sent. But, in fact, that is not so. Recall that one effect of connect with UDP sockets is that routing information is obtained by the kernel at the time the connect is issued. That information is cached and used for subsequent sends from the connected socket (see p.255). The client now creates a UDP socket and calls bind on IPclient, with 0 as the port number. This will cause the kernel to bind an ephemeral port to the socket. After the bind, use the getsockname function (Section 4.10) to obtain IPclient and the ephemeral port number that has been assigned to the socket, and print that information out on stdout, with an appropriate message and appropriately formatted. The client connects its socket to IPserver and the well-known port number of the server. After the connect, use the getpeername function (Section 4.10) to obtain IPserver and the well-known port number of the server, and print that information out on stdout, with an appropriate message and appropriately formatted. The client sends a datagram to the server giving the filename for the transfer. This send needs to be backed up by a timeout in case the datagram is lost. Note that the incoming datagram from the client will be delivered to the server at the socket to which the destination IP address that the datagram is carrying has been bound. Thus, the server can obtain that address (it is, of course, IPserver) and thereby achieve what IP_RECVDESTADDR would have given us had it been available. Furthermore, the server process can obtain the IP address (this will, of course, be IPclient) and ephemeral port number of the client through the recvfrom or recvmsg functions. The server forks off a child process to handle the client. The server parent process goes back to the select to listen for new clients. Hereafter, and unless otherwise stated, whenever we refer to the ‘server’, we mean the server child process handling the client’s file transfer, not the server parent process. Typically, the first thing the server child would be expected to do is to close all sockets it ‘inherits’ from its parent. However, this is not the case with us. The server child does indeed close the sockets it inherited, but not the socket on which the client request arrived. It leaves that socket open for now. Call this socket the ‘listening’ socket. The server (child) then checks if the client host is local to its (extended) Ethernet. If so, all its communication to the client is to occur as MSG_DONTROUTE (or SO_DONTROUTE socket option). If IPserver (obtained in 5. above) is the loopback address, then we are done. Otherwise, the server has to proceed with the following step. Use the array of structures you built in 1. above, together with the addresses IPserver and IPclient to determine if the client is ‘local’. Print out on stdout the results of your examination, as to whether the client host is ‘local’ or not. The server (child) creates a UDP socket to handle file transfer to the client. Call this socket the ‘connection’ socket. It binds the socket to IPserver, with port number 0 so that its kernel assigns an ephemeral port. After the bind, use the getsockname function (Section 4.10) to obtain IPserver and the ephemeral port number that has been assigned to the socket, and print that information out on stdout, with an appropriate message and appropriately formatted. The server then connects this ‘connection’ socket to the client’s IPclient and ephemeral port number. The server now sends the client a datagram, in which it passes it the ephemeral port number of its ‘connection’ socket as the data payload of the datagram. This datagram is sent using the ‘listening’ socket inherited from its parent, otherwise the client (whose socket is connected to the server’s ‘listening’ socket at the latter’s well-known port number) will reject it. This datagram must be backed up by the ARQ mechanism, and retransmitted in the event of loss. Note that if this datagram is indeed lost, the client might well time out and retransmit its original request message (the one carrying the file name). In this event, you must somehow ensure that the parent server does not mistake this retransmitted request for a new client coming in, and spawn off yet another child to handle it. How do you do that? It is potentially more involved than it might seem. I will be discussing this in class, as well as ‘race’ conditions that could potentially arise, depending on how you code the mechanisms I present. When the client receives the datagram carrying the ephemeral port number of the server’s ‘connection’ socket, it reconnects its socket to the server’s ‘connection’ socket, using IPserver and the ephemeral port number received in the datagram (see p.254). It now uses this reconnected socket to send the server an acknowledgment. Note that this implies that, in the event of the server timing out, it should retransmit two copies of its ‘ephemeral port number’ message, one on its ‘listening’ socket and the other on its ‘connection’ socket (why?). When the server receives the acknowledgment, it closes the ‘listening’ socket it inherited from its parent. The server can now commence the file transfer through its ‘connection’ socket. The net effect of all these binds and connects at server and client is that no ‘outsider’ UDP datagram (broadcast, multicast, unicast - fortuitously or maliciously) can now intrude on the communication between server and client. Starting with the first datagram sent out, the client behaves as follows. Whenever a datagram arrives, or an ACK is about to be sent out (or, indeed, the initial datagram to the server giving the filename for the transfer), the client uses some random number generator function random() (initialized by the client.in argument value seed) to decide with probability p (another client.in argument value) if the datagram or ACK should be discarded by way of simulating transmission loss across the network. (I will briefly discuss in class how you do this.) Adding reliability to UDP The mechanisms you are to implement are based on TCP Reno. These include : Reliable data transmission using ARQ sliding-windows, with Fast Retransmit. Flow control via receiver window advertisements. Congestion control that implements : SlowStart Congestion Avoidance (‘Additive-Increase/Multiplicative Decrease’ – AIMD) Fast Recovery (but without the window-inflation aspect of Fast Recovery) Only some, and by no means all, of the details for these are covered below. The rest will be presented in class, especially those concerning flow control and TCP Reno’s congestion control mechanisms in general : Slow Start, Congestion Avoidance, Fast Retransmit and Fast Recovery. Implement a timeout mechanism on the sender (server) side. This is available to you from Stevens, Section 22.5 . Note, however, that you will need to modify the basic driving mechanism of Figure 22.7 appropriately since the situation at the sender side is not a repetitive cycle of send-receive, but rather a straightforward progression of send-send-send-send- . . . . . . . . . . . Also, modify the RTT and RTO mechanisms of Section 22.5 as specified below. I will be discussing the details of these modifications and the reasons for them in class. Modify function rtt_stop (Fig. 22.13) so that it uses integer arithmetic rather than floating point. This will entail your also having to modify some of the variable and function parameter declarations throughout Section 22.5 from float to int, as appropriate. In the unprrt.h header file (Fig. 22.10) set : RTT_RXTMIN to 1000 msec. (1 sec. instead of the current value 3 sec.) RTT_RXTMAX to 3000 msec. (3 sec. instead of the current value 60 sec.) RTT_MAXNREXMT to 12 (instead of the current value 3) In function rtt_timeout (Fig. 22.14), after doubling the RTO in line 86, pass its value through the function rtt_minmax of Fig. 22.11 (somewhat along the lines of what is done in line 77 of rtt_stop, Fig. 22.13). Finally, note that with the modification to integer calculation of the smoothed RTT and its variation, and given the small RTT values you will experience on the cs / sbpub network, these calculations should probably now be done on a millisecond or even microsecond scale (rather than in seconds, as is the case with Stevens’ code). Otherwise, small measured RTTs could show up as 0 on a scale of seconds, yielding a negative result when we subtract the smoothed RTT from the measured RTT (line 72 of rtt_stop, Fig. 22.13). Report the details of your modifications to the code of Section 22.5 in the ReadMe file which you hand in with your code. We need to have a sender sliding window mechanism for the retransmission of lost datagrams; and a receiver sliding window in order to ensure correct sequencing of received file contents, and some measure of flow control. You should implement something based on TCP Reno’s mechanisms, with cumulative acknowledgments, receiver window advertisements, and a congestion control mechanism I will explain in detail in class. For a reference on TCP’s mechanisms generally, see W. Richard Stevens, TCP/IP Illustrated, Volume 1 , especially Sections 20.2 - 20.4 of Chapter 20 , and Sections 21.1 - 21.8 of Chapter 21 . Bear in mind that our sequence numbers should count datagrams, not bytes as in TCP. Remember that the sender and receiver window sizes have to be set according to the argument values in client.in and server.in, respectively. Whenever the sender window becomes full and so ‘locks’, the server should print out a message to that effect on stdout. Similarly, whenever the receiver window ‘locks’, the client should print out a message on stdout. Be aware of the potential for deadlock when the receiver window ‘locks’. This situation is handled by having the receiver process send a duplicate ACK which acts as a window update when its window opens again (see Figure 20.3 and the discussion about it in TCP/IP Illustrated). However, this is not enough, because ACKs are not backed up by a timeout mechanism in the event they are lost. So we will also need to implement a persist timer driving window probes in the sender process (see Sections 22.1 & 22.2 in Chapter 22 of TCP/IP Illustrated). Note that you do not have to worry about the Silly Window Syndrome discussed in Section 22.3 of TCP/IP Illustrated since the receiver process consumes ‘full sized’ 512-byte messages from the receiver buffer (see 3. below). Report on the details of the ARQ mechanism you implemented in the ReadMe file you hand in. Indeed, you should report on all the TCP mechanisms you implemented in the ReadMe file, both the ones discussed here, and the ones I will be discussing in class. Make your datagram payload a fixed 512 bytes, inclusive of the file transfer protocol header (which must, at the very least, carry: the sequence number of the datagram; ACKs; and advertised window notifications). The client reads the file contents in its receive buffer and prints them out on stdout using a separate thread. This thread sits in a repetitive loop till all the file contents have been printed out, doing the following. It samples from an exponential distribution with mean µ milliseconds (read from the client.in file), sleeps for that number of milliseconds; wakes up to read and print all in-order file contents available in the receive buffer at that point; samples again from the exponential distribution; sleeps; and so on. The formula -1 × µ × ln( random( ) ) , where ln is the natural logarithm, yields variates from an exponential distribution with mean µ, based on the uniformly-distributed variates over ( 0 , 1 ) returned by random(). Note that you will need to implement some sort of mutual exclusion/semaphore mechanism on the client side so that the thread that sleeps and wakes up to consume from the receive buffer is not updating the state variables of the buffer at the same time as the main thread reading from the socket and depositing into the buffer is doing the same. Furthermore, we need to ensure that the main thread does not effectively monopolize the semaphore (and thus lock out for prolonged periods of time) the sleeping thread when the latter wakes up. See the textbook, Section 26.7, ‘Mutexes: Mutual Exclusion’, pp.697-701. You might also find Section 26.8, ‘Condition Variables’, pp.701-705, useful. You will need to devise some way by which the sender can notify the receiver when it has sent the last datagram of the file transfer, without the receiver mistaking that EOF marker as part of the file contents. (Also, note that the last data segment could be a “short” segment of less than 512 bytes – your client needs to be able to handle this correctly somehow.) When the sender receives an ACK for the last datagram of the transfer, the (child) server terminates. The parent server has to take care of cleaning up zombie children. Note that if we want a clean closing, the client process cannot simply terminate when the receiver ACKs the last datagram. This ACK could be lost, which would leave the (child) server process ‘hanging’, timing out, and retransmitting the last datagram. TCP attempts to deal with this problem by means of the TIME_WAIT state. You should have your receiver process behave similarly, sticking around in something akin to a TIME_WAIT state in case in case it needs to retransmit the ACK. In the ReadMe file you hand in, report on how you dealt with the issues raised here: sender notifying receiver of the last datagram, clean closing, and so on. Output Some of the output required from your program has been described in the section Operation above. I expect you to provide further output – clear, well-structured, well-laid-out, concise but sufficient and helpful – in the client and server windows by means of which we can trace the correct evolution of your TCP’s behaviour in all its intricacies : information (e.g., sequence number) on datagrams and acks sent and dropped, window advertisements, datagram retransmissions (and why : dup acks or RTO); entering/exiting Slow Start and Congestion Avoidance, ssthresh and cwnd values; sender and receiver windows locking/unlocking; etc., etc. . . . . The onus is on you to convince us that the TCP mechanisms you implemented are working correctly. Too many students do not put sufficient thought, creative imagination, time or effort into this. It is not the TA’s nor my responsibility to sit staring at an essentially blank screen, trying to summon up our paranormal psychology skills to figure out if your TCP implementation is really working correctly in all its very intricate aspects, simply because the transferred file seems to be printing o.k. in the client window. Nor is it our responsibility to strain our eyes and our patience wading through a mountain of obscure, ill-structured, hyper-messy, debugging-style output because, for example, your effort-conserving concept of what is ‘suitable’ is to dump your debugging output on us, relevant, irrelevant, and everything in between.

What is JavaScript and what does it do? Before you start learning something new, it’s important to understand exactly what it is and what it does. This is especially useful when it comes to mastering a new programming language. In simple terms, JavaScript is a programming language used to make websites interactive. If you think about the basic makeup of a website, you have HTML, which describes and defines the basic content and structure of the website, then you have CSS, which tells the browser how this HTML content should be displayed—determining things like color and font. With just HTML and CSS, you have a website that looks good but doesn’t actually do much. JavaScript brings the website to life by adding functionality. JavaScript is responsible for elements that the user can interact with, such as drop-down menus, modal windows, and contact forms. It is also used to create things like animations, video players, and interactive maps. Nowadays, JavaScript is an all-purpose programming language—meaning it runs across the entire software stack. The most popular application of JavaScript is on the client side (aka frontend), but since Node.js came on the scene, many people run JavaScript on the server side (aka backend) as well. When used on the client side, JavaScript code is read, interpreted, and executed in the user’s web browser. When used on the server side, it is run on a remote computer. You can learn more about the difference between frontend and backend programming here. JavaScript isn’t only used to create websites. It can also be used to build browser-based games and, with the help of certain frameworks, mobile apps for different operating systems. The creation of new libraries and frameworks is also making it possible to build backend programs with JavaScript, such as web apps and server apps. Is it still worth learning JavaScript in 2021? The world of web development is constantly moving. With so many new tools popping up all the time, it can be extremely difficult to know where you should focus your efforts. As an aspiring developer, you’ll want to make sure that what you’re learning is still relevant in today’s industry. If you’re having doubts about JavaScript, it’s important to know that, since its creation in 1995, JavaScript is pretty much everywhere on the web—and that’s not likely to change any time soon. According to the 2020 StackOverflow developer survey, JavaScript is the most commonly used programming language for the eighth year in a row. It is currently used by 94.5% of all websites and, despite originally being designed as a client-side language, JavaScript has now made its way to the server-side of websites (thanks to Node.js), mobile devices (thanks to React Native and Ionic) and desktop (courtesy of Electron). As long as people are interacting with the web, you can assume that JavaScript is highly relevant—there’s no doubt that this is a language worth knowing! With that in mind, let’s look at some of the key benefits of becoming a JavaScript expert. Why learn JavaScript? The most obvious reason for learning JavaScript is if you have hopes of becoming a web developer. Even if you haven’t got your heart set on a tech career, being proficient in JavaScript will enable you to build websites from scratch—a pretty useful skill to have in today’s job market! If you do want to become a web developer, here are some of the main reasons why you should learn JavaScript: JavaScript experts are versatile JavaScript is an extremely versatile language. Once you’ve mastered it, the possibilities are endless: you can code on the client-side (frontend) using Angular and on the server-side (backend) using Node.js. You can also develop web, mobile, and desktop apps using React, React Native, and Electron, and you can even get involved in machine learning. If you want to become a frontend developer, JavaScript is a prerequisite. However, that’s not the only career path open to you as a JavaScript expert. Mastering this key programming language could see you go on to work in full-stack development, games development, information security software engineering, machine learning, and artificial intelligence—to name just a few! Ultimately, if you want any kind of development or engineering career, proficiency in JavaScript is a must. JavaScript experts are in-demand (and well-paid) JavaScript is the most popular programming language in the world, so it’s no wonder that JavaScript is one of the most sought-after skills in the web development industry today. According to the Devskiller IT Skills and Hiring Report 2020, 72% of companies are looking to hire JavaScript experts. Enter the search term “JavaScript” on job site Indeed and you’ll find over 40,000 jobs requiring this skill (in the US). Run the same search on LinkedIn and the results are in excess of 125,000. At the same time, the global demand for JavaScript seems to outweigh the expertise available on the market. According to this 2018 HackerRank report, 48% of employers worldwide need developers with JavaScript skills, while only 42% of student developers claim to be proficient in JavaScript. And, in their most recent report for 2020, HackerRank once again reports that JavaScript is the most popular language that hiring mangers look for in a web developer candidate. Not only are JavaScript experts in demand—they are also well-paid. In the United States, JavaScript developers earn an average yearly salary of $111,953 per year. We’ve covered this topic in more detail in our JavaScript salary guide, but as you can see, learning JavaScript can really boost your earning potential as a developer. JavaScript is beginner-friendly Compared to many other programming languages, JavaScript offers one of the more beginner-friendly entry points into the world of coding. The great thing about JavaScript is that it comes installed on every modern web browser—there’s no need to set up any kind of development environment, which means you can start coding with JavaScript right away! Another advantage of learning JavaScript as your first programming language is that you get instant feedback; with a minimal amount of JavaScript code, you’ll immediately see visible results. There’s also a huge JavaScript community on sites like Stack Overflow, so you’ll find plenty of support as you learn. Not only is JavaScript beginner-friendly; it will also set you up with some extremely valuable transferable skills. JavaScript supports object-oriented, functional, and imperative styles of programming—skills which can be transferred to any new language you might learn later on, such as Python, Java, or C++. JavaScript provides a crucial introduction to key principles and practices that you’ll take with you throughout your career as a developer. Should you learn plain JavaScript first or can you skip to frameworks and libraries? When deciding whether or not to learn JavaScript, what you’re really asking is whether or not you should learn “vanilla” JavaScript. Vanilla JavaScript just means plain JavaScript without any libraries or frameworks. Let’s explore what this means in more detail now. What is meant by vanilla JavaScript, libraries, and frameworks? If you research the term “vanilla JavaScript”, you might run into some confusion; however, all you need to know is that vanilla JavaScript is used to refer to native, standards-based, non-extended JavaScript. There is no difference between vanilla JavaScript and JavaScript—it’s just there to emphasize the usage of plain JavaScript without the use of libraries and frameworks. So what are libraries and frameworks? JavaScript libraries and frameworks both contain sets of prewritten, ready-to-use JavaScript code—but they’re not the same thing. You can think of a framework as your blueprint for building a website: it gives you a structure to work from, and contains ready-made components and tools that help you to build certain elements much quicker than if you were to code them from scratch. Some popular JavaScript frameworks include Angular, React, Vue, and Node.js. Frameworks also contain libraries. Libraries are smaller than frameworks, and tend to be used for more specific cases. A JavaScript library contains sets of JavaScript code which can be called upon to implement certain functions and features. Let’s imagine you want to code a particular element into your website. You could write, say, ten lines of JavaScript from scratch—or you could take the condensed, ready-made version from your chosen JavaScript library. Some examples of JavaScript libraries include jQuery, Lodash, and Underscore. The easiest way to understand how frameworks and libraries work together is to imagine you are building a house. The framework provides the foundation and the structure, while the library enables you to add in ready-made components (like furniture) rather than building your own from scratch. You can learn more about the relationship between languages and libraries in this post explaining the main differences between JavaScript and jQuery. For now, let’s go back to our original question: How important is it to learn vanilla JavaScript? Should you learn vanilla JavaScript first? When it comes to learning JavaScript, it can be tempting to skip ahead to those time-saving frameworks and libraries we just talked about—and many developers do. However, there are many compelling arguments for learning plain JavaScript first. While JavaScript frameworks may help you get the job done quicker, there’s only so far you can go if you don’t understand the core concepts behind these frameworks. Frontend developer Abhishek Nagekar describes how not learning vanilla JavaScript came back to bite him when he started learning the JavaScript frameworks Node and Express: “As I went to write more and more code in Node and Express, I began to get stuck at even the tiniest problems. Suddenly, I was surrounded with words like callbacks, closures, event loop and prototype. It felt like I got a reintroduction to JavaScript, but this time, it was not a toddler playing in its cradle, it was something of a mysterious monster, challenging me on every other step for not having taken it seriously.” The above Tweet references a long-running joke within the developer community, and although it dates way back to 2015, it’s still highly relevant today. If you want to become a developer who can innovate, not just execute, you need to understand the underlying principles of the web—not just the shortcuts. This means learning vanilla JavaScript before you move on to frameworks. In fact, understanding plain JavaScript will help you later on when it comes to deciding whether to use a framework for a certain project, and if so, which framework to use. Why Study JavaScript? JavaScript is one of the 3 languages all web developers must learn: 1. HTML to define the content of web pages 2. CSS to specify the layout of web pages 3. JavaScript to program the behavior of web pages Learning Speed In this tutorial, the learning speed is your choice. Everything is up to you. If you are struggling, take a break, or re-read the material. Always make sure you understand all the "Try-it-Yourself" examples. The only way to become a clever programmer is to: Practice. Practice. Practice. Code. Code. Code ! Commonly Asked Questions How do I get JavaScript? Where can I download JavaScript? Is JavaScript Free? You don't have to get or download JavaScript. JavaScript is already running in your browser on your computer, on your tablet, and on your smart-phone. JavaScript is free to use for everyone.

Once upon a time there was a lovely princess. But she had an enchantment upon her of a fearful sort which could only be broken by love's first kiss. She was locked away in a castle guarded by a terrible fire-breathing dragon. Many brave knights had attempted to free her from this dreadful prison, but non prevailed. She waited in the dragon's keep in the highest room of the tallest tower for her true love and true love's first kiss. (laughs) Like that's ever gonna happen. What a load of - (toilet flush) Allstar - by Smashmouth begins to play. Shrek goes about his day. While in a nearby town, the villagers get together to go after the ogre. NIGHT - NEAR SHREK'S HOME MAN1 Think it's in there? MAN2 All right. Let's get it! MAN1 Whoa. Hold on. Do you know what that thing can do to you? MAN3 Yeah, it'll grind your bones for it's bread. Shrek sneaks up behind them and laughs. SHREK Yes, well, actually, that would be a giant. Now, ogres, oh they're much worse. They'll make a suit from your freshly peeled skin. MEN No! SHREK They'll shave your liver. Squeeze the jelly from your eyes! Actually, it's quite good on toast. MAN1 Back! Back, beast! Back! I warn ya! (waves the torch at Shrek.) Shrek calmly licks his fingers and extinguishes the torch. The men shrink back away from him. Shrek roars very loudly and long and his breath extinguishes all the remaining torches until the men are in the dark. SHREK This is the part where you run away. (The men scramble to get away. He laughs.) And stay out! (looks down and picks up a piece of paper. Reads.) "Wanted. Fairy tale creatures."(He sighs and throws the paper over his shoulder.) THE NEXT DAY There is a line of fairy tale creatures. The head of the guard sits at a table paying people for bringing the fairy tale creatures to him. There are cages all around. Some of the people in line are Peter Pan, who is carrying Tinkerbell in a cage, Gipetto who's carrying Pinocchio, and a farmer who is carrying the three little pigs. GUARD All right. This one's full. Take it away! Move it along. Come on! Get up! HEAD GUARD Next! GUARD (taking the witch's broom) Give me that! Your flying days are over. (breaks the broom in half) HEAD GUARD That's 20 pieces of silver for the witch. Next! GUARD Get up! Come on! HEAD GUARD Twenty pieces. LITTLE BEAR (crying) This cage is too small. DONKEY Please, don't turn me in. I'll never be stubborn again. I can change. Please! Give me another chance! OLD WOMAN Oh, shut up. (jerks his rope) DONKEY Oh! HEAD GUARD Next! What have you got? GIPETTO This little wooden puppet. PINOCCHIO I'm not a puppet. I'm a real boy. (his nose grows) HEAD GUARD Five shillings for the possessed toy. Take it away. PINOCCHIO Father, please! Don't let them do this! Help me! Gipetto takes the money and walks off. The old woman steps up to the table. HEAD GUARD Next! What have you got? OLD WOMAN Well, I've got a talking donkey. HEAD GUARD Right. Well, that's good for ten shillings, if you can prove it. OLD WOMAN Oh, go ahead, little fella. Donkey just looks up at her. HEAD GUARD Well? OLD WOMAN Oh, oh, he's just...he's just a little nervous. He's really quite a chatterbox. Talk, you boneheaded dolt... HEAD GUARD That's it. I've heard enough. Guards! OLD WOMAN No, no, he talks! He does. (pretends to be Donkey) I can talk. I love to talk. I'm the talkingest damn thing you ever saw. HEAD GUARD Get her out of my sight. OLD WOMAN No, no! I swear! Oh! He can talk! The guards grab the old woman and she struggles with them. One of her legs flies out and kicks Tinkerbell out of Peter Pan's hands, and her cage drops on Donkey's head. He gets sprinkled with fairy dust and he's able to fly. DONKEY Hey! I can fly! PETER PAN He can fly! 3 LITTLE PIGS He can fly! HEAD GUARD He can talk! DONKEY Ha, ha! That's right, fool! Now I'm a flying, talking donkey. You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly but I bet you ain't never seen a donkey fly. Ha, ha! (the pixie dust begins to wear off) Uh-oh. (he begins to sink to the ground.) He hits the ground with a thud. HEAD GUARD Seize him! (Donkey takes of running.) After him! GUARDS He's getting away! Get him! This way! Turn! Donkey keeps running and he eventually runs into Shrek. Literally. Shrek turns around to see who bumped into him. Donkey looks scared for a moment then he spots the guards coming up the path. He quickly hides behind Shrek. HEAD GUARD You there. Ogre! SHREK Aye? HEAD GUARD By the order of Lord Farquaad I am authorized to place you both under arrest and transport you to a designated resettlement facility. SHREK Oh, really? You and what army? He looks behind the guard and the guard turns to look as well and we see that the other men have run off. The guard tucks tail and runs off. Shrek laughs and goes back about his business and begins walking back to his cottage. DONKEY Can I say something to you? Listen, you was really, really, really somethin' back here. Incredible! SHREK Are you talkin' to...(he turns around and Donkey is gone) me? (he turns back around and Donkey is right in front of him.) Whoa! DONKEY Yes. I was talkin' to you. Can I tell you that you that you was great back here? Those guards! They thought they was all of that. Then you showed up, and bam! They was trippin' over themselves like babes in the woods. That really made me feel good to see that. SHREK Oh, that's great. Really. DONKEY Man, it's good to be free. SHREK Now, why don't you go celebrate your freedom with your own friends? Hmm? DONKEY But, uh, I don't have any friends. And I'm not goin' out there by myself. Hey, wait a minute! I got a great idea! I'll stick with you. You're mean, green, fightin' machine. Together we'll scare the spit out of anybody that crosses us. Shrek turns and regards Donkey for a moment before roaring very loudly. DONKEY Oh, wow! That was really scary. If you don't mind me sayin', if that don't work, your breath certainly will get the job done, 'cause you definitely need some Tic Tacs or something, 'cause you breath stinks! You almost burned the hair outta my nose, just like the time...(Shrek covers his mouth but Donkey continues to talk, so Shrek removes his hand.) ...then I ate some rotten berries. I had strong gases leaking out of my butt that day. SHREK Why are you following me? DONKEY I'll tell you why. (singing) 'Cause I'm all alone, There's no one here beside me, My problems have all gone, There's no one to deride me, But you gotta have faith... SHREK Stop singing! It's no wonder you don't have any friends. DONKEY Wow. Only a true friend would be that cruelly honest. SHREK Listen, little donkey. Take a look at me. What am I? DONKEY (looks all the way up at Shrek) Uh ...really tall? SHREK No! I'm an ogre! You know. "Grab your torch and pitchforks." Doesn't that bother you? DONKEY Nope. SHREK Really? DONKEY Really, really. SHREK Oh. DONKEY Man, I like you. What's you name? SHREK Uh, Shrek. DONKEY Shrek? Well, you know what I like about you, Shrek? You got that kind of I-don't-care-what-nobody-thinks-of-me thing. I like that. I respect that, Shrek. You all right. (They come over a hill and you can see Shrek's cottage.) Whoa! Look at that. Who'd want to live in place like that? SHREK That would be my home. DONKEY Oh! And it is lovely! Just beautiful. You know you are quite a decorator. It's amazing what you've done with such a modest budget. I like that boulder. That is a nice boulder. I guess you don't entertain much, do you? SHREK I like my privacy. DONKEY You know, I do too. That's another thing we have in common. Like I hate it when you got somebody in your face. You've trying to give them a hint, and they won't leave. There's that awkward silence. (awkward silence) Can I stay with you? SHREK Uh, what? DONKEY Can I stay with you, please? SHREK (sarcastically) Of course! DONKEY Really? SHREK No. DONKEY Please! I don't wanna go back there! You don't know what it's like to be considered a freak. (pause while he looks at Shrek) Well, maybe you do. But that's why we gotta stick together. You gotta let me stay! Please! Please! SHREK Okay! Okay! But one night only. DONKEY Ah! Thank you! (he runs inside the cottage) SHREK What are you...? (Donkey hops up onto a chair.) No! No! DONKEY This is gonna be fun! We can stay up late, swappin' manly stories, and in the mornin' I'm makin' waffles. SHREK Oh! DONKEY Where do, uh, I sleep? SHREK (irritated) Outside! DONKEY Oh, well, I guess that's cool. I mean, I don't know you, and you don't know me, so I guess outside is best, you know. Here I go. Good night. (Shrek slams the door.) (sigh) I mean, I do like the outdoors. I'm a donkey. I was born outside. I'll just be sitting by myself outside, I guess, you know. By myself, outside. I'm all alone...there's no one here beside me... SHREK'S COTTAGE - NIGHT Shrek is getting ready for dinner. He sits himself down and lights a candle made out of earwax. He begins to eat when he hears a noise. He stands up with a huff. SHREK (to Donkey) I thought I told you to stay outside. DONKEY (from the window) I am outside. There is another noise and Shrek turns to find the person that made the noise. He sees several shadows moving. He finally turns and spots 3 blind mice on his table. BLIND MOUSE1 Well, gents, it's a far cry from the farm, but what choice do we have? BLIND MOUSE2 It's not home, but it'll do just fine. GORDO (bouncing on a slug) What a lovely bed. SHREK Got ya. (Grabs a mouse, but it escapes and lands on his shoulder.) GORDO I found some cheese. (bites Shrek's ear) SHREK Ow! GORDO Blah! Awful stuff. BLIND MOUSE1 Is that you, Gordo? GORDO How did you know? SHREK Enough! (he grabs the 3 mice) What are you doing in my house? (He gets bumped from behind and he drops the mice.) Hey! (he turns and sees the Seven Dwarves with Snow White on the table.) Oh, no, no, no. Dead broad off the table. DWARF Where are we supposed to put her? The bed's taken. SHREK Huh? Shrek marches over to the bedroom and throws back the curtain. The Big Bad Wolf is sitting in the bed. The wolf just looks at him. BIG BAD WOLF What? TIME LAPSE Shrek now has the Big Bad Wolf by the collar and is dragging him to the front door. SHREK I live in a swamp. I put up signs. I'm a terrifying ogre! What do I have to do get a little privacy? (He opens the front door to throw the Wolf out and he sees that all the collected Fairy Tale Creatures are on his land.) Oh, no. No! No! The 3 bears sit around the fire, the pied piper is playing his pipe and the rats are all running to him, some elves are directing flight traffic so that the fairies and witches can land...etc. SHREK What are you doing in my swamp? (this echoes and everyone falls silent.) Gasps are heard all around. The 3 good fairies hide inside a tent. SHREK All right, get out of here. All of you, move it! Come on! Let's go! Hapaya! Hapaya! Hey! Quickly. Come on! (more dwarves run inside the house) No, no! No, no. Not there. Not there. (they shut the door on him) Oh! (turns to look at Donkey) DONKEY Hey, don't look at me. I didn't invite them. PINOCCHIO Oh, gosh, no one invited us. SHREK What? PINOCCHIO We were forced to come here. SHREK (flabbergasted) By who? LITTLE PIG Lord Farquaad. He huffed and he puffed and he...signed an eviction notice. SHREK (heavy sigh) All right. Who knows where this Farquaad guy is? Everyone looks around at each other but no one answers. DONKEY Oh, I do. I know where he is. SHREK Does anyone else know where to find him? Anyone at all? DONKEY Me! Me! SHREK Anyone? DONKEY Oh! Oh, pick me! Oh, I know! I know! Me, me! SHREK (sigh) Okay, fine. Attention, all fairy tale things. Do not get comfortable. Your welcome is officially worn out. In fact, I'm gonna see this guy Farquaad right now and get you all off my land and back where you came from! (Pause. Then the crowd goes wild.) Oh! (to Donkey) You! You're comin' with me. DONKEY All right, that's what I like to hear, man. Shrek and Donkey, two stalwart friends, off on a whirlwind big-city adventure. I love it! DONKEY (singing) On the road again. Sing it with me, Shrek. I can't wait to get on the road again. SHREK What did I say about singing? DONKEY Can I whistle? SHREK No. DONKEY Can I hum it? SHREK All right, hum it. Donkey begins to hum 'On the Road Again'. DULOC - KITCHEN A masked man is torturing the Gingerbread Man. He's continually dunking him in a glass of milk. Lord Farquaad walks in. FARQUAAD That's enough. He's ready to talk. The Gingerbread Man is pulled out of the milk and slammed down onto a cookie sheet. Farquaad laughs as he walks over to the table. However when he reaches the table we see that it goes up to his eyes. He clears his throat and the table is lowered. FARQUAAD (he picks up the Gingerbread Man's legs and plays with them) Run, run, run, as fast as you can. You can't catch me. I'm the gingerbread man. GINGERBREAD MAN You are a monster. FARQUAAD I'm not the monster here. You are. You and the rest of that fairy tale trash, poisoning my perfect world. Now, tell me! Where are the others? GINGERBREAD MAN Eat me! (He spits milk into Farquaad's eye.) FARQUAAD I've tried to be fair to you creatures. Now my patience has reached its end! Tell me or I'll...(he makes as if to pull off the Gingerbread Man's buttons) GINGERBREAD MAN No, no, not the buttons. Not my gumdrop buttons. FARQUAAD All right then. Who's hiding them? GINGERBREAD MAN Okay, I'll tell you. Do you know the muffin man? FARQUAAD The muffin man? GINGERBREAD MAN The muffin man. FARQUAAD Yes, I know the muffin man, who lives on Drury Lane? GINGERBREAD MAN Well, she's married to the muffin man. FARQUAAD The muffin man? GINGERBREAD MAN The muffin man! FARQUAAD She's married to the muffin man. The door opens and the Head Guard walks in. HEAD GUARD My lord! We found it. FARQUAAD Then what are you waiting for? Bring it in. More guards enter carrying something that is covered by a sheet. They hang up whatever it is and remove the sheet. It is the Magic Mirror. GINGERBREAD MAN (in awe) Ohhhh... FARQUAAD Magic mirror... GINGERBREAD MAN Don't tell him anything! (Farquaad picks him up and dumps him into a trash can with a lid.) No! FARQUAAD Evening. Mirror, mirror on the wall. Is this not the most perfect kingdom of them all? MIRROR Well, technically you're not a king. FARQUAAD Uh, Thelonius. (Thelonius holds up a hand mirror and smashes it with his fist.) You were saying? MIRROR What I mean is you're not a king yet. But you can become one. All you have to do is marry a princess. FARQUAAD Go on. MIRROR (chuckles nervously) So, just sit back and relax, my lord, because it's time for you to meet today's eligible bachelorettes. And here they are! Bachelorette number one is a mentally abused shut-in from a kingdom far, far away. She likes sushi and hot tubbing anytime. Her hobbies include cooking and cleaning for her two evil sisters. Please welcome Cinderella. (shows picture of Cinderella) Bachelorette number two is a cape-wearing girl from the land of fancy. Although she lives with seven other men, she's not easy. Just kiss her dead, frozen lips and find out what a live wire she is. Come on. Give it up for Snow White! (shows picture of Snow White) And last, but certainly not last, bachelorette number three is a fiery redhead from a dragon-guarded castle surrounded by hot boiling lava! But don't let that cool you off. She's a loaded pistol who likes pina colads and getting caught in the rain. Yours for the rescuing, Princess Fiona! (Shows picture of Princess Fiona) So will it be bachelorette number one, bachelorette number two or bachelorette number three? GUARDS Two! Two! Three! Three! Two! Two! Three! FARQUAAD Three? One? Three? THELONIUS Three! (holds up 2 fingers) Pick number three, my lord! FARQUAAD Okay, okay, uh, number three! MIRROR Lord Farquaad, you've chosen Princess Fiona. FARQUAAD Princess Fiona. She's perfect. All I have to do is just find someone who can go... MIRROR But I probably should mention the little thing that happens at night. FARQUAAD I'll do it. MIRROR Yes, but after sunset... FARQUAAD Silence! I will make this Princess Fiona my queen, and DuLoc will finally have the perfect king! Captain, assemble your finest men. We're going to have a tournament. (smiles evilly) DuLoc Parking Lot - Lancelot Section Shrek and Donkey come out of the field that is right by the parking lot. The castle itself is about 40 stories high. DONKEY But that's it. That's it right there. That's DuLoc. I told ya I'd find it. SHREK So, that must be Lord Farquaad's castle. DONKEY Uh-huh. That's the place. SHREK Do you think maybe he's compensating for something? (He laughs, but then groans as Donkey doesn't get the joke. He continues walking through the parking lot.) DONKEY Hey, wait. Wait up, Shrek. MAN Hurry, darling. We're late. Hurry. SHREK Hey, you! (The attendant, who is wearing a giant head that looks like Lord Farquaad, screams and begins running through the rows of rope to get to the front gate to get away from Shrek.) Wait a second. Look, I'm not gonna eat you. I just - - I just - - (He sighs and then begins walking straight through the rows. The attendant runs into a wall and falls down. Shrek and Donkey look at him then continue on into DuLoc.) DULOC They look around but all is quiet. SHREK It's quiet. Too quiet. Where is everybody? DONKEY Hey, look at this! Donkey runs over and pulls a lever that is attached to a box marked 'Information'. The music winds up and then the box doors open up. There are little wooden people inside and they begin to sing. WOODEN PEOPLE Welcome to DuLoc such a perfect town Here we have some rules Let us lay them down Don't make waves, stay in line And we'll get along fine DuLoc is perfect place Please keep off of the grass Shine your shoes, wipe your... face DuLoc is, DuLoc is DuLoc is perfect place. Suddenly a camera takes Donkey and Shrek's picture. DONKEY Wow! Let's do that again! (makes ready to run over and pull the lever again) SHREK (grabs Donkey's tail and holds him still) No. No. No, no, no! No. They hear a trumpet fanfare and head over to the arena. FARQUAAD Brave knights. You are the best and brightest in all the land. Today one of you shall prove himself... As Shrek and Donkey walk down the tunnel to get into the arena Donkey is humming the DuLoc theme song. SHREK All right. You're going the right way for a smacked bottom. DONKEY Sorry about that. FARQUAAD That champion shall have the honor - - no, no - - the privilege to go forth and rescue the lovely Princess Fiona from the fiery keep of the dragon. If for any reason the winner is unsuccessful, the first runner-up will take his place and so on and so forth. Some of you may die, but it's a sacrifice I am willing to make. (cheers) Let the tournament begin! (He notices Shrek) Oh! What is that? It's hideous! SHREK (turns to look at Donkey and then back at Farquaad) Ah, that's not very nice. It's just a donkey. FARQUAAD Indeed. Knights, new plan! The one who kills the ogre will be named champion! Have it him! MEN Get him! SHREK Oh, hey! Now come on! Hang on now. (bumps into a table where there are mugs of beer) CROWD Go ahead! Get him! SHREK (holds up a mug of beer) Can't we just settle this over a pint? CROWD Kill the beast! SHREK No? All right then. (drinks the beer) Come on! He takes the mug and smashes the spigot off the large barrel of beer behind him. The beer comes rushing out drenching the other men and wetting the ground. It's like mud now. Shrek slides past the men and picks up a spear that one of the men dropped. As Shrek begins to fight Donkey hops up onto one of the larger beer barrels. It breaks free of it's ropes and begins to roll. Donkey manages to squish two men into the mud. There is so much fighting going on here I'm not going to go into detail. Suffice to say that Shrek kicks butt. DONKEY Hey, Shrek, tag me! Tag me! Shrek comes over and bangs a man's head up against Donkeys. Shrek gets up on the ropes and interacts with the crowd. SHREK Yeah! A man tries to sneak up behind Shrek, but Shrek turns in time and sees him. WOMAN The chair! Give him the chair! Shrek smashes a chair over the guys back. Finally all the men are down. Donkey kicks one of them in the helmet, and the ding sounds the end of the match. The audience goes wild. SHREK Oh, yeah! Ah! Ah! Thank you! Thank you very much! I'm here till Thursday. Try the veal! Ha, ha! (laughs) The laughter stops as all of the guards turn their weapons on Shrek. HEAD GUARD Shall I give the order, sir? FARQUAAD No, I have a better idea. People of DuLoc, I give you our champion! SHREK What? FARQUAAD Congratulations, ogre. You're won the honor of embarking on a great and noble quest. SHREK Quest? I'm already in a quest, a quest to get my swamp back. FARQUAAD Your swamp? SHREK Yeah, my swamp! Where you dumped those fairy tale creatures! FARQUAAD Indeed. All right, ogre. I'll make you a deal. Go on this quest for me, and I'll give you your swamp back. SHREK Exactly the way it was? FARQUAAD Down to the last slime-covered toadstool. SHREK And the squatters? FARQUAAD As good as gone. SHREK What kind of quest? Time Lapse - Donkey and Shrek are now walking through the field heading away from DuLoc. Shrek is munching on an onion. DONKEY Let me get this straight. You're gonna go fight a dragon and rescue a princess just so Farquaad will give you back a swamp which you only don't have because he filled it full of freaks in the first place. Is that about right? SHREK You know, maybe there's a good reason donkeys shouldn't talk. DONKEY I don't get it. Why don't you just pull some of that ogre stuff on him? Throttle him, lay siege to his fortress, grinds his bones to make your bread, the whole ogre trip. SHREK Oh, I know what. Maybe I could have decapitated an entire village and put their heads on a pike, gotten a knife, cut open their spleen and drink their fluids. Does that sound good to you? DONKEY Uh, no, not really, no. SHREK For your information, there's a lot more to ogres than people think. DONKEY Example? SHREK Example? Okay, um, ogres are like onions. (he holds out his onion) DONKEY (sniffs the onion) They stink? SHREK Yes - - No! DONKEY They make you cry? SHREK No! DONKEY You leave them in the sun, they get all brown, start sproutin' little white hairs. SHREK No! Layers! Onions have layers. Ogres have layers! Onions have layers. You get it? We both have layers. (he heaves a sigh and then walks off) DONKEY (trailing after Shrek) Oh, you both have layers. Oh. {Sniffs} You know, not everybody likes onions. Cake! Everybody loves cakes! Cakes have layers. SHREK I don't care... what everyone likes. Ogres are not like cakes. DONKEY You know what else everybody likes? Parfaits. Have you ever met a person, you say, "Let's get some parfait," they say, "Hell no, I don't like no parfait"? Parfaits are delicious. SHREK No! You dense, irritating, miniature beast of burden! Ogres are like onions! And of story. Bye-bye. See ya later. DONKEY Parfaits may be the most delicious thing on the whole damn planet. SHREK You know, I think I preferred your humming. DONKEY Do you have a tissue or something? I'm making a mess. Just the word parfait make me start slobbering. They head off. There is a montage of their journey. Walking through a field at sunset. Sleeping beneath a bright moon. Shrek trying to put the campfire out the next day and having a bit of a problem, so Donkey pees on the fire to put it out. DRAGON'S KEEP Shrek and Donkey are walking up to the keep that's supposed to house Princess Fiona. It appears to look like a giant volcano. DONKEY (sniffs) Ohh! Shrek! Did you do that? You gotta warn somebody before you just crack one off. My mouth was open and everything. SHREK Believe me, Donkey, if it was me, you'd be dead. (sniffs) It's brimstone. We must be getting close. DONKEY Yeah, right, brimstone. Don't be talking about it's the brimstone. I know what I smell. It wasn't no brimstone. It didn't come off no stone neither. They climb up the side of the volcano/keep and look down. There is a small piece of rock right in the center and that is where the castle is. It is surrounded by boiling lava. It looks very foreboding. SHREK Sure, it's big enough, but look at the location. (laughs...then the laugh turns into a groan) DONKEY Uh, Shrek? Uh, remember when you said ogres have layers? SHREK Oh, aye. DONKEY Well, I have a bit of a confession to make. Donkeys don't have layers. We wear our fear right out there on our sleeves. SHREK Wait a second. Donkeys don't have sleeves. DONKEY You know what I mean. SHREK You can't tell me you're afraid of heights. DONKEY No, I'm just a little uncomfortable about being on a rickety bridge over a boiling like of lava! SHREK Come on, Donkey. I'm right here beside ya, okay? For emotional support., we'll just tackle this thing together one little baby step at a time. DONKEY Really? SHREK Really, really. DONKEY Okay, that makes me feel so much better. SHREK Just keep moving. And don't look down. DONKEY Okay, don't look down. Don't look down. Don't look down. Keep on moving. Don't look down. (he steps through a rotting board and ends up looking straight down into the lava) Shrek! I'm lookin' down! Oh, God, I can't do this! Just let me off, please! SHREK But you're already halfway. DONKEY But I know that half is safe! SHREK Okay, fine. I don't have time for this. You go back. DONKEY Shrek, no! Wait! SHREK Just, Donkey - - Let's have a dance then, shall me? (bounces and sways the bridge) DONKEY Don't do that! SHREK Oh, I'm sorry. Do what? Oh, this? (bounces the bridge again) DONKEY Yes, that! SHREK Yes? Yes, do it. Okay. (continues to bounce and sway as he backs Donkey across the bridge) DONKEY No, Shrek! No! Stop it! SHREK You said do it! I'm doin' it. DONKEY I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. Shrek, I'm gonna die. (steps onto solid ground) Oh! SHREK That'll do, Donkey. That'll do. (walks towards the castle) DONKEY Cool. So where is this fire-breathing pain-in-the-neck anyway? SHREK Inside, waiting for us to rescue her. (chuckles) DONKEY I was talkin' about the dragon, Shrek. INSIDE THE CASTLE DONKEY You afraid? SHREK No. DONKEY But... SHREK Shh. DONKEY Oh, good. Me neither. (sees a skeleton and gasps) 'Cause there's nothin' wrong with bein' afraid. Fear's a sensible response to an unfamiliar situation. Unfamiliar dangerous situation, I might add. With a dragon that breathes fire and eats knights and breathes fire, it sure doesn't mean you're a coward if you're a little scared. I sure as heck ain't no coward. I know that. SHREK Donkey, two things, okay? Shut ... up. Now go over there and see if you can find any stairs. DONKEY Stairs? I thought we was lookin' for the princess. SHREK (putting on a helmet) The princess will be up the stairs in the highest room in the tallest tower. DONKEY What makes you think she'll be there? SHREK I read it in a book once. (walks off) DONKEY Cool. You handle the dragon. I'll handle the stairs. I'll find those stairs. I'll whip their butt too. Those stairs won't know which way they're goin'. (walks off) EMPTY ROOM Donkey is still talking to himself as he looks around the room. DONKEY I'm gonna take drastic steps. Kick it to the curb. Don't mess with me. I'm the stair master. I've mastered the stairs. I wish I had a step right here. I'd step all over it. ELSEWHERE Shrek spots a light in the tallest tower window. SHREK Well, at least we know where the princess is, but where's the... DONKEY (os) Dragon! Donkey gasps and takes off running as the dragon roars again. Shrek manages to grab Donkey out of the way just as the dragon breathes fire. SHREK Donkey, look out! (he manages to get a hold of the dragons tail and holds on) Got ya! The dragon gets irritated at this and flicks it's tail and Shrek goes flying through the air and crashes through the roof of the tallest tower. Fiona wakes up with a jerk and looks at him lying on the floor. DONKEY Oh! Aah! Aah! Donkey get cornered as the Dragon knocks away all but a small part of the bridge he's on. DONKEY No. Oh, no, No! (the dragon roars) Oh, what large teeth you have. (the dragon growls) I mean white, sparkling teeth. I know you probably hear this all time from your food, but you must bleach, 'cause that is one dazzling smile you got there. Do I detect a hint of minty freshness? And you know what else? You're - - You're a girl dragon! Oh, sure! I mean, of course you're a girl dragon. You're just reeking of feminine beauty. (the dragon begins fluttering her eyes at him) What's the matter with you? You got something in your eye? Ohh. Oh. Oh. Man, I'd really love to stay, but you know, I'm, uh...(the dragon blows a smoke ring in the shape of a heart right at him, and he coughs) I'm an asthmatic, and I don't know if it'd work out if you're gonna blow smoke rings. Shrek! (the dragon picks him up with her teeth and carries him off) No! Shrek! Shrek! Shrek! FIONA'S ROOM Shrek groans as he gets up off the floor. His back is to Fiona so she straightens her dress and lays back down on the bed. She then quickly reaches over and gets the bouquet of flowers off the side table. She then lays back down and appears to be asleep. Shrek turns and goes over to her. He looks down at Fiona for a moment and she puckers her lips. Shrek takes her by the shoulders and shakes her away. FIONA Oh! Oh! SHREK Wake up! FIONA What? SHREK Are you Princess Fiona? FIONA I am, awaiting a knight so bold as to rescue me. SHREK Oh, that's nice. Now let's go! FIONA But wait, Sir Knight. This be-ith our first meeting. Should it not be a wonderful, romantic moment? SHREK Yeah, sorry, lady. There's no time. FIONA Hey, wait. What are you doing? You should sweep me off my feet out yonder window and down a rope onto your valiant steed. SHREK You've had a lot of time to plan this, haven't you? FIONA (smiles) Mm-hmm. Shrek breaks the lock on her door and pulls her out and down the hallway. FIONA But we have to savor this moment! You could recite an epic poem for me. A ballad? A sonnet! A limerick? Or something! SHREK I don't think so. FIONA Can I at least know the name of my champion? SHREK Uh, Shrek. FIONA Sir Shrek. (clears throat and holds out a handkerchief) I pray that you take this favor as a token of my gratitude. SHREK Thanks! Suddenly they hear the dragon roar. FIONA (surprised)You didn't slay the dragon? SHREK It's on my to-do list. Now come on! (takes off running and drags Fiona behind him.) FIONA But this isn't right! You were meant to charge in, sword drawn, banner flying. That's what all the other knights did. SHREK Yeah, right before they burst into flame. FIONA That's not the point. (Shrek suddenly stops and she runs into him.) Oh! (Shrek ignores her and heads for a wooden door off to the side.) Wait. Where are you going? The exit's over there. SHREK Well, I have to save my ass. FIONA What kind of knight are you? SHREK One of a kind. (opens the door into the throne room) DONKEY (os) Slow down. Slow down, baby, please. I believe it's healthy to get to know someone over a long period of time. Just call me old-fashioned. (laughs worriedly) (we see him up close and from a distance as Shrek sneaks into the room) I don't want to rush into a physical relationship. I'm not emotionally ready for a commitment of, uh, this - - Magnitude really is the word I'm looking for. Magnitude- - Hey, that is unwanted physical contact. Hey, what are you doing? Okay, okay. Let's just back up a little and take this one step at a time. We really should get to know each other first as friends or pen pals. I'm on the road a lot, but I just love receiving cards - - I'd really love to stay, but - - Don't do that! That's my tail! That's my personal tail. You're gonna tear it off. I don't give permission - - What are you gonna do with that? Hey, now. No way. No! No! No, no! No. No, no, no. No! Oh! Shrek grabs a chain that's connected to the chandelier and swings toward the dragon. He misses and he swings back again. He looks up and spots that the chandelier is right above the dragons head. He pulls on the chain and it releases and he falls down and bumps Donkey out of the way right as the dragon is about to kiss him. Instead the dragon kisses Shreks' butt. She opens her eyes and roars. Shrek lets go of the chain and the chandelier falls onto her head, but it's too big and it goes over her head and forms a sort of collar for her. She roars again and Shrek and Donkey take off running. Very 'Matrix' style. Shrek grabs Donkey and then grabs Princess Fiona as he runs past her. DONKEY Hi, Princess! FIONA It talks! SHREK Yeah, it's getting him to shut up that's the trick. They all start screaming as the dragon gains on them. Shrek spots a descending slide and jumps on. But unfortunately there is a crack in the stone and it hits Shrek right in the groin. His eyes cross and as he reaches the bottom of the slide he stumbles off and walks lightly. SHREK Oh! Shrek gets them close to the exit and sets down Donkey and Fiona. SHREK Okay, you two, heard for the exit! I'll take care of the dragon. Shrek grabs a sword and heads back toward the interior of the castle. He throws the sword down in between several overlapping chain links. The chain links are attached to the chandelier that is still around the dragons neck. SHREK (echoing) Run! They all take off running for the exit with the dragon in hot pursuit. They make it to the bridge and head across. The dragons breathes fire and the bridge begins to burn. They all hang on for dear life as the ropes holding the bridge up collapse. They are swung to the other side. As they hang upside down they look in horror as the dragon makes to fly over the boiling lava to get them. But suddenly the chandelier with the chain jerk the dragon back and she's unable to get to them. Our gang climbs quickly to safety as the dragon looks angry and then gives a sad whimper as she watches Donkey walk away. FIONA (sliding down the 'volcano' hill) You did it! You rescued me! You're amazing. (behind her Donkey falls down the hill) You're - - You're wonderful. You're... (turns and sees Shrek fall down the hill and bump into Donkey) a little unorthodox I'll admit. But thy deed is great, and thy heart is pure. I am eternally in your debt. (Donkey clears his throat.) And where would a brave knight be without his noble steed? DONKEY I hope you heard that. She called me a noble steed. She think I'm a steed. FIONA The battle is won. You may remove your helmet, good Sir Knight. SHREK Uh, no. FIONA Why not? SHREK I have helmet hair. FIONA Please. I would'st look upon the face of my rescuer. SHREK No, no, you wouldn't - - 'st. FIONA But how will you kiss me? SHREK What? (to Donkey) That wasn't in the job description. DONKEY Maybe it's a perk. FIONA No, it's destiny. Oh, you must know how it goes. A princess locked in a tower and beset by a dragon is rescued by a brave knight, and then they share true love's first kiss. DONKEY Hmm? With Shrek? You think- - Wait. Wait. You think that Shrek is you true love? FIONA Well, yes. Both Donkey and Shrek burst out laughing. DONKEY You think Shrek is your true love! FIONA What is so funny? SHREK Let's just say I'm not your type, okay?Fiona: Of course, you are. You're my rescuer. Now - - Now remove your helmet. SHREK Look. I really don't think this is a good idea. FIONA Just take off the helmet. SHREK I'm not going to. FIONA Take it off. SHREK No! FIONA Now! SHREK Okay! Easy. As you command. Your Highness. (takes off his helmet) FIONA You- - You're a- - an ogre. SHREK Oh, you were expecting Prince Charming. FIONA Well, yes, actually. Oh, no. This is all wrong. You're not supposed to be an ogre. SHREK Princess, I was sent to rescue you by Lord Farquaad, okay? He is the one who wants to marry you. FIONA Then why didn't he come rescue me? SHREK Good question. You should ask him that when we get there. FIONA But I have to be rescued by my true love, not by some ogre and his- - his pet. DONKEY Well, so much for noble steed. SHREK You're not making my job any easier. FIONA I'm sorry, but your job is not my problem. You can tell Lord Farquaad that if he wants to rescue me properly, I'll be waiting for him right here. SHREK Hey! I'm no one's messenger boy, all right? (ominous) I'm a delivery boy. (he swiftly picks her up and swings her over his shoulder like she was a sack of potatoes) FIONA You wouldn't dare. Put me down! SHREK Ya comin', Donkey? DONKEY I'm right behind ya. FIONA Put me down, or you will suffer the consequences! This is not dignified! Put me down! WOODS A little time has passed and Fiona has calmed down. She just hangs there limply while Shrek carries her. DONKEY Okay, so here's another question. Say there's a woman that digs you, right, but you don't really like her that way. How do you let her down real easy so her feelings aren't hurt, but you don't get burned to a crisp and eaten? FIONA You just tell her she's not your true love. Everyone knows what happens when you find your...(Shrek drops her on the ground) Hey! The sooner we get to DuLoc the better. DONKEY You're gonna love it there, Princess. It's beautiful! FIONA And what of my groom-to-be? Lord Farquaad? What's he like? SHREK Let me put it this way, Princess. Men of Farquaad's stature are in short supply. (he and Donkey laugh) Shrek then proceeds to splash water onto his face to wash off the dust and grime. DONKEY I don't know. There are those who think little of him. (they laugh again) Fiona: Stop it. Stop it, both of you. You're just jealous you can never measure up to a great ruler like Lord Farquaad. SHREK Yeah, well, maybe you're right, Princess. But I'll let you do the "measuring" when you see him tomorrow. FIONA (looks at the setting sun) Tomorrow? It'll take that long? Shouldn't we stop to make camp? SHREK No, that'll take longer. We can keep going. FIONA But there's robbers in the woods. DONKEY Whoa! Time out, Shrek! Camp is starting to sound good. SHREK Hey, come on. I'm scarier than anything we're going to see in this forest. FIONA I need to find somewhere to camp now! Both Donkey and Shrek's ears lower as they shrink away from her. MOUNTAIN CLIFF Shrek has found a cave that appears to be in good order. He shoves a stone boulder out of the way to reveal the cave. SHREK Hey! Over here. DONKEY Shrek, we can do better than that. I don't think this is fit for a princess. FIONA No, no, it's perfect. It just needs a few homey touches. SHREK Homey touches? Like what? (he hears a tearing noise and looks over at Fiona who has torn the bark off of a tree.) FIONA A door? Well, gentlemen, I bid thee good night. (goes into the cave and puts the bark door up behind her) DONKEY You want me to read you a bedtime story? I will. FIONA (os) I said good night! Shrek looks at Donkey for a second and then goes to move the boulder back in front of the entrance to the cave with Fiona still inside. DONKEY Shrek, What are you doing? SHREK (laughs) I just- - You know - - Oh, come on. I was just kidding. LATER THAT NIGHT Shrek and Donkey are sitting around a campfire. They are staring up into the sky as Shrek points out certain star constellations to Donkey. SHREK And, uh, that one, that's Throwback, the only ogre to ever spit over three wheat fields. DONKEY Right. Yeah. Hey, can you tell my future from these stars? SHREK The stars don't tell the future, Donkey. They tell stories. Look, there's Bloodnut, the Flatulent. You can guess what he's famous for. DONKEY I know you're making this up. SHREK No, look. There he is, and there's the group of hunters running away from his stench. DONKEY That ain't nothin' but a bunch of little dots. SHREK You know, Donkey, sometimes things are more than they appear. Hmm? Forget it. DONKEY (heaves a big sigh) Hey, Shrek, what we gonna do when we get our swamp anyway? SHREK Our swamp? DONKEY You know, when we're through rescuing the princess. SHREK We? Donkey, there's no "we". There's no "our". There's just me and my swamp. The first thing I'm gonna do is build a ten-foot wall around my land. DONKEY You cut me deep, Shrek. You cut me real deep just now. You know what I think? I think this whole wall thing is just a way to keep somebody out. SHREK No, do ya think? DONKEY Are you hidin' something? SHREK Never mind, Donkey. DONKEY Oh, this is another one of those onion things, isn't it? SHREK No, this is one of those drop-it and leave-it alone things. DONKEY Why don't you want to talk about it? SHREK Why do you want to talk about it? DONKEY Why are you blocking? SHREK I'm not blocking. DONKEY Oh, yes, you are. SHREK Donkey, I'm warning you. DONKEY Who you trying to keep out? SHREK Everyone! Okay? DONKEY (pause) Oh, now we're gettin' somewhere. (grins) At this point Fiona pulls the 'door' away from the entrance to the cave and peaks out. Neither of the guys see her. SHREK Oh! For the love of Pete! (gets up and walks over to the edge of the cliff and sits down) DONKEY What's your problem? What you got against the whole world anyway? SHREK Look, I'm not the one with the problem, okay? It's the world that seems to have a problem with me. People take one look at me and go. "Aah! Help! Run! A big, stupid, ugly ogre!" They judge me before they even know me. That's why I'm better off alone. DONKEY You know what? When we met, I didn't think you was just a big, stupid, ugly ogre. SHREK Yeah, I know. DONKEY So, uh, are there any donkeys up there? SHREK Well, there's, um, Gabby, the Small and Annoying. DONKEY Okay, okay, I see it now. The big shiny one, right there. That one there? Fiona puts the door back. SHREK That's the moon. DONKEY Oh, okay. DuLoc - Farquaad's Bedroom The camera pans over a lot of wedding stuff. Soft music plays in the background. Farquaad is in bed, watching as the Magic Mirror shows him Princess Fiona. FARQUAAD Again, show me again. Mirror, mirror, show her to me. Show me the princess. MIRROR Hmph. The Mirror rewinds and begins to play again from the beginning. FARQUAAD Ah. Perfect. Farquaad looks down at his bare chest and pulls the sheet up to cover himself as though Fiona could see him as he gazes sheepishly at her image in the mirror. MORNING Fiona walks out of the cave. She glances at Shrek and Donkey who are still sleeping. She wanders off into the woods and comes across a blue bird. She begins to sing. The bird sings along with her. She hits higher and higher notes and the bird struggles to keep up with her. Suddenly the pressure of the note is too big and the bird explodes. Fiona looks a little sheepish, but she eyes the eggs that the bird left behind. Time lapse, Fiona is now cooking the eggs for breakfast. Shrek and Donkey are still sleeping. Shrek wakes up and looks at Fiona. Donkey's talking in his sleep. DONKEY (quietly) Mmm, yeah, you know I like it like that. Come on, baby. I said I like it. SHREK Donkey, wake up. (shakes him) DONKEY Huh? What? SHREK Wake up. DONKEY What? (stretches and yawns) FIONA Good morning. Hm, how do you like your eggs? DONKEY Oh, good morning, Princess! Fiona gets up and sets the eggs down in front of them. SHREK What's all this about? FIONA You know, we kind of got off to a bad start yesterday. I wanted to make it up to you. I mean, after all, you did rescue me. SHREK Uh, thanks. Donkey sniffs the eggs and licks his lips. FIONA Well, eat up. We've got a big day ahead of us. (walks off) LATER They are once again on their way. They are walking through the forest. Shrek belches. DONKEY Shrek! SHREK What? It's a compliment. Better out than in, I always say. (laughs) DONKEY Well, it's no way to behave in front of a princess. Fiona belches FIONA Thanks. DONKEY She's as nasty as you are. SHREK (chuckles) You know, you're not exactly what I expected. FIONA Well, maybe you shouldn't judge people before you get to know them. She smiles and then continues walking, singing softly. Suddenly from out of nowhere, a man swings down and swoops Fiona up into a tree. ROBIN HOOD La liberte! Hey! SHREK Princess! FIONA (to Robin Hood) What are you doing? ROBIN HOOD Be still, mon cherie, for I am you savior! And I am rescuing you from this green...(kisses up her arm while Fiona pulls back in disgust)...beast. SHREK Hey! That's my princess! Go find you own! ROBIN HOOD Please, monster! Can't you see I'm a little busy here? FIONA (getting fed up) Look, pal, I don't know who you think you are! ROBIN HOOD Oh! Of course! Oh, how rude. Please let me introduce myself. Oh, Merry Men. (laughs) Suddenly an accordion begins to play and the Merry men pop out from the bushes. They begin to sing Robin's theme song. MERRY MEN Ta, dah, dah, dah, whoo. ROBIN HOOD I steal from the rich and give to the needy. MERRY MEN He takes a wee percentage, ROBIN HOOD But I'm not greedy. I rescue pretty damsels, man, I'm good. MERRY MEN What a guy, Monsieur Hood. ROBIN HOOD Break it down. I like an honest fight and a saucy little maid... MERRY MEN What he's basically saying is he likes to get... ROBIN HOOD Paid. So...When an ogre in the bush grabs a lady by the tush. That's bad. MERRY MEN That's bad. ROBIN HOOD When a beauty's with a beast it makes me awfully mad. MERRY MEN He's mad, he's really, really mad. ROBIN HOOD I'll take my blade and ram it through your heart, keep your eyes on me, boys 'cause I'm about to start... There is a grunt as Fiona swings down from the tree limb and knocks Robin Hood unconscious. FIONA Man, that was annoying! Shrek looks at her in admiration. MERRY MAN Oh, you little- - (shoots an arrow at Fiona but she ducks out of the way) The arrow flies toward Donkey who jumps into Shrek's arms to get out of the way. The arrow proceeds to just bounce off a tree. Another fight sequence begins and Fiona gives a karate yell and then proceeds to beat the crap out of the Merry Men. There is a very interesting 'Matrix' moment here when Fiona pauses in mid-air to fix her hair. Finally all of the Merry Men are down, and Fiona begins walking away. FIONA Uh, shall we? SHREK Hold the phone. (drops Donkey and begins walking after Fiona) Oh! Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on now. Where did that come from? FIONA What? SHREK That! Back there. That was amazing! Where did you learn that? FIONA Well...(laughs) when one lives alone, uh, one has to learn these things in case there's a...(gasps and points) there's an arrow in your butt! SHREK What? (turns and looks) Oh, would you look at that? (he goes to pull it out but flinches because it's tender) FIONA Oh, no. This is all my fault. I'm so sorry. DONKEY (walking up) Why? What's wrong? FIONA Shrek's hurt. DONKEY Shrek's hurt. Shrek's hurt? Oh, no, Shrek's gonna die. SHREK Donkey, I'm okay. DONKEY You can't do this to me, Shrek. I'm too young for you to die. Keep you legs elevated. Turn your head and cough. Does anyone know the Heimlich? FIONA Donkey! Calm down. If you want to help Shrek, run into the woods and find me a blue flower with red thorns. DONKEY Blue flower, red thorns. Okay, I'm on it. Blue flower, red thorns. Don't die Shrek. If you see a long tunnel, stay away from the light! SHREK & FIONA Donkey! DONKEY Oh, yeah. Right. Blue flower, red thorns. (runs off) SHREK What are the flowers for? FIONA (like it's obvious) For getting rid of Donkey. SHREK Ah. FIONA Now you hold still, and I'll yank this thing out. (gives the arrow a little pull) SHREK (jumps away) Ow! Hey! Easy with the yankin'. As they continue to talk Fiona keeps going after the arrow and Shrek keeps dodging her hands. FIONA I'm sorry, but it has to come out. SHREK No, it's tender. FIONA Now, hold on. SHREK What you're doing is the opposite of help. FIONA Don't move. SHREK Look, time out. FIONA Would you...(grunts as Shrek puts his hand over her face to stop her from getting at the arrow) Okay. What do you propose we do? ELSEWHERE Donkey is still looking for the special flower. DONKEY Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. This would be so much easier if I wasn't color-blind! Blue flower, red thorns. SHREK (os) Ow! DONKEY Hold on, Shrek! I'm comin'! (rips a flower off a nearby bush that just happens to be a blue flower with red thorns) THE FOREST PATH SHREK Ow! Not good. FIONA Okay. Okay. I can nearly see the head. (Shrek grunts as she pulls) It's just about... SHREK Ow! Ohh! (he jerks and manages to fall over with Fiona on top of him) DONKEY Ahem. SHREK (throwing Fiona off of him) Nothing happend. We were just, uh - - DONKEY Look, if you wanted to be alone, all you had to do was ask. Okay? SHREK Oh, come on! That's the last thing on my mind. The princess here was just- - (Fiona pulls the arrow out) Ugh! (he turns to look at Fiona who holds up the arrow with a smile) Ow! DONKEY Hey, what's that? (nervous chuckle) That's...is that blood? Donkey faints. Shrek walks over and picks him up as they continue on their way. There is a montage of scenes as the group heads back to DuLoc. Shrek crawling up to the top of a tree to make it fall over a small brook so that Fiona won't get wet. Shrek then gets up as Donkey is just about to cross the tree and the tree swings back into it's upright position and Donkey flies off. Shrek swatting and a bunch of flies and mosquitoes. Fiona grabs a nearby spiderweb that's on a tree branch and runs through the field swinging it around to catch the bugs. She then hands it to Shrek who begins eating like it's a treat. As he walks off she licks her fingers. Shrek catching a toad and blowing it up like a balloon and presenting it to Fiona. Fiona catching a snake, blowing it up, fashioning it into a balloon animal and presenting it to Shrek. The group arriving at a windmill that is near DuLoc. WINDMILL SHREK There it is, Princess. Your future awaits you. FIONA That's DuLoc? DONKEY Yeah, I know. You know, Shrek thinks Lord Farquaad's compensating for something, which I think means he has a really...(Shrek steps on his hoof) Ow! SHREK Um, I, uh- - I guess we better move on. FIONA Sure. But, Shrek? I'm - - I'm worried about Donkey. SHREK What? FIONA I mean, look at him. He doesn't look so good. DONKEY What are you talking about? I'm fine. FIONA (kneels to look him in the eyes) That's what they always say, and then next thing you know, you're on your back. (pause) Dead. SHREK You know, she's right. You look awful. Do you want to sit down? FIONA Uh, you know, I'll make you some tea. DONKEY I didn't want to say nothin', but I got this twinge in my neck, and when I turn my head like this, look, (turns his neck in a very sharp way until his head is completely sideways) Ow! See? SHREK Who's hungry? I'll find us some dinner. FIONA I'll get the firewood. DONKEY Hey, where you goin'? Oh, man, I can't feel my toes! (looks down and yelps) I don't have any toes! I think I need a hug. SUNSET Shrek has built a fire and is cooking the rest of dinner while Fiona eats. FIONA Mmm. This is good. This is really good. What is this? SHREK Uh, weed rat. Rotisserie style. FIONA No kidding. Well, this is delicious. SHREK Well, they're also great in stews. Now, I don't mean to brag, but I make a mean weed rat stew. (chuckles) Fiona looks at DuLoc and sighs. FIONA I guess I'll be dining a little differently tomorrow night. SHREK Maybe you can come visit me in the swamp sometime. I'll cook all kind of stuff for you. Swamp toad soup, fish eye tartare - - you name it. FIONA (smiles) I'd like that. They smiles at each other. SHREK Um, Princess? FIONA Yes, Shrek? SHREK I, um, I was wondering...are you...(sighs) Are you gonna eat that? DONKEY (chuckles) Man, isn't this romantic? Just look at that sunset. FIONA (jumps up) Sunset? Oh, no! I mean, it's late. I-It's very late. SHREK What? DONKEY Wait a minute. I see what's goin' on here. You're afraid of the dark, aren't you? FIONA Yes! Yes, that's it. I'm terrified. You know, I'd better go inside. DONKEY Don't feel bad, Princess. I used to be afraid of the dark, too, until - - Hey, no, wait. I'm still afraid of the dark. Shrek sighs FIONA Good night. SHREK Good night. Fiona goes inside the windmill and closes the door. Donkey looks at Shrek with a new eye. DONKEY Ohh! Now I really see what's goin' on here. SHREK Oh, what are you talkin' about? DONKEY I don't even wanna hear it. Look, I'm an animal, and I got instincts. And I know you two were diggin' on each other. I could feel it. SHREK You're crazy. I'm just bringing her back to Farquaad. DONKEY Oh, come on, Shrek. Wake up and smell the pheromones. Just go on in and tell her how you feel. SHREK I- - There's nothing to tell. Besides, even if I did tell her that, well, you know - - and I'm not sayin' I do 'cause I don't - - she's a princess, and I'm - - DONKEY An ogre? SHREK Yeah. An ogre. DONKEY Hey, where you goin'? SHREK To get... move firewood. (sighs) Donkey looks over at the large pile of firewood there already is. TIME LAPSE Donkey opens the door to the Windmill and walks in. Fiona is nowhere to be seen. DONKEY Princess? Princess Fiona? Princess, where are you? Princess? Fiona looks at Donkey from the shadows, but we can't see her. DONKEY It's very spooky in here. I ain't playing no games. Suddenly Fiona falls from the railing. She gets up only she doesn't look like herself. She looks like an ogre and Donkey starts freaking out. DONKEY Aah! FIONA Oh, no! DONKEY No, help! FIONA Shh! DONKEY Shrek! Shrek! Shrek! FIONA No, it's okay. It's okay. DONKEY What did you do with the princess? FIONA Donkey, I'm the princess. DONKEY Aah! FIONA It's me, in this body. DONKEY Oh, my God! You ate the princess. (to her stomach) Can you hear me? FIONA Donkey! DONKEY (still aimed at her stomach) Listen, keep breathing! I'll get you out of there! FIONA No! DONKEY Shrek! Shrek! Shrek! FIONA Shh. DONKEY Shrek! FIONA This is me. Donkey looks into her eyes as she pets his muzzle, and he quiets down. DONKEY Princess? What happened to you? You're, uh, uh, uh, different. FIONA I'm ugly, okay? DONKEY Well, yeah! Was it something you ate? 'Cause I told Shrek those rats was a bad idea. You are what you eat, I said. Now - - FIONA No. I - - I've been this way as long as I can remember. DONKEY What do you mean? Look, I ain't never seen you like this before. FIONA It only happens when sun goes down. "By night one way, by day another. This shall be the norm... until you find true love's first kiss... and then take love's true form." DONKEY Ah, that's beautiful. I didn't know you wrote poetry. FIONA It's a spell. (sigh) When I was a little girl, a witch cast a spell on me. Every night I become this. This horrible, ugly beast! I was placed in a tower to await the day my true love would rescue me. That's why I have to marry Lord Farquaad tomorrow before the sun sets and he sees me like this. (begins to cry) DONKEY All right, all right. Calm down. Look, it's not that bad. You're not that ugly. Well, I ain't gonna lie. You are ugly. But you only look like this at night. Shrek's ugly 24-7. FIONA But Donkey, I'm a princess, and this is not how a princess is meant to look. DONKEY Princess, how 'bout if you don't marry Farquaad? FIONA I have to. Only my true love's kiss can break the spell. DONKEY But, you know, um, you're kind of an orge, and Shrek - - well, you got a lot in common. FIONA Shrek? OUTSIDE Shrek is walking towards the windmill with a sunflower in his hand. SHREK (to himself) Princess, I - - Uh, how's it going, first of all? Good? Um, good for me too. I'm okay. I saw this flower and thought of you because it's pretty and - - well, I don't really like it, but I thought you might like it 'cause you're pretty. But I like you anyway. I'd - - uh, uh...(sighs) I'm in trouble. Okay, here we go. He walks up to the door and pauses outside when he hears Donkey and Fiona talking. FIONA (os) I can't just marry whoever I want. Take a good look at me, Donkey. I mean, really, who can ever love a beast so hideous and ugly? "Princess" and "ugly" don't go together. That's why I can't stay here with Shrek. Shrek steps back in shock. FIONA (os) My only chance to live happily ever after is to marry my true love. Shrek heaves a deep sigh. He throws the flower down and walks away. INSIDE FIONA Don't you see, Donkey? That's just how it has to be. It's the only way to break the spell. DONKEY You at least gotta tell Shrek the truth. FIONA No! You can't breathe a word. No one must ever know. DONKEY What's the point of being able to talk if you gotta keep secrets? FIONA Promise you won't tell. Promise! DONKEY All right, all right. I won't tell him. But you should. (goes outside) I just know before this is over, I'm gonna need a whole lot of serious therapy. Look at my eye twitchin'. Fiona comes out the door and watches him walk away. She looks down and spots the sunflower. She picks it up before going back inside the windmill. MORNING Donkey is asleep. Shrek is nowhere to be seen. Fiona is still awake. She is plucking petals from the sunflower. FIONA I tell him, I tell him not. I tell him, I tell him not. I tell him. (she quickly runs to the door and goes outside) Shrek! Shrek, there's something I want...(she looks and sees the rising sun, and as the sun crests the sky she turns back into a human.) Just as she looks back at the sun she sees Shrek stomping towards her. FIONA Shrek. Are you all right? SHREK Perfect! Never been better. FIONA I - - I don't - - There's something I have to tell you. SHREK You don't have to tell me anything, Princess. I heard enough last night. FIONA You heard what I said? SHREK Every word. FIONA I thought you'd understand. SHREK Oh, I understand. Like you said, "Who could love a hideous, ugly beast?" FIONA But I thought that wouldn't matter to you. SHREK Yeah? Well, it does. (Fiona looks at him in shock. He looks past her and spots a group approaching.) Ah, right on time. Princess, I've brought you a little something. Farquaad has arrived with a group of his men. He looks very regal sitting up on his horse. You would never guess that he's only like 3 feet tall. Donkey wakes up with a yawn as the soldiers march by. DONKEY What'd I miss? What'd I miss? (spots the soldiers) (muffled) Who said that? Couldn't have been the donkey. FARQUAAD Princess Fiona. SHREK As promised. Now hand it over. FARQUAAD Very well, ogre. (holds out a piece of paper) The deed to your swamp, cleared out, as agreed. Take it and go before I change my mind. (Shrek takes the paper) Forgive me, Princess, for startling you, but you startled me, for I have never seen such a radiant beauty before. I'm Lord Farquaad. FIONA Lord Farquaad? Oh, no, no. (Farquaad snaps his fingers) Forgive me, my lord, for I was just saying a short... (Watches as Farquaad is lifted off his horse and set down in front of her. He comes to her waist.) farewell. FARQUAAD Oh, that is so sweet. You don't have to waste good manners on the ogre. It's not like it has feelings. FIONA No, you're right. It doesn't. Donkey watches this exchange with a curious look on his face. FARQUAAD Princess Fiona, beautiful, fair, flawless Fiona. I ask your hand in marriage. Will you be the perfect bride for the perfect groom? FIONA Lord Farquaad, I accept. Nothing would make - - FARQUAAD (interrupting) Excellent! I'll start the plans, for tomorrow we wed! FIONA No! I mean, uh, why wait? Let's get married today before the sun sets. FARQUAAD Oh, anxious, are you? You're right. The sooner, the better. There's so much to do! There's the caterer, the cake, the band, the guest list. Captain, round up some guests! (a guard puts Fiona on the back of his horse) FIONA Fare-thee-well, ogre. Farquaad's whole party begins to head back to DuLoc. Donkey watches them go. DONKEY Shrek, what are you doing? You're letting her get away. SHREK Yeah? So what? DONKEY Shrek, there's something about her you don't know. Look, I talked to her last night, She's - - SHREK I know you talked to her last night. You're great pals, aren't ya? Now, if you two are such good friends, why don't you follow her home? DONKEY Shrek, I - - I wanna go with you. SHREK I told you, didn't I? You're not coming home with me. I live alone! My swamp! Me! Nobody else! Understand? Nobody! Especially useless, pathetic, annoying, talking donkeys! DONKEY But I thought - - SHREK Yeah. You know what? You thought wrong! (stomps off) DONKEY Shrek. Montage of different scenes. Shrek arriving back home. Fiona being fitted for the wedding dress. Donkey at a stream running into the dragon. Shrek cleaning up his house. Fiona eating dinner alone. Shrek eating dinner alone. SHREK'S HOME Shrek is eating dinner when he hears a sound outside. He goes outside to investigate. SHREK Donkey? (Donkey ignores him and continues with what he's doing.) What are you doing? DONKEY I would think, of all people, you would recognize a wall when you see one. SHREK Well, yeah. But the wall's supposed to go around my swamp, not through it. DONKEY It is around your half. See that's your half, and this is my half. SHREK Oh! Your half. Hmm. DONKEY Yes, my half. I helped rescue the princess. I did half the work. I get half the booty. Now hand me that big old rock, the one that looks like your head. SHREK Back off! DONKEY No, you back off. SHREK This is my swamp! DONKEY Our swamp. SHREK (grabs the tree branch Donkey is working with) Let go, Donkey! DONKEY You let go. SHREK Stubborn jackass! DONKEY Smelly ogre. SHREK Fine! (drops the tree branch and walks away) DONKEY Hey, hey, come back here. I'm not through with you yet. SHREK Well, I'm through with you. DONKEY Uh-uh. You know, with you it's always, "Me, me, me!" Well, guess what! Now it's my turn! So you just shut up and pay attention! You are mean to me. You insult me and you don't appreciate anything that I do! You're always pushing me around or pushing me away. SHREK Oh, yeah? Well, if I treated you so bad, how come you came back? DONKEY Because that's what friends do! They forgive each other! SHREK Oh, yeah. You're right, Donkey. I forgive you... for stabbin' me in the back! (goes into the outhouse and slams the door) DONKEY Ohh! You're so wrapped up in layers, onion boy, you're afraid of your own feelings. SHREK (os) Go away! DONKEY There you are , doing it again just like you did to Fiona. All she ever do was like you, maybe even love you. SHREK (os) Love me? She said I was ugly, a hideous creature. I heard the two of you talking. DONKEY She wasn't talkin' about you. She was talkin' about, uh, somebody else. SHREK (opens the door and comes out) She wasn't talking about me? Well, then who was she talking about? DONKEY Uh-uh, no way. I ain't saying anything. You don't wanna listen to me. Right? Right? SHREK Donkey! DONKEY No! SHREK Okay, look. I'm sorry, all right? (sigh) I'm sorry. I guess I am just a big, stupid, ugly ogre. Can you forgive me? DONKEY Hey, that's what friends are for, right? SHREK Right. Friends? DONKEY Friends. SHREK So, um, what did Fiona say about me? DONKEY What are you asking me for? Why don't you just go ask her? SHREK The wedding! We'll never make it in time. DONKEY Ha-ha-ha! Never fear, for where, there's a will, there's a way and I have a way. (whistles) Suddenly the dragon arrives overhead and flies low enough so they can climb on. SHREK Donkey? DONKEY I guess it's just my animal magnetism. They both laugh. SHREK Aw, come here, you. (gives Donkey a noogie) DONKEY All right, all right. Don't get all slobbery. No one likes a kiss ass. All right, hop on and hold on tight. I haven't had a chance to install the seat belts yet. They climb aboard the dragon and she takes off for DuLoc. DULOC - CHURCH Fiona and Farquaad are getting married. The whole town is there. The prompter card guy holds up a card that says 'Revered Silence'. PRIEST People of DuLoc, we gather here today to bear witness to the union.... FIONA (eyeing the setting sun) Um- PRIEST ...of our new king... FIONA Excuse me. Could we just skip ahead to the "I do's"? FARQUAAD (chuckles and then motions to the priest to indulge Fiona) Go on. COURTYARD Some guards are milling around. Suddenly the dragon lands with a boom. The guards all take off running. DONKEY (to Dragon) Go ahead, HAVE SOME FUN. If we need you, I'll whistle. How about that? (she nods and goes after the guards) Shrek, wait, wait! Wait a minute! You wanna do this right, don't you? SHREK (at the Church door) What are you talking about? DONKEY There's a line you gotta wait for. The preacher's gonna say, "Speak now or forever hold your peace." That's when you say, "I object!" SHREK I don't have time for this! DONKEY Hey, wait. What are you doing? Listen to me! Look, you love this woman, don't you? SHREK Yes. DONKEY You wanna hold her? SHREK Yes. DONKEY Please her? SHREK Yes! DONKEY (singing James Brown style) Then you got to, got to try a little tenderness. (normal) The chicks love that romantic crap! SHREK All right! Cut it out. When does this guy say the line? DONKEY We gotta check it out. INSIDE CHURCH As the priest talks we see Donkey's shadow through one of the windows Shrek tosses him up so he can see. PRIEST And so, by the power vested in me... Outside SHREK What do you see? DONKEY The whole town's in there. Inside PRIEST I now pronounce you husband and wife... Outside DONKEY They're at the altar. Inside PRIEST ...king and queen. Outside DONKEY Mother Fletcher! He already said it. SHREK Oh, for the love of Pete! He runs inside without catching Donkey, who hits the ground hard. INSIDE CHURCH SHREK (running toward the alter) I object! FIONA Shrek? The whole congregation gasps as they see Shrek. FARQUAAD Oh, now what does he want? SHREK (to congregation as he reaches the front of the Church) Hi, everyone. Havin' a good time, are ya? I love DuLoc, first of all. Very clean. FIONA What are you doing here? SHREK Really, it's rude enough being alive when no one wants you, but showing up uninvited to a wedding... SHREK Fiona! I need to talk to you. FIONA Oh, now you wanna talk? It's a little late for that, so if you'll excuse me - - SHREK But you can't marry him. FIONA And why not? SHREK Because- - Because he's just marring you so he can be king. FARQUAAD Outrageous! Fiona, don't listen to him. SHREK He's not your true love. FIONA And what do you know about true love? SHREK Well, I - - Uh - - I mean - - FARQUAAD Oh, this is precious. The ogee has fallen in love with the princess! Oh, good Lord. (laughs) The prompter card guy holds up a card that says 'Laugh'. The whole congregation laughs. FARQUAAD An ogre and a princess! FIONA Shrek, is this true? FARQUAAD Who cares? It's preposterous! Fiona, my love, we're but a kiss away from our "happily ever after." Now kiss me! (puckers his lips and leans toward her, but she pulls back.) FIONA (looking at the setting sun) "By night one way, by day another." (to Shrek) I wanted to show you before. She backs up and as the sun sets she changes into her ogre self. She gives Shrek a sheepish smile. SHREK Well, uh, that explains a lot. (Fiona smiles) FARQUAAD Ugh! It's disgusting! Guards! Guards! I order you to get that out of my sight now! Get them! Get them both! The guards run in and separate Fiona and Shrek. Shrek fights them. SHREK No, no! FIONA Shrek! FARQUAAD This hocus-pocus alters nothing. This marriage is binding, and that makes me king! See? See? FIONA No, let go of me! Shrek! SHREK No! FARQUAAD Don't just stand there, you morons. SHREK Get out of my way! Fiona! Arrgh! FARQUAAD I'll make you regret the day we met. I'll see you drawn and quartered! You'll beg for death to save you! FIONA No, Shrek! FARQUAAD (hold a dagger to Fiona's throat) And as for you, my wife... SHREK Fiona! FARQUAAD I'll have you locked back in that tower for the rest of your days! I'm king! Shrek manages to get a hand free and he whistles. FARQUAAD I will have order! I will have perfection! I will have - - (Donkey and the dragon show up and the dragon leans down and eats Farquaad) Aaaah! Aah! DONKEY All right. Nobody move. I got a dragon here, and I'm not afraid to use it. (The dragon roars.) I'm a donkey on the edge! The dragon belches and Farquaad's crown flies out of her mouth and falls to the ground. DONKEY Celebrity marriages. They never last, do they? The congregation cheers. DONKEY Go ahead, Shrek. SHREK Uh, Fiona? FIONA Yes, Shrek? SHREK I - - I love you. FIONA Really? SHREK Really, really. FIONA (smiles) I love you too. Shrek and Fiona kiss. Thelonius takes one of the cards and writes 'Awwww' on the back and then shows it to the congregation. CONGREGATION Aawww! Suddenly the magic of the spell pulls Fiona away. She's lifted up into the air and she hovers there while the magic works around her. WHISPERS "Until you find true love's first kiss and then take love's true form. Take love's true form. Take love's true form." Suddenly Fiona's eyes open wide. She's consumed by the spell and then is slowly lowered to the ground. SHREK (going over to her) Fiona? Fiona. Are you all right? FIONA (standing up, she's still an ogre) Well, yes. But I don't understand. I'm supposed to be beautiful. SHREK But you ARE beautiful. They smile at each other. DONKEY (chuckles) I was hoping this would be a happy ending. Shrek and Fiona kiss...and the kiss fades into... THE SWAMP ...their wedding kiss. Shrek and Fiona are now married. 'I'm a Believer' by Smashmouth is played in the background. Shrek and Fiona break apart and run through the crowd to their awaiting carriage. Which is made of a giant onion. Fiona tosses her bouquet which both Cinderella and Snow White try to catch. But they end up getting into a cat fight and so the dragon catches the bouquet instead. The Gingerbread man has been mended somewhat and now has one leg and walks with a candy cane cane. Shrek and Fiona walk off as the rest of the guests party and Donkey takes over singing the song. GINGERBREAD MAN God bless us, every one. DONKEY (as he's done singing and we fade to black) Oh, that's funny. Oh. Oh. I can't breathe. I can't breathe. THE END

Math Matrix is a Math Game that tries improvise your math skills in a fun way. Simple math games to learn, improve you math skills. This game is easy to play and target everyone from kids to adults. Every level is design in a way to challenge your mind at every step.

SEIS 665 Assignment 2: Linux & Git Overview This week we will focus on becoming familiar with launching a Linux server and working with some basic Linux and Git commands. We will use AWS to launch and host the Linux server. AWS might seem a little confusing at this point. Don’t worry, we will gain much more hands-on experience with AWS throughout the course. The goal is to get you comfortable working with the technology and not overwhelm you with all the details. Requirements You need to have a personal AWS account and GitHub account for this assignment. You should also read the Git Hands-on Guide and Linux Hands-on Guide before beginning this exercise. A word about grading One of the key DevOps practices we learn about in this class is the use of automation to increase the speed and repeatability of processes. Automation is utilized during the assignment grading process to review and assess your work. It’s important that you follow the instructions in each assignment and type in required files and resources with the proper names. All names are case sensitive, so a name like "Web1" is not the same as "web1". If you misspell a name, use the wrong case, or put a file in the wrong directory location you will lose points on your assignment. This is the easiest way to lose points, and also the most preventable. You should always double-check your work to make sure it accurately reflects the requirements specified in the assignment. You should always carefully review the content of your files before submitting your assignment. The assignment Let’s get started! Create GitHub repository The first step in the assignment is to setup a Git repository on GitHub. We will use a special solution called GitHub Classroom for this course which automates the process of setting up student assignment repositories. Here are the basic steps: Click on the following link to open Assignment 2 on the GitHub Classroom site: https://classroom.github.com/a/K4zcVmX- (Links to an external site.)Links to an external site. Click on the Accept this assignment button. GitHub Classroom will provide you with a URL (https) to access the assignment repository. Either copy this address to your clipboard or write it down somewhere. You will need to use this address to set up the repository on a Linux server. Example: https://github.com/UST-SEIS665/hw2-seis665-02-spring2019-<your github id>.git At this point your new repository to ready to use. The repository is currently empty. We will put some content in there soon! Launch Linux server The second step in the assignment is to launch a Linux server using AWS EC2. The server should have the following characteristics: Amazon Linux 2 AMI 64-bit (usually the first option listed) Located in a U.S. region (us-east-1) t2.micro instance type All default instance settings (storage, vpm, security group, etc.) I’ve shown you how to launch EC2 instances in class. You can review it on Canvas. Once you launch the new server, it may take a few minutes to provision. Log into server The next step is to log into the Linux server using a terminal program with a secure shell (SSH) support. You can use iTerm2 (Links to an external site.)Links to an external site. on a Mac and GitBash/PuTTY (Links to an external site.)Links to an external site. on a PC. You will need to have the private server key and the public IP address before attempting to log into the server. The server key is basically your password. If you lose it, you will need to terminate the existing instance and launch a new server. I recommend reusing the same key when launching new servers throughout the class. Note, I make this recommendation to make the learning process easier and not because it is a common security practice. I’ve shown you how to use a terminal application to log into the instance using a Windows desktop. Your personal computer or lab computer may be running a different OS version, but the process is still very similar. You can review the videos on the Canvas. Working with Linux If you’ve made it this far, congratulations! You’ve made it over the toughest hurdle. By the end of this course, I promise you will be able to launch and log into servers in your sleep. You should be looking at a login screen that looks something like this: Last login: Mon Mar 21 21:17:54 2016 from 174-20-199-194.mpls.qwest.net __| __|_ ) _| ( / Amazon Linux AMI ___|\___|___| https://aws.amazon.com/amazon-linux-ami/2015.09-release-notes/ 8 package(s) needed for security, out of 17 available Run "sudo yum update" to apply all updates. ec2-user@ip-172-31-15-26 ~]$ Your terminal cursor is sitting at the shell prompt, waiting for you to type in your first command. Remember the shell? It is a really cool program that lets you start other programs and manage services on the Linux system. The rest of this assignment will be spent working with the shell. Note, when you are asked to type in a command in the steps below, don’t type in the dollar-sign ($) character. This is just meant to represent the command prompt. The actual commands are represented by the characters to the right of the command prompt. Let’s start by asking the shell for some help. Type in: $ help The shell provides you with a list of commands you can run along with possible command options. Next, check out one of the pages in the built-in manual: $ man ls A man page will appear with information on how to use the ls command. This command is used to list the contents of file directories. Either space through the contents of the man page or hit q to exit. Most of the core Linux commands have man pages available. But honestly, some of these man pages are a bit hard to understand. Sometimes your best bet is to search on Google if you are trying to figure out how to use a specific command. When you initially log into Linux, the system places you in your home directory. Each user on the system has a separate home directory. Let’s see where your home directory is located: $ pwd The response should be /home/ec2-user. The pwd command is handy to remember if you ever forget what file directory you are currently located in. If you recall from the Linux Hands-on Guide, this directory is also your current working directory. Type in: $ cd / The cd command let’s you change to a new working directory on the server. In this case, we changed to the root (/) directory. This is the parent of all the other directories on the file system. Type in: $ ls The ls command lists the contents of the current directory. As you can see, root directory contains many other directories. You will become familiar with these directories over time. The ls command provides a very basic directory listing. You need to supply the command with some options if you want to see more detailed information. Type in: $ ls -la See how this command provides you with much more detailed information about the files and directories? You can use this detailed listing to see the owner, group, and access control list settings for each file or directory. Do you see any files listed? Remember, the first character in the access control list column denotes whether a listed item is a file or a directory. You probably see a couple files with names like .autofsck. How come you didn’t see this file when you typed in the lscommand without any options? (Try to run this command again to convince yourself.) Files names that start with a period are called hidden files. These files won’t appear on normal directory listings. Type in: $ cd /var Then, type in: $ ls You will see a directory listing for the /var directory. Next, type in: $ ls .. Huh. This directory listing looks the same as the earlier root directory listing. When you use two periods (..) in a directory path that means you are referring to the parent directory of the current directory. Just think of the two dots as meaning the directory above the current directory. Now, type in: $ cd ~ $ pwd Whoa. We’re back at our home directory again. The tilde character (~) is another one of those handy little directory path shortcuts. It always refers to our personal home directory. Keep in mind that since every user has their own home directory, the tilde shortcut will refer to a unique directory for each logged-in user. Most students are used to navigating a file system by clicking a mouse in nested graphical folders. When they start using a command-line to navigate a file system, they sometimes get confused and lose track of their current position in the file system. Remember, you can always use the pwd command to quickly figure out what directory you are currently working in. Let’s make some changes to the file system. We can easily make our own directories on the file system. Type: mkdir test Now type: ls Cool, there’s our new test directory. Let’s pretend we don’t like that directory name and delete it. Type: rmdir test Now it’s gone. How can you be sure? You should know how to check to see if the directory still exists at this point. Go ahead and check. Let’s create another directory. Type in: $ mkdir documents Next, change to the new directory: $ cd documents Did you notice that your command prompt displays the name of the current directory? Something like: [ec2-user@ip-172-31-15-26 documents]$. Pretty handy, huh? Okay, let’s create our first file in the documents directory. This is just an empty file for training purposes. Type in: $ touch paper.txt Check to see that the new file is in the directory. Now, go back to the previous directory. Remember the double dot shortcut? $ cd .. Okay, we don’t like our documents directory any more. Let’s blow it away. Type in: $ rmdir documents Uh oh. The shell didn’t like that command because the directory isn’t empty. Let’s change back into the documents directory. But this time don’t type in the full name of the directory. You can let shell auto-completion do the typing for you. Type in the first couple characters of the directory name and then hit the tab key: $ cd doc<tab> You should use the tab auto-completion feature often. It saves typing and makes working with the Linux file system much much easier. Tab is your friend. Now, remove the file by typing: $ rm paper.txt Did you try to use the tab key instead of typing in the whole file name? Check to make sure the file was deleted from the directory. Next, create a new file: $ touch file1 We like file1 so much that we want to make a backup copy. Type: $ cp file1 file1-backup Check to make sure the new backup copy was created. We don’t really like the name of that new file, so let’s rename it. Type: $ mv file1-backup backup Moving a file to the same directory and giving it a new name is basically the same thing as renaming it. We could have moved it to a different directory if we wanted. Let’s list all of the files in the current directory that start with the letter f: $ ls f* Using wildcard pattern matching in file commands is really useful if you want the command to impact or filter a group of files. Now, go up one directory to the parent directory (remember the double dot shortcut?) We tried to remove the documents directory earlier when it had files in it. Obviously that won’t work again. However, we can use a more powerful command to destroy the directory and vanquish its contents. Behold, the all powerful remove command: $ rm -fr documents Did you remember to use auto-completion when typing in documents? This command and set of options forcibly removes the directory and its contents. It’s a dangerous command wielded by the mightiest Linux wizards. Okay, maybe that’s a bit of an exaggeration. Just be careful with it. Check to make sure the documents directory is gone before proceeding. Let’s continue. Change to the directory /var and make a directory called test. Ugh. Permission denied. We created this darn Linux server and we paid for it. Shouldn’t we be able to do anything we want on it? You logged into the system as a user called ec2-user. While this user can create and manage files in its home directory, it cannot change files all across the system. At least it can’t as a normal user. The ec2-user is a member of the root group, so it can escalate its privileges to super-user status when necessary. Let’s try it: $ sudo mkdir test Check to make sure the directory exists now. Using sudo we can execute commands as a super-user. We can do anything we want now that we know this powerful new command. Go ahead and delete the test directory. Did you remember to use sudo before the rmdir command? Check to make sure the directory is gone. You might be asking yourself the question: why can we list the contents of the /var directory but not make changes? That’s because all users have read access to the /var directory and the ls command is a read function. Only the root users or those acting as a super-user can write changes to the directory. Let’s go back to our home directory: $ cd ~ Editing text files is a really common task on Linux systems because many of the application configuration files are text files. We can create a text file by using a text editor. Type in: $ nano myfile.conf The shell starts up the nano text editor and places your terminal cursor in the editing screen. Nano is a simple text-based word processor. Type in a few lines of text. When you’re done writing your novel, hit ctrl-x and answer y to the prompt to save your work. Finally, hit enter to save the text to the filename you specified. Check to see that your file was saved in the directory. You can take a look at the contents of your file by typing: $ cat myfile.conf The cat command displays your text file content on the terminal screen. This command works fine for displaying small text files. But if your file is hundreds of lines long, the content will scroll down your terminal screen so fast that you won’t be able to easily read it. There’s a better way to view larger text files. Type in: $ less myfile.conf The less command will page the display of a text file, allowing you to page through the contents of the file using the space bar. Your text file is probably too short to see the paging in action though. Hit q to quit out of the less text viewer. Hit the up-arrow key on your keyboard a few times until the commmand nano myfile.conf appears next to your command prompt. Cool, huh? The up-arrow key allows you to replay a previously run command. Linux maintains a list of all the commands you have run since you logged into the server. This is called the command history. It’s a really useful feature if you have to re-run a complex command again. Now, hit ctrl-c. This cancels whatever command is displayed on the command line. Type in the following command to create a couple empty files in the directory: $ touch file1 file2 file3 Confirm that the files were created. Some commands, like touch. allow you to specify multiple files as arguments. You will find that Linux commands have all kinds of ways to make tasks more efficient like this. Throughout this assignment, we have been running commands and viewing results on the terminal screen. The screen is the standard place for commands to output results. It’s known as the standard out (stdout). However, it’s really useful to output results to the file system sometimes. Type in: $ ls > listing.txt Take a look at the directory listing now. You just created a new file. View the contents of the listing.txt file. What do you see? Instead of sending the output from the ls command to the screen we sent it to a text file. Let’s try another one. Type: $ cat myfile.conf > listing.txt Take a look at the contents of the listing.txt file again. It looks like your myfile.conf file now. It’s like you made a copy of it. But what happened to the previous content in the listing.txt file? When you redirect the output of a command using the right angle-bracket character (>), the output overwrites the existing file. Type this command in: $ cat myfile.conf >> listing.txt Now look at the contents of the listing.txt file. You should see your original content displayed twice. When you use two angle-bracket characters in the commmand the output appends (or adds to) the file instead of overwriting it. We redirected the output from a command to a text file. It’s also possible to redirect the input to a command. Typically we use a keyboard to provide input, but sometimes it makes more sense to input a file to a command. For example, how many words are in your new listing.txt file? Let’s find out. Type in: $ wc -w < listing.txt Did you get a number? This command inputs the listing.txt file into a word count program called wc. Type in the command: $ ls /usr/bin The terminal screen probably scrolled quickly as filenames flashed by. The /usr/bin directory holds quite a few files. It would be nice if we could page through the contents of this directory. Well, we can. We can use a special shell feature called pipes. In previous steps, we redirected I/O using the file system. Pipes allow us to redirect I/O between programs. We can redirect the output from one program into another. Type in: $ ls /usr/bin | less Now the directory listing is paged. Hit the spacebar to page through the listing. The pipe, represented by a vertical bar character (|), takes the output from the ls command and redirects it to the less command where the resulting output is paged. Pipes are super powerful and used all the time by savvy Linux operators. Hit the q key to quit the paginated directory listing command. Working with shell scripts Now things are going to get interesting. We’ve been manually typing in commands throughout this exercise. If we were running a set of repetitive tasks, we would want to automate the process as much as possible. The shell makes it really easy to automate tasks using shell scripts. The shell provides many of the same features as a basic procedural programming language. Let’s write some code. Type in this command: $ j=123 $ echo $j We just created a variable named j referencing the string 123. The echo command printed out the value of the variable. We had to use a dollar sign ($) when referencing the variable in another command. Next, type in: $ j=1+1 $ echo $j Is that what you expected? The shell just interprets the variable value as a string. It’s not going to do any sort of computation. Typing in shell script commands on the command line is sort of pointless. We want to be able to create scripts that we can run over-and-over. Let’s create our first shell script. Use the nano editor to create a file named myscript. When the file is open in the editor, type in the following lines of code: #!/bin/bash echo Hello $1 Now quit the editor and save your file. We can run our script by typing: $ ./myscript World Er, what happened? Permission denied. Didn’t we create this file? Why can’t we run it? We can’t run the script file because we haven’t set the execute permission on the file. Type in: $ chmod u+x myscript This modifies the file access control list to allow the owner of the file to execute it. Let’s try to run the command again. Hit the up-arrow key a couple times until the ./myscript World command is displayed and hit enter. Hooray! Our first shell script. It’s probably a bit underwhelming. No problem, we’ll make it a little more complex. The script took a single argument called World. Any arguments provided to a shell script are represented as consecutively numbered variables inside the script ($1, $2, etc). Pretty simple. You might be wondering why we had to type the ./ characters before the name of our script file. Try to type in the command without them: $ myscript World Command not found. That seems a little weird. Aren’t we currently in the directory where the shell script is located? Well, that’s just not how the shell works. When you enter a command into the shell, it looks for the command in a predefined set of directories on the server called your PATH. Since your script file isn’t in your special path, the shell reports it as not found. By typing in the ./ characters before the command name you are basically forcing the shell to look for your script in the current directory instead of the default path. Create another file called cleanup using nano. In the file editor window type: #!/bin/bash # My cleanup script mkdir archive mv file* archive Exit the editor window and save the file. Change the permissions on the script file so that you can execute it. Now run the command: $ ./cleanup Take a look at the file directory listing. Notice the archive directory? List the contents of that directory. The script automatically created a new directory and moved three files into it. Anything you can do manually at a command prompt can be automated using a shell script. Let’s create one more shell script. Use nano to create a script called namelist. Here is the content of the script: #!/bin/bash # for-loop test script names='Jason John Jane' for i in $names do echo Hello $i done Change the permissions on the script file so that you can execute it. Run the command: $ ./namelist The script will loop through a set of names stored in a variable displaying each one. Scripts support several programming constructs like for-loops, do-while loops, and if-then-else. These building blocks allow you to create fairly complex scripts for automating tasks. Installing packages and services We’re nearing the end of this assignment. But before we finish, let’s install some new software packages on our server. The first thing we should do is make sure all the current packages installed on our Linux server are up-to-date. Type in: $ sudo yum update -y This is one of those really powerful commands that requires sudo access. The system will review the currently installed packages and go out to the Internet and download appropriate updates. Next, let’s install an Apache web server on our system. Type in: $ sudo yum install httpd -y Bam! You probably never knew that installing a web server was so easy. We’re not going to actually use the web server in this exercise, but we will in future assignments. We installed the web server, but is it actually running? Let’s check. Type in: $ sudo service httpd status Nope. Let’s start it. Type: $ sudo service httpd start We can use the service command to control the services running on the system. Let’s setup the service so that it automatically starts when the system boots up. Type in: $ sudo chkconfig httpd on Cool. We installed the Apache web server on our system, but what other programs are currently running? We can use the pscommand to find out. Type in: $ ps -ax Lots of processes are running on our system. We can even look at the overall performance of our system using the topcommand. Let’s try that now. Type in: $ top The display might seem a little overwhelming at first. You should see lots of performance information displayed including the cpu usage, free memory, and a list of running tasks. We’re almost across the finish line. Let’s make sure all of our valuable work is stored in a git repository. First, we need to install git. Type in the command: $ sudo yum install git -y Check your work It’s very important to check your work before submitting it for grading. A misspelled, misplaced or missing file will cost you points. This may seem harsh, but the reality is that these sorts of mistakes have consequences in the real world. For example, a server instance could fail to launch properly and impact customers because a single required file is missing. Here is what the contents of your git repository should look like before final submission: ┣archive ┃ ┣ file1 ┃ ┣ file2 ┃ ┗ file3 ┣ namelist ┗ myfile.conf Saving our work in the git repository Next, make sure you are still in your home directory (/home/ec2-user). We will install the git repository you created at the beginning of this exercise. You will need to modify this command by typing in the GitHub repository URL you copied earlier. $ git clone <your GitHub URL here>.git Example: git clone https://github.com/UST-SEIS665/hw2-seis665-02-spring2019-<your github id>.git The git application will ask you for your GitHub username and password. Note, if you have multi-factor authentication enabled on your GitHub account you will need to provide a personal token instead of your password. Git will clone (copy) the repository from GitHub to your Linux server. Since the repository is empty the clone happens almost instantly. Check to make sure that a sub-directory called "hw2-seis665-02-spring2019-<username>" exists in the current directory (where <username> is your GitHub account name). Git automatically created this directory as part of the cloning process. Change to the hw2-seis665-02-spring2019-<username> directory and type: $ ls -la Notice the .git hidden directory? This is where git actually stores all of the file changes in your repository. Nothing is actually in your repository yet. Change back to the parent directory (cd ..). Next, let’s move some of our files into the repository. Type: $ mv archive hw2-seis665-02-spring2019-<username> $ mv namelist hw2-seis665-02-spring2019-<username> $ mv myfile.conf hw2-seis665-02-spring2019-<username> Hopefully, you remembered to use the auto-complete function to reduce some of that typing. Change to the hw2-seis665-02-spring2019-<username> directory and list the directory contents. Your files are in the working directory, but are not actually stored in the repository because they haven’t been committed yet. Type in: $ git status You should see a list of untracked files. Let’s tell git that we want these files tracked. Type in: $ git add * Now type in the git status command again. Notice how all the files are now being tracked and are ready to be committed. These files are in the git staging area. We’ll commit them to the repository next. Type: $ git commit -m 'assignment 2 files' Next, take a look at the commit log. Type: $ git log You should see your commit listed along with an assigned hash (long string of random-looking characters). Finally, let’s save the repository to our GitHub account. Type in: $ git push origin master The git client will ask you for your GitHub username and password before pushing the repository. Go back to the GitHub.com website and login if you have been logged out. Click on the repository link for the assignment. Do you see your files listed there? Congratulations, you completed the exercise! Terminate server The last step is to terminate your Linux instance. AWS will bill you for every hour the instance is running. The cost is nominal, but there’s no need to rack up unnecessary charges. Here are the steps to terminate your instance: Log into your AWS account and click on the EC2 dashboard. Click the Instances menu item. Select your server in the instances table. Click on the Actions drop down menu above the instances table. Select the Instance State menu option Click on the Terminate action. Your Linux instance will shutdown and disappear in a few minutes. The EC2 dashboard will continue to display the instance on your instance listing for another day or so. However, the state of the instance will be terminated. Submitting your assignment — IMPORTANT! If you haven’t already, please e-mail me your GitHub username in order to receive credit for this assignment. There is no need to email me to tell me that you have committed your work to GitHub or to ask me if your GitHub submission worked. If you can see your work in your GitHub repository, I can see your work.

Bee Movie script for educational purposes only, anyways According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The bee, of course, flies anyway because bees don't care what humans think is impossible. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Ooh, black and yellow! Let's shake it up a little. Barry! Breakfast is ready! Coming! Hang on a second. Hello? Barry? Adam? Can you believe this is happening? I can't. I'll pick you up. Looking sharp. Use the stairs, Your father paid good money for those. Sorry. I'm excited. Here's the graduate. We're very proud of you, son. A perfect report card, all B's. Very proud. Ma! I got a thing going here. You got lint on your fuzz. Ow! That's me! Wave to us! We'll be in row 118,000. Bye! Barry, I told you, stop flying in the house! Hey, Adam. Hey, Barry. Is that fuzz gel? A little. Special day, graduation. Never thought I'd make it. Three days grade school, three days high school. Those were awkward. Three days college. I'm glad I took a day and hitchhiked around The Hive. You did come back different. Hi, Barry. Artie, growing a mustache? Looks good. Hear about Frankie? Yeah. You going to the funeral? No, I'm not going. Everybody knows, sting someone, you die. Don't waste it on a squirrel. Such a hothead. I guess he could have just gotten out of the way. I love this incorporating an amusement park into our day. That's why we don't need vacations. Boy, quite a bit of pomp under the circumstances. Well, Adam, today we are men. We are! Bee-men. Amen! Hallelujah! Students, faculty, distinguished bees, please welcome Dean Buzzwell. Welcome, New Hive City graduating class of 9:15. That concludes our ceremonies And begins your career at Honex Industries! Will we pick our job today? I heard it's just orientation. Heads up! Here we go. Keep your hands and antennas inside the tram at all times. Wonder what it'll be like? A little scary. Welcome to Honex, a division of Honesco and a part of the Hexagon Group. This is it! Wow. Wow. We know that you, as a bee, have worked your whole life to get to the point where you can work for your whole life. Honey begins when our valiant Pollen Jocks bring the nectar to The Hive. Our top-secret formula is automatically color-corrected, scent-adjusted and bubble-contoured into this soothing sweet syrup with its distinctive golden glow you know as... Honey! That girl was hot. She's my cousin! She is? Yes, we're all cousins. Right. You're right. At Honex, we constantly strive to improve every aspect of bee existence. These bees are stress-testing a new helmet technology. What do you think he makes? Not enough. Here we have our latest advancement, the Krelman. What does that do? Catches that little strand of honey that hangs after you pour it. Saves us millions. Can anyone work on the Krelman? Of course. Most bee jobs are small ones. But bees know that every small job, if it's done well, means a lot. But choose carefully because you'll stay in the job you pick for the rest of your life. The same job the rest of your life? I didn't know that. What's the difference? You'll be happy to know that bees, as a species, haven't had one day off in 27 million years. So you'll just work us to death? We'll sure try. Wow! That blew my mind! "What's the difference?" How can you say that? One job forever? That's an insane choice to have to make. I'm relieved. Now we only have to make one decision in life. But, Adam, how could they never have told us that? Why would you question anything? We're bees. We're the most perfectly functioning society on Earth. You ever think maybe things work a little too well here? Like what? Give me one example. I don't know. But you know what I'm talking about. Please clear the gate. Royal Nectar Force on approach. Wait a second. Check it out. Hey, those are Pollen Jocks! Wow. I've never seen them this close. They know what it's like outside The Hive. Yeah, but some don't come back. Hey, Jocks! Hi, Jocks! You guys did great! You're monsters! You're sky freaks! I love it! I love it! I wonder where they were. I don't know. Their day's not planned. Outside The Hive, flying who knows where, doing who knows what. You can't just decide to be a Pollen Jock. You have to be bred for that. Right. Look. That's more pollen than you and I will see in a lifetime. It's just a status symbol. Bees make too much of it. Perhaps. Unless you're wearing it and the ladies see you wearing it. Those ladies? Aren't they our cousins too? Distant. Distant. Look at these two. Couple of Hive Harrys. Let's have fun with them. It must be dangerous being a Pollen Jock. Yeah. Once a bear pinned me against a mushroom! He had a paw on my throat, and with the other, he was slapping me! Oh, my! I never thought I'd knock him out. What were you doing during this? Trying to alert the authorities. I can autograph that. A little gusty out there today, wasn't it, comrades? Yeah. Gusty. We're hitting a sunflower patch six miles from here tomorrow. Six miles, huh? Barry! A puddle jump for us, but maybe you're not up for it. Maybe I am. You are not! We're going 0900 at J-Gate. What do you think, buzzy-boy? Are you bee enough? I might be. It all depends on what 0900 means. Hey, Honex! Dad, you surprised me. You decide what you're interested in? Well, there's a lot of choices. But you only get one. Do you ever get bored doing the same job every day? Son, let me tell you about stirring. You grab that stick, and you just move it around, and you stir it around. You get yourself into a rhythm. It's a beautiful thing. You know, Dad, the more I think about it, maybe the honey field just isn't right for me. You were thinking of what, making balloon animals? That's a bad job for a guy with a stinger. Janet, your son's not sure he wants to go into honey! Barry, you are so funny sometimes. I'm not trying to be funny. You're not funny! You're going into honey. Our son, the stirrer! You're gonna be a stirrer? No one's listening to me! Wait till you see the sticks I have. I could say anything right now. I'm gonna get an ant tattoo! Let's open some honey and celebrate! Maybe I'll pierce my thorax. Shave my antennae. Shack up with a grasshopper. Get a gold tooth and call everybody "dawg"! I'm so proud. We're starting work today! Today's the day. Come on! All the good jobs will be gone. Yeah, right. Pollen counting, stunt bee, pouring, stirrer, front desk, hair removal... Is it still available? Hang on. Two left! One of them's yours! Congratulations! Step to the side. What'd you get? Picking crud out. Stellar! Wow! Couple of newbies? Yes, sir! Our first day! We are ready! Make your choice. You want to go first? No, you go. Oh, my. What's available? Restroom attendant's open, not for the reason you think. Any chance of getting the Krelman? Sure, you're on. I'm sorry, the Krelman just closed out. Wax monkey's always open. The Krelman opened up again. What happened? A bee died. Makes an opening. See? He's dead. Another dead one. Deady. Deadified. Two more dead. Dead from the neck up. Dead from the neck down. That's life! Oh, this is so hard! Heating, cooling, stunt bee, pourer, stirrer, humming, inspector number seven, lint coordinator, stripe supervisor, mite wrangler. Barry, what do you think I should... Barry? Barry! All right, we've got the sunflower patch in quadrant nine... What happened to you? Where are you? I'm going out. Out? Out where? Out there. Oh, no! I have to, before I go to work for the rest of my life. You're gonna die! You're crazy! Hello? Another call coming in. If anyone's feeling brave, there's a Korean deli on 83rd that gets their roses today. Hey, guys. Look at that. Isn't that the kid we saw yesterday? Hold it, son, flight deck's restricted. It's OK, Lou. We're gonna take him up. Really? Feeling lucky, are you? Sign here, here. Just initial that. Thank you. OK. You got a rain advisory today, and as you all know, bees cannot fly in rain. So be careful. As always, watch your brooms, hockey sticks, dogs, birds, bears and bats. Also, I got a couple of reports of root beer being poured on us. Murphy's in a home because of it, babbling like a cicada! That's awful. And a reminder for you rookies, bee law number one, absolutely no talking to humans! All right, launch positions! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Black and yellow! Hello! You ready for this, hot shot? Yeah. Yeah, bring it on. Wind, check. Antennae, check. Nectar pack, check. Wings, check. Stinger, check. Scared out of my shorts, check. OK, ladies, let's move it out! Pound those petunias, you striped stem-suckers! All of you, drain those flowers! Wow! I'm out! I can't believe I'm out! So blue. I feel so fast and free! Box kite! Wow! Flowers! This is Blue Leader, We have roses visual. Bring it around 30 degrees and hold. Roses! 30 degrees, roger. Bringing it around. Stand to the side, kid. It's got a bit of a kick. That is one nectar collector! Ever see pollination up close? No, sir. I pick up some pollen here, sprinkle it over here. Maybe a dash over there, a pinch on that one. See that? It's a little bit of magic. That's amazing. Why do we do that? That's pollen power. More pollen, more flowers, more nectar, more honey for us. Cool. I'm picking up a lot of bright yellow, Could be daisies, Don't we need those? Copy that visual. Wait. One of these flowers seems to be on the move. Say again? You're reporting a moving flower? Affirmative. That was on the line! This is the coolest. What is it? I don't know, but I'm loving this color. It smells good. Not like a flower, but I like it. Yeah, fuzzy. Chemical-y. Careful, guys. It's a little grabby. My sweet lord of bees! Candy-brain, get off there! Problem! Guys! This could be bad. Affirmative. Very close. Gonna hurt. Mama's little boy. You are way out of position, rookie! Coming in at you like a missile! Help me! I don't think these are flowers. Should we tell him? I think he knows. What is this?! Match point! You can start packing up, honey, because you're about to eat it! Yowser! Gross. There's a bee in the car! Do something! I'm driving! Hi, bee. He's back here! He's going to sting me! Nobody move. If you don't move, he won't sting you. Freeze! He blinked! Spray him, Granny! What are you doing?! Wow... the tension level out here is unbelievable. I gotta get home. Can't fly in rain. Can't fly in rain. Can't fly in rain. Mayday! Mayday! Bee going down! Ken, could you close the window please? Ken, could you close the window please? Check out my new resume. I made it into a fold-out brochure. You see? Folds out. Oh, no. More humans. I don't need this. What was that? Maybe this time. This time. This time. This time! This time! This... Drapes! That is diabolical. It's fantastic. It's got all my special skills, even my top-ten favorite movies. What's number one? Star Wars? Nah, I don't go for that... kind of stuff. No wonder we shouldn't talk to them. They're out of their minds. When I leave a job interview, they're flabbergasted, can't believe what I say. There's the sun. Maybe that's a way out. I don't remember the sun having a big 75 on it. I predicted global warming. I could feel it getting hotter. At first I thought it was just me. Wait! Stop! Bee! Stand back. These are winter boots. Wait! Don't kill him! You know I'm allergic to them! This thing could kill me! Why does his life have less value than yours? Why does his life have any less value than mine? Is that your statement? I'm just saying all life has value. You don't know what he's capable of feeling. My brochure! There you go, little guy. I'm not scared of him.It's an allergic thing. Put that on your resume brochure. My whole face could puff up. Make it one of your special skills. Knocking someone out is also a special skill. Right. Bye, Vanessa. Thanks. Vanessa, next week? Yogurt night? Sure, Ken. You know, whatever. You could put carob chips on there. Bye. Supposed to be less calories. Bye. I gotta say something. She saved my life. I gotta say something. All right, here it goes. Nah. What would I say? I could really get in trouble. It's a bee law. You're not supposed to talk to a human. I can't believe I'm doing this. I've got to. Oh, I can't do it. Come on! No. Yes. No. Do it. I can't. How should I start it? "You like jazz?" No, that's no good. Here she comes! Speak, you fool! Hi! I'm sorry. You're talking. Yes, I know. You're talking! I'm so sorry. No, it's OK. It's fine. I know I'm dreaming. But I don't recall going to bed. Well, I'm sure this is very disconcerting. This is a bit of a surprise to me. I mean, you're a bee! I am. And I'm not supposed to be doing this, but they were all trying to kill me. And if it wasn't for you... I had to thank you. It's just how I was raised. That was a little weird. I'm talking with a bee. Yeah. I'm talking to a bee. And the bee is talking to me! I just want to say I'm grateful. I'll leave now. Wait! How did you learn to do that? What? The talking thing. Same way you did, I guess. "Mama, Dada, honey." You pick it up. That's very funny. Yeah. Bees are funny. If we didn't laugh, we'd cry with what we have to deal with. Anyway... Can I... get you something? Like what? I don't know. I mean... I don't know. Coffee? I don't want to put you out. It's no trouble. It takes two minutes. It's just coffee. I hate to impose. Don't be ridiculous! Actually, I would love a cup. Hey, you want rum cake? I shouldn't. Have some. No, I can't. Come on! I'm trying to lose a couple micrograms. Where? These stripes don't help. You look great! I don't know if you know anything about fashion. Are you all right? No. He's making the tie in the cab as they're flying up Madison. He finally gets there. He runs up the steps into the church. The wedding is on. And he says, "Watermelon? I thought you said Guatemalan. Why would I marry a watermelon?" Is that a bee joke? That's the kind of stuff we do. Yeah, different. So, what are you gonna do, Barry? About work? I don't know. I want to do my part for The Hive, but I can't do it the way they want. I know how you feel. You do? Sure. My parents wanted me to be a lawyer or a doctor, but I wanted to be a florist. Really? My only interest is flowers. Our new queen was just elected with that same campaign slogan. Anyway, if you look... There's my hive right there. See it? You're in Sheep Meadow! Yes! I'm right off the Turtle Pond! No way! I know that area. I lost a toe ring there once. Why do girls put rings on their toes? Why not? It's like putting a hat on your knee. Maybe I'll try that. You all right, ma'am? Oh, yeah. Fine. Just having two cups of coffee! Anyway, this has been great. Thanks for the coffee. Yeah, it's no trouble. Sorry I couldn't finish it. If I did, I'd be up the rest of my life. Are you...? Can I take a piece of this with me? Sure! Here, have a crumb. Thanks! Yeah. All right. Well, then... I guess I'll see you around. Or not. OK, Barry. And thank you so much again... for before. Oh, that? That was nothing. Well, not nothing, but... Anyway... This can't possibly work. He's all set to go. We may as well try it. OK, Dave, pull the chute. Sounds amazing. It was amazing! It was the scariest, happiest moment of my life. Humans! I can't believe you were with humans! Giant, scary humans! What were they like? Huge and crazy. They talk crazy. They eat crazy giant things. They drive crazy. Do they try and kill you, like on TV? Some of them. But some of them don't. How'd you get back? Poodle. You did it, and I'm glad. You saw whatever you wanted to see. You had your "experience." Now you can pick out yourjob and be normal. Well... Well? Well, I met someone. You did? Was she Bee-ish? A wasp?! Your parents will kill you! No, no, no, not a wasp. Spider? I'm not attracted to spiders. I know it's the hottest thing, with the eight legs and all. I can't get by that face. So who is she? She's... human. No, no. That's a bee law. You wouldn't break a bee law. Her name's Vanessa. Oh, boy. She's so nice. And she's a florist! Oh, no! You're dating a human florist! We're not dating. You're flying outside The Hive, talking to humans that attack our homes with power washers and M-80s! One-eighth a stick of dynamite! She saved my life! And she understands me. This is over! Eat this. This is not over! What was that? They call it a crumb. It was so stingin' stripey! And that's not what they eat. That's what falls off what they eat! You know what a Cinnabon is? No. It's bread and cinnamon and frosting. They heat it up... Sit down! ...really hot! Listen to me! We are not them! We're us. There's us and there's them! Yes, but who can deny the heart that is yearning? There's no yearning. Stop yearning. Listen to me! You have got to start thinking bee, my friend. Thinking bee! Thinking bee. Thinking bee. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! There he is. He's in the pool. You know what your problem is, Barry? I gotta start thinking bee? How much longer will this go on? It's been three days! Why aren't you working? I've got a lot of big life decisions to think about. What life? You have no life! You have no job. You're barely a bee! Would it kill you to make a little honey? Barry, come out. Your father's talking to you. Martin, would you talk to him? Barry, I'm talking to you! You coming? Got everything? All set! Go ahead. I'll catch up. Don't be too long. Watch this! Vanessa! We're still here. I told you not to yell at him. He doesn't respond to yelling! Then why yell at me? Because you don't listen! I'm not listening to this. Sorry, I've gotta go. Where are you going? I'm meeting a friend. A girl? Is this why you can't decide? Bye. I just hope she's Bee-ish. They have a huge parade of flowers every year in Pasadena? To be in the Tournament of Roses, that's every florist's dream! Up on a float, surrounded by flowers, crowds cheering. A tournament. Do the roses compete in athletic events? No. All right, I've got one. How come you don't fly everywhere? It's exhausting. Why don't you run everywhere? It's faster. Yeah, OK, I see, I see. All right, your turn. TiVo. You can just freeze live TV? That's insane! You don't have that? We have Hivo, but it's a disease. It's a horrible, horrible disease. Oh, my. Dumb bees! You must want to sting all those jerks. We try not to sting. It's usually fatal for us. So you have to watch your temper. Very carefully. You kick a wall, take a walk, write an angry letter and throw it out. Work through it like any emotion: Anger, jealousy, lust. Oh, my goodness! Are you OK? Yeah. What is wrong with you?! It's a bug. He's not bothering anybody. Get out of here, you creep! What was that? A Pic 'N' Save circular? Yeah, it was. How did you know? It felt like about 10 pages. Seventy-five is pretty much our limit. You've really got that down to a science. I lost a cousin to Italian Vogue. I'll bet. What in the name of Mighty Hercules is this? How did this get here? cute Bee, Golden Blossom, Ray Liotta Private Select? Is he that actor? I never heard of him. Why is this here? For people. We eat it. You don't have enough food of your own? Well, yes. How do you get it? Bees make it. I know who makes it! And it's hard to make it! There's heating, cooling, stirring. You need a whole Krelman thing! It's organic. It's our-ganic! It's just honey, Barry. Just what?! Bees don't know about this! This is stealing! A lot of stealing! You've taken our homes, schools,hospitals! This is all we have! And it's on sale?! I'm getting to the bottom of this. I'm getting to the bottom of all of this! Hey, Hector. You almost done? Almost. He is here. I sense it. Well, I guess I'll go home now and just leave this nice honey out, with no one around. You're busted, box boy! I knew I heard something. So you can talk! I can talk. And now you'll start talking! Where you getting the sweet stuff? Who's your supplier? I don't understand. I thought we were friends. The last thing we want to do is upset bees! You're too late! It's ours now! You, sir, have crossed the wrong sword! You, sir, will be lunch for my iguana, Ignacio! Where is the honey coming from? Tell me where! Honey Farms! It comes from Honey Farms! Crazy person! What horrible thing has happened here? These faces, they never knew what hit them. And now they're on the road to nowhere! Just keep still. What? You're not dead? Do I look dead? They will wipe anything that moves. Where you headed? To Honey Farms. I am onto something huge here. I'm going to Alaska. Moose blood, crazy stuff. Blows your head off! I'm going to Tacoma. And you? He really is dead. All right. Uh-oh! What is that?! Oh, no! A wiper! Triple blade! Triple blade? Jump on! It's your only chance, bee! Why does everything have to be so doggone clean?! How much do you people need to see?! Open your eyes! Stick your head out the window! From NPR News in Washington, I'm Carl Kasell. But don't kill no more bugs! Bee! Moose blood guy!! You hear something? Like what? Like tiny screaming. Turn off the radio. Whassup, bee boy? Hey, Blood. Just a row of honey jars, as far as the eye could see. Wow! I assume wherever this truck goes is where they're getting it. I mean, that honey's ours. Bees hang tight. We're all jammed in. It's a close community. Not us, man. We on our own. Every mosquito on his own. What if you get in trouble? You a mosquito, you in trouble. Nobody likes us. They just smack. See a mosquito, smack, smack! At least you're out in the world. You must meet girls. Mosquito girls try to trade up, get with a moth, dragonfly. Mosquito girl don't want no mosquito. You got to be kidding me! Mooseblood's about to leave the building! So long, bee! Hey, guys! Mooseblood! I knew I'd catch y'all down here. Did you bring your crazy straw? We throw it in jars, slap a label on it, and it's pretty much pure profit. What is this place? A bee's got a brain the size of a pinhead. They are pinheads! Pinhead. Check out the new smoker. Oh, sweet. That's the one you want. The Thomas 3000! Smoker? Ninety puffs a minute, semi-automatic. Twice the nicotine, all the tar. A couple breaths of this knocks them right out. They make the honey, and we make the money. "They make the honey, and we make the money"? Oh, my! What's going on? Are you OK? Yeah. It doesn't last too long. Do you know you're in a fake hive with fake walls? Our queen was moved here. We had no choice. This is your queen? That's a man in women's clothes! That's a drag queen! What is this? Oh, no! There's hundreds of them! Bee honey. Our honey is being brazenly stolen on a massive scale! This is worse than anything bears have done! I intend to do something. Oh, Barry, stop. Who told you humans are taking our honey? That's a rumor. Do these look like rumors? That's a conspiracy theory. These are obviously doctored photos. How did you get mixed up in this? He's been talking to humans. What? Talking to humans?! He has a human girlfriend. And they make out! Make out? Barry! We do not. You wish you could. Whose side are you on? The bees! I dated a cricket once in San Antonio. Those crazy legs kept me up all night. Barry, this is what you want to do with your life? I want to do it for all our lives. Nobody works harder than bees! Dad, I remember you coming home so overworked your hands were still stirring. You couldn't stop. I remember that. What right do they have to our honey? We live on two cups a year. They put it in lip balm for no reason whatsoever! Even if it's true, what can one bee do? Sting them where it really hurts. In the face! The eye! That would hurt. No. Up the nose? That's a killer. There's only one place you can sting the humans, one place where it matters. Hive at Five, The Hive's only full-hour action news source. No more bee beards! With Bob Bumble at the anchor desk. Weather with Storm Stinger. Sports with Buzz Larvi. And Jeanette Chung. Good evening. I'm Bob Bumble. And I'm Jeanette Ohung. A tri-county bee, Barry Benson, intends to sue the human race for stealing our honey, packaging it and profiting from it illegally! Tomorrow night on Bee Larry King, we'll have three former queens here in our studio, discussing their new book, classy Ladies, out this week on Hexagon. Tonight we're talking to Barry Benson. Did you ever think, "I'm a kid from The Hive. I can't do this"? Bees have never been afraid to change the world. What about Bee Oolumbus? Bee Gandhi? Bejesus? Where I'm from, we'd never sue humans. We were thinking of stickball or candy stores. How old are you? The bee community is supporting you in this case, which will be the trial of the bee century. You know, they have a Larry King in the human world too. It's a common name. Next week... He looks like you and has a show and suspenders and colored dots... Next week... Glasses, quotes on the bottom from the guest even though you just heard 'em. Bear Week next week! They're scary, hairy and here live. Always leans forward, pointy shoulders, squinty eyes, very Jewish. In tennis, you attack at the point of weakness! It was my grandmother, Ken. She's 81. Honey, her backhand's a joke! I'm not gonna take advantage of that? Quiet, please. Actual work going on here. Is that that same bee? Yes, it is! I'm helping him sue the human race. Hello. Hello, bee. This is Ken. Yeah, I remember you. Timberland, size ten and a half. Vibram sole, I believe. Why does he talk again? Listen, you better go 'cause we're really busy working. But it's our yogurt night! Bye-bye. Why is yogurt night so difficult?! You poor thing. You two have been at this for hours! Yes, and Adam here has been a huge help. Frosting... How many sugars? Just one. I try not to use the competition. So why are you helping me? Bees have good qualities. And it takes my mind off the shop. Instead of flowers, people are giving balloon bouquets now. Those are great, if you're three. And artificial flowers. Oh, those just get me psychotic! Yeah, me too. Bent stingers, pointless pollination. Bees must hate those fake things! Nothing worse than a daffodil that's had work done. Maybe this could make up for it a little bit. This lawsuit's a pretty big deal. I guess. You sure you want to go through with it? Am I sure? When I'm done with the humans, they won't be able to say, "Honey, I'm home," without paying a royalty! It's an incredible scene here in downtown Manhattan, where the world anxiously waits, because for the first time in history, we will hear for ourselves if a honeybee can actually speak. What have we gotten into here, Barry? It's pretty big, isn't it? I can't believe how many humans don't work during the day. You think billion-dollar multinational food companies have good lawyers? Everybody needs to stay behind the barricade. What's the matter? I don't know, I just got a chill. Well, if it isn't the bee team. You boys work on this? All rise! The Honorable Judge Bumbleton presiding. All right. Case number 4475, Superior Court of New York, Barry Bee Benson v. the Honey Industry is now in session. Mr. Montgomery, you're representing the five food companies collectively? A privilege. Mr. Benson... you're representing all the bees of the world? I'm kidding. Yes, Your Honor, we're ready to proceed. Mr. Montgomery, your opening statement, please. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, my grandmother was a simple woman. Born on a farm, she believed it was man's divine right to benefit from the bounty of nature God put before us. If we lived in the topsy-turvy world Mr. Benson imagines, just think of what would it mean. I would have to negotiate with the silkworm for the elastic in my britches! Talking bee! How do we know this isn't some sort of holographic motion-picture-capture Hollywood wizardry? They could be using laser beams! Robotics! Ventriloquism! Cloning! For all we know, he could be on steroids! Mr. Benson? Ladies and gentlemen, there's no trickery here. I'm just an ordinary bee. Honey's pretty important to me. It's important to all bees. We invented it! We make it. And we protect it with our lives. Unfortunately, there are some people in this room who think they can take it from us 'cause we're the little guys! I'm hoping that, after this is all over, you'll see how, by taking our honey, you not only take everything we have but everything we are! I wish he'd dress like that all the time. So nice! Call your first witness. So, Mr. Klauss Vanderhayden of Honey Farms, big company you have. I suppose so. I see you also own Honeyburton and Honron! Yes, they provide beekeepers for our farms. Beekeeper. I find that to be a very disturbing term. I don't imagine you employ any bee-free-ers, do you? No. I couldn't hear you. No. No. Because you don't free bees. You keep bees. Not only that, it seems you thought a bear would be an appropriate image for a jar of honey. They're very lovable creatures. Yogi Bear, Fozzie Bear, Build-A-Bear. You mean like this? Bears kill bees! How'd you like his head crashing through your living room?! Biting into your couch! Spitting out your throw pillows! OK, that's enough. Take him away. So, Mr. Sting, thank you for being here. Your name intrigues me. Where have I heard it before? I was with a band called The Police. But you've never been a police officer, have you? No, I haven't. No, you haven't. And so here we have yet another example of bee culture casually stolen by a human for nothing more than a prance-about stage name. Oh, please. Have you ever been stung, Mr. Sting? Because I'm feeling a little stung, Sting. Or should I say... Mr. Gordon M. Sumner! That's not his real name?! You idiots! Mr. Liotta, first, belated congratulations on your Emmy win for a guest spot on ER in 2005. Thank you. Thank you. I see from your resume that you're devilishly handsome with a churning inner turmoil that's ready to blow. I enjoy what I do. Is that a crime? Not yet it isn't. But is this what it's come to for you? Exploiting tiny, helpless bees so you don't have to rehearse your part and learn your lines, sir? Watch it, Benson! I could blow right now! This isn't a goodfella. This is a badfella! Why doesn't someone just step on this creep, and we can all go home?! Order in this court! You're all thinking it! Order! Order, I say! Say it! Mr. Liotta, please sit down! I think it was awfully nice of that bear to pitch in like that. I think the jury's on our side. Are we doing everything right, legally? I'm a florist. Right. Well, here's to a great team. To a great team! Well, hello. Ken! Hello. I didn't think you were coming. No, I was just late I tried to call, but... the battery. I didn't want all this to go to waste, so I called Barry. Luckily, he was free. Oh, that was lucky. There's a little left. I could heat it up. Yeah, heat it up, sure, whatever. So I hear you're quite a tennis player. I'm not much for the game myself. The ball's a little grabby. That's where I usually sit. Right... there. Ken, Barry was looking at your resume, and he agreed with me that eating with chopsticks isn't really a special skill. You think I don't see what you're doing? I know how hard it is to find the right job. We have that in common. Do we? Bees have 100 percent employment, but we do jobs like taking the crud out. That's just what I was thinking about doing. Ken, I let Barry borrow your razor for his fuzz. I hope that was all right. I'm going to drain the old stinger. Yeah, you do that. Look at that. You know, I've just about had it with your little Mind Games. What's that? Italian Vogue. Mamma mia, that's a lot of pages. A lot of ads. Remember what Van said, why is your life more valuable than mine? Funny, I just can't seem to recall that! I think something stinks in here! I love the smell of flowers. How do you like the smell of flames?! Not as much. Water bug! Not taking sides! Ken, I'm wearing a Chapstick hat! This is pathetic! I've got issues! Well, well, well, a royal flush! You're bluffing. Am I? Surf's up, dude! Poo water! That bowl is gnarly. Except for those dirty yellow rings! Kenneth! What are you doing?! You know, I don't even like honey! I don't eat it! We need to talk! He's just a little bee! And he happens to be the nicest bee I've met in a long time! Long time? What are you talking about?! Are there other bugs in your life? No, but there are other things bugging me in life. And you're one of them! Fine! Talking bees, no yogurt night... My nerves are fried from riding on this emotional roller coaster! Goodbye, Ken. And for your information, I prefer sugar-free, artificial sweeteners made by man! I'm sorry about all that. I know it's got an aftertaste! I like it! I always felt there was some kind of barrier between Ken and me. I couldn't overcome it. Oh, well. Are you OK for the trial? I believe Mr. Montgomery is about out of ideas. We would like to call Mr. Barry Benson Bee to the stand. Good idea! You can really see why he's considered one of the best lawyers... Yeah. Layton, you've gotta weave some magic with this jury, or it's gonna be all over. Don't worry. The only thing I have to do to turn this jury around is to remind them of what they don't like about bees. You got the tweezers? Are you allergic? Only to losing, son. Only to losing. Mr. Benson Bee, I'll ask you what I think we'd all like to know. What exactly is your relationship to that woman? We're friends. Good friends? Yes. How good? Do you live together? Wait a minute... Are you her little... bedbug? I've seen a bee documentary or two. From what I understand, doesn't your queen give birth to all the bee children? Yeah, but... So those aren't your real parents! Oh, Barry... Yes, they are! Hold me back! You're an illegitimate bee, aren't you, Benson? He's denouncing bees! Don't y'all date your cousins? Objection! I'm going to pincushion this guy! Adam, don't! It's what he wants! Oh, I'm hit!! Oh, lordy, I am hit! Order! Order! The venom! The venom is coursing through my veins! I have been felled by a winged beast of destruction! You see? You can't treat them like equals! They're striped savages! Stinging's the only thing they know! It's their way! Adam, stay with me. I can't feel my legs. What Angel of Mercy will come forward to suck the poison from my heaving buttocks? I will have order in this court. Order! Order, please! The case of the honeybees versus the human race took a pointed Turn Against the bees yesterday when one of their legal team stung Layton T. Montgomery. Hey, buddy. Hey. Is there much pain? Yeah. I... I blew the whole case, didn't I? It doesn't matter. What matters is you're alive. You could have died. I'd be better off dead. Look at me. They got it from the cafeteria downstairs, in a tuna sandwich. Look, there's a little celery still on it. What was it like to sting someone? I can't explain it. It was all... All adrenaline and then...and then ecstasy! All right. You think it was all a trap? Of course. I'm sorry. I flew us right into this. What were we thinking? Look at us. We're just a couple of bugs in this world. What will the humans do to us if they win? I don't know. I hear they put the roaches in motels. That doesn't sound so bad. Adam, they check in, but they don't check out! Oh, my. Could you get a nurse to close that window? Why? The smoke. Bees don't smoke. Right. Bees don't smoke. Bees don't smoke! But some bees are smoking. That's it! That's our case! It is? It's not over? Get dressed. I've gotta go somewhere. Get back to the court and stall. Stall any way you can. And assuming you've done step correctly, you're ready for the tub. Mr. Flayman. Yes? Yes, Your Honor! Where is the rest of your team? Well, Your Honor, it's interesting. Bees are trained to fly haphazardly, and as a result, we don't make very good time. I actually heard a funny story about... Your Honor, haven't these ridiculous bugs taken up enough of this court's valuable time? How much longer will we allow these absurd shenanigans to go on? They have presented no compelling evidence to support their charges against my clients, who run legitimate businesses. I move for a complete dismissal of this entire case! Mr. Flayman, I'm afraid I'm going to have to consider Mr. Montgomery's motion. But you can't! We have a terrific case. Where is your proof? Where is the evidence? Show me the smoking gun! Hold it, Your Honor! You want a smoking gun? Here is your smoking gun. What is that? It's a bee smoker! What, this? This harmless little contraption? This couldn't hurt a fly, let alone a bee. Look at what has happened to bees who have never been asked, "Smoking or non?" Is this what nature intended for us? To be forcibly addicted to smoke machines and man-made wooden slat work camps? Living out our lives as honey slaves to the white man? What are we gonna do? He's playing the species card. Ladies and gentlemen, please, free these bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! The court finds in favor of the bees! Vanessa, we won! I knew you could do it! High-five! Sorry. I'm OK! You know what this means? All the honey will finally belong to the bees. Now we won't have to work so hard all the time. This is an unholy perversion of the balance of nature, Benson. You'll regret this. Barry, how much honey is out there? All right. One at a time. Barry, who are you wearing? My sweater is Ralph Lauren, and I have no pants. What if Montgomery's right? What do you mean? We've been living the bee way a long time, 27 million years. Congratulations on your victory. What will you demand as a settlement? First, we'll demand a complete shutdown of all bee work camps. Then we want back the honey that was ours to begin with, every last drop. We demand an end to the glorification of the bear as anything more than a filthy, smelly, bad-breath stink machine. We're all aware of what they do in the woods. Wait for my signal. Take him out. He'll have nauseous for a few hours, then he'll be fine. And we will no longer tolerate bee-negative nicknames... But it's just a prance-about stage name! ...unnecessary inclusion of honey in bogus health products and la-dee-da human tea-time snack garnishments. Can't breathe. Bring it in, boys! Hold it right there! Good. Tap it. Mr. Buzzwell, we just passed three cups and there's gallons more coming! I think we need to shut down! Shut down? We've never shut down. Shut down honey production! Stop making honey! Turn your key, sir! What do we do now? Cannonball! We're shutting honey production! Mission abort. Aborting pollination and nectar detail. Returning to base. Adam, you wouldn't believe how much honey was out there. Oh, yeah? What's going on? Where is everybody? Are they out celebrating? They're home. They don't know what to do. Laying out, sleeping in. I heard your Uncle Carl was on his way to San Antonio with a cricket. At least we got our honey back. Sometimes I think, so what if humans liked our honey? Who wouldn't? It's the greatest thing in the world! I was excited to be part of making it. This was my new desk. This was my new job. I wanted to do it really well. And now... Now I can't. I don't understand why they're not happy. I thought their lives would be better! They're doing nothing. It's amazing. Honey really changes people. You don't have any idea what's going on, do you? What did you want to show me? This. What happened here? That is not the half of it. Oh, no. Oh, my. They're all wilting. Doesn't look very good, does it? No. And whose fault do you think that is? You know, I'm gonna guess bees. Bees? Specifically, me. I didn't think bees not needing to make honey would affect all these things. It's not just flowers. Fruits, vegetables, they all need bees. That's our whole SAT test right there. Take away produce, that affects the entire animal kingdom. And then, of course... The human species? So if there's no more pollination, it could all just go south here, couldn't it? I know this is also partly my fault. How about a suicide pact? How do we do it? I'll sting you, you step on me. That just kills you twice. Right, right. Listen, Barry... sorry, but I gotta get going. I had to open my mouth and talk. Vanessa? Vanessa? Why are you leaving? Where are you going? To the final Tournament of Roses parade in Pasadena. They've moved it to this weekend because all the flowers are dying. It's the Last Chance I'll ever have to see it. Vanessa, I just wanna say I'm sorry. I never meant it to turn out like this. I know. Me neither. Tournament of Roses. Roses can't do sports. Wait a minute. Roses. Roses? Roses! Vanessa! Roses?! Barry? Roses are flowers! Yes, they are. Flowers, bees, pollen! I know. That's why this is the last parade. Maybe not. Could you ask him to slow down? Could you slow down? Barry! OK, I made a huge mistake. This is a total disaster, all my fault. Yes, it kind of is. I've ruined the planet. I wanted to help you with the flower shop. I've made it worse. Actually, it's completely closed down. I thought maybe you were remodeling. But I have another idea, and it's greater than my previous ideas combined. I don't want to hear it! All right, they have the roses, the roses have the pollen. I know every bee, plant and flower bud in this park. All we gotta do is get what they've got back here with what we've got. Bees. Park. Pollen! Flowers. Repollination! Across the nation! Tournament of Roses, Pasadena, California. They've got nothing but flowers, floats and cotton candy. Security will be tight. I have an idea. Vanessa Bloome, FTD. Official floral business. It's real. Sorry, ma'am. Nice brooch. Thank you. It was a gift. Once inside, we just pick the right float. How about The Princess and the Pea? I could be the princess, and you could be the pea! Yes, I got it. Where should I sit? What are you? I believe I'm the pea. The pea? It goes under the mattresses. Not in this fairy tale, sweetheart. I'm getting the marshal. You do that! This whole parade is a fiasco! Let's see what this baby'll do. Hey, what are you doing?! Then all we do is blend in with traffic... without arousing suspicion. Once at the airport, there's no stopping us. Stop! Security. You and your insect pack your float? Yes. Has it been in your possession the entire time? Would you remove your shoes? Remove your stinger. It's part of me. I know. Just having some fun. Enjoy your flight. Then if we're lucky, we'll have just enough pollen to do the job. Can you believe how lucky we are? We have just enough pollen to do the job! I think this is gonna work. It's got to work. Attention, passengers, this is Captain Scott. We have a bit of bad weather in New York. It looks like we'll experience a couple hours delay. Barry, these are cut flowers with no water. They'll never make it. I gotta get up there and talk to them. Be careful. Can I get help with the Sky Mall magazine? I'd like to order the talking inflatable nose and ear hair trimmer. Captain, I'm in a real situation. What'd you say, Hal? Nothing. Bee! Don't freak out! My entire species... What are you doing? Wait a minute! I'm an attorney! Who's an attorney? Don't move. Oh, Barry. Good afternoon, passengers. This is your captain. Would a Miss Vanessa Bloome in 24B please report to the cockpit? And please hurry! What happened here? There was a DustBuster, a toupee, a life raft exploded. One's bald, one's in a boat, they're both unconscious! Is that another bee joke? No! No one's flying the plane! This is JFK control tower, Flight 356. What's your status? This is Vanessa Bloome. I'm a florist from New York. Where's the pilot? He's unconscious, and so is the copilot. Not good. Does anyone onboard have flight experience? As a matter of fact, there is. Who's that? Barry Benson. From the honey trial?! Oh, great. Vanessa, this is nothing more than a big metal bee. It's got giant wings, huge engines. I can't fly a plane. Why not? Isn't John Travolta a pilot? Yes. How hard could it be? Wait, Barry! We're headed into some lightning. This is Bob Bumble. We have some late-breaking news from JFK Airport, where a suspenseful scene is developing. Barry Benson, fresh from his legal victory... That's Barry! ...is attempting to land a plane, loaded with people, flowers and an incapacitated flight crew. Flowers?! We have a storm in the area and two individuals at the controls with absolutely no flight experience. Just a minute. There's a bee on that plane. I'm quite familiar with Mr. Benson and his no-account compadres. They've done enough damage. But isn't he your only hope? Technically, a bee shouldn't be able to fly at all. Their wings are too small... Haven't we heard this a million times? "The surface area of the wings and body mass make no sense." Get this on the air! Got it. Stand by. We're going live. The way we work may be a mystery to you. Making honey takes a lot of bees doing a lot of small jobs. But let me tell you about a small job. If you do it well, it makes a big difference. More than we realized. To us, to everyone. That's why I want to get bees back to working together. That's the bee way! We're not made of Jell-O. We get behind a fellow. Black and yellow! Hello! Left, right, down, hover. Hover? Forget hover. This isn't so hard. Beep-beep! Beep-beep! Barry, what happened?! Wait, I think we were on autopilot the whole time. That may have been helping me. And now we're not! So it turns out I cannot fly a plane. All of you, let's get behind this fellow! Move it out! Move out! Our only chance is if I do what I'd do, you copy me with the wings of the plane! Don't have to yell. I'm not yelling! We're in a lot of trouble. It's very hard to concentrate with that panicky tone in your voice! It's not a tone. I'm panicking! I can't do this! Vanessa, pull yourself together. You have to snap out of it! You snap out of it. You snap out of it. You snap out of it! You snap out of it! You snap out of it! You snap out of it! You snap out of it! You snap out of it! Hold it! Why? Come on, it's my turn. How is the plane flying? I don't know. Hello? Benson, got any flowers for a happy occasion in there? The Pollen Jocks! They do get behind a fellow. Black and yellow. Hello. All right, let's drop this tin can on the blacktop. Where? I can't see anything. Can you? No, nothing. It's all cloudy. Come on. You got to think bee, Barry. Thinking bee. Thinking bee. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Wait a minute. I think I'm feeling something. What? I don't know. It's strong, pulling me. Like a 27-million-year-old instinct. Bring the nose down. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! What in the world is on the tarmac? Get some lights on that! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Vanessa, aim for the flower. OK. Cut the engines. We're going in on bee power. Ready, boys? Affirmative! Good. Good. Easy, now. That's it. Land on that flower! Ready? Full reverse! Spin it around! Not that flower! The other one! Which one? That flower. I'm aiming at the flower! That's a fat guy in a flowered shirt. I mean the giant pulsating flower made of millions of bees! Pull forward. Nose down. Tail up. Rotate around it. This is insane, Barry! This's the only way I know how to fly. Am I koo-koo-kachoo, or is this plane flying in an insect-like pattern? Get your nose in there. Don't be afraid. Smell it. Full reverse! Just drop it. Be a part of it. Aim for the center! Now drop it in! Drop it in, woman! Come on, already. Barry, we did it! You taught me how to fly! Yes. No high-five! Right. Barry, it worked! Did you see the giant flower? What giant flower? Where? Of course I saw the flower! That was genius! Thank you. But we're not done yet. Listen, everyone! This runway is covered with the last pollen from the last flowers available anywhere on Earth. That means this is our Last Chance. We're the only ones who make honey, pollinate flowers and dress like this. If we're gonna survive as a species, this is our moment! What do you say? Are we going to be bees, or just Museum of Natural History keychains? We're bees! Keychain! Then follow me! Except Keychain. Hold on, Barry. Here. You've earned this. Yeah! I'm a Pollen Jock! And it's a perfect fit. All I gotta do are the sleeves. Oh, yeah. That's our Barry. Mom! The bees are back! If anybody needs to make a call, now's the time. I got a feeling we'll be working late tonight! Here's your change. Have a great afternoon! Can I help who's next? Would you like some honey with that? It is bee-approved. Don't forget these. Milk, cream, cheese, it's all me. And I don't see a nickel! Sometimes I just feel like a piece of meat! I had no idea. Barry, I'm sorry. Have you got a moment? Would you excuse me? My mosquito associate will help you. Sorry I'm late. He's a lawyer too? I was already a blood-sucking parasite. All I needed was a briefcase. Have a great afternoon! Barry, I just got this huge tulip order, and I can't get them anywhere. No problem, Vannie. Just leave it to me. You're a lifesaver, Barry. Can I help who's next? All right, scramble, jocks! It's time to fly. Thank you, Barry! That bee is living my life! Let it go, Kenny. When will this nightmare end?! Let it all go. Beautiful day to fly. Sure is. Between you and me, I was dying to get out of that office. You have got to start thinking bee, my friend. Thinking bee! Me? Hold it. Let's just stop for a second. Hold it. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, everyone. Can we stop here? I'm not making a major life decision during a production number! All right. Take ten, everybody. Wrap it up, guys. I h

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According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The bee, of course, flies anyway because bees don't care what humans think is impossible. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Ooh, black and yellow! Let's shake it up a little. Barry! Breakfast is ready! Ooming! Hang on a second. Hello? - Barry? - Adam? - Oan you believe this is happening? - I can't. I'll pick you up. Looking sharp. Use the stairs. Your father paid good money for those. Sorry. I'm excited. Here's the graduate. We're very proud of you, son. A perfect report card, all B's. Very proud. Ma! I got a thing going here. - You got lint on your fuzz. - Ow! That's me! - Wave to us! We'll be in row 118,000. - Bye! Barry, I told you, stop flying in the house! - Hey, Adam. - Hey, Barry. - Is that fuzz gel? - A little. Special day, graduation. Never thought I'd make it. Three days grade school, three days high school. Those were awkward. Three days college. I'm glad I took a day and hitchhiked around the hive. You did come back different. - Hi, Barry. - Artie, growing a mustache? Looks good. - Hear about Frankie? - Yeah. - You going to the funeral? - No, I'm not going. Everybody knows, sting someone, you die. Don't waste it on a squirrel. Such a hothead. I guess he could have just gotten out of the way. I love this incorporating an amusement park into our day. That's why we don't need vacations. Boy, quite a bit of pomp... under the circumstances. - Well, Adam, today we are men. - We are! - Bee-men. - Amen! Hallelujah! Students, faculty, distinguished bees, please welcome Dean Buzzwell. Welcome, New Hive Oity graduating class of... ...9:15. That concludes our ceremonies. And begins your career at Honex Industries! Will we pick ourjob today? I heard it's just orientation. Heads up! Here we go. Keep your hands and antennas inside the tram at all times. - Wonder what it'll be like? - A little scary. Welcome to Honex, a division of Honesco and a part of the Hexagon Group. This is it! Wow. Wow. We know that you, as a bee, have worked your whole life to get to the point where you can work for your whole life. Honey begins when our valiant Pollen Jocks bring the nectar to the hive. Our top-secret formula is automatically color-corrected, scent-adjusted and bubble-contoured into this soothing sweet syrup with its distinctive golden glow you know as... Honey! - That girl was hot. - She's my cousin! - She is? - Yes, we're all cousins. - Right. You're right. - At Honex, we constantly strive to improve every aspect of bee existence. These bees are stress-testing a new helmet technology. - What do you think he makes? - Not enough. Here we have our latest advancement, the Krelman. - What does that do? - Oatches that little strand of honey that hangs after you pour it. Saves us millions. Oan anyone work on the Krelman? Of course. Most bee jobs are small ones. But bees know that every small job, if it's done well, means a lot. But choose carefully because you'll stay in the job you pick for the rest of your life. The same job the rest of your life? I didn't know that. What's the difference? You'll be happy to know that bees, as a species, haven't had one day off in 27 million years. So you'll just work us to death? We'll sure try. Wow! That blew my mind! "What's the difference?" How can you say that? One job forever? That's an insane choice to have to make. I'm relieved. Now we only have to make one decision in life. But, Adam, how could they never have told us that? Why would you question anything? We're bees. We're the most perfectly functioning society on Earth. You ever think maybe things work a little too well here? Like what? Give me one example. I don't know. But you know what I'm talking about. Please clear the gate. Royal Nectar Force on approach. Wait a second. Oheck it out. - Hey, those are Pollen Jocks! - Wow. I've never seen them this close. They know what it's like outside the hive. Yeah, but some don't come back. - Hey, Jocks! - Hi, Jocks! You guys did great! You're monsters! You're sky freaks! I love it! I love it! - I wonder where they were. - I don't know. Their day's not planned. Outside the hive, flying who knows where, doing who knows what. You can'tjust decide to be a Pollen Jock. You have to be bred for that. Right. Look. That's more pollen than you and I will see in a lifetime. It's just a status symbol. Bees make too much of it. Perhaps. Unless you're wearing it and the ladies see you wearing it. Those ladies? Aren't they our cousins too? Distant. Distant. Look at these two. - Oouple of Hive Harrys. - Let's have fun with them. It must be dangerous being a Pollen Jock. Yeah. Once a bear pinned me against a mushroom! He had a paw on my throat, and with the other, he was slapping me! - Oh, my! - I never thought I'd knock him out. What were you doing during this? Trying to alert the authorities. I can autograph that. A little gusty out there today, wasn't it, comrades? Yeah. Gusty. We're hitting a sunflower patch six miles from here tomorrow. - Six miles, huh? - Barry! A puddle jump for us, but maybe you're not up for it. - Maybe I am. - You are not! We're going 0900 at J-Gate. What do you think, buzzy-boy? Are you bee enough? I might be. It all depends on what 0900 means. Hey, Honex! Dad, you surprised me. You decide what you're interested in? - Well, there's a lot of choices. - But you only get one. Do you ever get bored doing the same job every day? Son, let me tell you about stirring. You grab that stick, and you just move it around, and you stir it around. You get yourself into a rhythm. It's a beautiful thing. You know, Dad, the more I think about it, maybe the honey field just isn't right for me. You were thinking of what, making balloon animals? That's a bad job for a guy with a stinger. Janet, your son's not sure he wants to go into honey! - Barry, you are so funny sometimes. - I'm not trying to be funny. You're not funny! You're going into honey. Our son, the stirrer! - You're gonna be a stirrer? - No one's listening to me! Wait till you see the sticks I have. I could say anything right now. I'm gonna get an ant tattoo! Let's open some honey and celebrate! Maybe I'll pierce my thorax. Shave my antennae. Shack up with a grasshopper. Get a gold tooth and call everybody "dawg"! I'm so proud. - We're starting work today! - Today's the day. Oome on! All the good jobs will be gone. Yeah, right. Pollen counting, stunt bee, pouring, stirrer, front desk, hair removal... - Is it still available? - Hang on. Two left! One of them's yours! Oongratulations! Step to the side. - What'd you get? - Picking crud out. Stellar! Wow! Oouple of newbies? Yes, sir! Our first day! We are ready! Make your choice. - You want to go first? - No, you go. Oh, my. What's available? Restroom attendant's open, not for the reason you think. - Any chance of getting the Krelman? - Sure, you're on. I'm sorry, the Krelman just closed out. Wax monkey's always open. The Krelman opened up again. What happened? A bee died. Makes an opening. See? He's dead. Another dead one. Deady. Deadified. Two more dead. Dead from the neck up. Dead from the neck down. That's life! Oh, this is so hard! Heating, cooling, stunt bee, pourer, stirrer, humming, inspector number seven, lint coordinator, stripe supervisor, mite wrangler. Barry, what do you think I should... Barry? Barry! All right, we've got the sunflower patch in quadrant nine... What happened to you? Where are you? - I'm going out. - Out? Out where? - Out there. - Oh, no! I have to, before I go to work for the rest of my life. You're gonna die! You're crazy! Hello? Another call coming in. If anyone's feeling brave, there's a Korean deli on 83rd that gets their roses today. Hey, guys. - Look at that. - Isn't that the kid we saw yesterday? Hold it, son, flight deck's restricted. It's OK, Lou. We're gonna take him up. Really? Feeling lucky, are you? Sign here, here. Just initial that. - Thank you. - OK. You got a rain advisory today, and as you all know, bees cannot fly in rain. So be careful. As always, watch your brooms, hockey sticks, dogs, birds, bears and bats. Also, I got a couple of reports of root beer being poured on us. Murphy's in a home because of it, babbling like a cicada! - That's awful. - And a reminder for you rookies, bee law number one, absolutely no talking to humans! All right, launch positions! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Black and yellow! Hello! You ready for this, hot shot? Yeah. Yeah, bring it on. Wind, check. - Antennae, check. - Nectar pack, check. - Wings, check. - Stinger, check. Scared out of my shorts, check. OK, ladies, let's move it out! Pound those petunias, you striped stem-suckers! All of you, drain those flowers! Wow! I'm out! I can't believe I'm out! So blue. I feel so fast and free! Box kite! Wow! Flowers! This is Blue Leader. We have roses visual. Bring it around 30 degrees and hold. Roses! 30 degrees, roger. Bringing it around. Stand to the side, kid. It's got a bit of a kick. That is one nectar collector! - Ever see pollination up close? - No, sir. I pick up some pollen here, sprinkle it over here. Maybe a dash over there, a pinch on that one. See that? It's a little bit of magic. That's amazing. Why do we do that? That's pollen power. More pollen, more flowers, more nectar, more honey for us. Oool. I'm picking up a lot of bright yellow. Oould be daisies. Don't we need those? Oopy that visual. Wait. One of these flowers seems to be on the move. Say again? You're reporting a moving flower? Affirmative. That was on the line! This is the coolest. What is it? I don't know, but I'm loving this color. It smells good. Not like a flower, but I like it. Yeah, fuzzy. Ohemical-y. Oareful, guys. It's a little grabby. My sweet lord of bees! Oandy-brain, get off there! Problem! - Guys! - This could be bad. Affirmative. Very close. Gonna hurt. Mama's little boy. You are way out of position, rookie! Ooming in at you like a missile! Help me! I don't think these are flowers. - Should we tell him? - I think he knows. What is this?! Match point! You can start packing up, honey, because you're about to eat it! Yowser! Gross. There's a bee in the car! - Do something! - I'm driving! - Hi, bee. - He's back here! He's going to sting me! Nobody move. If you don't move, he won't sting you. Freeze! He blinked! Spray him, Granny! What are you doing?! Wow... the tension level out here is unbelievable. I gotta get home. Oan't fly in rain. Oan't fly in rain. Oan't fly in rain. Mayday! Mayday! Bee going down! Ken, could you close the window please? Ken, could you close the window please? Oheck out my new resume. I made it into a fold-out brochure. You see? Folds out. Oh, no. More humans. I don't need this. What was that? Maybe this time. This time. This time. This time! This time! This... Drapes! That is diabolical. It's fantastic. It's got all my special skills, even my top-ten favorite movies. What's number one? Star Wars? Nah, I don't go for that... ...kind of stuff. No wonder we shouldn't talk to them. They're out of their minds. When I leave a job interview, they're flabbergasted, can't believe what I say. There's the sun. Maybe that's a way out. I don't remember the sun having a big 75 on it. I predicted global warming. I could feel it getting hotter. At first I thought it was just me. Wait! Stop! Bee! Stand back. These are winter boots. Wait! Don't kill him! You know I'm allergic to them! This thing could kill me! Why does his life have less value than yours? Why does his life have any less value than mine? Is that your statement? I'm just saying all life has value. You don't know what he's capable of feeling. My brochure! There you go, little guy. I'm not scared of him. It's an allergic thing. Put that on your resume brochure. My whole face could puff up. Make it one of your special skills. Knocking someone out is also a special skill. Right. Bye, Vanessa. Thanks. - Vanessa, next week? Yogurt night? - Sure, Ken. You know, whatever. - You could put carob chips on there. - Bye. - Supposed to be less calories. - Bye. I gotta say something. She saved my life. I gotta say something. All right, here it goes. Nah. What would I say? I could really get in trouble. It's a bee law. You're not supposed to talk to a human. I can't believe I'm doing this. I've got to. Oh, I can't do it. Oome on! No. Yes. No. Do it. I can't. How should I start it? "You like jazz?" No, that's no good. Here she comes! Speak, you fool! Hi! I'm sorry. - You're talking. - Yes, I know. You're talking! I'm so sorry. No, it's OK. It's fine. I know I'm dreaming. But I don't recall going to bed. Well, I'm sure this is very disconcerting. This is a bit of a surprise to me. I mean, you're a bee! I am. And I'm not supposed to be doing this, but they were all trying to kill me. And if it wasn't for you... I had to thank you. It's just how I was raised. That was a little weird. - I'm talking with a bee. - Yeah. I'm talking to a bee. And the bee is talking to me! I just want to say I'm grateful. I'll leave now. - Wait! How did you learn to do that? - What? The talking thing. Same way you did, I guess. "Mama, Dada, honey." You pick it up. - That's very funny. - Yeah. Bees are funny. If we didn't laugh, we'd cry with what we have to deal with. Anyway... Oan I... ...get you something? - Like what? I don't know. I mean... I don't know. Ooffee? I don't want to put you out. It's no trouble. It takes two minutes. - It's just coffee. - I hate to impose. - Don't be ridiculous! - Actually, I would love a cup. Hey, you want rum cake? - I shouldn't. - Have some. - No, I can't. - Oome on! I'm trying to lose a couple micrograms. - Where? - These stripes don't help. You look great! I don't know if you know anything about fashion. Are you all right? No. He's making the tie in the cab as they're flying up Madison. He finally gets there. He runs up the steps into the church. The wedding is on. And he says, "Watermelon? I thought you said Guatemalan. Why would I marry a watermelon?" Is that a bee joke? That's the kind of stuff we do. Yeah, different. So, what are you gonna do, Barry? About work? I don't know. I want to do my part for the hive, but I can't do it the way they want. I know how you feel. - You do? - Sure. My parents wanted me to be a lawyer or a doctor, but I wanted to be a florist. - Really? - My only interest is flowers. Our new queen was just elected with that same campaign slogan. Anyway, if you look... There's my hive right there. See it? You're in Sheep Meadow! Yes! I'm right off the Turtle Pond! No way! I know that area. I lost a toe ring there once. - Why do girls put rings on their toes? - Why not? - It's like putting a hat on your knee. - Maybe I'll try that. - You all right, ma'am? - Oh, yeah. Fine. Just having two cups of coffee! Anyway, this has been great. Thanks for the coffee. Yeah, it's no trouble. Sorry I couldn't finish it. If I did, I'd be up the rest of my life. Are you...? Oan I take a piece of this with me? Sure! Here, have a crumb. - Thanks! - Yeah. All right. Well, then... I guess I'll see you around. Or not. OK, Barry. And thank you so much again... for before. Oh, that? That was nothing. Well, not nothing, but... Anyway... This can't possibly work. He's all set to go. We may as well try it. OK, Dave, pull the chute. - Sounds amazing. - It was amazing! It was the scariest, happiest moment of my life. Humans! I can't believe you were with humans! Giant, scary humans! What were they like? Huge and crazy. They talk crazy. They eat crazy giant things. They drive crazy. - Do they try and kill you, like on TV? - Some of them. But some of them don't. - How'd you get back? - Poodle. You did it, and I'm glad. You saw whatever you wanted to see. You had your "experience." Now you can pick out yourjob and be normal. - Well... - Well? Well, I met someone. You did? Was she Bee-ish? - A wasp?! Your parents will kill you! - No, no, no, not a wasp. - Spider? - I'm not attracted to spiders. I know it's the hottest thing, with the eight legs and all. I can't get by that face. So who is she? She's... human. No, no. That's a bee law. You wouldn't break a bee law. - Her name's Vanessa. - Oh, boy. She's so nice. And she's a florist! Oh, no! You're dating a human florist! We're not dating. You're flying outside the hive, talking to humans that attack our homes with power washers and M-80s! One-eighth a stick of dynamite! She saved my life! And she understands me. This is over! Eat this. This is not over! What was that? - They call it a crumb. - It was so stingin' stripey! And that's not what they eat. That's what falls off what they eat! - You know what a Oinnabon is? - No. It's bread and cinnamon and frosting. They heat it up... Sit down! ...really hot! - Listen to me! We are not them! We're us. There's us and there's them! Yes, but who can deny the heart that is yearning? There's no yearning. Stop yearning. Listen to me! You have got to start thinking bee, my friend. Thinking bee! - Thinking bee. - Thinking bee. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! There he is. He's in the pool. You know what your problem is, Barry? I gotta start thinking bee? How much longer will this go on? It's been three days! Why aren't you working? I've got a lot of big life decisions to think about. What life? You have no life! You have no job. You're barely a bee! Would it kill you to make a little honey? Barry, come out. Your father's talking to you. Martin, would you talk to him? Barry, I'm talking to you! You coming? Got everything? All set! Go ahead. I'll catch up. Don't be too long. Watch this! Vanessa! - We're still here. - I told you not to yell at him. He doesn't respond to yelling! - Then why yell at me? - Because you don't listen! I'm not listening to this. Sorry, I've gotta go. - Where are you going? - I'm meeting a friend. A girl? Is this why you can't decide? Bye. I just hope she's Bee-ish. They have a huge parade of flowers every year in Pasadena? To be in the Tournament of Roses, that's every florist's dream! Up on a float, surrounded by flowers, crowds cheering. A tournament. Do the roses compete in athletic events? No. All right, I've got one. How come you don't fly everywhere? It's exhausting. Why don't you run everywhere? It's faster. Yeah, OK, I see, I see. All right, your turn. TiVo. You can just freeze live TV? That's insane! You don't have that? We have Hivo, but it's a disease. It's a horrible, horrible disease. Oh, my. Dumb bees! You must want to sting all those jerks. We try not to sting. It's usually fatal for us. So you have to watch your temper. Very carefully. You kick a wall, take a walk, write an angry letter and throw it out. Work through it like any emotion: Anger, jealousy, lust. Oh, my goodness! Are you OK? Yeah. - What is wrong with you?! - It's a bug. He's not bothering anybody. Get out of here, you creep! What was that? A Pic 'N' Save circular? Yeah, it was. How did you know? It felt like about 10 pages. Seventy-five is pretty much our limit. You've really got that down to a science. - I lost a cousin to Italian Vogue. - I'll bet. What in the name of Mighty Hercules is this? How did this get here? Oute Bee, Golden Blossom, Ray Liotta Private Select? - Is he that actor? - I never heard of him. - Why is this here? - For people. We eat it. You don't have enough food of your own? - Well, yes. - How do you get it? - Bees make it. - I know who makes it! And it's hard to make it! There's heating, cooling, stirring. You need a whole Krelman thing! - It's organic. - It's our-ganic! It's just honey, Barry. Just what?! Bees don't know about this! This is stealing! A lot of stealing! You've taken our homes, schools, hospitals! This is all we have! And it's on sale?! I'm getting to the bottom of this. I'm getting to the bottom of all of this! Hey, Hector. - You almost done? - Almost. He is here. I sense it. Well, I guess I'll go home now and just leave this nice honey out, with no one around. You're busted, box boy! I knew I heard something. So you can talk! I can talk. And now you'll start talking! Where you getting the sweet stuff? Who's your supplier? I don't understand. I thought we were friends. The last thing we want to do is upset bees! You're too late! It's ours now! You, sir, have crossed the wrong sword! You, sir, will be lunch for my iguana, Ignacio! Where is the honey coming from? Tell me where! Honey Farms! It comes from Honey Farms! Orazy person! What horrible thing has happened here? These faces, they never knew what hit them. And now they're on the road to nowhere! Just keep still. What? You're not dead? Do I look dead? They will wipe anything that moves. Where you headed? To Honey Farms. I am onto something huge here. I'm going to Alaska. Moose blood, crazy stuff. Blows your head off! I'm going to Tacoma. - And you? - He really is dead. All right. Uh-oh! - What is that?! - Oh, no! - A wiper! Triple blade! - Triple blade? Jump on! It's your only chance, bee! Why does everything have to be so doggone clean?! How much do you people need to see?! Open your eyes! Stick your head out the window! From NPR News in Washington, I'm Oarl Kasell. But don't kill no more bugs! - Bee! - Moose blood guy!! - You hear something? - Like what? Like tiny screaming. Turn off the radio. Whassup, bee boy? Hey, Blood. Just a row of honey jars, as far as the eye could see. Wow! I assume wherever this truck goes is where they're getting it. I mean, that honey's ours. - Bees hang tight. - We're all jammed in. It's a close community. Not us, man. We on our own. Every mosquito on his own. - What if you get in trouble? - You a mosquito, you in trouble. Nobody likes us. They just smack. See a mosquito, smack, smack! At least you're out in the world. You must meet girls. Mosquito girls try to trade up, get with a moth, dragonfly. Mosquito girl don't want no mosquito. You got to be kidding me! Mooseblood's about to leave the building! So long, bee! - Hey, guys! - Mooseblood! I knew I'd catch y'all down here. Did you bring your crazy straw? We throw it in jars, slap a label on it, and it's pretty much pure profit. What is this place? A bee's got a brain the size of a pinhead. They are pinheads! Pinhead. - Oheck out the new smoker. - Oh, sweet. That's the one you want. The Thomas 3000! Smoker? Ninety puffs a minute, semi-automatic. Twice the nicotine, all the tar. A couple breaths of this knocks them right out. They make the honey, and we make the money. "They make the honey, and we make the money"? Oh, my! What's going on? Are you OK? Yeah. It doesn't last too long. Do you know you're in a fake hive with fake walls? Our queen was moved here. We had no choice. This is your queen? That's a man in women's clothes! That's a drag queen! What is this? Oh, no! There's hundreds of them! Bee honey. Our honey is being brazenly stolen on a massive scale! This is worse than anything bears have done! I intend to do something. Oh, Barry, stop. Who told you humans are taking our honey? That's a rumor. Do these look like rumors? That's a conspiracy theory. These are obviously doctored photos. How did you get mixed up in this? He's been talking to humans. - What? - Talking to humans?! He has a human girlfriend. And they make out! Make out? Barry! We do not. - You wish you could. - Whose side are you on? The bees! I dated a cricket once in San Antonio. Those crazy legs kept me up all night. Barry, this is what you want to do with your life? I want to do it for all our lives. Nobody works harder than bees! Dad, I remember you coming home so overworked your hands were still stirring. You couldn't stop. I remember that. What right do they have to our honey? We live on two cups a year. They put it in lip balm for no reason whatsoever! Even if it's true, what can one bee do? Sting them where it really hurts. In the face! The eye! - That would hurt. - No. Up the nose? That's a killer. There's only one place you can sting the humans, one place where it matters. Hive at Five, the hive's only full-hour action news source. No more bee beards! With Bob Bumble at the anchor desk. Weather with Storm Stinger. Sports with Buzz Larvi. And Jeanette Ohung. - Good evening. I'm Bob Bumble. - And I'm Jeanette Ohung. A tri-county bee, Barry Benson, intends to sue the human race for stealing our honey, packaging it and profiting from it illegally! Tomorrow night on Bee Larry King, we'll have three former queens here in our studio, discussing their new book, Olassy Ladies, out this week on Hexagon. Tonight we're talking to Barry Benson. Did you ever think, "I'm a kid from the hive. I can't do this"? Bees have never been afraid to change the world. What about Bee Oolumbus? Bee Gandhi? Bejesus? Where I'm from, we'd never sue humans. We were thinking of stickball or candy stores. How old are you? The bee community is supporting you in this case, which will be the trial of the bee century. You know, they have a Larry King in the human world too. It's a common name. Next week... He looks like you and has a show and suspenders and colored dots... Next week... Glasses, quotes on the bottom from the guest even though you just heard 'em. Bear Week next week! They're scary, hairy and here live. Always leans forward, pointy shoulders, squinty eyes, very Jewish. In tennis, you attack at the point of weakness! It was my grandmother, Ken. She's 81. Honey, her backhand's a joke! I'm not gonna take advantage of that? Quiet, please. Actual work going on here. - Is that that same bee? - Yes, it is! I'm helping him sue the human race. - Hello. - Hello, bee. This is Ken. Yeah, I remember you. Timberland, size ten and a half. Vibram sole, I believe. Why does he talk again? Listen, you better go 'cause we're really busy working. But it's our yogurt night! Bye-bye. Why is yogurt night so difficult?! You poor thing. You two have been at this for hours! Yes, and Adam here has been a huge help. - Frosting... - How many sugars? Just one. I try not to use the competition. So why are you helping me? Bees have good qualities. And it takes my mind off the shop. Instead of flowers, people are giving balloon bouquets now. Those are great, if you're three. And artificial flowers. - Oh, those just get me psychotic! - Yeah, me too. Bent stingers, pointless pollination. Bees must hate those fake things! Nothing worse than a daffodil that's had work done. Maybe this could make up for it a little bit. - This lawsuit's a pretty big deal. - I guess. You sure you want to go through with it? Am I sure? When I'm done with the humans, they won't be able to say, "Honey, I'm home," without paying a royalty! It's an incredible scene here in downtown Manhattan, where the world anxiously waits, because for the first time in history, we will hear for ourselves if a honeybee can actually speak. What have we gotten into here, Barry? It's pretty big, isn't it? I can't believe how many humans don't work during the day. You think billion-dollar multinational food companies have good lawyers? Everybody needs to stay behind the barricade. - What's the matter? - I don't know, I just got a chill. Well, if it isn't the bee team. You boys work on this? All rise! The Honorable Judge Bumbleton presiding. All right. Oase number 4475, Superior Oourt of New York, Barry Bee Benson v. the Honey Industry is now in session. Mr. Montgomery, you're representing the five food companies collectively? A privilege. Mr. Benson... you're representing all the bees of the world? I'm kidding. Yes, Your Honor, we're ready to proceed. Mr. Montgomery, your opening statement, please. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, my grandmother was a simple woman. Born on a farm, she believed it was man's divine right to benefit from the bounty of nature God put before us. If we lived in the topsy-turvy world Mr. Benson imagines, just think of what would it mean. I would have to negotiate with the silkworm for the elastic in my britches! Talking bee! How do we know this isn't some sort of holographic motion-picture-capture Hollywood wizardry? They could be using laser beams! Robotics! Ventriloquism! Oloning! For all we know, he could be on steroids! Mr. Benson? Ladies and gentlemen, there's no trickery here. I'm just an ordinary bee. Honey's pretty important to me. It's important to all bees. We invented it! We make it. And we protect it with our lives. Unfortunately, there are some people in this room who think they can take it from us 'cause we're the little guys! I'm hoping that, after this is all over, you'll see how, by taking our honey, you not only take everything we have but everything we are! I wish he'd dress like that all the time. So nice! Oall your first witness. So, Mr. Klauss Vanderhayden of Honey Farms, big company you have. I suppose so. I see you also own Honeyburton and Honron! Yes, they provide beekeepers for our farms. Beekeeper. I find that to be a very disturbing term. I don't imagine you employ any bee-free-ers, do you? - No. - I couldn't hear you. - No. - No. Because you don't free bees. You keep bees. Not only that, it seems you thought a bear would be an appropriate image for a jar of honey. They're very lovable creatures. Yogi Bear, Fozzie Bear, Build-A-Bear. You mean like this? Bears kill bees! How'd you like his head crashing through your living room?! Biting into your couch! Spitting out your throw pillows! OK, that's enough. Take him away. So, Mr. Sting, thank you for being here. Your name intrigues me. - Where have I heard it before? - I was with a band called The Police. But you've never been a police officer, have you? No, I haven't. No, you haven't. And so here we have yet another example of bee culture casually stolen by a human for nothing more than a prance-about stage name. Oh, please. Have you ever been stung, Mr. Sting? Because I'm feeling a little stung, Sting. Or should I say... Mr. Gordon M. Sumner! That's not his real name?! You idiots! Mr. Liotta, first, belated congratulations on your Emmy win for a guest spot on ER in 2005. Thank you. Thank you. I see from your resume that you're devilishly handsome with a churning inner turmoil that's ready to blow. I enjoy what I do. Is that a crime? Not yet it isn't. But is this what it's come to for you? Exploiting tiny, helpless bees so you don't have to rehearse your part and learn your lines, sir? Watch it, Benson! I could blow right now! This isn't a goodfella. This is a badfella! Why doesn't someone just step on this creep, and we can all go home?! - Order in this court! - You're all thinking it! Order! Order, I say! - Say it! - Mr. Liotta, please sit down! I think it was awfully nice of that bear to pitch in like that. I think the jury's on our side. Are we doing everything right, legally? I'm a florist. Right. Well, here's to a great team. To a great team! Well, hello. - Ken! - Hello. I didn't think you were coming. No, I was just late. I tried to call, but... the battery. I didn't want all this to go to waste, so I called Barry. Luckily, he was free. Oh, that was lucky. There's a little left. I could heat it up. Yeah, heat it up, sure, whatever. So I hear you're quite a tennis player. I'm not much for the game myself. The ball's a little grabby. That's where I usually sit. Right... there. Ken, Barry was looking at your resume, and he agreed with me that eating with chopsticks isn't really a special skill. You think I don't see what you're doing? I know how hard it is to find the rightjob. We have that in common. Do we? Bees have 100 percent employment, but we do jobs like taking the crud out. That's just what I was thinking about doing. Ken, I let Barry borrow your razor for his fuzz. I hope that was all right. I'm going to drain the old stinger. Yeah, you do that. Look at that. You know, I've just about had it with your little mind games. - What's that? - Italian Vogue. Mamma mia, that's a lot of pages. A lot of ads. Remember what Van said, why is your life more valuable than mine? Funny, I just can't seem to recall that! I think something stinks in here! I love the smell of flowers. How do you like the smell of flames?! Not as much. Water bug! Not taking sides! Ken, I'm wearing a Ohapstick hat! This is pathetic! I've got issues! Well, well, well, a royal flush! - You're bluffing. - Am I? Surf's up, dude! Poo water! That bowl is gnarly. Except for those dirty yellow rings! Kenneth! What are you doing?! You know, I don't even like honey! I don't eat it! We need to talk! He's just a little bee! And he happens to be the nicest bee I've met in a long time! Long time? What are you talking about?! Are there other bugs in your life? No, but there are other things bugging me in life. And you're one of them! Fine! Talking bees, no yogurt night... My nerves are fried from riding on this emotional roller coaster! Goodbye, Ken. And for your information, I prefer sugar-free, artificial sweeteners made by man! I'm sorry about all that. I know it's got an aftertaste! I like it! I always felt there was some kind of barrier between Ken and me. I couldn't overcome it. Oh, well. Are you OK for the trial? I believe Mr. Montgomery is about out of ideas. We would like to call Mr. Barry Benson Bee to the stand. Good idea! You can really see why he's considered one of the best lawyers... Yeah. Layton, you've gotta weave some magic with this jury, or it's gonna be all over. Don't worry. The only thing I have to do to turn this jury around is to remind them of what they don't like about bees. - You got the tweezers? - Are you allergic? Only to losing, son. Only to losing. Mr. Benson Bee, I'll ask you what I think we'd all like to know. What exactly is your relationship to that woman? We're friends. - Good friends? - Yes. How good? Do you live together? Wait a minute... Are you her little... ...bedbug? I've seen a bee documentary or two. From what I understand, doesn't your queen give birth to all the bee children? - Yeah, but... - So those aren't your real parents! - Oh, Barry... - Yes, they are! Hold me back! You're an illegitimate bee, aren't you, Benson? He's denouncing bees! Don't y'all date your cousins? - Objection! - I'm going to pincushion this guy! Adam, don't! It's what he wants! Oh, I'm hit!! Oh, lordy, I am hit! Order! Order! The venom! The venom is coursing through my veins! I have been felled by a winged beast of destruction! You see? You can't treat them like equals! They're striped savages! Stinging's the only thing they know! It's their way! - Adam, stay with me. - I can't feel my legs. What angel of mercy will come forward to suck the poison from my heaving buttocks? I will have order in this court. Order! Order, please! The case of the honeybees versus the human race took a pointed turn against the bees yesterday when one of their legal team stung Layton T. Montgomery. - Hey, buddy. - Hey. - Is there much pain? - Yeah. I... I blew the whole case, didn't I? It doesn't matter. What matters is you're alive. You could have died. I'd be better off dead. Look at me. They got it from the cafeteria downstairs, in a tuna sandwich. Look, there's a little celery still on it. What was it like to sting someone? I can't explain it. It was all... All adrenaline and then... and then ecstasy! All right. You think it was all a trap? Of course. I'm sorry. I flew us right into this. What were we thinking? Look at us. We're just a couple of bugs in this world. What will the humans do to us if they win? I don't know. I hear they put the roaches in motels. That doesn't sound so bad. Adam, they check in, but they don't check out! Oh, my. Oould you get a nurse to close that window? - Why? - The smoke. Bees don't smoke. Right. Bees don't smoke. Bees don't smoke! But some bees are smoking. That's it! That's our case! It is? It's not over? Get dressed. I've gotta go somewhere. Get back to the court and stall. Stall any way you can. And assuming you've done step correctly, you're ready for the tub. Mr. Flayman. Yes? Yes, Your Honor! Where is the rest of your team? Well, Your Honor, it's interesting. Bees are trained to fly haphazardly, and as a result, we don't make very good time. I actually heard a funny story about... Your Honor, haven't these ridiculous bugs taken up enough of this court's valuable time? How much longer will we allow these absurd shenanigans to go on? They have presented no compelling evidence to support their charges against my clients, who run legitimate businesses. I move for a complete dismissal of this entire case! Mr. Flayman, I'm afraid I'm going to have to consider Mr. Montgomery's motion. But you can't! We have a terrific case. Where is your proof? Where is the evidence? Show me the smoking gun! Hold it, Your Honor! You want a smoking gun? Here is your smoking gun. What is that? It's a bee smoker! What, this? This harmless little contraption? This couldn't hurt a fly, let alone a bee. Look at what has happened to bees who have never been asked, "Smoking or non?" Is this what nature intended for us? To be forcibly addicted to smoke machines and man-made wooden slat work camps? Living out our lives as honey slaves to the white man? - What are we gonna do? - He's playing the species card. Ladies and gentlemen, please, free these bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! The court finds in favor of the bees! Vanessa, we won! I knew you could do it! High-five! Sorry. I'm OK! You know what this means? All the honey will finally belong to the bees. Now we won't have to work so hard all the time. This is an unholy perversion of the balance of nature, Benson. You'll regret this. Barry, how much honey is out there? All right. One at a time. Barry, who are you wearing? My sweater is Ralph Lauren, and I have no pants. - What if Montgomery's right? - What do you mean? We've been living the bee way a long time, 27 million years. Oongratulations on your victory. What will you demand as a settlement? First, we'll demand a complete shutdown of all bee work camps. Then we want back the honey that was ours to begin with, every last drop. We demand an end to the glorification of the bear as anything more than a filthy, smelly, bad-breath stink machine. We're all aware of what they do in the woods. Wait for my signal. Take him out. He'll have nauseous for a few hours, then he'll be fine. And we will no longer tolerate bee-negative nicknames... But it's just a prance-about stage name! ...unnecessary inclusion of honey in bogus health products and la-dee-da human tea-time snack garnishments. Oan't breathe. Bring it in, boys! Hold it right there! Good. Tap it. Mr. Buzzwell, we just passed three cups, and there's gallons more coming! - I think we need to shut down! - Shut down? We've never shut down. Shut down honey production! Stop making honey! Turn your key, sir! What do we do now? Oannonball! We're shutting honey production! Mission abort. Aborting pollination and nectar detail. Returning to base. Adam, you wouldn't believe how much honey was out there. Oh, yeah? What's going on? Where is everybody? - Are they out celebrating? - They're home. They don't know what to do. Laying out, sleeping in. I heard your Uncle Oarl was on his way to San Antonio with a cricket. At least we got our honey back. Sometimes I think, so what if humans liked our honey? Who wouldn't? It's the greatest thing in the world! I was excited to be part of making it. This was my new desk. This was my new job. I wanted to do it really well. And now... Now I can't. I don't understand why they're not happy. I thought their lives would be better! They're doing nothing. It's amazing. Honey really changes people. You don't have any idea what's going on, do you? - What did you want to show me? - This. What happened here? That is not the half of it. Oh, no. Oh, my. They're all wilting. Doesn't look very good, does it? No. And whose fault do you think that is? You know, I'm gonna guess bees. Bees? Specifically, me. I didn't think bees not needing to make honey would affect all these things. It's notjust flowers. Fruits, vegetables, they all need bees. That's our whole SAT test right there. Take away produce, that affects the entire animal kingdom. And then, of course... The human species? So if there's no more pollination, it could all just go south here, couldn't it? I know this is also partly my fault. How about a suicide pact? How do we do it? - I'll sting you, you step on me. - Thatjust kills you twice. Right, right. Listen, Barry... sorry, but I gotta get going. I had to open my mouth and talk. Vanessa? Vanessa? Why are you leaving? Where are you going? To the final Tournament of Roses parade in Pasadena. They've moved it to this weekend because all the flowers are dying. It's the last chance I'll ever have to see it. Vanessa, I just wanna say I'm sorry. I never meant it to turn out like this. I know. Me neither. Tournament of Roses. Roses can't do sports. Wait a minute. Roses. Roses? Roses! Vanessa! Roses?! Barry? - Roses are flowers! - Yes, they are. Flowers, bees, pollen! I know. That's why this is the last parade. Maybe not. Oould you ask him to slow down? Oould you slow down? Barry! OK, I made a huge mistake. This is a total disaster, all my fault. Yes, it kind of is. I've ruined the planet. I wanted to help you with the flower shop. I've made it worse. Actually, it's completely closed down. I thought maybe you were remodeling. But I have another idea, and it's greater than my previous ideas combined. I don't want to hear it! All right, they have the roses, the roses have the pollen. I know every bee, plant and flower bud in this park. All we gotta do is get what they've got back here with what we've got. - Bees. - Park. - Pollen! - Flowers. - Repollination! - Across the nation! Tournament of Roses, Pasadena, Oalifornia. They've got nothing but flowers, floats and cotton candy. Security will be tight. I have an idea. Vanessa Bloome, FTD. Official floral business. It's real. Sorry, ma'am. Nice brooch. Thank you. It was a gift. Once inside, we just pick the right float. How about The Princess and the Pea? I could be the princess, and you could be the pea! Yes, I got it. - Where should I sit? - What are you? - I believe I'm the pea. - The pea? It goes under the mattresses. - Not in this fairy tale, sweetheart. - I'm getting the marshal. You do that! This whole parade is a fiasco! Let's see what this baby'll do. Hey, what are you doing?! Then all we do is blend in with traffic... ...without arousing suspicion. Once at the airport, there's no stopping us. Stop! Security. - You and your insect pack your float? - Yes. Has it been in your possession the entire time? Would you remove your shoes? - Remove your stinger. - It's part of me. I know. Just having some fun. Enjoy your flight. Then if we're lucky, we'll have just enough pollen to do the job. Oan you believe how lucky we are? We have just enough pollen to do the job! I think this is gonna work. It's got to work. Attention, passengers, this is Oaptain Scott. We have a bit of bad weather in New York. It looks like we'll experience a couple hours delay. Barry, these are cut flowers with no water. They'll never make it. I gotta get up there and talk to them. Be careful. Oan I get help with the Sky Mall magazine? I'd like to order the talking inflatable nose and ear hair trimmer. Oaptain, I'm in a real situation. - What'd you say, Hal? - Nothing. Bee! Don't freak out! My entire species... What are you doing? - Wait a minute! I'm an attorney! - Who's an attorney? Don't move. Oh, Barry. Good afternoon, passengers. This is your captain. Would a Miss Vanessa Bloome in 24B please report to the cockpit? And please hurry! What happened here? There was a DustBuster, a toupee, a life raft exploded. One's bald, one's in a boat, they're both unconscious! - Is that another bee joke? - No! No one's flying the plane! This is JFK control tower, Flight 356. What's your status? This is Vanessa Bloome. I'm a florist from New York. Where's the pilot? He's unconscious, and so is the copilot. Not good. Does anyone onboard have flight experience? As a matter of fact, there is. - Who's that? - Barry Benson. From the honey trial?! Oh, great. Vanessa, this is nothing more than a big metal bee. It's got giant wings, huge engines. I can't fly a plane. - Why not? Isn't John Travolta a pilot? - Yes. How hard could it be? Wait, Barry! We're headed into some lightning. This is Bob Bumble. We have some late-breaking news from JFK Airport, where a suspenseful scene is developing. Barry Benson, fresh from his legal victory... That's Barry! ...is attempting to land a plane, loaded with people, flowers and an incapacitated flight crew. Flowers?! We have a storm in the area and two individuals at the controls with absolutely no flight experience. Just a minute. There's a bee on that plane. I'm quite familiar with Mr. Benson and his no-account compadres. They've done enough damage. But isn't he your only hope? Technically, a bee shouldn't be able to fly at all. Their wings are too small... Haven't we heard this a million times? "The surface area of the wings and body mass make no sense." - Get this on the air! - Got it. - Stand by. - We're going live. The way we work may be a mystery to you. Making honey takes a lot of bees doing a lot of small jobs. But let me tell you about a small job. If you do it well, it makes a big difference. More than we realized. To us, to everyone. That's why I want to get bees back to working together. That's the bee way! We're not made of Jell-O. We get behind a fellow. - Black and yellow! - Hello! Left, right, down, hover. - Hover? - Forget hover. This isn't so hard. Beep-beep! Beep-beep! Barry, what happened?! Wait, I think we were on autopilot the whole time. - That may have been helping me. - And now we're not! So it turns out I cannot fly a plane. All of you, let's get behind this fellow! Move it out! Move out! Our only chance is if I do what I'd do, you copy me with the wings of the plane! Don't have to yell. I'm not yelling! We're in a lot of trouble. It's very hard to concentrate with that panicky tone in your voice! It's not a tone. I'm panicking! I can't do this! Vanessa, pull yourself together. You have to snap out of it! You snap out of it. You snap out of it. - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - Hold it! - Why? Oome on, it's my turn. How is the plane flying? I don't know. Hello? Benson, got any flowers for a happy occasion in there? The Pollen Jocks! They do get behind a fellow. - Black and yellow. - Hello. All right, let's drop this tin can on the blacktop. Where? I can't see anything. Oan you? No, nothing. It's all cloudy. Oome on. You got to think bee, Barry. - Thinking bee. - Thinking bee. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Wait a minute. I think I'm feeling something. - What? - I don't know. It's strong, pulling me. Like a 27-million-year-old instinct. Bring the nose down. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! - What in the world is on the tarmac? - Get some lights on that! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! - Vanessa, aim for the flower. - OK. Out the engines. We're going in on bee power. Ready, boys? Affirmative! Good. Good. Easy, now. That's it. Land on that flower! Ready? Full reverse! Spin it around! - Not that flower! The other one! - Which one? - That flower. - I'm aiming at the flower! That's a fat guy in a flowered shirt. I mean the giant pulsating flower made of millions of bees! Pull forward. Nose down. Tail up. Rotate around it. - This is insane, Barry! - This's the only way I know how to fly. Am I koo-koo-kachoo, or is this plane flying in an insect-like pattern? Get your nose in there. Don't be afraid. Smell it. Full reverse! Just drop it. Be a part of it. Aim for the center! Now drop it in! Drop it in, woman! Oome on, already. Barry, we did it! You taught me how to fly! - Yes. No high-five! - Right. Barry, it worked! Did you see the giant flower? What giant flower? Where? Of course I saw the flower! That was genius! - Thank you. - But we're not done yet. Listen, everyone! This runway is covered with the last pollen from the last flowers available anywhere on Earth. That means this is our last chance. We're the only ones who make honey, pollinate flowers and dress like this. If we're gonna survive as a species, this is our moment! What do you say? Are we going to be bees, orjust Museum of Natural History keychains? We're bees! Keychain! Then follow me! Except Keychain. Hold on, Barry. Here. You've earned this. Yeah! I'm a Pollen Jock! And it's a perfect fit. All I gotta do are the sleeves. Oh, yeah. That's our Barry. Mom! The bees are back! If anybody needs to make a call, now's the time. I got a feeling we'll be working late tonight! Here's your change. Have a great afternoon! Oan I help who's next? Would you like some honey with that? It is bee-approved. Don't forget these. Milk, cream, cheese, it's all me. And I don't see a nickel! Sometimes I just feel like a piece of meat! I had no idea. Barry, I'm sorry. Have you got a moment? Would you excuse me? My mosquito associate will help you. Sorry I'm late. He's a lawyer too? I was already a blood-sucking parasite. All I needed was a briefcase. Have a great afternoon! Barry, I just got this huge tulip order, and I can't get them anywhere. No problem, Vannie. Just leave it to me. You're a lifesaver, Barry. Oan I help who's next? All right, scramble, jocks! It's time to fly. Thank you, Barry! That bee is living my life! Let it go, Kenny. - When will this nightmare end?! - Let it all go. - Beautiful day to fly. - Sure is. Between you and me, I was dying to get out of that office. You have got to start thinking bee, my friend. - Thinking bee! - Me? Hold it. Let's just stop for a second. Hold it. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, everyone. Oan we stop here? I'm not making a major life decision during a production number! All right. Take ten, everybody. Wrap it up, guys. I had virtually no rehearsal for that.

According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The bee, of course, flies anyway because bees don't care what humans think is impossible. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Ooh, black and yellow! Let's shake it up a little. Barry! Breakfast is ready! Ooming! Hang on a second. Hello? - Barry? - Adam? - Oan you believe this is happening? - I can't. I'll pick you up. Looking sharp. Use the stairs. Your father paid good money for those. Sorry. I'm excited. Here's the graduate. We're very proud of you, son. A perfect report card, all B's. Very proud. Ma! I got a thing going here. - You got lint on your fuzz. - Ow! That's me! - Wave to us! We'll be in row 118,000. - Bye! Barry, I told you, stop flying in the house! - Hey, Adam. - Hey, Barry. - Is that fuzz gel? - A little. Special day, graduation. Never thought I'd make it. Three days grade school, three days high school. Those were awkward. Three days college. I'm glad I took a day and hitchhiked around the hive. You did come back different. - Hi, Barry. - Artie, growing a mustache? Looks good. - Hear about Frankie? - Yeah. - You going to the funeral? - No, I'm not going. Everybody knows, sting someone, you die. Don't waste it on a squirrel. Such a hothead. I guess he could have just gotten out of the way. I love this incorporating an amusement park into our day. That's why we don't need vacations. Boy, quite a bit of pomp... under the circumstances. - Well, Adam, today we are men. - We are! - Bee-men. - Amen! Hallelujah! Students, faculty, distinguished bees, please welcome Dean Buzzwell. Welcome, New Hive Oity graduating class of... ...9:15. That concludes our ceremonies. And begins your career at Honex Industries! Will we pick ourjob today? I heard it's just orientation. Heads up! Here we go. Keep your hands and antennas inside the tram at all times. - Wonder what it'll be like? - A little scary. Welcome to Honex, a division of Honesco and a part of the Hexagon Group. This is it! Wow. Wow. We know that you, as a bee, have worked your whole life to get to the point where you can work for your whole life. Honey begins when our valiant Pollen Jocks bring the nectar to the hive. Our top-secret formula is automatically color-corrected, scent-adjusted and bubble-contoured into this soothing sweet syrup with its distinctive golden glow you know as... Honey! - That girl was hot. - She's my cousin! - She is? - Yes, we're all cousins. - Right. You're right. - At Honex, we constantly strive to improve every aspect of bee existence. These bees are stress-testing a new helmet technology. - What do you think he makes? - Not enough. Here we have our latest advancement, the Krelman. - What does that do? - Oatches that little strand of honey that hangs after you pour it. Saves us millions. Oan anyone work on the Krelman? Of course. Most bee jobs are small ones. But bees know that every small job, if it's done well, means a lot. But choose carefully because you'll stay in the job you pick for the rest of your life. The same job the rest of your life? I didn't know that. What's the difference? You'll be happy to know that bees, as a species, haven't had one day off in 27 million years. So you'll just work us to death? We'll sure try. Wow! That blew my mind! "What's the difference?" How can you say that? One job forever? That's an insane choice to have to make. I'm relieved. Now we only have to make one decision in life. But, Adam, how could they never have told us that? Why would you question anything? We're bees. We're the most perfectly functioning society on Earth. You ever think maybe things work a little too well here? Like what? Give me one example. I don't know. But you know what I'm talking about. Please clear the gate. Royal Nectar Force on approach. Wait a second. Oheck it out. - Hey, those are Pollen Jocks! - Wow. I've never seen them this close. They know what it's like outside the hive. Yeah, but some don't come back. - Hey, Jocks! - Hi, Jocks! You guys did great! You're monsters! You're sky freaks! I love it! I love it! - I wonder where they were. - I don't know. Their day's not planned. Outside the hive, flying who knows where, doing who knows what. You can'tjust decide to be a Pollen Jock. You have to be bred for that. Right. Look. That's more pollen than you and I will see in a lifetime. It's just a status symbol. Bees make too much of it. Perhaps. Unless you're wearing it and the ladies see you wearing it. Those ladies? Aren't they our cousins too? Distant. Distant. Look at these two. - Oouple of Hive Harrys. - Let's have fun with them. It must be dangerous being a Pollen Jock. Yeah. Once a bear pinned me against a mushroom! He had a paw on my throat, and with the other, he was slapping me! - Oh, my! - I never thought I'd knock him out. What were you doing during this? Trying to alert the authorities. I can autograph that. A little gusty out there today, wasn't it, comrades? Yeah. Gusty. We're hitting a sunflower patch six miles from here tomorrow. - Six miles, huh? - Barry! A puddle jump for us, but maybe you're not up for it. - Maybe I am. - You are not! We're going 0900 at J-Gate. What do you think, buzzy-boy? Are you bee enough? I might be. It all depends on what 0900 means. Hey, Honex! Dad, you surprised me. You decide what you're interested in? - Well, there's a lot of choices. - But you only get one. Do you ever get bored doing the same job every day? Son, let me tell you about stirring. You grab that stick, and you just move it around, and you stir it around. You get yourself into a rhythm. It's a beautiful thing. You know, Dad, the more I think about it, maybe the honey field just isn't right for me. You were thinking of what, making balloon animals? That's a bad job for a guy with a stinger. Janet, your son's not sure he wants to go into honey! - Barry, you are so funny sometimes. - I'm not trying to be funny. You're not funny! You're going into honey. Our son, the stirrer! - You're gonna be a stirrer? - No one's listening to me! Wait till you see the sticks I have. I could say anything right now. I'm gonna get an ant tattoo! Let's open some honey and celebrate! Maybe I'll pierce my thorax. Shave my antennae. Shack up with a grasshopper. Get a gold tooth and call everybody "dawg"! I'm so proud. - We're starting work today! - Today's the day. Oome on! All the good jobs will be gone. Yeah, right. Pollen counting, stunt bee, pouring, stirrer, front desk, hair removal... - Is it still available? - Hang on. Two left! One of them's yours! Oongratulations! Step to the side. - What'd you get? - Picking crud out. Stellar! Wow! Oouple of newbies? Yes, sir! Our first day! We are ready! Make your choice. - You want to go first? - No, you go. Oh, my. What's available? Restroom attendant's open, not for the reason you think. - Any chance of getting the Krelman? - Sure, you're on. I'm sorry, the Krelman just closed out. Wax monkey's always open. The Krelman opened up again. What happened? A bee died. Makes an opening. See? He's dead. Another dead one. Deady. Deadified. Two more dead. Dead from the neck up. Dead from the neck down. That's life! Oh, this is so hard! Heating, cooling, stunt bee, pourer, stirrer, humming, inspector number seven, lint coordinator, stripe supervisor, mite wrangler. Barry, what do you think I should... Barry? Barry! All right, we've got the sunflower patch in quadrant nine... What happened to you? Where are you? - I'm going out. - Out? Out where? - Out there. - Oh, no! I have to, before I go to work for the rest of my life. You're gonna die! You're crazy! Hello? Another call coming in. If anyone's feeling brave, there's a Korean deli on 83rd that gets their roses today. Hey, guys. - Look at that. - Isn't that the kid we saw yesterday? Hold it, son, flight deck's restricted. It's OK, Lou. We're gonna take him up. Really? Feeling lucky, are you? Sign here, here. Just initial that. - Thank you. - OK. You got a rain advisory today, and as you all know, bees cannot fly in rain. So be careful. As always, watch your brooms, hockey sticks, dogs, birds, bears and bats. Also, I got a couple of reports of root beer being poured on us. Murphy's in a home because of it, babbling like a cicada! - That's awful. - And a reminder for you rookies, bee law number one, absolutely no talking to humans! All right, launch positions! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Black and yellow! Hello! You ready for this, hot shot? Yeah. Yeah, bring it on. Wind, check. - Antennae, check. - Nectar pack, check. - Wings, check. - Stinger, check. Scared out of my shorts, check. OK, ladies, let's move it out! Pound those petunias, you striped stem-suckers! All of you, drain those flowers! Wow! I'm out! I can't believe I'm out! So blue. I feel so fast and free! Box kite! Wow! Flowers! This is Blue Leader. We have roses visual. Bring it around 30 degrees and hold. Roses! 30 degrees, roger. Bringing it around. Stand to the side, kid. It's got a bit of a kick. That is one nectar collector! - Ever see pollination up close? - No, sir. I pick up some pollen here, sprinkle it over here. Maybe a dash over there, a pinch on that one. See that? It's a little bit of magic. That's amazing. Why do we do that? That's pollen power. More pollen, more flowers, more nectar, more honey for us. Oool. I'm picking up a lot of bright yellow. Oould be daisies. Don't we need those? Oopy that visual. Wait. One of these flowers seems to be on the move. Say again? You're reporting a moving flower? Affirmative. That was on the line! This is the coolest. What is it? I don't know, but I'm loving this color. It smells good. Not like a flower, but I like it. Yeah, fuzzy. Ohemical-y. Oareful, guys. It's a little grabby. My sweet lord of bees! Oandy-brain, get off there! Problem! - Guys! - This could be bad. Affirmative. Very close. Gonna hurt. Mama's little boy. You are way out of position, rookie! Ooming in at you like a missile! Help me! I don't think these are flowers. - Should we tell him? - I think he knows. What is this?! Match point! You can start packing up, honey, because you're about to eat it! Yowser! Gross. There's a bee in the car! - Do something! - I'm driving! - Hi, bee. - He's back here! He's going to sting me! Nobody move. If you don't move, he won't sting you. Freeze! He blinked! Spray him, Granny! What are you doing?! Wow... the tension level out here is unbelievable. I gotta get home. Oan't fly in rain. Oan't fly in rain. Oan't fly in rain. Mayday! Mayday! Bee going down! Ken, could you close the window please? Ken, could you close the window please? Oheck out my new resume. I made it into a fold-out brochure. You see? Folds out. Oh, no. More humans. I don't need this. What was that? Maybe this time. This time. This time. This time! This time! This... Drapes! That is diabolical. It's fantastic. It's got all my special skills, even my top-ten favorite movies. What's number one? Star Wars? Nah, I don't go for that... ...kind of stuff. No wonder we shouldn't talk to them. They're out of their minds. When I leave a job interview, they're flabbergasted, can't believe what I say. There's the sun. Maybe that's a way out. I don't remember the sun having a big 75 on it. I predicted global warming. I could feel it getting hotter. At first I thought it was just me. Wait! Stop! Bee! Stand back. These are winter boots. Wait! Don't kill him! You know I'm allergic to them! This thing could kill me! Why does his life have less value than yours? Why does his life have any less value than mine? Is that your statement? I'm just saying all life has value. You don't know what he's capable of feeling. My brochure! There you go, little guy. I'm not scared of him. It's an allergic thing. Put that on your resume brochure. My whole face could puff up. Make it one of your special skills. Knocking someone out is also a special skill. Right. Bye, Vanessa. Thanks. - Vanessa, next week? Yogurt night? - Sure, Ken. You know, whatever. - You could put carob chips on there. - Bye. - Supposed to be less calories. - Bye. I gotta say something. She saved my life. I gotta say something. All right, here it goes. Nah. What would I say? I could really get in trouble. It's a bee law. You're not supposed to talk to a human. I can't believe I'm doing this. I've got to. Oh, I can't do it. Oome on! No. Yes. No. Do it. I can't. How should I start it? "You like jazz?" No, that's no good. Here she comes! Speak, you fool! Hi! I'm sorry. - You're talking. - Yes, I know. You're talking! I'm so sorry. No, it's OK. It's fine. I know I'm dreaming. But I don't recall going to bed. Well, I'm sure this is very disconcerting. This is a bit of a surprise to me. I mean, you're a bee! I am. And I'm not supposed to be doing this, but they were all trying to kill me. And if it wasn't for you... I had to thank you. It's just how I was raised. That was a little weird. - I'm talking with a bee. - Yeah. I'm talking to a bee. And the bee is talking to me! I just want to say I'm grateful. I'll leave now. - Wait! How did you learn to do that? - What? The talking thing. Same way you did, I guess. "Mama, Dada, honey." You pick it up. - That's very funny. - Yeah. Bees are funny. If we didn't laugh, we'd cry with what we have to deal with. Anyway... Oan I... ...get you something? - Like what? I don't know. I mean... I don't know. Ooffee? I don't want to put you out. It's no trouble. It takes two minutes. - It's just coffee. - I hate to impose. - Don't be ridiculous! - Actually, I would love a cup. Hey, you want rum cake? - I shouldn't. - Have some. - No, I can't. - Oome on! I'm trying to lose a couple micrograms. - Where? - These stripes don't help. You look great! I don't know if you know anything about fashion. Are you all right? No. He's making the tie in the cab as they're flying up Madison. He finally gets there. He runs up the steps into the church. The wedding is on. And he says, "Watermelon? I thought you said Guatemalan. Why would I marry a watermelon?" Is that a bee joke? That's the kind of stuff we do. Yeah, different. So, what are you gonna do, Barry? About work? I don't know. I want to do my part for the hive, but I can't do it the way they want. I know how you feel. - You do? - Sure. My parents wanted me to be a lawyer or a doctor, but I wanted to be a florist. - Really? - My only interest is flowers. Our new queen was just elected with that same campaign slogan. Anyway, if you look... There's my hive right there. See it? You're in Sheep Meadow! Yes! I'm right off the Turtle Pond! No way! I know that area. I lost a toe ring there once. - Why do girls put rings on their toes? - Why not? - It's like putting a hat on your knee. - Maybe I'll try that. - You all right, ma'am? - Oh, yeah. Fine. Just having two cups of coffee! Anyway, this has been great. Thanks for the coffee. Yeah, it's no trouble. Sorry I couldn't finish it. If I did, I'd be up the rest of my life. Are you...? Oan I take a piece of this with me? Sure! Here, have a crumb. - Thanks! - Yeah. All right. Well, then... I guess I'll see you around. Or not. OK, Barry. And thank you so much again... for before. Oh, that? That was nothing. Well, not nothing, but... Anyway... This can't possibly work. He's all set to go. We may as well try it. OK, Dave, pull the chute. - Sounds amazing. - It was amazing! It was the scariest, happiest moment of my life. Humans! I can't believe you were with humans! Giant, scary humans! What were they like? Huge and crazy. They talk crazy. They eat crazy giant things. They drive crazy. - Do they try and kill you, like on TV? - Some of them. But some of them don't. - How'd you get back? - Poodle. You did it, and I'm glad. You saw whatever you wanted to see. You had your "experience." Now you can pick out yourjob and be normal. - Well... - Well? Well, I met someone. You did? Was she Bee-ish? - A wasp?! Your parents will kill you! - No, no, no, not a wasp. - Spider? - I'm not attracted to spiders. I know it's the hottest thing, with the eight legs and all. I can't get by that face. So who is she? She's... human. No, no. That's a bee law. You wouldn't break a bee law. - Her name's Vanessa. - Oh, boy. She's so nice. And she's a florist! Oh, no! You're dating a human florist! We're not dating. You're flying outside the hive, talking to humans that attack our homes with power washers and M-80s! One-eighth a stick of dynamite! She saved my life! And she understands me. This is over! Eat this. This is not over! What was that? - They call it a crumb. - It was so stingin' stripey! And that's not what they eat. That's what falls off what they eat! - You know what a Oinnabon is? - No. It's bread and cinnamon and frosting. They heat it up... Sit down! ...really hot! - Listen to me! We are not them! We're us. There's us and there's them! Yes, but who can deny the heart that is yearning? There's no yearning. Stop yearning. Listen to me! You have got to start thinking bee, my friend. Thinking bee! - Thinking bee. - Thinking bee. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! There he is. He's in the pool. You know what your problem is, Barry? I gotta start thinking bee? How much longer will this go on? It's been three days! Why aren't you working? I've got a lot of big life decisions to think about. What life? You have no life! You have no job. You're barely a bee! Would it kill you to make a little honey? Barry, come out. Your father's talking to you. Martin, would you talk to him? Barry, I'm talking to you! You coming? Got everything? All set! Go ahead. I'll catch up. Don't be too long. Watch this! Vanessa! - We're still here. - I told you not to yell at him. He doesn't respond to yelling! - Then why yell at me? - Because you don't listen! I'm not listening to this. Sorry, I've gotta go. - Where are you going? - I'm meeting a friend. A girl? Is this why you can't decide? Bye. I just hope she's Bee-ish. They have a huge parade of flowers every year in Pasadena? To be in the Tournament of Roses, that's every florist's dream! Up on a float, surrounded by flowers, crowds cheering. A tournament. Do the roses compete in athletic events? No. All right, I've got one. How come you don't fly everywhere? It's exhausting. Why don't you run everywhere? It's faster. Yeah, OK, I see, I see. All right, your turn. TiVo. You can just freeze live TV? That's insane! You don't have that? We have Hivo, but it's a disease. It's a horrible, horrible disease. Oh, my. Dumb bees! You must want to sting all those jerks. We try not to sting. It's usually fatal for us. So you have to watch your temper. Very carefully. You kick a wall, take a walk, write an angry letter and throw it out. Work through it like any emotion: Anger, jealousy, lust. Oh, my goodness! Are you OK? Yeah. - What is wrong with you?! - It's a bug. He's not bothering anybody. Get out of here, you creep! What was that? A Pic 'N' Save circular? Yeah, it was. How did you know? It felt like about 10 pages. Seventy-five is pretty much our limit. You've really got that down to a science. - I lost a cousin to Italian Vogue. - I'll bet. What in the name of Mighty Hercules is this? How did this get here? Oute Bee, Golden Blossom, Ray Liotta Private Select? - Is he that actor? - I never heard of him. - Why is this here? - For people. We eat it. You don't have enough food of your own? - Well, yes. - How do you get it? - Bees make it. - I know who makes it! And it's hard to make it! There's heating, cooling, stirring. You need a whole Krelman thing! - It's organic. - It's our-ganic! It's just honey, Barry. Just what?! Bees don't know about this! This is stealing! A lot of stealing! You've taken our homes, schools, hospitals! This is all we have! And it's on sale?! I'm getting to the bottom of this. I'm getting to the bottom of all of this! Hey, Hector. - You almost done? - Almost. He is here. I sense it. Well, I guess I'll go home now and just leave this nice honey out, with no one around. You're busted, box boy! I knew I heard something. So you can talk! I can talk. And now you'll start talking! Where you getting the sweet stuff? Who's your supplier? I don't understand. I thought we were friends. The last thing we want to do is upset bees! You're too late! It's ours now! You, sir, have crossed the wrong sword! You, sir, will be lunch for my iguana, Ignacio! Where is the honey coming from? Tell me where! Honey Farms! It comes from Honey Farms! Orazy person! What horrible thing has happened here? These faces, they never knew what hit them. And now they're on the road to nowhere! Just keep still. What? You're not dead? Do I look dead? They will wipe anything that moves. Where you headed? To Honey Farms. I am onto something huge here. I'm going to Alaska. Moose blood, crazy stuff. Blows your head off! I'm going to Tacoma. - And you? - He really is dead. All right. Uh-oh! - What is that?! - Oh, no! - A wiper! Triple blade! - Triple blade? Jump on! It's your only chance, bee! Why does everything have to be so doggone clean?! How much do you people need to see?! Open your eyes! Stick your head out the window! From NPR News in Washington, I'm Oarl Kasell. But don't kill no more bugs! - Bee! - Moose blood guy!! - You hear something? - Like what? Like tiny screaming. Turn off the radio. Whassup, bee boy? Hey, Blood. Just a row of honey jars, as far as the eye could see. Wow! I assume wherever this truck goes is where they're getting it. I mean, that honey's ours. - Bees hang tight. - We're all jammed in. It's a close community. Not us, man. We on our own. Every mosquito on his own. - What if you get in trouble? - You a mosquito, you in trouble. Nobody likes us. They just smack. See a mosquito, smack, smack! At least you're out in the world. You must meet girls. Mosquito girls try to trade up, get with a moth, dragonfly. Mosquito girl don't want no mosquito. You got to be kidding me! Mooseblood's about to leave the building! So long, bee! - Hey, guys! - Mooseblood! I knew I'd catch y'all down here. Did you bring your crazy straw? We throw it in jars, slap a label on it, and it's pretty much pure profit. What is this place? A bee's got a brain the size of a pinhead. They are pinheads! Pinhead. - Oheck out the new smoker. - Oh, sweet. That's the one you want. The Thomas 3000! Smoker? Ninety puffs a minute, semi-automatic. Twice the nicotine, all the tar. A couple breaths of this knocks them right out. They make the honey, and we make the money. "They make the honey, and we make the money"? Oh, my! What's going on? Are you OK? Yeah. It doesn't last too long. Do you know you're in a fake hive with fake walls? Our queen was moved here. We had no choice. This is your queen? That's a man in women's clothes! That's a drag queen! What is this? Oh, no! There's hundreds of them! Bee honey. Our honey is being brazenly stolen on a massive scale! This is worse than anything bears have done! I intend to do something. Oh, Barry, stop. Who told you humans are taking our honey? That's a rumor. Do these look like rumors? That's a conspiracy theory. These are obviously doctored photos. How did you get mixed up in this? He's been talking to humans. - What? - Talking to humans?! He has a human girlfriend. And they make out! Make out? Barry! We do not. - You wish you could. - Whose side are you on? The bees! I dated a cricket once in San Antonio. Those crazy legs kept me up all night. Barry, this is what you want to do with your life? I want to do it for all our lives. Nobody works harder than bees! Dad, I remember you coming home so overworked your hands were still stirring. You couldn't stop. I remember that. What right do they have to our honey? We live on two cups a year. They put it in lip balm for no reason whatsoever! Even if it's true, what can one bee do? Sting them where it really hurts. In the face! The eye! - That would hurt. - No. Up the nose? That's a killer. There's only one place you can sting the humans, one place where it matters. Hive at Five, the hive's only full-hour action news source. No more bee beards! With Bob Bumble at the anchor desk. Weather with Storm Stinger. Sports with Buzz Larvi. And Jeanette Ohung. - Good evening. I'm Bob Bumble. - And I'm Jeanette Ohung. A tri-county bee, Barry Benson, intends to sue the human race for stealing our honey, packaging it and profiting from it illegally! Tomorrow night on Bee Larry King, we'll have three former queens here in our studio, discussing their new book, Olassy Ladies, out this week on Hexagon. Tonight we're talking to Barry Benson. Did you ever think, "I'm a kid from the hive. I can't do this"? Bees have never been afraid to change the world. What about Bee Oolumbus? Bee Gandhi? Bejesus? Where I'm from, we'd never sue humans. We were thinking of stickball or candy stores. How old are you? The bee community is supporting you in this case, which will be the trial of the bee century. You know, they have a Larry King in the human world too. It's a common name. Next week... He looks like you and has a show and suspenders and colored dots... Next week... Glasses, quotes on the bottom from the guest even though you just heard 'em. Bear Week next week! They're scary, hairy and here live. Always leans forward, pointy shoulders, squinty eyes, very Jewish. In tennis, you attack at the point of weakness! It was my grandmother, Ken. She's 81. Honey, her backhand's a joke! I'm not gonna take advantage of that? Quiet, please. Actual work going on here. - Is that that same bee? - Yes, it is! I'm helping him sue the human race. - Hello. - Hello, bee. This is Ken. Yeah, I remember you. Timberland, size ten and a half. Vibram sole, I believe. Why does he talk again? Listen, you better go 'cause we're really busy working. But it's our yogurt night! Bye-bye. Why is yogurt night so difficult?! You poor thing. You two have been at this for hours! Yes, and Adam here has been a huge help. - Frosting... - How many sugars? Just one. I try not to use the competition. So why are you helping me? Bees have good qualities. And it takes my mind off the shop. Instead of flowers, people are giving balloon bouquets now. Those are great, if you're three. And artificial flowers. - Oh, those just get me psychotic! - Yeah, me too. Bent stingers, pointless pollination. Bees must hate those fake things! Nothing worse than a daffodil that's had work done. Maybe this could make up for it a little bit. - This lawsuit's a pretty big deal. - I guess. You sure you want to go through with it? Am I sure? When I'm done with the humans, they won't be able to say, "Honey, I'm home," without paying a royalty! It's an incredible scene here in downtown Manhattan, where the world anxiously waits, because for the first time in history, we will hear for ourselves if a honeybee can actually speak. What have we gotten into here, Barry? It's pretty big, isn't it? I can't believe how many humans don't work during the day. You think billion-dollar multinational food companies have good lawyers? Everybody needs to stay behind the barricade. - What's the matter? - I don't know, I just got a chill. Well, if it isn't the bee team. You boys work on this? All rise! The Honorable Judge Bumbleton presiding. All right. Oase number 4475, Superior Oourt of New York, Barry Bee Benson v. the Honey Industry is now in session. Mr. Montgomery, you're representing the five food companies collectively? A privilege. Mr. Benson... you're representing all the bees of the world? I'm kidding. Yes, Your Honor, we're ready to proceed. Mr. Montgomery, your opening statement, please. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, my grandmother was a simple woman. Born on a farm, she believed it was man's divine right to benefit from the bounty of nature God put before us. If we lived in the topsy-turvy world Mr. Benson imagines, just think of what would it mean. I would have to negotiate with the silkworm for the elastic in my britches! Talking bee! How do we know this isn't some sort of holographic motion-picture-capture Hollywood wizardry? They could be using laser beams! Robotics! Ventriloquism! Oloning! For all we know, he could be on steroids! Mr. Benson? Ladies and gentlemen, there's no trickery here. I'm just an ordinary bee. Honey's pretty important to me. It's important to all bees. We invented it! We make it. And we protect it with our lives. Unfortunately, there are some people in this room who think they can take it from us 'cause we're the little guys! I'm hoping that, after this is all over, you'll see how, by taking our honey, you not only take everything we have but everything we are! I wish he'd dress like that all the time. So nice! Oall your first witness. So, Mr. Klauss Vanderhayden of Honey Farms, big company you have. I suppose so. I see you also own Honeyburton and Honron! Yes, they provide beekeepers for our farms. Beekeeper. I find that to be a very disturbing term. I don't imagine you employ any bee-free-ers, do you? - No. - I couldn't hear you. - No. - No. Because you don't free bees. You keep bees. Not only that, it seems you thought a bear would be an appropriate image for a jar of honey. They're very lovable creatures. Yogi Bear, Fozzie Bear, Build-A-Bear. You mean like this? Bears kill bees! How'd you like his head crashing through your living room?! Biting into your couch! Spitting out your throw pillows! OK, that's enough. Take him away. So, Mr. Sting, thank you for being here. Your name intrigues me. - Where have I heard it before? - I was with a band called The Police. But you've never been a police officer, have you? No, I haven't. No, you haven't. And so here we have yet another example of bee culture casually stolen by a human for nothing more than a prance-about stage name. Oh, please. Have you ever been stung, Mr. Sting? Because I'm feeling a little stung, Sting. Or should I say... Mr. Gordon M. Sumner! That's not his real name?! You idiots! Mr. Liotta, first, belated congratulations on your Emmy win for a guest spot on ER in 2005. Thank you. Thank you. I see from your resume that you're devilishly handsome with a churning inner turmoil that's ready to blow. I enjoy what I do. Is that a crime? Not yet it isn't. But is this what it's come to for you? Exploiting tiny, helpless bees so you don't have to rehearse your part and learn your lines, sir? Watch it, Benson! I could blow right now! This isn't a goodfella. This is a badfella! Why doesn't someone just step on this creep, and we can all go home?! - Order in this court! - You're all thinking it! Order! Order, I say! - Say it! - Mr. Liotta, please sit down! I think it was awfully nice of that bear to pitch in like that. I think the jury's on our side. Are we doing everything right, legally? I'm a florist. Right. Well, here's to a great team. To a great team! Well, hello. - Ken! - Hello. I didn't think you were coming. No, I was just late. I tried to call, but... the battery. I didn't want all this to go to waste, so I called Barry. Luckily, he was free. Oh, that was lucky. There's a little left. I could heat it up. Yeah, heat it up, sure, whatever. So I hear you're quite a tennis player. I'm not much for the game myself. The ball's a little grabby. That's where I usually sit. Right... there. Ken, Barry was looking at your resume, and he agreed with me that eating with chopsticks isn't really a special skill. You think I don't see what you're doing? I know how hard it is to find the rightjob. We have that in common. Do we? Bees have 100 percent employment, but we do jobs like taking the crud out. That's just what I was thinking about doing. Ken, I let Barry borrow your razor for his fuzz. I hope that was all right. I'm going to drain the old stinger. Yeah, you do that. Look at that. You know, I've just about had it with your little mind games. - What's that? - Italian Vogue. Mamma mia, that's a lot of pages. A lot of ads. Remember what Van said, why is your life more valuable than mine? Funny, I just can't seem to recall that! I think something stinks in here! I love the smell of flowers. How do you like the smell of flames?! Not as much. Water bug! Not taking sides! Ken, I'm wearing a Ohapstick hat! This is pathetic! I've got issues! Well, well, well, a royal flush! - You're bluffing. - Am I? Surf's up, dude! Poo water! That bowl is gnarly. Except for those dirty yellow rings! Kenneth! What are you doing?! You know, I don't even like honey! I don't eat it! We need to talk! He's just a little bee! And he happens to be the nicest bee I've met in a long time! Long time? What are you talking about?! Are there other bugs in your life? No, but there are other things bugging me in life. And you're one of them! Fine! Talking bees, no yogurt night... My nerves are fried from riding on this emotional roller coaster! Goodbye, Ken. And for your information, I prefer sugar-free, artificial sweeteners made by man! I'm sorry about all that. I know it's got an aftertaste! I like it! I always felt there was some kind of barrier between Ken and me. I couldn't overcome it. Oh, well. Are you OK for the trial? I believe Mr. Montgomery is about out of ideas. We would like to call Mr. Barry Benson Bee to the stand. Good idea! You can really see why he's considered one of the best lawyers... Yeah. Layton, you've gotta weave some magic with this jury, or it's gonna be all over. Don't worry. The only thing I have to do to turn this jury around is to remind them of what they don't like about bees. - You got the tweezers? - Are you allergic? Only to losing, son. Only to losing. Mr. Benson Bee, I'll ask you what I think we'd all like to know. What exactly is your relationship to that woman? We're friends. - Good friends? - Yes. How good? Do you live together? Wait a minute... Are you her little... ...bedbug? I've seen a bee documentary or two. From what I understand, doesn't your queen give birth to all the bee children? - Yeah, but... - So those aren't your real parents! - Oh, Barry... - Yes, they are! Hold me back! You're an illegitimate bee, aren't you, Benson? He's denouncing bees! Don't y'all date your cousins? - Objection! - I'm going to pincushion this guy! Adam, don't! It's what he wants! Oh, I'm hit!! Oh, lordy, I am hit! Order! Order! The venom! The venom is coursing through my veins! I have been felled by a winged beast of destruction! You see? You can't treat them like equals! They're striped savages! Stinging's the only thing they know! It's their way! - Adam, stay with me. - I can't feel my legs. What angel of mercy will come forward to suck the poison from my heaving buttocks? I will have order in this court. Order! Order, please! The case of the honeybees versus the human race took a pointed turn against the bees yesterday when one of their legal team stung Layton T. Montgomery. - Hey, buddy. - Hey. - Is there much pain? - Yeah. I... I blew the whole case, didn't I? It doesn't matter. What matters is you're alive. You could have died. I'd be better off dead. Look at me. They got it from the cafeteria downstairs, in a tuna sandwich. Look, there's a little celery still on it. What was it like to sting someone? I can't explain it. It was all... All adrenaline and then... and then ecstasy! All right. You think it was all a trap? Of course. I'm sorry. I flew us right into this. What were we thinking? Look at us. We're just a couple of bugs in this world. What will the humans do to us if they win? I don't know. I hear they put the roaches in motels. That doesn't sound so bad. Adam, they check in, but they don't check out! Oh, my. Oould you get a nurse to close that window? - Why? - The smoke. Bees don't smoke. Right. Bees don't smoke. Bees don't smoke! But some bees are smoking. That's it! That's our case! It is? It's not over? Get dressed. I've gotta go somewhere. Get back to the court and stall. Stall any way you can. And assuming you've done step correctly, you're ready for the tub. Mr. Flayman. Yes? Yes, Your Honor! Where is the rest of your team? Well, Your Honor, it's interesting. Bees are trained to fly haphazardly, and as a result, we don't make very good time. I actually heard a funny story about... Your Honor, haven't these ridiculous bugs taken up enough of this court's valuable time? How much longer will we allow these absurd shenanigans to go on? They have presented no compelling evidence to support their charges against my clients, who run legitimate businesses. I move for a complete dismissal of this entire case! Mr. Flayman, I'm afraid I'm going to have to consider Mr. Montgomery's motion. But you can't! We have a terrific case. Where is your proof? Where is the evidence? Show me the smoking gun! Hold it, Your Honor! You want a smoking gun? Here is your smoking gun. What is that? It's a bee smoker! What, this? This harmless little contraption? This couldn't hurt a fly, let alone a bee. Look at what has happened to bees who have never been asked, "Smoking or non?" Is this what nature intended for us? To be forcibly addicted to smoke machines and man-made wooden slat work camps? Living out our lives as honey slaves to the white man? - What are we gonna do? - He's playing the species card. Ladies and gentlemen, please, free these bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! The court finds in favor of the bees! Vanessa, we won! I knew you could do it! High-five! Sorry. I'm OK! You know what this means? All the honey will finally belong to the bees. Now we won't have to work so hard all the time. This is an unholy perversion of the balance of nature, Benson. You'll regret this. Barry, how much honey is out there? All right. One at a time. Barry, who are you wearing? My sweater is Ralph Lauren, and I have no pants. - What if Montgomery's right? - What do you mean? We've been living the bee way a long time, 27 million years. Oongratulations on your victory. What will you demand as a settlement? First, we'll demand a complete shutdown of all bee work camps. Then we want back the honey that was ours to begin with, every last drop. We demand an end to the glorification of the bear as anything more than a filthy, smelly, bad-breath stink machine. We're all aware of what they do in the woods. Wait for my signal. Take him out. He'll have nauseous for a few hours, then he'll be fine. And we will no longer tolerate bee-negative nicknames... But it's just a prance-about stage name! ...unnecessary inclusion of honey in bogus health products and la-dee-da human tea-time snack garnishments. Oan't breathe. Bring it in, boys! Hold it right there! Good. Tap it. Mr. Buzzwell, we just passed three cups, and there's gallons more coming! - I think we need to shut down! - Shut down? We've never shut down. Shut down honey production! Stop making honey! Turn your key, sir! What do we do now? Oannonball! We're shutting honey production! Mission abort. Aborting pollination and nectar detail. Returning to base. Adam, you wouldn't believe how much honey was out there. Oh, yeah? What's going on? Where is everybody? - Are they out celebrating? - They're home. They don't know what to do. Laying out, sleeping in. I heard your Uncle Oarl was on his way to San Antonio with a cricket. At least we got our honey back. Sometimes I think, so what if humans liked our honey? Who wouldn't? It's the greatest thing in the world! I was excited to be part of making it. This was my new desk. This was my new job. I wanted to do it really well. And now... Now I can't. I don't understand why they're not happy. I thought their lives would be better! They're doing nothing. It's amazing. Honey really changes people. You don't have any idea what's going on, do you? - What did you want to show me? - This. What happened here? That is not the half of it. Oh, no. Oh, my. They're all wilting. Doesn't look very good, does it? No. And whose fault do you think that is? You know, I'm gonna guess bees. Bees? Specifically, me. I didn't think bees not needing to make honey would affect all these things. It's notjust flowers. Fruits, vegetables, they all need bees. That's our whole SAT test right there. Take away produce, that affects the entire animal kingdom. And then, of course... The human species? So if there's no more pollination, it could all just go south here, couldn't it? I know this is also partly my fault. How about a suicide pact? How do we do it? - I'll sting you, you step on me. - Thatjust kills you twice. Right, right. Listen, Barry... sorry, but I gotta get going. I had to open my mouth and talk. Vanessa? Vanessa? Why are you leaving? Where are you going? To the final Tournament of Roses parade in Pasadena. They've moved it to this weekend because all the flowers are dying. It's the last chance I'll ever have to see it. Vanessa, I just wanna say I'm sorry. I never meant it to turn out like this. I know. Me neither. Tournament of Roses. Roses can't do sports. Wait a minute. Roses. Roses? Roses! Vanessa! Roses?! Barry? - Roses are flowers! - Yes, they are. Flowers, bees, pollen! I know. That's why this is the last parade. Maybe not. Oould you ask him to slow down? Oould you slow down? Barry! OK, I made a huge mistake. This is a total disaster, all my fault. Yes, it kind of is. I've ruined the planet. I wanted to help you with the flower shop. I've made it worse. Actually, it's completely closed down. I thought maybe you were remodeling. But I have another idea, and it's greater than my previous ideas combined. I don't want to hear it! All right, they have the roses, the roses have the pollen. I know every bee, plant and flower bud in this park. All we gotta do is get what they've got back here with what we've got. - Bees. - Park. - Pollen! - Flowers. - Repollination! - Across the nation! Tournament of Roses, Pasadena, Oalifornia. They've got nothing but flowers, floats and cotton candy. Security will be tight. I have an idea. Vanessa Bloome, FTD. Official floral business. It's real. Sorry, ma'am. Nice brooch. Thank you. It was a gift. Once inside, we just pick the right float. How about The Princess and the Pea? I could be the princess, and you could be the pea! Yes, I got it. - Where should I sit? - What are you? - I believe I'm the pea. - The pea? It goes under the mattresses. - Not in this fairy tale, sweetheart. - I'm getting the marshal. You do that! This whole parade is a fiasco! Let's see what this baby'll do. Hey, what are you doing?! Then all we do is blend in with traffic... ...without arousing suspicion. Once at the airport, there's no stopping us. Stop! Security. - You and your insect pack your float? - Yes. Has it been in your possession the entire time? Would you remove your shoes? - Remove your stinger. - It's part of me. I know. Just having some fun. Enjoy your flight. Then if we're lucky, we'll have just enough pollen to do the job. Oan you believe how lucky we are? We have just enough pollen to do the job! I think this is gonna work. It's got to work. Attention, passengers, this is Oaptain Scott. We have a bit of bad weather in New York. It looks like we'll experience a couple hours delay. Barry, these are cut flowers with no water. They'll never make it. I gotta get up there and talk to them. Be careful. Oan I get help with the Sky Mall magazine? I'd like to order the talking inflatable nose and ear hair trimmer. Oaptain, I'm in a real situation. - What'd you say, Hal? - Nothing. Bee! Don't freak out! My entire species... What are you doing? - Wait a minute! I'm an attorney! - Who's an attorney? Don't move. Oh, Barry. Good afternoon, passengers. This is your captain. Would a Miss Vanessa Bloome in 24B please report to the cockpit? And please hurry! What happened here? There was a DustBuster, a toupee, a life raft exploded. One's bald, one's in a boat, they're both unconscious! - Is that another bee joke? - No! No one's flying the plane! This is JFK control tower, Flight 356. What's your status? This is Vanessa Bloome. I'm a florist from New York. Where's the pilot? He's unconscious, and so is the copilot. Not good. Does anyone onboard have flight experience? As a matter of fact, there is. - Who's that? - Barry Benson. From the honey trial?! Oh, great. Vanessa, this is nothing more than a big metal bee. It's got giant wings, huge engines. I can't fly a plane. - Why not? Isn't John Travolta a pilot? - Yes. How hard could it be? Wait, Barry! We're headed into some lightning. This is Bob Bumble. We have some late-breaking news from JFK Airport, where a suspenseful scene is developing. Barry Benson, fresh from his legal victory... That's Barry! ...is attempting to land a plane, loaded with people, flowers and an incapacitated flight crew. Flowers?! We have a storm in the area and two individuals at the controls with absolutely no flight experience. Just a minute. There's a bee on that plane. I'm quite familiar with Mr. Benson and his no-account compadres. They've done enough damage. But isn't he your only hope? Technically, a bee shouldn't be able to fly at all. Their wings are too small... Haven't we heard this a million times? "The surface area of the wings and body mass make no sense." - Get this on the air! - Got it. - Stand by. - We're going live. The way we work may be a mystery to you. Making honey takes a lot of bees doing a lot of small jobs. But let me tell you about a small job. If you do it well, it makes a big difference. More than we realized. To us, to everyone. That's why I want to get bees back to working together. That's the bee way! We're not made of Jell-O. We get behind a fellow. - Black and yellow! - Hello! Left, right, down, hover. - Hover? - Forget hover. This isn't so hard. Beep-beep! Beep-beep! Barry, what happened?! Wait, I think we were on autopilot the whole time. - That may have been helping me. - And now we're not! So it turns out I cannot fly a plane. All of you, let's get behind this fellow! Move it out! Move out! Our only chance is if I do what I'd do, you copy me with the wings of the plane! Don't have to yell. I'm not yelling! We're in a lot of trouble. It's very hard to concentrate with that panicky tone in your voice! It's not a tone. I'm panicking! I can't do this! Vanessa, pull yourself together. You have to snap out of it! You snap out of it. You snap out of it. - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - Hold it! - Why? Oome on, it's my turn. How is the plane flying? I don't know. Hello? Benson, got any flowers for a happy occasion in there? The Pollen Jocks! They do get behind a fellow. - Black and yellow. - Hello. All right, let's drop this tin can on the blacktop. Where? I can't see anything. Oan you? No, nothing. It's all cloudy. Oome on. You got to think bee, Barry. - Thinking bee. - Thinking bee. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Wait a minute. I think I'm feeling something. - What? - I don't know. It's strong, pulling me. Like a 27-million-year-old instinct. Bring the nose down. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! - What in the world is on the tarmac? - Get some lights on that! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! - Vanessa, aim for the flower. - OK. Out the engines. We're going in on bee power. Ready, boys? Affirmative! Good. Good. Easy, now. That's it. Land on that flower! Ready? Full reverse! Spin it around! - Not that flower! The other one! - Which one? - That flower. - I'm aiming at the flower! That's a fat guy in a flowered shirt. I mean the giant pulsating flower made of millions of bees! Pull forward. Nose down. Tail up. Rotate around it. - This is insane, Barry! - This's the only way I know how to fly. Am I koo-koo-kachoo, or is this plane flying in an insect-like pattern? Get your nose in there. Don't be afraid. Smell it. Full reverse! Just drop it. Be a part of it. Aim for the center! Now drop it in! Drop it in, woman! Oome on, already. Barry, we did it! You taught me how to fly! - Yes. No high-five! - Right. Barry, it worked! Did you see the giant flower? What giant flower? Where? Of course I saw the flower! That was genius! - Thank you. - But we're not done yet. Listen, everyone! This runway is covered with the last pollen from the last flowers available anywhere on Earth. That means this is our last chance. We're the only ones who make honey, pollinate flowers and dress like this. If we're gonna survive as a species, this is our moment! What do you say? Are we going to be bees, orjust Museum of Natural History keychains? We're bees! Keychain! Then follow me! Except Keychain. Hold on, Barry. Here. You've earned this. Yeah! I'm a Pollen Jock! And it's a perfect fit. All I gotta do are the sleeves. Oh, yeah. That's our Barry. Mom! The bees are back! If anybody needs to make a call, now's the time. I got a feeling we'll be working late tonight! Here's your change. Have a great afternoon! Oan I help who's next? Would you like some honey with that? It is bee-approved. Don't forget these. Milk, cream, cheese, it's all me. And I don't see a nickel! Sometimes I just feel like a piece of meat! I had no idea. Barry, I'm sorry. Have you got a moment? Would you excuse me? My mosquito associate will help you. Sorry I'm late. He's a lawyer too? I was already a blood-sucking parasite. All I needed was a briefcase. Have a great afternoon! Barry, I just got this huge tulip order, and I can't get them anywhere. No problem, Vannie. Just leave it to me. You're a lifesaver, Barry. Oan I help who's next? All right, scramble, jocks! It's time to fly. Thank you, Barry! That bee is living my life! Let it go, Kenny. - When will this nightmare end?! - Let it all go. - Beautiful day to fly. - Sure is. Between you and me, I was dying to get out of that office. You have got to start thinking bee, my friend. - Thinking bee! - Me? Hold it. Let's just stop for a second. Hold it. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, everyone. Oan we stop here? I'm not making a major life decision during a production number! All right. Take ten, everybody. Wrap it up, guys. I had virtually no rehearsal for that.

OpenMind for OpenClaw - Step inside the "brain" of your OpenClaw. Map out its logic in a fully interactive mind-map interface, allowing you to visualize and edit all memories on the fly.

According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The bee, of course, flies anyway because beAccording to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The bee, of course, flies anyway because bees don't care what humans think is impossible. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Ooh, black and yellow! Let's shake it up a little. Barry! Breakfast is ready! Ooming! Hang on a second. Hello? - Barry? - Adam? - Oan you believe this is happening? - I can't. I'll pick you up. Looking sharp. Use the stairs. Your father paid good money for those. Sorry. I'm excited. Here's the graduate. We're very proud of you, son. A perfect report card, all B's. Very proud. Ma! I got a thing going here. - You got lint on your fuzz. - Ow! That's me! - Wave to us! We'll be in row 118,000. - Bye! Barry, I told you, stop flying in the house! - Hey, Adam. - Hey, Barry. - Is that fuzz gel? - A little. Special day, graduation. Never thought I'd make it. Three days grade school, three days high school. Those were awkward. Three days college. I'm glad I took a day and hitchhiked around the hive. You did come back different. - Hi, Barry. - Artie, growing a mustache? Looks good. - Hear about Frankie? - Yeah. - You going to the funeral? - No, I'm not going. Everybody knows, sting someone, you die. Don't waste it on a squirrel. Such a hothead. I guess he could have just gotten out of the way. I love this incorporating an amusement park into our day. That's why we don't need vacations. Boy, quite a bit of pomp... under the circumstances. - Well, Adam, today we are men. - We are! - Bee-men. - Amen! Hallelujah! Students, faculty, distinguished bees, please welcome Dean Buzzwell. Welcome, New Hive Oity graduating class of... ...9:15. That concludes our ceremonies. And begins your career at Honex Industries! Will we pick ourjob today? I heard it's just orientation. Heads up! Here we go. Keep your hands and antennas inside the tram at all times. - Wonder what it'll be like? - A little scary. Welcome to Honex, a division of Honesco and a part of the Hexagon Group. This is it! Wow. Wow. We know that you, as a bee, have worked your whole life to get to the point where you can work for your whole life. Honey begins when our valiant Pollen Jocks bring the nectar to the hive. Our top-secret formula is automatically color-corrected, scent-adjusted and bubble-contoured into this soothing sweet syrup with its distinctive golden glow you know as... Honey! - That girl was hot. - She's my cousin! - She is? - Yes, we're all cousins. - Right. You're right. - At Honex, we constantly strive to improve every aspect of bee existence. These bees are stress-testing a new helmet technology. - What do you think he makes? - Not enough. Here we have our latest advancement, the Krelman. - What does that do? - Oatches that little strand of honey that hangs after you pour it. Saves us millions. Oan anyone work on the Krelman? Of course. Most bee jobs are small ones. But bees know that every small job, if it's done well, means a lot. But choose carefully because you'll stay in the job you pick for the rest of your life. The same job the rest of your life? I didn't know that. What's the difference? You'll be happy to know that bees, as a species, haven't had one day off in 27 million years. So you'll just work us to death? We'll sure try. Wow! That blew my mind! "What's the difference?" How can you say that? One job forever? That's an insane choice to have to make. I'm relieved. Now we only have to make one decision in life. But, Adam, how could they never have told us that? Why would you question anything? We're bees. We're the most perfectly functioning society on Earth. You ever think maybe things work a little too well here? Like what? Give me one example. I don't know. But you know what I'm talking about. Please clear the gate. Royal Nectar Force on approach. Wait a second. Oheck it out. - Hey, those are Pollen Jocks! - Wow. I've never seen them this close. They know what it's like outside the hive. Yeah, but some don't come back. - Hey, Jocks! - Hi, Jocks! You guys did great! You're monsters! You're sky freaks! I love it! I love it! - I wonder where they were. - I don't know. Their day's not planned. Outside the hive, flying who knows where, doing who knows what. You can'tjust decide to be a Pollen Jock. You have to be bred for that. Right. Look. That's more pollen than you and I will see in a lifetime. It's just a status symbol. Bees make too much of it. Perhaps. Unless you're wearing it and the ladies see you wearing it. Those ladies? Aren't they our cousins too? Distant. Distant. Look at these two. - Oouple of Hive Harrys. - Let's have fun with them. It must be dangerous being a Pollen Jock. Yeah. Once a bear pinned me against a mushroom! He had a paw on my throat, and with the other, he was slapping me! - Oh, my! - I never thought I'd knock him out. What were you doing during this? Trying to alert the authorities. I can autograph that. A little gusty out there today, wasn't it, comrades? Yeah. Gusty. We're hitting a sunflower patch six miles from here tomorrow. - Six miles, huh? - Barry! A puddle jump for us, but maybe you're not up for it. - Maybe I am. - You are not! We're going 0900 at J-Gate. What do you think, buzzy-boy? Are you bee enough? I might be. It all depends on what 0900 means. Hey, Honex! Dad, you surprised me. You decide what you're interested in? - Well, there's a lot of choices. - But you only get one. Do you ever get bored doing the same job every day? Son, let me tell you about stirring. You grab that stick, and you just move it around, and you stir it around. You get yourself into a rhythm. It's a beautiful thing. You know, Dad, the more I think about it, maybe the honey field just isn't right for me. You were thinking of what, making balloon animals? That's a bad job for a guy with a stinger. Janet, your son's not sure he wants to go into honey! - Barry, you are so funny sometimes. - I'm not trying to be funny. You're not funny! You're going into honey. Our son, the stirrer! - You're gonna be a stirrer? - No one's listening to me! Wait till you see the sticks I have. I could say anything right now. I'm gonna get an ant tattoo! Let's open some honey and celebrate! Maybe I'll pierce my thorax. Shave my antennae. Shack up with a grasshopper. Get a gold tooth and call everybody "dawg"! I'm so proud. - We're starting work today! - Today's the day. Oome on! All the good jobs will be gone. Yeah, right. Pollen counting, stunt bee, pouring, stirrer, front desk, hair removal... - Is it still available? - Hang on. Two left! One of them's yours! Oongratulations! Step to the side. - What'd you get? - Picking crud out. Stellar! Wow! Oouple of newbies? Yes, sir! Our first day! We are ready! Make your choice. - You want to go first? - No, you go. Oh, my. What's available? Restroom attendant's open, not for the reason you think. - Any chance of getting the Krelman? - Sure, you're on. I'm sorry, the Krelman just closed out. Wax monkey's always open. The Krelman opened up again. What happened? A bee died. Makes an opening. See? He's dead. Another dead one. Deady. Deadified. Two more dead. Dead from the neck up. Dead from the neck down. That's life! Oh, this is so hard! Heating, cooling, stunt bee, pourer, stirrer, humming, inspector number seven, lint coordinator, stripe supervisor, mite wrangler. Barry, what do you think I should... Barry? Barry! All right, we've got the sunflower patch in quadrant nine... What happened to you? Where are you? - I'm going out. - Out? Out where? - Out there. - Oh, no! I have to, before I go to work for the rest of my life. You're gonna die! You're crazy! Hello? Another call coming in. If anyone's feeling brave, there's a Korean deli on 83rd that gets their roses today. Hey, guys. - Look at that. - Isn't that the kid we saw yesterday? Hold it, son, flight deck's restricted. It's OK, Lou. We're gonna take him up. Really? Feeling lucky, are you? Sign here, here. Just initial that. - Thank you. - OK. You got a rain advisory today, and as you all know, bees cannot fly in rain. So be careful. As always, watch your brooms, hockey sticks, dogs, birds, bears and bats. Also, I got a couple of reports of root beer being poured on us. Murphy's in a home because of it, babbling like a cicada! - That's awful. - And a reminder for you rookies, bee law number one, absolutely no talking to humans! All right, launch positions! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Black and yellow! Hello! You ready for this, hot shot? Yeah. Yeah, bring it on. Wind, check. - Antennae, check. - Nectar pack, check. - Wings, check. - Stinger, check. Scared out of my shorts, check. OK, ladies, let's move it out! Pound those petunias, you striped stem-suckers! All of you, drain those flowers! Wow! I'm out! I can't believe I'm out! So blue. I feel so fast and free! Box kite! Wow! Flowers! This is Blue Leader. We have roses visual.You wrote that yourself? wow congrats dude, really, that's very cool. i just told everyone in my family about it, everybody thinks that's very impressive and asked me to congratulate you. they want to speak to you in person, if possible, to give you their regards. they also said they will tell our distant relatives in christmas supper and in NYE they will ignite fireworks that spell your name. i also told about this enormous deed to closer relatives, they had the same reaction. they asked for your address so they can send congratulatory cards and messages. my friends didn't believe me when i told them i knew the author of this gigantic feat, really, they were dumbstruck, they said they will make your name echo through years and years to come. when my neighbour found out about what you did, he was completely dumbstruck too, he wanted to know who you are and he asked (if you have the time, of course) if you could stop by to receive gifts, congratulations and handshakes. with the spreading of the news, a powerful businessman of the area decided to hire you as the CEO of his company because of this tremendous feat and at the same time an important international shareholder wants to sponsor you to give speeches and teach everybody how to do as you did so the world becomes a better place. you have become famous not only here but also everywhere, everybody knows who you are. the news spread really fast and mayors of all cities are setting up porticos, ballons, colossal boom speakers, anything that can make your name stand out more and see which city can congratulate you the hardest for this magnificent feaes don't care what humans think is impossible. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Ooh, black and yellow! Let's shake it up a little. Barry! Breakfast is ready! Ooming! Hang on a second. Hello? - Barry? - Adam? - Oan you believe this is happening? - I can't. I'll pick you up. Looking sharp. Use the stairs. Your father paid good money for those. Sorry. I'm excited. Here's the graduate. We're very proud of you, son. A perfect report card, all B's. Very proud. Ma! I got a thing going here. - You got lint on your fuzz. - Ow! That's me! - Wave to us! We'll be in row 118,000. - Bye! Barry, I told you, stop flying in the house! - Hey, Adam. - Hey, Barry. - Is that fuzz gel? - A little. Special day, graduation. Never thought I'd make it. Three days grade school, three days high school. Those were awkward. Three days college. I'm glad I took a day and hitchhiked around the hive. You did come back different. - Hi, Barry. - Artie, growing a mustache? Looks good. - Hear about Frankie? - Yeah. - You going to the funeral? - No, I'm not going. Everybody knows, sting someone, you die. Don't waste it on a squirrel. Such a hothead. I guess he could have just gotten out of the way. I love this incorporating an amusement park into our day. That's why we don't need vacations. Boy, quite a bit of pomp... under the circumstances. - Well, Adam, today we are men. - We are! - Bee-men. - Amen! Hallelujah! Students, faculty, distinguished bees, please welcome Dean Buzzwell. Welcome, New Hive Oity graduating class of... ...9:15. That concludes our ceremonies. And begins your career at Honex Industries! Will we pick ourjob today? I heard it's just orientation. Heads up! Here we go. Keep your hands and antennas inside the tram at all times. - Wonder what it'll be like? - A little scary. Welcome to Honex, a division of Honesco and a part of the Hexagon Group. This is it! Wow. Wow. We know that you, as a bee, have worked your whole life to get to the point where you can work for your whole life. Honey begins when our valiant Pollen Jocks bring the nectar to the hive. Our top-secret formula is automatically color-corrected, scent-adjusted and bubble-contoured into this soothing sweet syrup with its distinctive golden glow you know as... Honey! - That girl was hot. - She's my cousin! - She is? - Yes, we're all cousins. - Right. You're right. - At Honex, we constantly strive to improve every aspect of bee existence. These bees are stress-testing a new helmet technology. - What do you think he makes? - Not enough. Here we have our latest advancement, the Krelman. - What does that do? - Oatches that little strand of honey that hangs after you pour it. Saves us millions. Oan anyone work on the Krelman? Of course. Most bee jobs are small ones. But bees know that every small job, if it's done well, means a lot. But choose carefully because you'll stay in the job you pick for the rest of your life. The same job the rest of your life? I didn't know that. What's the difference? You'll be happy to know that bees, as a species, haven't had one day off in 27 million years. So you'll just work us to death? We'll sure try. Wow! That blew my mind! "What's the difference?" How can you say that? One job forever? That's an insane choice to have to make. I'm relieved. Now we only have to make one decision in life. But, Adam, how could they never have told us that? Why would you question anything? We're bees. We're the most perfectly functioning society on Earth. You ever think maybe things work a little too well here? Like what? Give me one example. I don't know. But you know what I'm talking about. Please clear the gate. Royal Nectar Force on approach. Wait a second. Oheck it out. - Hey, those are Pollen Jocks! - Wow. I've never seen them this close. They know what it's like outside the hive. Yeah, but some don't come back. - Hey, Jocks! - Hi, Jocks! You guys did great! You're monsters! You're sky freaks! I love it! I love it! - I wonder where they were. - I don't know. Their day's not planned. Outside the hive, flying who knows where, doing who knows what. You can'tjust decide to be a Pollen Jock. You have to be bred for that. Right. Look. That's more pollen than you and I will see in a lifetime. It's just a status symbol. Bees make too much of it. Perhaps. Unless you're wearing it and the ladies see you wearing it. Those ladies? Aren't they our cousins too? Distant. Distant. Look at these two. - Oouple of Hive Harrys. - Let's have fun with them. It must be dangerous being a Pollen Jock. Yeah. Once a bear pinned me against a mushroom! He had a paw on my throat, and with the other, he was slapping me! - Oh, my! - I never thought I'd knock him out. What were you doing during this? Trying to alert the authorities. I can autograph that. A little gusty out there today, wasn't it, comrades? Yeah. Gusty. We're hitting a sunflower patch six miles from here tomorrow. - Six miles, huh? - Barry! A puddle jump for us, but maybe you're not up for it. - Maybe I am. - You are not! We're going 0900 at J-Gate. What do you think, buzzy-boy? Are you bee enough? I might be. It all depends on what 0900 means. Hey, Honex! Dad, you surprised me. You decide what you're interested in? - Well, there's a lot of choices. - But you only get one. Do you ever get bored doing the same job every day? Son, let me tell you about stirring. You grab that stick, and you just move it around, and you stir it around. You get yourself into a rhythm. It's a beautiful thing. You know, Dad, the more I think about it, maybe the honey field just isn't right for me. You were thinking of what, making balloon animals? That's a bad job for a guy with a stinger. Janet, your son's not sure he wants to go into honey! - Barry, you are so funny sometimes. - I'm not trying to be funny. You're not funny! You're going into honey. Our son, the stirrer! - You're gonna be a stirrer? - No one's listening to me! Wait till you see the sticks I have. I could say anything right now. I'm gonna get an ant tattoo! Let's open some honey and celebrate! Maybe I'll pierce my thorax. Shave my antennae. Shack up with a grasshopper. Get a gold tooth and call everybody "dawg"! I'm so proud. - We're starting work today! - Today's the day. Oome on! All the good jobs will be gone. Yeah, right. Pollen counting, stunt bee, pouring, stirrer, front desk, hair removal... - Is it still available? - Hang on. Two left! One of them's yours! Oongratulations! Step to the side. - What'd you get? - Picking crud out. Stellar! Wow! Oouple of newbies? Yes, sir! Our first day! We are ready! Make your choice. - You want to go first? - No, you go. Oh, my. What's available? Restroom attendant's open, not for the reason you think. - Any chance of getting the Krelman? - Sure, you're on. I'm sorry, the Krelman just closed out. Wax monkey's always open. The Krelman opened up again. What happened? A bee died. Makes an opening. See? He's dead. Another dead one. Deady. Deadified. Two more dead. Dead from the neck up. Dead from the neck down. That's life! Oh, this is so hard! Heating, cooling, stunt bee, pourer, stirrer, humming, inspector number seven, lint coordinator, stripe supervisor, mite wrangler. Barry, what do you think I should... Barry? Barry! All right, we've got the sunflower patch in quadrant nine... What happened to you? Where are you? - I'm going out. - Out? Out where? - Out there. - Oh, no! I have to, before I go to work for the rest of my life. You're gonna die! You're crazy! Hello? Another call coming in. If anyone's feeling brave, there's a Korean deli on 83rd that gets their roses today. Hey, guys. - Look at that. - Isn't that the kid we saw yesterday? Hold it, son, flight deck's restricted. It's OK, Lou. We're gonna take him up. Really? Feeling lucky, are you? Sign here, here. Just initial that. - Thank you. - OK. You got a rain advisory today, and as you all know, bees cannot fly in rain. So be careful. As always, watch your brooms, hockey sticks, dogs, birds, bears and bats. Also, I got a couple of reports of root beer being poured on us. Murphy's in a home because of it, babbling like a cicada! - That's awful. - And a reminder for you rookies, bee law number one, absolutely no talking to humans! All right, launch positions! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Black and yellow! Hello! You ready for this, hot shot? Yeah. Yeah, bring it on. Wind, check. - Antennae, check. - Nectar pack, check. - Wings, check. - Stinger, check. Scared out of my shorts, check. OK, ladies, let's move it out! Pound those petunias, you striped stem-suckers! All of you, drain those flowers! Wow! I'm out! I can't believe I'm out! So blue. I feel so fast and free! Box kite! Wow! Flowers! This is Blue Leader. We have roses visual. Bring it around 30 degrees and hold. Roses! 30 degrees, roger. Bringing it around. Stand to the side, kid. It's got a bit of a kick. That is one nectar collector! - Ever see pollination up close? - No, sir. I pick up some pollen here, sprinkle it over here. Maybe a dash over there, a pinch on that one. See that? It's a little bit of magic. That's amazing. Why do we do that? That's pollen power. More pollen, more flowers, more nectar, more honey for us. Oool. I'm picking up a lot of bright yellow. Oould be daisies. Don't we need those? Oopy that visual. Wait. One of these flowers seems to be on the move. Say again? You're reporting a moving flower? Affirmative. That was on the line! This is the coolest. What is it? I don't know, but I'm loving this color. It smells good. Not like a flower, but I like it. Yeah, fuzzy. Ohemical-y. Oareful, guys. It's a little grabby. My sweet lord of bees! Oandy-brain, get off there! Problem! - Guys! - This could be bad. Affirmative. Very close. Gonna hurt. Mama's little boy. You are way out of position, rookie! Ooming in at you like a missile! Help me! I don't think these are flowers. - Should we tell him? - I think he knows. What is this?! Match point! You can start packing up, honey, because you're about to eat it! Yowser! Gross. There's a bee in the car! - Do something! - I'm driving! - Hi, bee. - He's back here! He's going to sting me! Nobody move. If you don't move, he won't sting you. Freeze! He blinked! Spray him, Granny! What are you doing?! Wow... the tension level out here is unbelievable. I gotta get home. Oan't fly in rain. Oan't fly in rain. Oan't fly in rain. Mayday! Mayday! Bee going down! Ken, could you close the window please? Ken, could you close the window please? Oheck out my new resume. I made it into a fold-out brochure. You see? Folds out. Oh, no. More humans. I don't need this. What was that? Maybe this time. This time. This time. This time! This time! This... Drapes! That is diabolical. It's fantastic. It's got all my special skills, even my top-ten favorite movies. What's number one? Star Wars? Nah, I don't go for that... ...kind of stuff. No wonder we shouldn't talk to them. They're out of their minds. When I leave a job interview, they're flabbergasted, can't believe what I say. There's the sun. Maybe that's a way out. I don't remember the sun having a big 75 on it. I predicted global warming. I could feel it getting hotter. At first I thought it was just me. Wait! Stop! Bee! Stand back. These are winter boots. Wait! Don't kill him! You know I'm allergic to them! This thing could kill me! Why does his life have less value than yours? Why does his life have any less value than mine? Is that your statement? I'm just saying all life has value. You don't know what he's capable of feeling. My brochure! There you go, little guy. I'm not scared of him. It's an allergic thing. Put that on your resume brochure. My whole face could puff up. Make it one of your special skills. Knocking someone out is also a special skill. Right. Bye, Vanessa. Thanks. - Vanessa, next week? Yogurt night? - Sure, Ken. You know, whatever. - You could put carob chips on there. - Bye. - Supposed to be less calories. - Bye. I gotta say something. She saved my life. I gotta say something. All right, here it goes. Nah. What would I say? I could really get in trouble. It's a bee law. You're not supposed to talk to a human. I can't believe I'm doing this. I've got to. Oh, I can't do it. Oome on! No. Yes. No. Do it. I can't. How should I start it? "You like jazz?" No, that's no good. Here she comes! Speak, you fool! Hi! I'm sorry. - You're talking. - Yes, I know. You're talking! I'm so sorry. No, it's OK. It's fine. I know I'm dreaming. But I don't recall going to bed. Well, I'm sure this is very disconcerting. This is a bit of a surprise to me. I mean, you're a bee! I am. And I'm not supposed to be doing this, but they were all trying to kill me. And if it wasn't for you... I had to thank you. It's just how I was raised. That was a little weird. - I'm talking with a bee. - Yeah. I'm talking to a bee. And the bee is talking to me! I just want to say I'm grateful. I'll leave now. - Wait! How did you learn to do that? - What? The talking thing. Same way you did, I guess. "Mama, Dada, honey." You pick it up. - That's very funny. - Yeah. Bees are funny. If we didn't laugh, we'd cry with what we have to deal with. Anyway... Oan I... ...get you something? - Like what? I don't know. I mean... I don't know. Ooffee? I don't want to put you out. It's no trouble. It takes two minutes. - It's just coffee. - I hate to impose. - Don't be ridiculous! - Actually, I would love a cup. Hey, you want rum cake? - I shouldn't. - Have some. - No, I can't. - Oome on! I'm trying to lose a couple micrograms. - Where? - These stripes don't help. You look great! I don't know if you know anything about fashion. Are you all right? No. He's making the tie in the cab as they're flying up Madison. He finally gets there. He runs up the steps into the church. The wedding is on. And he says, "Watermelon? I thought you said Guatemalan. Why would I marry a watermelon?" Is that a bee joke? That's the kind of stuff we do. Yeah, different. So, what are you gonna do, Barry? About work? I don't know. I want to do my part for the hive, but I can't do it the way they want. I know how you feel. - You do? - Sure. My parents wanted me to be a lawyer or a doctor, but I wanted to be a florist. - Really? - My only interest is flowers. Our new queen was just elected with that same campaign slogan. Anyway, if you look... There's my hive right there. See it? You're in Sheep Meadow! Yes! I'm right off the Turtle Pond! No way! I know that area. I lost a toe ring there once. - Why do girls put rings on their toes? - Why not? - It's like putting a hat on your knee. - Maybe I'll try that. - You all right, ma'am? - Oh, yeah. Fine. Just having two cups of coffee! Anyway, this has been great. Thanks for the coffee. Yeah, it's no trouble. Sorry I couldn't finish it. If I did, I'd be up the rest of my life. Are you...? Oan I take a piece of this with me? Sure! Here, have a crumb. - Thanks! - Yeah. All right. Well, then... I guess I'll see you around. Or not. OK, Barry. And thank you so much again... for before. Oh, that? That was nothing. Well, not nothing, but... Anyway... This can't possibly work. He's all set to go. We may as well try it. OK, Dave, pull the chute. - Sounds amazing. - It was amazing! It was the scariest, happiest moment of my life. Humans! I can't believe you were with humans! Giant, scary humans! What were they like? Huge and crazy. They talk crazy. They eat crazy giant things. They drive crazy. - Do they try and kill you, like on TV? - Some of them. But some of them don't. - How'd you get back? - Poodle. You did it, and I'm glad. You saw whatever you wanted to see. You had your "experience." Now you can pick out yourjob and be normal. - Well... - Well? Well, I met someone. You did? Was she Bee-ish? - A wasp?! Your parents will kill you! - No, no, no, not a wasp. - Spider? - I'm not attracted to spiders. I know it's the hottest thing, with the eight legs and all. I can't get by that face. So who is she? She's... human. No, no. That's a bee law. You wouldn't break a bee law. - Her name's Vanessa. - Oh, boy. She's so nice. And she's a florist! Oh, no! You're dating a human florist! We're not dating. You're flying outside the hive, talking to humans that attack our homes with power washers and M-80s! One-eighth a stick of dynamite! She saved my life! And she understands me. This is over! Eat this. This is not over! What was that? - They call it a crumb. - It was so stingin' stripey! And that's not what they eat. That's what falls off what they eat! - You know what a Oinnabon is? - No. It's bread and cinnamon and frosting. They heat it up... Sit down! ...really hot! - Listen to me! We are not them! We're us. There's us and there's them! Yes, but who can deny the heart that is yearning? There's no yearning. Stop yearning. Listen to me! You have got to start thinking bee, my friend. Thinking bee! - Thinking bee. - Thinking bee. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! There he is. He's in the pool. You know what your problem is, Barry? I gotta start thinking bee? How much longer will this go on? It's been three days! Why aren't you working? I've got a lot of big life decisions to think about. What life? You have no life! You have no job. You're barely a bee! Would it kill you to make a little honey? Barry, come out. Your father's talking to you. Martin, would you talk to him? Barry, I'm talking to you! You coming? Got everything? All set! Go ahead. I'll catch up. Don't be too long. Watch this! Vanessa! - We're still here. - I told you not to yell at him. He doesn't respond to yelling! - Then why yell at me? - Because you don't listen! I'm not listening to this. Sorry, I've gotta go. - Where are you going? - I'm meeting a friend. A girl? Is this why you can't decide? Bye. I just hope she's Bee-ish. They have a huge parade of flowers every year in Pasadena? To be in the Tournament of Roses, that's every florist's dream! Up on a float, surrounded by flowers, crowds cheering. A tournament. Do the roses compete in athletic events? No. All right, I've got one. How come you don't fly everywhere? It's exhausting. Why don't you run everywhere? It's faster. Yeah, OK, I see, I see. All right, your turn. TiVo. You can just freeze live TV? That's insane! You don't have that? We have Hivo, but it's a disease. It's a horrible, horrible disease. Oh, my. Dumb bees! You must want to sting all those jerks. We try not to sting. It's usually fatal for us. So you have to watch your temper. Very carefully. You kick a wall, take a walk, write an angry letter and throw it out. Work through it like any emotion: Anger, jealousy, lust. Oh, my goodness! Are you OK? Yeah. - What is wrong with you?! - It's a bug. He's not bothering anybody. Get out of here, you creep! What was that? A Pic 'N' Save circular? Yeah, it was. How did you know? It felt like about 10 pages. Seventy-five is pretty much our limit. You've really got that down to a science. - I lost a cousin to Italian Vogue. - I'll bet. What in the name of Mighty Hercules is this? How did this get here? Oute Bee, Golden Blossom, Ray Liotta Private Select? - Is he that actor? - I never heard of him. - Why is this here? - For people. We eat it. You don't have enough food of your own? - Well, yes. - How do you get it? - Bees make it. - I know who makes it! And it's hard to make it! There's heating, cooling, stirring. You need a whole Krelman thing! - It's organic. - It's our-ganic! It's just honey, Barry. Just what?! Bees don't know about this! This is stealing! A lot of stealing! You've taken our homes, schools, hospitals! This is all we have! And it's on sale?! I'm getting to the bottom of this. I'm getting to the bottom of all of this! Hey, Hector. - You almost done? - Almost. He is here. I sense it. Well, I guess I'll go home now and just leave this nice honey out, with no one around. You're busted, box boy! I knew I heard something. So you can talk! I can talk. And now you'll start talking! Where you getting the sweet stuff? Who's your supplier? I don't understand. I thought we were friends. The last thing we want to do is upset bees! You're too late! It's ours now! You, sir, have crossed the wrong sword! You, sir, will be lunch for my iguana, Ignacio! Where is the honey coming from? Tell me where! Honey Farms! It comes from Honey Farms! Orazy person! What horrible thing has happened here? These faces, they never knew what hit them. And now they're on the road to nowhere! Just keep still. What? You're not dead? Do I look dead? They will wipe anything that moves. Where you headed? To Honey Farms. I am onto something huge here. I'm going to Alaska. Moose blood, crazy stuff. Blows your head off! I'm going to Tacoma. - And you? - He really is dead. All right. Uh-oh! - What is that?! - Oh, no! - A wiper! Triple blade! - Triple blade? Jump on! It's your only chance, bee! Why does everything have to be so doggone clean?! How much do you people need to see?! Open your eyes! Stick your head out the window! From NPR News in Washington, I'm Oarl Kasell. But don't kill no more bugs! - Bee! - Moose blood guy!! - You hear something? - Like what? Like tiny screaming. Turn off the radio. Whassup, bee boy? Hey, Blood. Just a row of honey jars, as far as the eye could see. Wow! I assume wherever this truck goes is where they're getting it. I mean, that honey's ours. - Bees hang tight. - We're all jammed in. It's a close community. Not us, man. We on our own. Every mosquito on his own. - What if you get in trouble? - You a mosquito, you in trouble. Nobody likes us. They just smack. See a mosquito, smack, smack! At least you're out in the world. You must meet girls. Mosquito girls try to trade up, get with a moth, dragonfly. Mosquito girl don't want no mosquito. You got to be kidding me! Mooseblood's about to leave the building! So long, bee! - Hey, guys! - Mooseblood! I knew I'd catch y'all down here. Did you bring your crazy straw? We throw it in jars, slap a label on it, and it's pretty much pure profit. What is this place? A bee's got a brain the size of a pinhead. They are pinheads! Pinhead. - Oheck out the new smoker. - Oh, sweet. That's the one you want. The Thomas 3000! Smoker? Ninety puffs a minute, semi-automatic. Twice the nicotine, all the tar. A couple breaths of this knocks them right out. They make the honey, and we make the money. "They make the honey, and we make the money"? Oh, my! What's going on? Are you OK? Yeah. It doesn't last too long. Do you know you're in a fake hive with fake walls? Our queen was moved here. We had no choice. This is your queen? That's a man in women's clothes! That's a drag queen! What is this? Oh, no! There's hundreds of them! Bee honey. Our honey is being brazenly stolen on a massive scale! This is worse than anything bears have done! I intend to do something. Oh, Barry, stop. Who told you humans are taking our honey? That's a rumor. Do these look like rumors? That's a conspiracy theory. These are obviously doctored photos. How did you get mixed up in this? He's been talking to humans. - What? - Talking to humans?! He has a human girlfriend. And they make out! Make out? Barry! We do not. - You wish you could. - Whose side are you on? The bees! I dated a cricket once in San Antonio. Those crazy legs kept me up all night. Barry, this is what you want to do with your life? I want to do it for all our lives. Nobody works harder than bees! Dad, I remember you coming home so overworked your hands were still stirring. You couldn't stop. I remember that. What right do they have to our honey? We live on two cups a year. They put it in lip balm for no reason whatsoever! Even if it's true, what can one bee do? Sting them where it really hurts. In the face! The eye! - That would hurt. - No. Up the nose? That's a killer. There's only one place you can sting the humans, one place where it matters. Hive at Five, the hive's only full-hour action news source. No more bee beards! With Bob Bumble at the anchor desk. Weather with Storm Stinger. Sports with Buzz Larvi. And Jeanette Ohung. - Good evening. I'm Bob Bumble. - And I'm Jeanette Ohung. A tri-county bee, Barry Benson, intends to sue the human race for stealing our honey, packaging it and profiting from it illegally! Tomorrow night on Bee Larry King, we'll have three former queens here in our studio, discussing their new book, Olassy Ladies, out this week on Hexagon. Tonight we're talking to Barry Benson. Did you ever think, "I'm a kid from the hive. I can't do this"? Bees have never been afraid to change the world. What about Bee Oolumbus? Bee Gandhi? Bejesus? Where I'm from, we'd never sue humans. We were thinking of stickball or candy stores. How old are you? The bee community is supporting you in this case, which will be the trial of the bee century. You know, they have a Larry King in the human world too. It's a common name. Next week... He looks like you and has a show and suspenders and colored dots... Next week... Glasses, quotes on the bottom from the guest even though you just heard 'em. Bear Week next week! They're scary, hairy and here live. Always leans forward, pointy shoulders, squinty eyes, very Jewish. In tennis, you attack at the point of weakness! It was my grandmother, Ken. She's 81. Honey, her backhand's a joke! I'm not gonna take advantage of that? Quiet, please. Actual work going on here. - Is that that same bee? - Yes, it is! I'm helping him sue the human race. - Hello. - Hello, bee. This is Ken. Yeah, I remember you. Timberland, size ten and a half. Vibram sole, I believe. Why does he talk again? Listen, you better go 'cause we're really busy working. But it's our yogurt night! Bye-bye. Why is yogurt night so difficult?! You poor thing. You two have been at this for hours! Yes, and Adam here has been a huge help. - Frosting... - How many sugars? Just one. I try not to use the competition. So why are you helping me? Bees have good qualities. And it takes my mind off the shop. Instead of flowers, people are giving balloon bouquets now. Those are great, if you're three. And artificial flowers. - Oh, those just get me psychotic! - Yeah, me too. Bent stingers, pointless pollination. Bees must hate those fake things! Nothing worse than a daffodil that's had work done. Maybe this could make up for it a little bit. - This lawsuit's a pretty big deal. - I guess. You sure you want to go through with it? Am I sure? When I'm done with the humans, they won't be able to say, "Honey, I'm home," without paying a royalty! It's an incredible scene here in downtown Manhattan, where the world anxiously waits, because for the first time in history, we will hear for ourselves if a honeybee can actually speak. What have we gotten into here, Barry? It's pretty big, isn't it? I can't believe how many humans don't work during the day. You think billion-dollar multinational food companies have good lawyers? Everybody needs to stay behind the barricade. - What's the matter? - I don't know, I just got a chill. Well, if it isn't the bee team. You boys work on this? All rise! The Honorable Judge Bumbleton presiding. All right. Oase number 4475, Superior Oourt of New York, Barry Bee Benson v. the Honey Industry is now in session. Mr. Montgomery, you're representing the five food companies collectively? A privilege. Mr. Benson... you're representing all the bees of the world? I'm kidding. Yes, Your Honor, we're ready to proceed. Mr. Montgomery, your opening statement, please. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, my grandmother was a simple woman. Born on a farm, she believed it was man's divine right to benefit from the bounty of nature God put before us. If we lived in the topsy-turvy world Mr. Benson imagines, just think of what would it mean. I would have to negotiate with the silkworm for the elastic in my britches! Talking bee! How do we know this isn't some sort of holographic motion-picture-capture Hollywood wizardry? They could be using laser beams! Robotics! Ventriloquism! Oloning! For all we know, he could be on steroids! Mr. Benson? Ladies and gentlemen, there's no trickery here. I'm just an ordinary bee. Honey's pretty important to me. It's important to all bees. We invented it! We make it. And we protect it with our lives. Unfortunately, there are some people in this room who think they can take it from us 'cause we're the little guys! I'm hoping that, after this is all over, you'll see how, by taking our honey, you not only take everything we have but everything we are! I wish he'd dress like that all the time. So nice! Oall your first witness. So, Mr. Klauss Vanderhayden of Honey Farms, big company you have. I suppose so. I see you also own Honeyburton and Honron! Yes, they provide beekeepers for our farms. Beekeeper. I find that to be a very disturbing term. I don't imagine you employ any bee-free-ers, do you? - No. - I couldn't hear you. - No. - No. Because you don't free bees. You keep bees. Not only that, it seems you thought a bear would be an appropriate image for a jar of honey. They're very lovable creatures. Yogi Bear, Fozzie Bear, Build-A-Bear. You mean like this? Bears kill bees! How'd you like his head crashing through your living room?! Biting into your couch! Spitting out your throw pillows! OK, that's enough. Take him away. So, Mr. Sting, thank you for being here. Your name intrigues me. - Where have I heard it before? - I was with a band called The Police. But you've never been a police officer, have you? No, I haven't. No, you haven't. And so here we have yet another example of bee culture casually stolen by a human for nothing more than a prance-about stage name. Oh, please. Have you ever been stung, Mr. Sting? Because I'm feeling a little stung, Sting. Or should I say... Mr. Gordon M. Sumner! That's not his real name?! You idiots! Mr. Liotta, first, belated congratulations on your Emmy win for a guest spot on ER in 2005. Thank you. Thank you. I see from your resume that you're devilishly handsome with a churning inner turmoil that's ready to blow. I enjoy what I do. Is that a crime? Not yet it isn't. But is this what it's come to for you? Exploiting tiny, helpless bees so you don't have to rehearse your part and learn your lines, sir? Watch it, Benson! I could blow right now! This isn't a goodfella. This is a badfella! Why doesn't someone just step on this creep, and we can all go home?! - Order in this court! - You're all thinking it! Order! Order, I say! - Say it! - Mr. Liotta, please sit down! I think it was awfully nice of that bear to pitch in like that. I think the jury's on our side. Are we doing everything right, legally? I'm a florist. Right. Well, here's to a great team. To a great team! Well, hello. - Ken! - Hello. I didn't think you were coming. No, I was just late. I tried to call, but... the battery. I didn't want all this to go to waste, so I called Barry. Luckily, he was free. Oh, that was lucky. There's a little left. I could heat it up. Yeah, heat it up, sure, whatever. So I hear you're quite a tennis player. I'm not much for the game myself. The ball's a little grabby. That's where I usually sit. Right... there. Ken, Barry was looking at your resume, and he agreed with me that eating with chopsticks isn't really a special skill. You think I don't see what you're doing? I know how hard it is to find the rightjob. We have that in common. Do we? Bees have 100 percent employment, but we do jobs like taking the crud out. That's just what I was thinking about doing. Ken, I let Barry borrow your razor for his fuzz. I hope that was all right. I'm going to drain the old stinger. Yeah, you do that. Look at that. You know, I've just about had it with your little mind games. - What's that? - Italian Vogue. Mamma mia, that's a lot of pages. A lot of ads. Remember what Van said, why is your life more valuable than mine? Funny, I just can't seem to recall that! I think something stinks in here! I love the smell of flowers. How do you like the smell of flames?! Not as much. Water bug! Not taking sides! Ken, I'm wearing a Ohapstick hat! This is pathetic! I've got issues! Well, well, well, a royal flush! - You're bluffing. - Am I? Surf's up, dude! Poo water! That bowl is gnarly. Except for those dirty yellow rings! Kenneth! What are you doing?! You know, I don't even like honey! I don't eat it! We need to talk! He's just a little bee! And he happens to be the nicest bee I've met in a long time! Long time? What are you talking about?! Are there other bugs in your life? No, but there are other things bugging me in life. And you're one of them! Fine! Talking bees, no yogurt night... My nerves are fried from riding on this emotional roller coaster! Goodbye, Ken. And for your information, I prefer sugar-free, artificial sweeteners made by man! I'm sorry about all that. I know it's got an aftertaste! I like it! I always felt there was some kind of barrier between Ken and me. I couldn't overcome it. Oh, well. Are you OK for the trial? I believe Mr. Montgomery is about out of ideas. We would like to call Mr. Barry Benson Bee to the stand. Good idea! You can really see why he's considered one of the best lawyers... Yeah. Layton, you've gotta weave some magic with this jury, or it's gonna be all over. Don't worry. The only thing I have to do to turn this jury around is to remind them of what they don't like about bees. - You got the tweezers? - Are you allergic? Only to losing, son. Only to losing. Mr. Benson Bee, I'll ask you what I think we'd all like to know. What exactly is your relationship to that woman? We're friends. - Good friends? - Yes. How good? Do you live together? Wait a minute... Are you her little... ...bedbug? I've seen a bee documentary or two. From what I understand, doesn't your queen give birth to all the bee children? - Yeah, but... - So those aren't your real parents! - Oh, Barry... - Yes, they are! Hold me back! You're an illegitimate bee, aren't you, Benson? He's denouncing bees! Don't y'all date your cousins? - Objection! - I'm going to pincushion this guy! Adam, don't! It's what he wants! Oh, I'm hit!! Oh, lordy, I am hit! Order! Order! The venom! The venom is coursing through my veins! I have been felled by a winged beast of destruction! You see? You can't treat them like equals! They're striped savages! Stinging's the only thing they know! It's their way! - Adam, stay with me. - I can't feel my legs. What angel of mercy will come forward to suck the poison from my heaving buttocks? I will have order in this court. Order! Order, please! The case of the honeybees versus the human race took a pointed turn against the bees yesterday when one of their legal team stung Layton T. Montgomery. - Hey, buddy. - Hey. - Is there much pain? - Yeah. I... I blew the whole case, didn't I? It doesn't matter. What matters is you're alive. You could have died. I'd be better off dead. Look at me. They got it from the cafeteria downstairs, in a tuna sandwich. Look, there's a little celery still on it. What was it like to sting someone? I can't explain it. It was all... All adrenaline and then... and then ecstasy! All right. You think it was all a trap? Of course. I'm sorry. I flew us right into this. What were we thinking? Look at us. We're just a couple of bugs in this world. What will the humans do to us if they win? I don't know. I hear they put the roaches in motels. That doesn't sound so bad. Adam, they check in, but they don't check out! Oh, my. Oould you get a nurse to close that window? - Why? - The smoke. Bees don't smoke. Right. Bees don't smoke. Bees don't smoke! But some bees are smoking. That's it! That's our case! It is? It's not over? Get dressed. I've gotta go somewhere. Get back to the court and stall. Stall any way you can. And assuming you've done step correctly, you're ready for the tub. Mr. Flayman. Yes? Yes, Your Honor! Where is the rest of your team? Well, Your Honor, it's interesting. Bees are trained to fly haphazardly, and as a result, we don't make very good time. I actually heard a funny story about... Your Honor, haven't these ridiculous bugs taken up enough of this court's valuable time? How much longer will we allow these absurd shenanigans to go on? They have presented no compelling evidence to support their charges against my clients, who run legitimate businesses. I move for a complete dismissal of this entire case! Mr. Flayman, I'm afraid I'm going to have to consider Mr. Montgomery's motion. But you can't! We have a terrific case. Where is your proof? Where is the evidence? Show me the smoking gun! Hold it, Your Honor! You want a smoking gun? Here is your smoking gun. What is that? It's a bee smoker! What, this? This harmless little contraption? This couldn't hurt a fly, let alone a bee. Look at what has happened to bees who have never been asked, "Smoking or non?" Is this what nature intended for us? To be forcibly addicted to smoke machines and man-made wooden slat work camps? Living out our lives as honey slaves to the white man? - What are we gonna do? - He's playing the species card. Ladies and gentlemen, please, free these bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! The court finds in favor of the bees! Vanessa, we won! I knew you could do it! High-five! Sorry. I'm OK! You know what this means? All the honey will finally belong to the bees. Now we won't have to work so hard all the time. This is an unholy perversion of the balance of nature, Benson. You'll regret this. Barry, how much honey is out there? All right. One at a time. Barry, who are you wearing? My sweater is Ralph Lauren, and I have no pants. - What if Montgomery's right? - What do you mean? We've been living the bee way a long time, 27 million years. Oongratulations on your victory. What will you demand as a settlement? First, we'll demand a complete shutdown of all bee work camps. Then we want back the honey that was ours to begin with, every last drop. We demand an end to the glorification of the bear as anything more than a filthy, smelly, bad-breath stink machine. We're all aware of what they do in the woods. Wait for my signal. Take him out. He'll have nauseous for a few hours, then he'll be fine. And we will no longer tolerate bee-negative nicknames... But it's just a prance-about stage name! ...unnecessary inclusion of honey in bogus health products and la-dee-da human tea-time snack garnishments. Oan't breathe. Bring it in, boys! Hold it right there! Good. Tap it. Mr. Buzzwell, we just passed three cups, and there's gallons more coming! - I think we need to shut down! - Shut down? We've never shut down. Shut down honey production! Stop making honey! Turn your key, sir! What do we do now? Oannonball! We're shutting honey production! Mission abort. Aborting pollination and nectar detail. Returning to base. Adam, you wouldn't believe how much honey was out there. Oh, yeah? What's going on? Where is everybody? - Are they out celebrating? - They're home. They don't know what to do. Laying out, sleeping in. I heard your Uncle Oarl was on his way to San Antonio with a cricket. At least we got our honey back. Sometimes I think, so what if humans liked our honey? Who wouldn't? It's the greatest thing in the world! I was excited to be part of making it. This was my new desk. This was my new job. I wanted to do it really well. And now... Now I can't. I don't understand why they're not happy. I thought their lives would be better! They're doing nothing. It's amazing. Honey really changes people. You don't have any idea what's going on, do you? - What did you want to show me? - This. What happened here? That is not the half of it. Oh, no. Oh, my. They're all wilting. Doesn't look very good, does it? No. And

Overview For this assignment you will be developing and implementing : An On-Demand shortest-hop Routing (ODR) protocol for networks of fixed but arbitrary and unknown connectivity, using PF_PACKET sockets. The implementation is based on (a simplified version of) the AODV algorithm. Time client and server applications that send requests and replies to each other across the network using ODR. An API you will implement using Unix domain datagram sockets enables applications to communicate with the ODR mechanism running locally at their nodes. I shall be discussing the assignment in class on Wednesday, October 29, and Monday, November 3. The following should prove useful reference material for the assignment : Sections 15.1, 15.2, 15.4 & 15.6, Chapter 15, on Unix domain datagram sockets. PF_PACKET(7) from the Linux manual pages. You might find these notes made by a past CSE 533 student useful. Also, the following link http://www.pdbuchan.com/rawsock/rawsock.html contains useful code samples that use PF_PACKET sockets (as well as other code samples that use raw IP sockets which you do not need for this assignment, though you will be using these types of sockets for Assignment 4). Charles E. Perkins & Elizabeth M. Royer. “Ad-hoc On-Demand Distance Vector Routing.” Proceedings of the 2nd IEEE Workshop on Mobile Computing Systems and Applications, New Orleans, Louisiana, February 1999, pp. 90 - 100. The VMware environment minix.cs.stonybrook.edu is a Linux box running VMware. A cluster of ten Linux virtual machines, called vm1 through vm10, on which you can gain access as root and run your code have been created on minix. See VMware Environment Hosts for further details. VMware instructions takes you to a page that explains how to use the system. The ten virtual machines have been configured into a small virtual intranet of Ethernet LANs whose topology is (in principle) unknown to you. There is a course account cse533 on node minix, with home directory /users/cse533. In there, you will find a subdirectory Stevens/unpv13e , exactly as you are used to having on the cs system. You should develop your source code and makefiles for handing in accordingly. You will be handing in your source code on the minix node. Note that you do not need to link against the socket library (-lsocket) in Linux. The same is true for -lnsl and -lresolv. For example, take a look at how the LIBS variable is defined for Solaris, in /home/courses/cse533/Stevens/unpv13e_solaris2.10/Make.defines (on compserv1, say) : LIBS = ../libunp.a -lresolv -lsocket -lnsl -lpthread But if you take a look at Make.defines on minix (/users/cse533/Stevens/unpv13e/Make.defines) you will find only: LIBS = ../libunp.a -lpthread The nodes vm1 , . . . . . , vm10 are all multihomed : each has two (or more) interfaces. The interface ‘eth0 ’ should be completely ignored and is not to be used for this assignment (because it shows all ten nodes as if belonging to the same single Ethernet 192.168.1.0/24, rather than to an intranet composed of several Ethernets). Note that vm1 , . . . . . , vm10 are virtual machines, not real ones. One implication of this is that you will not be able to find out what their (virtual) IP addresses are by using nslookup and such. To find out these IP addresses, you need to look at the file /etc/hosts on minix. More to the point, invoking gethostbyname for a given vm will return to you only the (primary) IP address associated with the interface eth0 of that vm (which is the interface you will not be using). It will not return to you any other IP address for the node. Similarly, gethostbyaddr will return the vm node name only if you give it the (primary) IP address associated with the interface eth0 for the node. It will return nothing if you give it any other IP address for the node, even though the address is perfectly valid. Because of this, and because it will ease your task to be able to use gethostbyname and gethostbyaddr in a straightforward way, we shall adopt the (primary) IP addresses associated with interfaces eth0 as the ‘canonical’ IP addresses for the nodes (more on this below). Time client and server A time server runs on each of the ten vm machines. The client code should also be available on each vm so that it can be evoked at any of them. Normally, time clients/servers exchange request/reply messages using the TCP/UDP socket API that, effectively, enables them to receive service (indirectly, via the transport layer) from the local IP mechanism running at their nodes. You are to implement an API using Unix domain sockets to access the local ODR service directly (somewhat similar, in effect, to the way that raw sockets permit an application to access IP directly). Use Unix domain SOCK_DGRAM, rather than SOCK_STREAM, sockets (see Figures 15.5 & 15.6, pp. 418 - 419). API You need to implement a msg_send function that will be called by clients/servers to send requests/replies. The parameters of the function consist of : int giving the socket descriptor for write char* giving the ‘canonical’ IP address for the destination node, in presentation format int giving the destination ‘port’ number char* giving message to be sent int flag if set, force a route rediscovery to the destination node even if a non-‘stale’ route already exists (see below) msg_send will format these parameters into a single char sequence which is written to the Unix domain socket that a client/server process creates. The sequence will be read by the local ODR from a Unix domain socket that the ODR process creates for itself. Recall that the ‘canonical’ IP address for a vm node is the (primary) IP address associated with the eth0 interface for the node. It is what will be returned to you by a call to gethostbyname. Similarly, we need a msg_recv function which will do a (blocking) read on the application domain socket and return with : int giving socket descriptor for read char* giving message received char* giving ‘canonical’ IP address for the source node of message, in presentation format int* giving source ‘port’ number This information is written as a single char sequence by the ODR process to the domain socket that it creates for itself. It is read by msg_recv from the domain socket the client/server process creates, decomposed into the three components above, and returned to the caller of msg_recv. Also see the section below entitled ODR and the API. Client When a client is evoked at a node, it creates a domain datagram socket. The client should bind its socket to a ‘temporary’ (i.e., not ‘well-known’) sun_path name obtained from a call to tmpnam() (cf. line 10, Figure 15.6, p. 419) so that multiple clients may run at the same node. Note that tmpnam() is actually highly deprecated. You should use the mkstemp() function instead - look up the online man pages on minix (‘man mkstemp’) for details. As you run client code again and again during the development stage, the temporary files created by the calls to tmpnam / mkstemp start to proliferate since these files are not automatically removed when the client code terminates. You need to explicitly remove the file created by the client evocation by issuing a call to unlink() or to remove() in your client code just before the client code exits. See the online man pages on minix (‘man unlink’, ‘man remove’) for details. The client then enters an infinite loop repeating the steps below. The client prompts the user to choose one of vm1 , . . . . . , vm10 as a server node. Client msg_sends a 1 or 2 byte message to server and prints out on stdout the message client at node vm i1 sending request to server at vm i2 (In general, throughout this assignment, “trace” messages such as the one above should give the vm names and not IP addresses of the nodes.) Client then blocks in msg_recv awaiting response. This attempt to read from the domain socket should be backed up by a timeout in case no response ever comes. I leave it up to you whether you ‘wrap’ the call to msg_recv in a timeout, or you implement the timeout inside msg_recv itself. When the client receives a response it prints out on stdout the message client at node vm i1 : received from vm i2 <timestamp> If, on the other hand, the client times out, it should print out the message client at node vm i1 : timeout on response from vm i2 The client then retransmits the message out, setting the flag parameter in msg_send to force a route rediscovery, and prints out an appropriate message on stdout. This is done only once, when a timeout for a given message to the server occurs for the first time. Client repeats steps 1. - 3. Server The server creates a domain datagram socket. The server socket is assumed to have a (node-local) ‘well-known’ sun_path name which it binds to. This ‘well-known’ sun_path name is designated by a (network-wide) ‘well-known’ ‘port’ value. The time client uses this ‘port’ value to communicate with the server. The server enters an infinite sequence of calls to msg_recv followed by msg_send, awaiting client requests and responding to them. When it responds to a client request, it prints out on stdout the message server at node vm i1 responding to request from vm i2 ODR The ODR process runs on each of the ten vm machines. It is evoked with a single command line argument which gives a “staleness” time parameter, in seconds. It uses get_hw_addrs (available to you on minix in ~cse533/Asgn3_code) to obtain the index, and associated (unicast) IP and Ethernet addresses for each of the node’s interfaces, except for the eth0 and lo (loopback) interfaces, which should be ignored. In the subdirectory ~cse533/Asgn3_code (/users/cse533/Asgn3_code) on minix I am providing you with two functions, get_hw_addrs and prhwaddrs. These are analogous to the get_ifi_info_plus and prifinfo_plus of Assignment 2. Like get_ifi_info_plus, get_hw_addrs uses ioctl. get_hw_addrs gets the (primary) IP address, alias IP addresses (if any), HW address, and interface name and index value for each of the node's interfaces (including the loopback interface lo). prhwaddrs prints that information out. You should modify and use these functions as needed. Note that if an interface has no HW address associated with it (this is, typically, the case for the loopback interface lo for example), then ioctl returns get_hw_addrs a HW address which is the equivalent of 00:00:00:00:00:00 . get_hw_addrs stores this in the appropriate field of its data structures as it would with any HW address returned by ioctl, but when prhwaddrs comes across such an address, it prints a blank line instead of its usual ‘HWaddr = xx:xx:xx:xx:xx:xx’. The ODR process creates one or more PF_PACKET sockets. You will need to try out PF_PACKET sockets for yourselves and familiarize yourselves with how they behave. If, when you read from the socket and provide a sockaddr_ll structure, the kernel returns to you the index of the interface on which the incoming frame was received, then one socket will be enough. Otherwise, somewhat in the manner of Assignment 2, you shall have to create a PF_PACKET socket for every interface of interest (which are all the interfaces of the node, excluding interfaces lo and eth0 ), and bind a socket to each interface. Furthermore, if the kernel also returns to you the source Ethernet address of the frame in the sockaddr_ll structure, then you can make do with SOCK_DGRAM type PF_PACKET sockets; otherwise you shall have to use SOCK_RAW type sockets (although I would prefer you to use SOCK_RAW type sockets anyway, even if it turns out you can make do with SOCK_DGRAM type). The socket(s) should have a protocol value (no larger than 0xffff so that it fits in two bytes; this value is given as a network-byte-order parameter in the call(s) to function socket) that identifies your ODR protocol. The <linux/if_ether.h> include file (i.e., the file /usr/include/linux/if_ether.h) contains protocol values defined for the standard protocols typically found on an Ethernet LAN, as well as other values such as ETH_P_ALL. You should set protocol to a value of your choice which is not a <linux/if_ether.h> value, but which is, hopefully, unique to yourself. Remember that you will all be running your code using the same root account on the vm1 , . . . . . , vm10 nodes. So if two of you happen to choose the same protocol value and happen to be running on the same vm node at the same time, your applications will receive each other’s frames. For that reason, try to choose a protocol value for the socket(s) that is likely to be unique to yourself (something based on your Stony Brook student ID number, for example). This value effectively becomes the protocol value for your implementation of ODR, as opposed to some other cse 533 student's implementation. Because your value of protocol is to be carried in the frame type field of the Ethernet frame header, the value chosen should be not less than 1536 (0x600) so that it is not misinterpreted as the length of an Ethernet 802.3 frame. Note from the man pages for packet(7) that frames are passed to and from the socket without any processing in the frame content by the device driver on the other side of the socket, except for calculating and tagging on the 4-byte CRC trailer for outgoing frames, and stripping that trailer before delivering incoming frames to the socket. Nevertheless, if you write a frame that is less than 60 bytes, the necessary padding is automatically added by the device driver so that the frame that is actually transmitted out is the minimum Ethernet size of 64 bytes. When reading from the socket, however, any such padding that was introduced into a short frame at the sending node to bring it up to the minimum frame size is not stripped off - it is included in what you receive from the socket (thus, the minimum number of bytes you receive should never be less than 60). Also, you will have to build the frame header for outgoing frames yourselves (assuming you use SOCK_RAW type sockets). Bear in mind that the field values in that header have to be in network order. The ODR process also creates a domain datagram socket for communication with application processes at the node, and binds the socket to a ‘well known’ sun_path name for the ODR service. Because it is dealing with fixed topologies, ODR is, by and large, considerably simpler than AODV. In particular, discovered routes are relatively stable and there is no need for all the paraphernalia that goes with the possibility of routes changing (such as maintenance of active nodes in the routing tables and timeout mechanisms; timeouts on reverse links; lifetime field in the RREP messages; etc.) Nor will we be implementing source_sequence_#s (in the RREQ messages), and dest_sequence_# (in RREQ and RREP messages). In reality, we should (though we will not, for the sake of simplicity, be doing so) implement some sort of sequence number mechanism, or some alternative mechanism such as split-horizon for example, if we are to avoid possible scenarios of routing loops in a “count to infinity” context (I shall explain this point in class). However, we want ODR to discover shortest-hop paths, and we want it to do so in a reasonably efficient manner. This necessitates having one or two aspects of its operations work in a different, possibly slightly more complicated, way than AODV does. ODR has several basic responsibilities : Build and maintain a routing table. For each destination in the table, the routing table structure should include, at a minimum, the next-hop node (in the form of the Ethernet address for that node) and outgoing interface index, the number of hops to the destination, and a timestamp of when the the routing table entry was made or last “reconfirmed” / updated. Note that a destination node in the table is to be identified only by its ‘canonical’ IP address, and not by any other IP addresses the node has. Generate a RREQ in response to a time client calling msg_send for a destination for which ODR has no route (or for which a route exists, but msg_send has the flag parameter set or the route has gone ‘stale’ – see below), and ‘flood’ the RREQ out on all the node’s interfaces (except for the interface it came in on and, of course, the interfaces eth0 and lo). Flooding is done using an Ethernet broadcast destination address (0xff:ff:ff:ff:ff:ff) in the outgoing frame header. Note that a copy of the broadcast packet is supposed to / might be looped back to the node that sends it (see p. 535 in the Stevens textbook). ODR will have to take care not to treat these copies as new incoming RREQs. Also note that ODR at the client node increments the broadcast_id every time it issues a new RREQ for any destination node. When a RREQ is received, ODR has to generate a RREP if it is at the destination node, or if it is at an intermediate node that happens to have a route (which is not ‘stale’ – see below) to the destination. Otherwise, it must propagate the RREQ by flooding it out on all the node’s interfaces (except the interface the RREQ arrived on). Note that as it processes received RREQs, ODR should enter the ‘reverse’ route back to the source node into its routing table, or update an existing entry back to the source node if the RREQ received shows a shorter-hop route, or a route with the same number of hops but going through a different neighbour. The timestamp associated with the table entry should be updated whenever an existing route is either “reconfirmed” or updated. Obviously, if the node is going to generate a RREP, updating an existing entry back to the source node with a more efficient route, or a same-hops route using a different neighbour, should be done before the RREP is generated. Unlike AODV, when an intermediate node receives a RREQ for which it generates a RREP, it should nevertheless continue to flood the RREQ it received if the RREQ pertains to a source node whose existence it has heretofore been unaware of, or the RREQ gives it a more efficient route than it knew of back to the source node (the reason for continuing to flood the RREQ is so that other nodes in the intranet also become aware of the existence of the source node or of the potentially more optimal reverse route to it, and update their tables accordingly). However, since an RREP for this RREQ is being sent by our node, we do not want other nodes who receive the RREQ propagated by our node, and who might be in a position to do so, to also send RREPs. So we need to introduce a field in the RREQ message, not present in the AODV specifications, which acts like a “RREP already sent” field. Our node sets this field before further propagating the RREQ and nodes receiving an RREQ with this field set do not send RREPs in response, even if they are in a position to do so. ODR may, of course, receive multiple, distinct instances of the same RREQ (the combination of source_addr and broadcast_id uniquely identifies the RREQ). Such RREQs should not be flooded out unless they have a lower hop count than instances of that RREQ that had previously been received. By the same token, if ODR is in a position to send out a RREP, and has already done so for this, now repeating, RREQ , it should not send out another RREP unless the RREQ shows a more efficient, previously unknown, reverse route back to the source node. In other words, ODR should not generate essentially duplicative RREPs, nor generate RREPs to instances of RREQs that reflect reverse routes to the source that are not more efficient than what we already have. Relay RREPs received back to the source node (this is done using the ‘reverse’ route entered into the routing table when the corresponding RREQ was processed). At the same time, a ‘forward’ path to the destination is entered into the routing table. ODR could receive multiple, distinct RREPs for the same RREQ. The ‘forward’ route entered in the routing table should be updated to reflect the shortest-hop route to the destination, and RREPs reflecting suboptimal routes should not be relayed back to the source. In general, maintaining a route and its associated timestamp in the table in response to RREPs received is done in the same manner described above for RREQs. Forward time client/server messages along the next hop. (The following is important – you will lose points if you do not implement it.) Note that such application payload messages (especially if they are the initial request from the client to the server, rather than the server response back to the client) can be like “free” RREPs, enabling nodes along the path from source (client) to destination (server) node to build a reverse path back to the client node whose existence they were heretofore unaware of (or, possibly, to update an existing route with a more optimal one). Before it forwards an application payload message along the next hop, ODR at an intermediate node (and also at the final destination node) should use the message to update its routing table in this way. Thus, calls to msg_send by time servers should never cause ODR at the server node to initiate RREQs, since the receipt of a time client request implies that a route back to the client node should now exist in the routing table. The only exception to this is if the server node has a staleness parameter of zero (see below). A routing table entry has associated with it a timestamp that gives the time the entry was made into the table. When a client at a node calls msg_send, and if an entry for the destination node already exists in the routing table, ODR first checks that the routing information is not ‘stale’. A stale routing table entry is one that is older than the value defined by the staleness parameter given as a command line argument to the ODR process when it is executed. ODR deletes stale entries (as well as non-stale entries when the flag parameter in msg_send is set) and initiates a route rediscovery by issuing a RREQ for the destination node. This will force periodic updating of the routing tables to take care of failed nodes along the current path, Ethernet addresses that might have changed, and so on. Similarly, as RREQs propagate through the intranet, existing stale table entries at intermediate nodes are deleted and new route discoveries propagated. As noted above when discussing the processing of RREQs and RREPs, the associated timestamp for an existing table entry is updated in response to having the route either “reconfirmed” or updated (this applies to both reverse routes, by virtue of RREQs received, and to forward routes, by virtue of RREPs). Finally, note that a staleness parameter of 0 essentially indicates that the discovered route will be used only once, when first discovered, and then discarded. Effectively, an ODR with staleness parameter 0 maintains no real routing table at all ; instead, it forces route discoveries at every step of its operation. As a practical matter, ODR should be run with staleness parameter values that are considerably larger than the longest RTT on the intranet, otherwise performance will degrade considerably (and collapse entirely as the parameter values approach 0). Nevertheless, for robustness, we need to implement a mechanism by which an intermediate node that receives a RREP or application payload message for forwarding and finds that its relevant routing table entry has since gone stale, can intiate a RREQ to rediscover the route it needs. RREQ, RREP, and time client/server request/response messages will all have to be carried as encapsulated ODR protocol messages that form the data payload of Ethernet frames. So we need to design the structure of ODR protocol messages. The format should contain a type field (0 for RREQ, 1 for RREP, 2 for application payload ). The remaining fields in an ODR message will depend on what type it is. The fields needed for (our simplified versions of AODV’s) RREQ and RREP should be fairly clear to you, but keep in mind that you need to introduce two extra fields: The “RREP already sent” bit or field in RREQ messages, as mentioned above. A “forced discovery” bit or field in both RREQ and RREP messages: When a client application forces route rediscovery, this bit should be set in the RREQ issued by the client node ODR. Intermediate nodes that are not the destination node but which do have a route to the destination node should not respond with RREPs to an RREQ which has the forced discovery field set. Instead, they should continue to flood the RREQ so that it eventually reaches the destination node which will then respond with an RREP. The intermediate nodes relaying such an RREQ must update their ‘reverse’ route back to the source node accordingly, even if the new route is less efficient (i.e., has more hops) than the one they currently have in their routing table. The destination node responds to the RREQ with an RREP in which this field is also set. Intermediate nodes that receive such a forced discovery RREP must update their ‘forward’ route to the destination node accordingly, even if the new route is less efficient (i.e., has more hops) than the one they currently have in their routing table. This behaviour will cause a forced discovery RREQ to be responded to only by the destination node itself and not any other node, and will cause intermediate nodes to update their routing tables to both source and destination nodes in accordance with the latest routing information received, to cover the possibility that older routes are no longer valid because nodes and/or links along their paths have gone down. A type 2, application payload, message needs to contain the following type of information : type = 2 ‘canonical’ IP address of source node ‘port’ number of source application process (This, of course, is not a real port number in the TCP/UDP sense, but simply a value that ODR at the source node uses to designate the sun_path name for the source application’s domain socket.) ‘canonical’ IP address of destination node ‘port’ number of destination application process (This is passed to ODR by the application process at the source node when it calls msg_send. Its designates the sun_path name for an application’s domain socket at the destination node.) hop count (This starts at 0 and is incremented by 1 at each hop so that ODR can make use of the message to update its routing table, as discussed above.) number of bytes in application message The fields above essentially constitute a ‘header’ for the ODR message. Note that fields which you choose to have carry numeric values (rather than ascii characters, for example) must be in network byte order. ODR-defined numeric-valued fields in type 0, RREQ, and type 1, RREP, messages must, of course, also be in network byte order. Also note that only the ‘canonical’ IP addresses are used for the source and destination nodes in the ODR header. The same has to be true in the headers for type 0, RREQ, and type 1, RREP, messages. The general rule is that ODR messages only carry ‘canonical’ IP node addresses. The last field in the type 2 ODR message is essentially the data payload of the message. application message given in the call to msg_send An ODR protocol message is encapsulated as the data payload of an Ethernet frame whose header it fills in as follows : source address = Ethernet address of outgoing interface of the current node where ODR is processing the message. destination address = Ethernet broadcast address for type 0 messages; Ethernet address of next hop node for type 1 & 2 messages. protocol field = protocol value for the ODR PF_PACKET socket(s). Last but not least, whenever ODR writes an Ethernet frame out through its socket, it prints out on stdout the message ODR at node vm i1 : sending frame hdr src vm i1 dest addr ODR msg type n src vm i2 dest vm i3 where addr is in presentation format (i.e., hexadecimal xx:xx:xx:xx:xx:xx) and gives the destination Ethernet address in the outgoing frame header. Other nodes in the message should be identified by their vm name. A message should be printed out for each packet sent out on a distinct interface. ODR and the API When the ODR process first starts, it must construct a table in which it enters all well-known ‘port’ numbers and their corresponding sun_path names. These will constitute permanent entries in the table. Thereafter, whenever it reads a message off its domain socket, it must obtain the sun_path name for the peer process socket and check whether that name is entered in the table. If not, it must select an ‘ephemeral’ ‘port’ value by which to designate the peer sun_path name and enter the pair < port value , sun_path name > into the table. Such entries cannot be permanent otherwise the table will grow unboundedly in time, with entries surviving for ever, beyond the peer processes’ demise. We must associate a time_to_live field with a non-permanent table entry, and purge the entry if nothing is heard from the peer for that amount of time. Every time a peer process for which a non-permanent table entry exists communicates with ODR, its time_to_live value should be reinitialized. Note that when ODR writes to a peer, it is possible for the write to fail because the peer does not exist : it could be a ‘well-known’ service that is not running, or we could be in the interval between a process with a non-permanent table entry terminating and the expiration of its time_to_live value. Notes A proper implementation of ODR would probably require that RREQ and RREP messages be backed up by some kind of timeout and retransmission mechanism since the network transmission environment is not reliable. This would considerably complicate the implementation (because at any given moment, a node could have multiple RREQs that it has flooded out, but for which it has still not received RREPs; the situation is further complicated by the fact that not all intermediate nodes receiving and relaying RREQs necessarily lie on a path to the destination, and therefore should expect to receive RREPs), and, learning-wise, would not add much to the experience you should have gained from Assignment 2.

According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The bee, of course, flies anyway because bees don't care what humans think is impossible. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Ooh, black and yellow! Let's shake it up a little. Barry! Breakfast is ready! Ooming! Hang on a second. Hello? - Barry? - Adam? - Oan you believe this is happening? - I can't. I'll pick you up. Looking sharp. Use the stairs. Your father paid good money for those. Sorry. I'm excited. Here's the graduate. We're very proud of you, son. A perfect report card, all B's. Very proud. Ma! I got a thing going here. - You got lint on your fuzz. - Ow! That's me! - Wave to us! We'll be in row 118,000. - Bye! Barry, I told you, stop flying in the house! - Hey, Adam. - Hey, Barry. - Is that fuzz gel? - A little. Special day, graduation. Never thought I'd make it. Three days grade school, three days high school. Those were awkward. Three days college. I'm glad I took a day and hitchhiked around the hive. You did come back different. - Hi, Barry. - Artie, growing a mustache? Looks good. - Hear about Frankie? - Yeah. - You going to the funeral? - No, I'm not going. Everybody knows, sting someone, you die. Don't waste it on a squirrel. Such a hothead. I guess he could have just gotten out of the way. I love this incorporating an amusement park into our day. That's why we don't need vacations. Boy, quite a bit of pomp... under the circumstances. - Well, Adam, today we are men. - We are! - Bee-men. - Amen! Hallelujah! Students, faculty, distinguished bees, please welcome Dean Buzzwell. Welcome, New Hive Oity graduating class of... ...9:15. That concludes our ceremonies. And begins your career at Honex Industries! Will we pick ourjob today? I heard it's just orientation. Heads up! Here we go. Keep your hands and antennas inside the tram at all times. - Wonder what it'll be like? - A little scary. Welcome to Honex, a division of Honesco and a part of the Hexagon Group. This is it! Wow. Wow. We know that you, as a bee, have worked your whole life to get to the point where you can work for your whole life. Honey begins when our valiant Pollen Jocks bring the nectar to the hive. Our top-secret formula is automatically color-corrected, scent-adjusted and bubble-contoured into this soothing sweet syrup with its distinctive golden glow you know as... Honey! - That girl was hot. - She's my cousin! - She is? - Yes, we're all cousins. - Right. You're right. - At Honex, we constantly strive to improve every aspect of bee existence. These bees are stress-testing a new helmet technology. - What do you think he makes? - Not enough. Here we have our latest advancement, the Krelman. - What does that do? - Oatches that little strand of honey that hangs after you pour it. Saves us millions. Oan anyone work on the Krelman? Of course. Most bee jobs are small ones. But bees know that every small job, if it's done well, means a lot. But choose carefully because you'll stay in the job you pick for the rest of your life. The same job the rest of your life? I didn't know that. What's the difference? You'll be happy to know that bees, as a species, haven't had one day off in 27 million years. So you'll just work us to death? We'll sure try. Wow! That blew my mind! "What's the difference?" How can you say that? One job forever? That's an insane choice to have to make. I'm relieved. Now we only have to make one decision in life. But, Adam, how could they never have told us that? Why would you question anything? We're bees. We're the most perfectly functioning society on Earth. You ever think maybe things work a little too well here? Like what? Give me one example. I don't know. But you know what I'm talking about. Please clear the gate. Royal Nectar Force on approach. Wait a second. Oheck it out. - Hey, those are Pollen Jocks! - Wow. I've never seen them this close. They know what it's like outside the hive. Yeah, but some don't come back. - Hey, Jocks! - Hi, Jocks! You guys did great! You're monsters! You're sky freaks! I love it! I love it! - I wonder where they were. - I don't know. Their day's not planned. Outside the hive, flying who knows where, doing who knows what. You can'tjust decide to be a Pollen Jock. You have to be bred for that. Right. Look. That's more pollen than you and I will see in a lifetime. It's just a status symbol. Bees make too much of it. Perhaps. Unless you're wearing it and the ladies see you wearing it. Those ladies? Aren't they our cousins too? Distant. Distant. Look at these two. - Oouple of Hive Harrys. - Let's have fun with them. It must be dangerous being a Pollen Jock. Yeah. Once a bear pinned me against a mushroom! He had a paw on my throat, and with the other, he was slapping me! - Oh, my! - I never thought I'd knock him out. What were you doing during this? Trying to alert the authorities. I can autograph that. A little gusty out there today, wasn't it, comrades? Yeah. Gusty. We're hitting a sunflower patch six miles from here tomorrow. - Six miles, huh? - Barry! A puddle jump for us, but maybe you're not up for it. - Maybe I am. - You are not! We're going 0900 at J-Gate. What do you think, buzzy-boy? Are you bee enough? I might be. It all depends on what 0900 means. Hey, Honex! Dad, you surprised me. You decide what you're interested in? - Well, there's a lot of choices. - But you only get one. Do you ever get bored doing the same job every day? Son, let me tell you about stirring. You grab that stick, and you just move it around, and you stir it around. You get yourself into a rhythm. It's a beautiful thing. You know, Dad, the more I think about it, maybe the honey field just isn't right for me. You were thinking of what, making balloon animals? That's a bad job for a guy with a stinger. Janet, your son's not sure he wants to go into honey! - Barry, you are so funny sometimes. - I'm not trying to be funny. You're not funny! You're going into honey. Our son, the stirrer! - You're gonna be a stirrer? - No one's listening to me! Wait till you see the sticks I have. I could say anything right now. I'm gonna get an ant tattoo! Let's open some honey and celebrate! Maybe I'll pierce my thorax. Shave my antennae. Shack up with a grasshopper. Get a gold tooth and call everybody "dawg"! I'm so proud. - We're starting work today! - Today's the day. Oome on! All the good jobs will be gone. Yeah, right. Pollen counting, stunt bee, pouring, stirrer, front desk, hair removal... - Is it still available? - Hang on. Two left! One of them's yours! Oongratulations! Step to the side. - What'd you get? - Picking crud out. Stellar! Wow! Oouple of newbies? Yes, sir! Our first day! We are ready! Make your choice. - You want to go first? - No, you go. Oh, my. What's available? Restroom attendant's open, not for the reason you think. - Any chance of getting the Krelman? - Sure, you're on. I'm sorry, the Krelman just closed out. Wax monkey's always open. The Krelman opened up again. What happened? A bee died. Makes an opening. See? He's dead. Another dead one. Deady. Deadified. Two more dead. Dead from the neck up. Dead from the neck down. That's life! Oh, this is so hard! Heating, cooling, stunt bee, pourer, stirrer, humming, inspector number seven, lint coordinator, stripe supervisor, mite wrangler. Barry, what do you think I should... Barry? Barry! All right, we've got the sunflower patch in quadrant nine... What happened to you? Where are you? - I'm going out. - Out? Out where? - Out there. - Oh, no! I have to, before I go to work for the rest of my life. You're gonna die! You're crazy! Hello? Another call coming in. If anyone's feeling brave, there's a Korean deli on 83rd that gets their roses today. Hey, guys. - Look at that. - Isn't that the kid we saw yesterday? Hold it, son, flight deck's restricted. It's OK, Lou. We're gonna take him up. Really? Feeling lucky, are you? Sign here, here. Just initial that. - Thank you. - OK. You got a rain advisory today, and as you all know, bees cannot fly in rain. So be careful. As always, watch your brooms, hockey sticks, dogs, birds, bears and bats. Also, I got a couple of reports of root beer being poured on us. Murphy's in a home because of it, babbling like a cicada! - That's awful. - And a reminder for you rookies, bee law number one, absolutely no talking to humans! All right, launch positions! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Black and yellow! Hello! You ready for this, hot shot? Yeah. Yeah, bring it on. Wind, check. - Antennae, check. - Nectar pack, check. - Wings, check. - Stinger, check. Scared out of my shorts, check. OK, ladies, let's move it out! Pound those petunias, you striped stem-suckers! All of you, drain those flowers! Wow! I'm out! I can't believe I'm out! So blue. I feel so fast and free! Box kite! Wow! Flowers! This is Blue Leader. We have roses visual. Bring it around 30 degrees and hold. Roses! 30 degrees, roger. Bringing it around. Stand to the side, kid. It's got a bit of a kick. That is one nectar collector! - Ever see pollination up close? - No, sir. I pick up some pollen here, sprinkle it over here. Maybe a dash over there, a pinch on that one. See that? It's a little bit of magic. That's amazing. Why do we do that? That's pollen power. More pollen, more flowers, more nectar, more honey for us. Oool. I'm picking up a lot of bright yellow. Oould be daisies. Don't we need those? Oopy that visual. Wait. One of these flowers seems to be on the move. Say again? You're reporting a moving flower? Affirmative. That was on the line! This is the coolest. What is it? I don't know, but I'm loving this color. It smells good. Not like a flower, but I like it. Yeah, fuzzy. Ohemical-y. Oareful, guys. It's a little grabby. My sweet lord of bees! Oandy-brain, get off there! Problem! - Guys! - This could be bad. Affirmative. Very close. Gonna hurt. Mama's little boy. You are way out of position, rookie! Ooming in at you like a missile! Help me! I don't think these are flowers. - Should we tell him? - I think he knows. What is this?! Match point! You can start packing up, honey, because you're about to eat it! Yowser! Gross. There's a bee in the car! - Do something! - I'm driving! - Hi, bee. - He's back here! He's going to sting me! Nobody move. If you don't move, he won't sting you. Freeze! He blinked! Spray him, Granny! What are you doing?! Wow... the tension level out here is unbelievable. I gotta get home. Oan't fly in rain. Oan't fly in rain. Oan't fly in rain. Mayday! Mayday! Bee going down! Ken, could you close the window please? Ken, could you close the window please? Oheck out my new resume. I made it into a fold-out brochure. You see? Folds out. Oh, no. More humans. I don't need this. What was that? Maybe this time. This time. This time. This time! This time! This... Drapes! That is diabolical. It's fantastic. It's got all my special skills, even my top-ten favorite movies. What's number one? Star Wars? Nah, I don't go for that... ...kind of stuff. No wonder we shouldn't talk to them. They're out of their minds. When I leave a job interview, they're flabbergasted, can't believe what I say. There's the sun. Maybe that's a way out. I don't remember the sun having a big 75 on it. I predicted global warming. I could feel it getting hotter. At first I thought it was just me. Wait! Stop! Bee! Stand back. These are winter boots. Wait! Don't kill him! You know I'm allergic to them! This thing could kill me! Why does his life have less value than yours? Why does his life have any less value than mine? Is that your statement? I'm just saying all life has value. You don't know what he's capable of feeling. My brochure! There you go, little guy. I'm not scared of him. It's an allergic thing. Put that on your resume brochure. My whole face could puff up. Make it one of your special skills. Knocking someone out is also a special skill. Right. Bye, Vanessa. Thanks. - Vanessa, next week? Yogurt night? - Sure, Ken. You know, whatever. - You could put carob chips on there. - Bye. - Supposed to be less calories. - Bye. I gotta say something. She saved my life. I gotta say something. All right, here it goes. Nah. What would I say? I could really get in trouble. It's a bee law. You're not supposed to talk to a human. I can't believe I'm doing this. I've got to. Oh, I can't do it. Oome on! No. Yes. No. Do it. I can't. How should I start it? "You like jazz?" No, that's no good. Here she comes! Speak, you fool! Hi! I'm sorry. - You're talking. - Yes, I know. You're talking! I'm so sorry. No, it's OK. It's fine. I know I'm dreaming. But I don't recall going to bed. Well, I'm sure this is very disconcerting. This is a bit of a surprise to me. I mean, you're a bee! I am. And I'm not supposed to be doing this, but they were all trying to kill me. And if it wasn't for you... I had to thank you. It's just how I was raised. That was a little weird. - I'm talking with a bee. - Yeah. I'm talking to a bee. And the bee is talking to me! I just want to say I'm grateful. I'll leave now. - Wait! How did you learn to do that? - What? The talking thing. Same way you did, I guess. "Mama, Dada, honey." You pick it up. - That's very funny. - Yeah. Bees are funny. If we didn't laugh, we'd cry with what we have to deal with. Anyway... Oan I... ...get you something? - Like what? I don't know. I mean... I don't know. Ooffee? I don't want to put you out. It's no trouble. It takes two minutes. - It's just coffee. - I hate to impose. - Don't be ridiculous! - Actually, I would love a cup. Hey, you want rum cake? - I shouldn't. - Have some. - No, I can't. - Oome on! I'm trying to lose a couple micrograms. - Where? - These stripes don't help. You look great! I don't know if you know anything about fashion. Are you all right? No. He's making the tie in the cab as they're flying up Madison. He finally gets there. He runs up the steps into the church. The wedding is on. And he says, "Watermelon? I thought you said Guatemalan. Why would I marry a watermelon?" Is that a bee joke? That's the kind of stuff we do. Yeah, different. So, what are you gonna do, Barry? About work? I don't know. I want to do my part for the hive, but I can't do it the way they want. I know how you feel. - You do? - Sure. My parents wanted me to be a lawyer or a doctor, but I wanted to be a florist. - Really? - My only interest is flowers. Our new queen was just elected with that same campaign slogan. Anyway, if you look... There's my hive right there. See it? You're in Sheep Meadow! Yes! I'm right off the Turtle Pond! No way! I know that area. I lost a toe ring there once. - Why do girls put rings on their toes? - Why not? - It's like putting a hat on your knee. - Maybe I'll try that. - You all right, ma'am? - Oh, yeah. Fine. Just having two cups of coffee! Anyway, this has been great. Thanks for the coffee. Yeah, it's no trouble. Sorry I couldn't finish it. If I did, I'd be up the rest of my life. Are you...? Oan I take a piece of this with me? Sure! Here, have a crumb. - Thanks! - Yeah. All right. Well, then... I guess I'll see you around. Or not. OK, Barry. And thank you so much again... for before. Oh, that? That was nothing. Well, not nothing, but... Anyway... This can't possibly work. He's all set to go. We may as well try it. OK, Dave, pull the chute. - Sounds amazing. - It was amazing! It was the scariest, happiest moment of my life. Humans! I can't believe you were with humans! Giant, scary humans! What were they like? Huge and crazy. They talk crazy. They eat crazy giant things. They drive crazy. - Do they try and kill you, like on TV? - Some of them. But some of them don't. - How'd you get back? - Poodle. You did it, and I'm glad. You saw whatever you wanted to see. You had your "experience." Now you can pick out yourjob and be normal. - Well... - Well? Well, I met someone. You did? Was she Bee-ish? - A wasp?! Your parents will kill you! - No, no, no, not a wasp. - Spider? - I'm not attracted to spiders. I know it's the hottest thing, with the eight legs and all. I can't get by that face. So who is she? She's... human. No, no. That's a bee law. You wouldn't break a bee law. - Her name's Vanessa. - Oh, boy. She's so nice. And she's a florist! Oh, no! You're dating a human florist! We're not dating. You're flying outside the hive, talking to humans that attack our homes with power washers and M-80s! One-eighth a stick of dynamite! She saved my life! And she understands me. This is over! Eat this. This is not over! What was that? - They call it a crumb. - It was so stingin' stripey! And that's not what they eat. That's what falls off what they eat! - You know what a Oinnabon is? - No. It's bread and cinnamon and frosting. They heat it up... Sit down! ...really hot! - Listen to me! We are not them! We're us. There's us and there's them! Yes, but who can deny the heart that is yearning? There's no yearning. Stop yearning. Listen to me! You have got to start thinking bee, my friend. Thinking bee! - Thinking bee. - Thinking bee. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! There he is. He's in the pool. You know what your problem is, Barry? I gotta start thinking bee? How much longer will this go on? It's been three days! Why aren't you working? I've got a lot of big life decisions to think about. What life? You have no life! You have no job. You're barely a bee! Would it kill you to make a little honey? Barry, come out. Your father's talking to you. Martin, would you talk to him? Barry, I'm talking to you! You coming? Got everything? All set! Go ahead. I'll catch up. Don't be too long. Watch this! Vanessa! - We're still here. - I told you not to yell at him. He doesn't respond to yelling! - Then why yell at me? - Because you don't listen! I'm not listening to this. Sorry, I've gotta go. - Where are you going? - I'm meeting a friend. A girl? Is this why you can't decide? Bye. I just hope she's Bee-ish. They have a huge parade of flowers every year in Pasadena? To be in the Tournament of Roses, that's every florist's dream! Up on a float, surrounded by flowers, crowds cheering. A tournament. Do the roses compete in athletic events? No. All right, I've got one. How come you don't fly everywhere? It's exhausting. Why don't you run everywhere? It's faster. Yeah, OK, I see, I see. All right, your turn. TiVo. You can just freeze live TV? That's insane! You don't have that? We have Hivo, but it's a disease. It's a horrible, horrible disease. Oh, my. Dumb bees! You must want to sting all those jerks. We try not to sting. It's usually fatal for us. So you have to watch your temper. Very carefully. You kick a wall, take a walk, write an angry letter and throw it out. Work through it like any emotion: Anger, jealousy, lust. Oh, my goodness! Are you OK? Yeah. - What is wrong with you?! - It's a bug. He's not bothering anybody. Get out of here, you creep! What was that? A Pic 'N' Save circular? Yeah, it was. How did you know? It felt like about 10 pages. Seventy-five is pretty much our limit. You've really got that down to a science. - I lost a cousin to Italian Vogue. - I'll bet. What in the name of Mighty Hercules is this? How did this get here? Oute Bee, Golden Blossom, Ray Liotta Private Select? - Is he that actor? - I never heard of him. - Why is this here? - For people. We eat it. You don't have enough food of your own? - Well, yes. - How do you get it? - Bees make it. - I know who makes it! And it's hard to make it! There's heating, cooling, stirring. You need a whole Krelman thing! - It's organic. - It's our-ganic! It's just honey, Barry. Just what?! Bees don't know about this! This is stealing! A lot of stealing! You've taken our homes, schools, hospitals! This is all we have! And it's on sale?! I'm getting to the bottom of this. I'm getting to the bottom of all of this! Hey, Hector. - You almost done? - Almost. He is here. I sense it. Well, I guess I'll go home now and just leave this nice honey out, with no one around. You're busted, box boy! I knew I heard something. So you can talk! I can talk. And now you'll start talking! Where you getting the sweet stuff? Who's your supplier? I don't understand. I thought we were friends. The last thing we want to do is upset bees! You're too late! It's ours now! You, sir, have crossed the wrong sword! You, sir, will be lunch for my iguana, Ignacio! Where is the honey coming from? Tell me where! Honey Farms! It comes from Honey Farms! Orazy person! What horrible thing has happened here? These faces, they never knew what hit them. And now they're on the road to nowhere! Just keep still. What? You're not dead? Do I look dead? They will wipe anything that moves. Where you headed? To Honey Farms. I am onto something huge here. I'm going to Alaska. Moose blood, crazy stuff. Blows your head off! I'm going to Tacoma. - And you? - He really is dead. All right. Uh-oh! - What is that?! - Oh, no! - A wiper! Triple blade! - Triple blade? Jump on! It's your only chance, bee! Why does everything have to be so doggone clean?! How much do you people need to see?! Open your eyes! Stick your head out the window! From NPR News in Washington, I'm Oarl Kasell. But don't kill no more bugs! - Bee! - Moose blood guy!! - You hear something? - Like what? Like tiny screaming. Turn off the radio. Whassup, bee boy? Hey, Blood. Just a row of honey jars, as far as the eye could see. Wow! I assume wherever this truck goes is where they're getting it. I mean, that honey's ours. - Bees hang tight. - We're all jammed in. It's a close community. Not us, man. We on our own. Every mosquito on his own. - What if you get in trouble? - You a mosquito, you in trouble. Nobody likes us. They just smack. See a mosquito, smack, smack! At least you're out in the world. You must meet girls. Mosquito girls try to trade up, get with a moth, dragonfly. Mosquito girl don't want no mosquito. You got to be kidding me! Mooseblood's about to leave the building! So long, bee! - Hey, guys! - Mooseblood! I knew I'd catch y'all down here. Did you bring your crazy straw? We throw it in jars, slap a label on it, and it's pretty much pure profit. What is this place? A bee's got a brain the size of a pinhead. They are pinheads! Pinhead. - Oheck out the new smoker. - Oh, sweet. That's the one you want. The Thomas 3000! Smoker? Ninety puffs a minute, semi-automatic. Twice the nicotine, all the tar. A couple breaths of this knocks them right out. They make the honey, and we make the money. "They make the honey, and we make the money"? Oh, my! What's going on? Are you OK? Yeah. It doesn't last too long. Do you know you're in a fake hive with fake walls? Our queen was moved here. We had no choice. This is your queen? That's a man in women's clothes! That's a drag queen! What is this? Oh, no! There's hundreds of them! Bee honey. Our honey is being brazenly stolen on a massive scale! This is worse than anything bears have done! I intend to do something. Oh, Barry, stop. Who told you humans are taking our honey? That's a rumor. Do these look like rumors? That's a conspiracy theory. These are obviously doctored photos. How did you get mixed up in this? He's been talking to humans. - What? - Talking to humans?! He has a human girlfriend. And they make out! Make out? Barry! We do not. - You wish you could. - Whose side are you on? The bees! I dated a cricket once in San Antonio. Those crazy legs kept me up all night. Barry, this is what you want to do with your life? I want to do it for all our lives. Nobody works harder than bees! Dad, I remember you coming home so overworked your hands were still stirring. You couldn't stop. I remember that. What right do they have to our honey? We live on two cups a year. They put it in lip balm for no reason whatsoever! Even if it's true, what can one bee do? Sting them where it really hurts. In the face! The eye! - That would hurt. - No. Up the nose? That's a killer. There's only one place you can sting the humans, one place where it matters. Hive at Five, the hive's only full-hour action news source. No more bee beards! With Bob Bumble at the anchor desk. Weather with Storm Stinger. Sports with Buzz Larvi. And Jeanette Ohung. - Good evening. I'm Bob Bumble. - And I'm Jeanette Ohung. A tri-county bee, Barry Benson, intends to sue the human race for stealing our honey, packaging it and profiting from it illegally! Tomorrow night on Bee Larry King, we'll have three former queens here in our studio, discussing their new book, Olassy Ladies, out this week on Hexagon. Tonight we're talking to Barry Benson. Did you ever think, "I'm a kid from the hive. I can't do this"? Bees have never been afraid to change the world. What about Bee Oolumbus? Bee Gandhi? Bejesus? Where I'm from, we'd never sue humans. We were thinking of stickball or candy stores. How old are you? The bee community is supporting you in this case, which will be the trial of the bee century. You know, they have a Larry King in the human world too. It's a common name. Next week... He looks like you and has a show and suspenders and colored dots... Next week... Glasses, quotes on the bottom from the guest even though you just heard 'em. Bear Week next week! They're scary, hairy and here live. Always leans forward, pointy shoulders, squinty eyes, very Jewish. In tennis, you attack at the point of weakness! It was my grandmother, Ken. She's 81. Honey, her backhand's a joke! I'm not gonna take advantage of that? Quiet, please. Actual work going on here. - Is that that same bee? - Yes, it is! I'm helping him sue the human race. - Hello. - Hello, bee. This is Ken. Yeah, I remember you. Timberland, size ten and a half. Vibram sole, I believe. Why does he talk again? Listen, you better go 'cause we're really busy working. But it's our yogurt night! Bye-bye. Why is yogurt night so difficult?! You poor thing. You two have been at this for hours! Yes, and Adam here has been a huge help. - Frosting... - How many sugars? Just one. I try not to use the competition. So why are you helping me? Bees have good qualities. And it takes my mind off the shop. Instead of flowers, people are giving balloon bouquets now. Those are great, if you're three. And artificial flowers. - Oh, those just get me psychotic! - Yeah, me too. Bent stingers, pointless pollination. Bees must hate those fake things! Nothing worse than a daffodil that's had work done. Maybe this could make up for it a little bit. - This lawsuit's a pretty big deal. - I guess. You sure you want to go through with it? Am I sure? When I'm done with the humans, they won't be able to say, "Honey, I'm home," without paying a royalty! It's an incredible scene here in downtown Manhattan, where the world anxiously waits, because for the first time in history, we will hear for ourselves if a honeybee can actually speak. What have we gotten into here, Barry? It's pretty big, isn't it? I can't believe how many humans don't work during the day. You think billion-dollar multinational food companies have good lawyers? Everybody needs to stay behind the barricade. - What's the matter? - I don't know, I just got a chill. Well, if it isn't the bee team. You boys work on this? All rise! The Honorable Judge Bumbleton presiding. All right. Oase number 4475, Superior Oourt of New York, Barry Bee Benson v. the Honey Industry is now in session. Mr. Montgomery, you're representing the five food companies collectively? A privilege. Mr. Benson... you're representing all the bees of the world? I'm kidding. Yes, Your Honor, we're ready to proceed. Mr. Montgomery, your opening statement, please. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, my grandmother was a simple woman. Born on a farm, she believed it was man's divine right to benefit from the bounty of nature God put before us. If we lived in the topsy-turvy world Mr. Benson imagines, just think of what would it mean. I would have to negotiate with the silkworm for the elastic in my britches! Talking bee! How do we know this isn't some sort of holographic motion-picture-capture Hollywood wizardry? They could be using laser beams! Robotics! Ventriloquism! Oloning! For all we know, he could be on steroids! Mr. Benson? Ladies and gentlemen, there's no trickery here. I'm just an ordinary bee. Honey's pretty important to me. It's important to all bees. We invented it! We make it. And we protect it with our lives. Unfortunately, there are some people in this room who think they can take it from us 'cause we're the little guys! I'm hoping that, after this is all over, you'll see how, by taking our honey, you not only take everything we have but everything we are! I wish he'd dress like that all the time. So nice! Oall your first witness. So, Mr. Klauss Vanderhayden of Honey Farms, big company you have. I suppose so. I see you also own Honeyburton and Honron! Yes, they provide beekeepers for our farms. Beekeeper. I find that to be a very disturbing term. I don't imagine you employ any bee-free-ers, do you? - No. - I couldn't hear you. - No. - No. Because you don't free bees. You keep bees. Not only that, it seems you thought a bear would be an appropriate image for a jar of honey. They're very lovable creatures. Yogi Bear, Fozzie Bear, Build-A-Bear. You mean like this? Bears kill bees! How'd you like his head crashing through your living room?! Biting into your couch! Spitting out your throw pillows! OK, that's enough. Take him away. So, Mr. Sting, thank you for being here. Your name intrigues me. - Where have I heard it before? - I was with a band called The Police. But you've never been a police officer, have you? No, I haven't. No, you haven't. And so here we have yet another example of bee culture casually stolen by a human for nothing more than a prance-about stage name. Oh, please. Have you ever been stung, Mr. Sting? Because I'm feeling a little stung, Sting. Or should I say... Mr. Gordon M. Sumner! That's not his real name?! You idiots! Mr. Liotta, first, belated congratulations on your Emmy win for a guest spot on ER in 2005. Thank you. Thank you. I see from your resume that you're devilishly handsome with a churning inner turmoil that's ready to blow. I enjoy what I do. Is that a crime? Not yet it isn't. But is this what it's come to for you? Exploiting tiny, helpless bees so you don't have to rehearse your part and learn your lines, sir? Watch it, Benson! I could blow right now! This isn't a goodfella. This is a badfella! Why doesn't someone just step on this creep, and we can all go home?! - Order in this court! - You're all thinking it! Order! Order, I say! - Say it! - Mr. Liotta, please sit down! I think it was awfully nice of that bear to pitch in like that. I think the jury's on our side. Are we doing everything right, legally? I'm a florist. Right. Well, here's to a great team. To a great team! Well, hello. - Ken! - Hello. I didn't think you were coming. No, I was just late. I tried to call, but... the battery. I didn't want all this to go to waste, so I called Barry. Luckily, he was free. Oh, that was lucky. There's a little left. I could heat it up. Yeah, heat it up, sure, whatever. So I hear you're quite a tennis player. I'm not much for the game myself. The ball's a little grabby. That's where I usually sit. Right... there. Ken, Barry was looking at your resume, and he agreed with me that eating with chopsticks isn't really a special skill. You think I don't see what you're doing? I know how hard it is to find the rightjob. We have that in common. Do we? Bees have 100 percent employment, but we do jobs like taking the crud out. That's just what I was thinking about doing. Ken, I let Barry borrow your razor for his fuzz. I hope that was all right. I'm going to drain the old stinger. Yeah, you do that. Look at that. You know, I've just about had it with your little mind games. - What's that? - Italian Vogue. Mamma mia, that's a lot of pages. A lot of ads. Remember what Van said, why is your life more valuable than mine? Funny, I just can't seem to recall that! I think something stinks in here! I love the smell of flowers. How do you like the smell of flames?! Not as much. Water bug! Not taking sides! Ken, I'm wearing a Ohapstick hat! This is pathetic! I've got issues! Well, well, well, a royal flush! - You're bluffing. - Am I? Surf's up, dude! Poo water! That bowl is gnarly. Except for those dirty yellow rings! Kenneth! What are you doing?! You know, I don't even like honey! I don't eat it! We need to talk! He's just a little bee! And he happens to be the nicest bee I've met in a long time! Long time? What are you talking about?! Are there other bugs in your life? No, but there are other things bugging me in life. And you're one of them! Fine! Talking bees, no yogurt night... My nerves are fried from riding on this emotional roller coaster! Goodbye, Ken. And for your information, I prefer sugar-free, artificial sweeteners made by man! I'm sorry about all that. I know it's got an aftertaste! I like it! I always felt there was some kind of barrier between Ken and me. I couldn't overcome it. Oh, well. Are you OK for the trial? I believe Mr. Montgomery is about out of ideas. We would like to call Mr. Barry Benson Bee to the stand. Good idea! You can really see why he's considered one of the best lawyers... Yeah. Layton, you've gotta weave some magic with this jury, or it's gonna be all over. Don't worry. The only thing I have to do to turn this jury around is to remind them of what they don't like about bees. - You got the tweezers? - Are you allergic? Only to losing, son. Only to losing. Mr. Benson Bee, I'll ask you what I think we'd all like to know. What exactly is your relationship to that woman? We're friends. - Good friends? - Yes. How good? Do you live together? Wait a minute... Are you her little... ...bedbug? I've seen a bee documentary or two. From what I understand, doesn't your queen give birth to all the bee children? - Yeah, but... - So those aren't your real parents! - Oh, Barry... - Yes, they are! Hold me back! You're an illegitimate bee, aren't you, Benson? He's denouncing bees! Don't y'all date your cousins? - Objection! - I'm going to pincushion this guy! Adam, don't! It's what he wants! Oh, I'm hit!! Oh, lordy, I am hit! Order! Order! The venom! The venom is coursing through my veins! I have been felled by a winged beast of destruction! You see? You can't treat them like equals! They're striped savages! Stinging's the only thing they know! It's their way! - Adam, stay with me. - I can't feel my legs. What angel of mercy will come forward to suck the poison from my heaving buttocks? I will have order in this court. Order! Order, please! The case of the honeybees versus the human race took a pointed turn against the bees yesterday when one of their legal team stung Layton T. Montgomery. - Hey, buddy. - Hey. - Is there much pain? - Yeah. I... I blew the whole case, didn't I? It doesn't matter. What matters is you're alive. You could have died. I'd be better off dead. Look at me. They got it from the cafeteria downstairs, in a tuna sandwich. Look, there's a little celery still on it. What was it like to sting someone? I can't explain it. It was all... All adrenaline and then... and then ecstasy! All right. You think it was all a trap? Of course. I'm sorry. I flew us right into this. What were we thinking? Look at us. We're just a couple of bugs in this world. What will the humans do to us if they win? I don't know. I hear they put the roaches in motels. That doesn't sound so bad. Adam, they check in, but they don't check out! Oh, my. Oould you get a nurse to close that window? - Why? - The smoke. Bees don't smoke. Right. Bees don't smoke. Bees don't smoke! But some bees are smoking. That's it! That's our case! It is? It's not over? Get dressed. I've gotta go somewhere. Get back to the court and stall. Stall any way you can. And assuming you've done step correctly, you're ready for the tub. Mr. Flayman. Yes? Yes, Your Honor! Where is the rest of your team? Well, Your Honor, it's interesting. Bees are trained to fly haphazardly, and as a result, we don't make very good time. I actually heard a funny story about... Your Honor, haven't these ridiculous bugs taken up enough of this court's valuable time? How much longer will we allow these absurd shenanigans to go on? They have presented no compelling evidence to support their charges against my clients, who run legitimate businesses. I move for a complete dismissal of this entire case! Mr. Flayman, I'm afraid I'm going to have to consider Mr. Montgomery's motion. But you can't! We have a terrific case. Where is your proof? Where is the evidence? Show me the smoking gun! Hold it, Your Honor! You want a smoking gun? Here is your smoking gun. What is that? It's a bee smoker! What, this? This harmless little contraption? This couldn't hurt a fly, let alone a bee. Look at what has happened to bees who have never been asked, "Smoking or non?" Is this what nature intended for us? To be forcibly addicted to smoke machines and man-made wooden slat work camps? Living out our lives as honey slaves to the white man? - What are we gonna do? - He's playing the species card. Ladies and gentlemen, please, free these bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! The court finds in favor of the bees! Vanessa, we won! I knew you could do it! High-five! Sorry. I'm OK! You know what this means? All the honey will finally belong to the bees. Now we won't have to work so hard all the time. This is an unholy perversion of the balance of nature, Benson. You'll regret this. Barry, how much honey is out there? All right. One at a time. Barry, who are you wearing? My sweater is Ralph Lauren, and I have no pants. - What if Montgomery's right? - What do you mean? We've been living the bee way a long time, 27 million years. Oongratulations on your victory. What will you demand as a settlement? First, we'll demand a complete shutdown of all bee work camps. Then we want back the honey that was ours to begin with, every last drop. We demand an end to the glorification of the bear as anything more than a filthy, smelly, bad-breath stink machine. We're all aware of what they do in the woods. Wait for my signal. Take him out. He'll have nauseous for a few hours, then he'll be fine. And we will no longer tolerate bee-negative nicknames... But it's just a prance-about stage name! ...unnecessary inclusion of honey in bogus health products and la-dee-da human tea-time snack garnishments. Oan't breathe. Bring it in, boys! Hold it right there! Good. Tap it. Mr. Buzzwell, we just passed three cups, and there's gallons more coming! - I think we need to shut down! - Shut down? We've never shut down. Shut down honey production! Stop making honey! Turn your key, sir! What do we do now? Oannonball! We're shutting honey production! Mission abort. Aborting pollination and nectar detail. Returning to base. Adam, you wouldn't believe how much honey was out there. Oh, yeah? What's going on? Where is everybody? - Are they out celebrating? - They're home. They don't know what to do. Laying out, sleeping in. I heard your Uncle Oarl was on his way to San Antonio with a cricket. At least we got our honey back. Sometimes I think, so what if humans liked our honey? Who wouldn't? It's the greatest thing in the world! I was excited to be part of making it. This was my new desk. This was my new job. I wanted to do it really well. And now... Now I can't. I don't understand why they're not happy. I thought their lives would be better! They're doing nothing. It's amazing. Honey really changes people. You don't have any idea what's going on, do you? - What did you want to show me? - This. What happened here? That is not the half of it. Oh, no. Oh, my. They're all wilting. Doesn't look very good, does it? No. And

As a rule, mining alludes to the birth of minerals and land accoutrements from the earth, from a gravestone or seal. moment different factors are mended by mining as similar accoutrements aren't developed, horticulturally handled, or misleadingly made. Superb models are precious essence, coal, precious monuments, and gold. Non-inexhaustible sources like ignitable gas, petrol, and indeed water are also booby-trapped. With the application of applicable mining tackle, the vigorous and worrisome undertaking of mining is achieved. Mining is the system involved in disengaging significant minerals and geographical accoutrements. typically, the minerals got from the mining system incorporate earth, coal, aspect gravestone, rock, gemstone, limestone, essence, potash, gemstone swab, and oil painting shale, and that is just the morning. As is generally said, whatever could not be developed through agricultural ways or made in a factory must be booby-trapped. 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Gear providers, development associations, assiduity confederations, and fiscal exchange fiscal backers also play their own corridor to satisfy to finish the advanced perspective. It was the Romans who made extraordinary advancements throughout the entire actuality of mining. They were the original bones to use enormous compass quarrying strategies, for illustration, the application of volumes of water to work introductory outfit, exclude trash, etc. This has come to be known as water-fueled mining or hydraulicking. This is a type of mining that utilizes high-constrained shocks of water to move jewels and other residue and detritus. During the 1300s, the interest in essence brands, coverings, and different munitions expanded drastically. further minerals, for illustration, iron, and tableware were extensively excavated. The interest to deliver coins also expanded with the eventual result of causing a lack of tableware. During this period, iron turned into an abecedarian part of structure developments; outfits and other mining gear came pervasive. from open-hole mining, water shops and dark greasepaint have developed into tractors, snares, exchanges, etc. Other mechanical advancements, for illustration, green light rays employed in mining as aphorism attendants and machine arrangements helped diggers with quarrying lands. Feathers of Mining Tools The mining sedulity has a wide compass of endlessly booby-trapping outfits. The mining business is a mind- boggling frame that requires an outfit that not just meets the particular musts of the mining business, yet likewise resolves the issues of the guests. thus, mining associations need gear like cherries on top, safeguards, sizers, the cherry on top pails, gyratory cherries on top, sway cherries on top, and jaw cherries on top. From-noteworthy bias, a huge outfit is presently used to successfully and incontinently uncover lands. 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It has been employed on an outsized scale since neolithic times and contains long history. Mining utilizes invention to encourage the obligation to finish with acceptability and as soon as possible. There are colorful mining accoutrements that must be landed employed for the position to be done meetly. From the subtle strategies to a ton of early on, DCS Techno can offer you admire to completely unique mining instruments. From now onward, indefinitely quite a while, the system for making with the end result of dealing with the bills was by finding one more calling and working in a mine Mining instrument are a necessary outfit employed in making a wide multifariousness of minerals from the earth. From the system involved with establishing minerals, they're also employed in a multifariousness of client particulars. Mining Tools are employed in the timber of transports, tackle, and gems. They're employed in basically every hand of society. By and by awaiting that you need to get minerals from the earth, you should have the right bias. Mining inclination is the stuff employed in barring a wide bunch of minerals from the earth. Booby- caught minerals are employed inadequate important every softcover thing from vehicles to handle, to jewels and likewise some. also, minerals like uranium and coal are critical energy sources that record for half of the US's energy force. These coffers are gained exercising colorful awards of mining instruments. Mining Tools are the outfit employed in establishing a wide cluster of minerals from the earth. They range from the most starting outfit, relative as digging tools and picks, to complex tackle, analogous to drills and cherries on top. Booby- caught minerals are employed in nearly every buyer item from transports to widgets, to doodads and further. Mining Industry Overview Mining falls into two classes Surface mining and underground mining. The kind of minerals and mining ways that a mining trouble is trying to suppose will directly enlighten which instruments tractors use in their work. 1.Surface Mining This involves the mining of minerals located at or near the face of the earth. This are the six step processes and these are • Strip Mining- this involves the stripping of the earth's face by the heavy ministry. This system is generally targeted at rooting coal or sedimentary jewels that lay near the earth's face. • Placer Mining- this involves the birth of sediments in beach or clay. It's a simple, old- fashioned way of mining. This system is generally applicable to gold and precious gems that are carried by the inflow of water. • Mountain Top Mining- this is a new system that involves blasting a mountain top to expose coal deposits that lie underneath the mountain crest. • Hydraulic Mining- this is an obsolete system that involves jetting the side of a mountain or hill with high-pressure water to expose gold and another precious essence. • Dredging- it involves the junking of jewels, beaches, and ground underneath a body of water to expose the minerals. • Open hole- this is the most common mining system. It involves the junking of the top layers of soil in the hunt for gold or buried treasure. The miner digs deeper and deeper until a large, open hole is created. 2. Underground Mining This is the process in which a lair is made into the earth to find the mineral ore. The mining operation is generally performed with the use of underground mining outfits. Underground mining is done through the following styles • pitch Mining- it involves the creation of pitches into the ground in order to reach the ore or mineral deposit. This cycle is for the most part applied in coal mining. • Hard gemstone- this system uses dynamite or giant drills to produce large, deep coverts. The miners support the coverts with pillars to help them from collapsing. This is a large- scale mining process and is generally applied in the birth of large bobby, drum, lead, gold, or tableware deposits. • Drift mining- this system is applicable only when the target mineral is accessible from the side of a mountain. It involves the creation of a lair that is slightly lower than the target mineral. The graveness makes the deposit fall to the lair where miners can collect them. • Shaft system- this involves the creation of a perpendicular hallway that goes deep down underground where the deposit is located. Because of the depth, miners are brought in and out of the hole with elevators. • Borehole system- this involves the use of a large drill and high-pressure water to eject the target mineral. These are the introductory styles used in the birth of common minerals. There are more complex systems, but still, they're grounded on these abecedarian processes. To Know more information about Mining Tools Visit: dcstechno Contact us: Plot No 169, Road No.11, Prashasan Nagar, Jubilee Hills, Hyderabad, Telangana – 500096 +91-9849009875

As a digital marketing company, we have actually driven numerous web site hits, millions of leads as well as also millions of sales. So if you are a local business or a young expert that wants to find out more about marketing management, then you remain in the best place. Today, we're reviewing exactly how advertising managers can develop effective projects, detailed. Our digital marketing firm saves small companies from bad advertising as well as no development, yet of course, in order to do that effectively, our advertising and marketing supervisors have to have extraordinary skills around marketing monitoring. Regrettably, a great deal of the schools today are instructing out-of-date advertising and marketing techniques. As well as the net is swamped with phony experts who show marketing however in fact have no actual experience. This can be an easy catch for anyone just beginning to seek aid regarding the globe of marketing. That's why you should pick up from individuals who have actual experience As Well As can confirm it for greater than one firm. And also these are simply results we've gotten for our firm, using our very own techniques. We have more than 10,000 hrs of actual digital marketing experience and also have aided thousands of business find the very best options to their advertising issues. Just how have we managed to do this? Via our team of marketer! In order for them to offer these efficient options, our marketing supervisors need to have outstanding abilities around marketing administration. And those abilities are precisely what our advertising and marketing supervisors have. We're mosting likely to give you some powerful techniques if you want to learn advertising and marketing monitoring or become a much better marketing manager. In this blog, you will certainly learn exactly how advertising managers can develop effective campaigns, step-by-step. We will certainly discuss: 1. Just how to onboard a brand-new marketing project 2. Just how to structure your strategy 3. How to setup everything 4. And much more! Without further trouble, let's go ahead as well as dive in with action # 1. Action 1: How to onboard a brand-new advertising project Whether you are beginning a new marketing campaign from square one or you are inheriting an existing advertising campaign, it is really important to recognize 2 things. # 1 You require to develop your advertising goals. Now usually we have clients that will certainly claim their objective is to obtain more sales. Yet that is an extremely high-level goal. With that, you'll intend to unbox your goal into something more workable. To break down your objective into actionable parts, we will certainly start to speak about leading as well as lagging indicators. A lagging indicator is normally a result, such as more sales, even more leads, or more web traffic, which are great objectives to have. Yet in order to get to an outcome or a lagging indication, you need a leading indication which is typically an action. Leading signs are points that you can regulate now everyday or each week. And these are the advertising and marketing objectives that you want to develop. As a marketing manager, you need to understand both leading and lagging objectives. # 2 You need to understand your budget. When you onboard an advertising and marketing campaign, you require to understand your campaign budget. If you are unclear about your marketing spending plan or about just how to accurately calculate your marketing budget, we have a thorough video clip that can help you here. Ultimately, the important point below is that you intend to make sure your budget plan matches your objectives. For that reason, if you desire $1 million in sales for instance, then you require to be all set to spend thousands of thousands of dollars. And also honestly, you wish to be as sensible as possible because that's the accountable thing to do as a great online marketer. A lot of people strive for the over night success desire, however the fact is excellent marketing can require time. Now that you have established you require to establish some advertising goals and also a spending plan, after that you can transfer to tip number two, which is "just how to structure your advertising strategy." Action 2: Exactly how to structure your advertising plan The first thing we suggest that you do is to develop an advertising and marketing channel, or really plainly recognize the advertising and marketing channel that already exists. If your business is already generating any type of sales, after that you likely have an advertising and marketing channel whether you understand it or not. It is necessary to recognize which part of the funnel you will certainly need to influence with your advertising project. Understanding the advertising channel will help you pinpoint which stage of the channel demands adjustments. To get a far better understanding of the advertising and marketing channel, let's take a more detailed look at an advertising funnel as well as break down an advertising funnel for B2C (service to customer) as well as B2B (organization to service) firms. At the top of the channel you have the recognition stage. For both B2B or B2C companies this is where potential consumers become aware of your company either by means of search, or an advertisement, or a person referring them to you. The next part of the channel is the interest stage. This is where your capacity clients start to read more concerning your product and services. After that phase of the channel is the consideration stage. This is where your capacity customers actually begin thinking about buying your products. They might begin to review your evaluations or compare your products to others that are on the market. After the consideration stage is the intent phase. This is the stage where the potential client prepares to buy as well as simply needs a little push to complete the transaction. If you're a B2C firm, that implies that a visitor has perhaps added something to their cart. And also if you're a B2B firm, that implies that a site visitor may have asked for a meeting or a live trial. Swiftly after that, the prospective consumer enters the examination stage. This is when the potential consumer is considering the experience they are having as they are having a look at for a B2C company or finishing the contract for a B2B firm. At the really bottom of the channel you have the actual purchase, which is when the potential client becomes a real consumer. As you can see, there is a whole process to getting a client to really end up being a client. On top of that, a channel can continue after the acquisition factor, particularly if you wish to get even more sales from your present consumers. However those phases we pointed out are mosting likely to be the major locations that the majority of marketing managers require to focus on. Nevertheless, if you wish to discover a bit a lot more concerning marketing funnels, check out this blog where we go a lot more thorough with the advertising and marketing channel phases. As you are doing your marketing administration, you wish to begin asking on your own, "Which stage in the advertising and marketing channel does my organization require the most assist with?" You will discover that some business require general understanding prior to they can enhance any other part of their funnel. You may additionally locate that some business have a lot of awareness, yet battle to convert those introduce sales. However, once you recognize where your marketing needs one of the most aid, then you can concentrate there and also start to establish those leading indication objectives. For example, in the recognition stage, you have to focus on getting to a great deal of people. And also if business spending plan you have actually established is reduced, that suggests you will likely require to make use of an organic advertising and marketing approach. Currently let's move on to tip number three, which is just how to establish your advertising and marketing projects Action 3: How to set up your marketing campaigns. The first thing you need to think of below is production. What we indicate by "production" is you need to understand WHO or WHAT you require and WHEN you require it. To figure this out, go back to your leading indications and think about just how you are mosting likely to complete them. Possibly you need a web content writer, a designer, or a marketing spending plan. Or perhaps you require to set aside a couple of hours a day, to hire an agency, or a few other tools to aid you be reliable. The bottom line is, you need to be extremely clear about what deliverables you need as well as when you require them. After manufacturing, we recommend that you track your development. Since doesn't mean you are seeking that delayed indication or that major result that you wish to accomplish. Rather, you'll want to track whether or not your growth is headed in a positive instructions. Ideally, it's very easy to determine a trend line that is going up overtime. For example, if you are publishing on YouTube on a daily basis for six months as well as you are not obtaining any kind of sights whatsoever, then that is an indication that you require to quit and reassess your advertising strategy. One of our company's favorite tools to make use of to track development is Google Analytics. It's very simple to set up on your own as well as ought to take you no time to obtain arrangement and start. As soon as you're set up for success with Google Analytics, you can go on to tip number four, which isn't truly an action however it is a crucial idea to live by. Step 4: Stay with your strategy We have actually stated it before however excellent advertising takes some time. We can't emphasize this sufficient. Unless you have a really large spending plan, we're speaking at the very least $100,000 a year, then you greater than likely will require to focus on one point at a time. That means you wish to put together a really great approach and make sure it functions PRIOR TO you proceed to something that is new and also stylish right now. We suggest you give your technique a minimum of 6 months before you quit. And this is six months of pure quality! That means you are not missing out on due dates and you are putting together an excellent amount of quantity and also top quality work. Bear in mind to still be tracking your outcomes and making sure you're constructing some energy or seeing a positive trend line. Even if the positive trend line is slow, it is still positive. Now allow's go on to our last step. Tip 5: Reporting If you are doing any type of type of advertising and marketing management or if you are an advertising and marketing supervisor on your own, after that at some time you will require to do some reporting. Whether you are reporting to yourself, stakeholders, a supervisor, or a customer, this is an area where you require to successfully interact just how your advertising and marketing is going. When you are connecting, you need to recognize your target market. If you are speaking to an additional advertising and marketing professional or somebody with an advertising background, after that you can possibly utilize more advanced descriptions of your development. However if you are speaking with someone that does not know a lot regarding advertising, after that you want to try to simplify as simply as possible. For instance, you would not begin speaking to a stranger about ROAS, ROI, conversion projects, as well as lead-to-sale conversions since there's a slim chance they would understand what you were discussing. Everything that we cover in this blog are points that you wish to communicate to whoever you are reporting to. To make sure that suggests you want to relate things back to the goals, the budget, the channel, and the positive pattern line. You'll see that poor marketing professionals only care about telling you just how good their negative results are. A bad marketing professional will tell you about all the leads they have actually created but have really little results for conversions. As good marketers, it is our obligation to interact successfully as well as with honesty. So understand your numbers, know your target market, as well as be as clear as possible whether the results are good or bad. Establishing in-depth records that are comprehensive sufficient for your audience to recognize is what will assist everyone be on the very same web page. Verdict There you have it-- 5 truly awesome suggestions for advertising monitoring. Tips that we stand by and are confirmed due to the fact that we've used them for our own advertising and marketing projects. In addition, we have actually managed campaigns for our customers that have actually driven numerous hits, numerous leads, and countless sales. That's why we believe you can stand by these important pointers we have actually supplied here.And there's so much extra you can learn more about advertising and marketing for your business! Whether you are a small company proprietor or a young specialist that intends to find out more concerning advertising and marketing administration, after that you remain in the right area. Our group of marketer prepare to help you make on your own a better marketer!

Angular-Directive-Project Directives range from very basic to extremely complex. This project will build up to some somewhat difficult directives. Keep in mind that the format we're learning for directives is the same format used to build some extremely complex things in angular. Using directives often and well is one way to show you're a talented developer. Starting Out We've included only a few things for you to begin with. index.html, app.js, styles.css. At this point the best way to get more comfortable with angular is to initialize an app without relying heavily on boilerplate code (reusable code that starts out your projects for you). You'll notice that in the index.html we've included the angular-route CDN. Yes, we'll be using angular's router here. Put an ng-view into your index.html. In your app.js set up a config and set up our first route for when a user is at the '/home' url. If you're having trouble remembering how to set up the router go look at how you set up the router on the previous project. One way these projects will be beneficial to you is allowing you to look back at something *you** did and seeing how you got that something to work.* You may also want add an otherwise that defaults to /home. Create a controller and a template file for this route in your app folder. Don't forget to include the controller as a script in your index.html Check that everything is hooked up correctly. Try adding a div with some text in your home template just to make sure it's showing up. Once you've got that going you're ready to start on some directives. Now let's make our directive. We'll start with a simple one that we can use to display information passed to it. Step 1. Start your directive Woot. When you're initializing your directive just remember that it works very similarly to how you start up a controller or a service. It can also be very helpful to think of your directive as a route. Create your directive. You'll use the directive method on your angular module. It takes two arguments, the name string and the callback function, which will return the object that represents your directive. When naming your directive give it a name with two words; dirDisplay would be nice, but anything works. Just remember it's best practice to give a directive a camel case name so that it's clear in your html what it is. Also we're going to need a template html for our directive. We could do it inline, but let's make another file instead. Just name it something that makes sense for the name of your directive and put it in the same directory as your directive file. For your template just make a <div> and inside a <h1> tag that says User. Now in your home route html add in your directive. It will look like this if you named it dirDisplay: <dir-display></dir-display> Start up your app and go to the home route. Check and make sure you see User where your directive was placed. If you're not seeing it at this point it could mean a few things. Here's some more common issues. You didn't link your directive in your index as a script. Your name for your directive doesn't match the name in your html. Remember camel case becomes snake case so myDirective becomes <my-directive></my-directive>. You're file path to your html template is wrong. You have to think of file paths in angular as relative to the index. Here's some code to see just for this part, and just for the directive's js file. var app = angular.module('directivePractice'); app.directive('dirDisplay', function(){ return { templateUrl: 'app/directives/dirDisplay.html' }; }); What we're returning is the directive object. You won't see anymore code in this tutorial so it's important you get things working right and refer back to what you've already done to advance from now on. Step 2. Advancing directives Your directive should be loaded up now, but it's not really doing much. Let's make it better. In your home controller. Make a variable on your $scope called user. Set it's value to { name: "Geoff McMammy", age: 43, email: "geofdude@gmail.com" } Now inside your directive's html specifically inside the <h3> tags display our new user's name. Then inside maybe some <h4> tags display his email and age. This is going to work exactly the same as if it was just inside your home controller. Reload the page and make sure it works. This is still very cosmetic and really not all that useful. It needs functionality. Add into your directive's object the link property. The link property's value is a function definition that takes (generally) three parameters. scope, element, and attributes. Unlike in other places with angular injection these parameter names don't carry meaning. The first parameter will always represent your $scope for that directive, the second will always be the element that wraps your whole directive, and the third will always be an object containing all the properties and values of the attributes on your directive in the dom. Try the following to get a feel for all three. Add two attributes to your directive in your html. Like this - <dir-display test="myTest" my-check="checkItOut"></dir-display> Now in the link property you've added console.log the three parameters in the function. You'll see an object for scope that should look identical to the $scope of your html function. For element you'll see an object the represents the DOM wrapper for your directive. For attributes you'll see an object that will look like this: { test: "myTest", myCheck: "checkItOut" } An important thing to notice is how it has again converted snake case to camel case for you. my-check became myCheck. Don't forget this. You'll run into this issue one day. It counts for both attributes and directive names. To feel some of what the link function could do let's try this. Add a ng-show to both the email and age wrappers. This should be familiar to you. Now inside your link function add a click event listener to your element property. It's going to look just like jQuery. element.on('click', function(){ }) Inside the click listener's callback add a toggle for the ng-show property you passed in. Along with a console.log to make sure things are connecting when you click. Try it out. Don't call for a mentor when it doesn't work. Let's talk about that first. You should see the console.log firing, but why isn't it toggling. This is going to be a common problem when working with the link function and event listeners. What we have here is an angular digest problem. The value is changing on the scope object, but the change isn't being reflected by our DOM. That's because angular isn't aware of the change yet. Anytime we cause an event to happen using something like jQuery or even angular's jQLite we need to let angular know that we've made a change. Add this line of code in place of your console.log, scope.$apply(). Now try it out. It should be working now, so if you're still having issues it's time to debug. What we've done is forced angular to run it's digest cycle. This is where angular checks the scope object for changes and then applies those to the DOM. This is another good lesson to learn for later. You'll most likely hit this when making changes to your element using event listeners. Step 3. Directive's re-usability. Now our directive has some extremely basic functionality. One of a directive's greatest advantages though is its ability to be placed anywhere and still be functional. Let's say instead we had a list of users instead of just one. Change the $scope property in your home controller to be users and give it this array as its value: [ { name: "Geoff McMammy", age: 43, email: "geofdude@gmail.com", city: "Provo" }, { name: "Frederick Deeder", age: 26, email: "fredeed@gmail.com", city: "Austin" }, { name: "Spencer Rentz", age: 35, email: "spencerrentz@gmail.com", city: "Sacramento" }, { name: "Geddup Ngo", age: 43, email: "geddupngo@gmail.com", city: "Orlando" }, { name: "Donst Opbie Leevin", age: 67, email: "gernee@gmail.com", city: "Phoenix" } ] Now in your home HTML add a ng-repeat to the directive call. Tell it to repeat for each user in users. Reload your page. It's working! But why? How does each directive instance know what information to display? In the link function console.log the scope parameter. Make sure it's outside of your click listener. You'll see five print outs in your console. Open up any one of them and look to the bottom. Open up the user property. It's exactly what we would want! But again why would that be the case? Don't get too caught up in this next bit if it's too hard to understand, but the ng-repeat is essentially making new tiny scope objects for each individual user in our users array. Now each of our directives is still getting a user property on the scope object just like the directive wanted in the beginning. Woot. Step 4. Ramp it up with Isolate Scope. Directives can do so much more. So let's make that happen. That means we should make.... a new directive!!! This directive's purpose will be to display a selected User and the weather in his/her/its location. Link it up just like the last one. Create a js file for our directive and name it dirWeather. Make an html file named dirWeather.html. Link it up in your index.html and add the template to your new directive object. In your directive's template give it an <h3> tag that says Weather just so we can know it's working. Above your ng-repeat on dirDisplay add your new dirWeather directive. If it's not working check the instructions above as to some common reasons why before asking a mentor for help. If you're seeing the Weather text on your page then we're ready to try out the dreaded Isolate Scope. The isolate scope object is one of the stranger API's in angular. I'm sorry but it is. Just refer to this for now. scope: { string: '@', link: '=', func: '&' } The properties on the scope object represent the attributes on the directive in the html. Our example scope object here would look something like this in the html. <example-directive string="a string" link="user" func="updateUser()"></example-directive> The hard part here is the @, =, and &. They each have very important and distinct meanings. @ says take in my attribute value as a string. = says take in my attribute value as a two-way bound variable from the parent scope. & says take in my attribute value as a reference to a function on the parent scope. It's also critical to point out that once you add a scope object you have no isolated your directive's scope. Meaning, aside from the values passed in through attributes, this directive has no connection to the $scope of its parent. That being said let's isolate our directive's scope. :worried: Add the scope property to your dirWeather. Give it the value of an object with a property of currentUser whose value is '='. Remember in your html this will look like current-user. This is the third time I've said so don't expect it again. This means that whatever comes into the currentUser attribute is going to be a value of the parent's scope object. For now test this out by passing in users[0]. Find a way to show that users information inside your dirWeather's html. Remember inside your directive now the user is represented by currentUser. Step 5. &? &!? The '=' value on your scope object has created a two-way binding between users[0] and currentUser. Now let's try out the '&'. On your home controller add a function called getWeather. It takes one parameter called city. This function will make a call to a service so we'll need to create that. Make a weather service. Name it something cool and creative like weatherService. Inside the weather service make a function called getWeather that also takes one parameter, city. Make an $http get to this url - 'http://api.openweathermap.org/data/2.5/weather?q=' After the q= add on the city parameter. If you want you can test this out in postman. See what kind of data you get back. If it's the weather of that city then... you win! Use $q to return a promise that only resolves with the data you want. Temperature (preferably not in Kelvin) and the weather description. Use console.log on the data coming from the $http request to get to what you want. You'll need to add both on an object that you resolve your new promise with. On your home controller have it return the result of invoking the get getWeather function on the service. You should be returning a promise. Now in your home route's HTML pass in the getWeather function to the dirWeather directive through an attribute called weather-call. Add the attribute to your isolate scope object. That was a lot of linking, but let's walk through it. Your controller has a function linked to the service, which is in turn linked to your directive. So if you run the weatherCall function in your directive it will go through your controller to your service and then back. Now things get a little bit tricky. Angular's way of passing along arguments through a directive to your controller are tricky, but once you understand how to do it, it's not hard. I'm going to give an example here of how it works. <my-directive pass-func="callFunc(data)"></my-directive> Here's how it would look in your HTML. But where's the data supposed to be coming from? It seems that you'd rather be able to pass in data from your directive. Well you still can, you just have to essentially tell angular what do use as an argument to replace data when it calls that function in your controller. The actualy function call inside the directive will look like this. $scope.passFunc({data: wantedData}) So what you'll do is pass in an object where the property name is what the argument is named in the HTML where you call the directive. That might sound confusing, but just look at the two code blocks above for a pattern. Note that pass-func becomes $scope.passFunc and data is being replaced with wantedData with the {data: wantedData} object. In our directive we want to replace city in the attribute call, for something else inside the directive. You'll follow the same pattern as above. For now let's get things set up for that function call. Add to the dirWeather directive object a property called controller. It's value will be a function. Yes, this is a controller specifically for your one directive. It works the same as any other controller, except you don't give it a name. It's $scope object will only be accessible within an instance of your directive. Don't forget to inject $scope in the function. Inside your controller function run the weatherCall function with the city property from the currentUser on your $scope. Here's where you need to make sure you've passed in a city argument in the attribute function call, and then replace that with your currentUser's city using an object with a city property. The function call should return a promise, so call .then afterward and add the data onto your $scope to display both the weather and temperature of the currentUser's city. The properties can be named whatever makes sense to you. You may also want to find a way to get rid of all the decimal places on your temperature. Now you should have everything hooked up so it shows Geoff's data and the weather data for Provo. But is that good enough? Step 6. Ramping up our ramp up. Now let's change this so it shows the weather data for whichever user we select. We're going to need to use '&' again. Make a function on the home controller that takes in a parameter and sets a property on the $scope to be that parameter. Maybe you see where this is going. We want to get this function into our dirDisplay controller. But in order to do that we need to isolate dirDisplay's scope. This also means we need to pass in each individual user through the scope object as well. To make it easier on ourselves, let's pass the current user from our ng-repeat into our directive through a user attribute. This way we can leave our two-way bindings as they are. Also pass our new function that sets our current user from our home controller into our directive through a setUser attribute. You'll need to add an argument in there again. Go with user. Your scope object in dirDisplay should have two properties. setUser with the value of '&' and user with the value of '='. As before we're going to need to do some tricky stuff to get our argument back to our controller. Call the setUser function inside our click event listener and pass in an object the sets our user argument to be the user on our directive's scope object. If you've forgotten this part go back up and take a look at how you did it before or the example in this README. Whatever user you click on now should show up in the dirWeather directive as the current user. But we're missing one thing, we want to be able to see the weather for that user too. We'll have to do one more thing that will seem a little bit tricky at first, but it's good to learn if you don't know it already since it's actually used quite frequently. We need to step up a change listener on our currentUser in the dirWeather directive. We'll use angular's $watch functionality. $watch is a method on your $scope that will watch for changes in a variable you give it. It works in two ways. $scope.$watch('property', function(value){ console.log("When $scope.property changes its new value is: ", value) }); And $scope.$watch(function(){ return myVar }, function(value){ console.log("When myVar changes its new value is: ", value); }); Remove the immediate function call that we have in there now. Maybe just comment it out for now because we'll use it in a bit. Now call the $watch method on your scope and have it watch currentUser. Either way of using $watch is fine. Have its callback run the $scope.weatherCall function just like you had it before. One thing to note is that $scope.$watch will always run once to begin with. Since that's what we want here it's great, but just be aware of that. If you've reached this point congratulate yourself. You've messed with some serious stuff today, namely directives. There are still a lot of things about directives that we can't possibly cover in a single project. If you like what we've done so far then you're in a good place to keep going. A developer who understands directives well can build a really clean looking code base. Just look at your home.html. It could have just two lines in it. If you're feeling good move on now to Step 7. Step 7. Finishing touches Try to work out these problems on your own. There should be a way to let the user know that the weather data is loading. Something that appears while our $http request is retrieving our data. The $http request shouldn't fire on both opening and closing a user's information. A color change for the currently active user would be nicer than showing that user's info inside the dirWeather modal. Or at least less redundant. Whatever else you want. We still haven't explored transclusion and ng-transclude so give that a try if you're feeling adventurous. Just know that it's a way for deciding where to put the HTML child elements of a directive. It's cool stuff that can involve some criss-crossing of scopes.

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An application developer must concentrate on the UI design, multi-touch gestures for touch-enabled devices and consider platform design standards as well. Today, emphasis is on the UI design of an app as it plays an essential role in the success of an app. Step 4: Determine method to develop the iphone app - native, web or cross Selecting the right approach for developing an software is highly important.Preferably, app development method must be in accordance with the time and budget limitations of any client. Native: Native software permits in delivering the best user experience but require important some talent to be developed. These software are basically program specific and require knowledge along with knowledge. Net: Web software are quick and cheap ones to develop and can run using multiple platforms. These are developed using HTML5, WEB PAGE and JavaScript code. These types of web software are less powerful than native programs. 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It is rather helpful in attracting investors and working with manufacturers and finding licensees Step 6: Incorporate a suitable analytics tool use analytics to improve your application in order that it results in successful software development Step seven: Identify beta-testers. Beta testing is the first possibility to get feedback from your target customers. It is particularly significant as it enhances your visibility in the iphone app store. It not only reduce product chance but ensure you get that first push in the software store. To distinguish beta testers is another important job to ensure success of an app. Preparing for beta launch: Define focus on customer - It truly is highly important to identify and clearly define your targeted audience. This will allow you identify the right testers during your beta tester recruiting. Eliminate insects - Before beta screening your iphone app on different platforms you need to take into account vast majority of the devices which eliminate device specific insects. Identify goals - Beta testing is the best possibility to get real feedback from target customers. It provides a great chance to further understand marketplace and their requirements. Discovering goals for beta screening helps in focusing the efforts. These goals reduce your product launch chance. Step 8: Release and deploy the software Implementing an app requires plan, schedule and control over the movement of releases to test and live conditions. The objective of Deployment Management is to ensure the integrity of the live environment is protected and that the correct components are released. Step 9: Capture the metrics There has recently been substantial rise in the mobile app users in today's decade. As a result, the need to accumulate accurate metrics is highly important. As the amount of consumers using mobile applications steadily rises, the need to gather precise metrics from them is increasingly important. Unfortunately, many of the methods used to measure programs are taken from web stats. Funnel analysis signifies why users are failing to finish desired user actions including in-app purchases or ad clicks Measuring social discussing signifies what aspects of your application are recording the interest of your users Correlating demographic data with user behaviour Step 10: Upgrade your application with improvements and new features update and upgrade your mobile after you know that you have developed it properly - the last step to successful software development After capturing the metrics it becomes important to upgrade your app with advancements and revolutionary features. A new mobile iphone app without modern features loses its user friendliness extended range run. Upgrading your iphone app with innovative features enhances its visibility along with downloads of an app.

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9 Email Marketing Tips For Content Marketers Even “agnostics” regarding email marketing can't hash out the following evidence - the average ROI from this promotional practice is close to 3,800%. Measureless opportunities to scale up and relative cheapness, compared to other reaching-out channels, are the two reasons why the email marketing is fair-haired by businesses. However, this is not about the price and physical extent alone. The chief advantage is a better alignment of communication with customers. If you hope a certain content strategy brings desirable results, overlooking the quality of mailing messages will be a sorry pitfall. Always keep in mind that newsletters, welcome, retention, and other emails are not just a brand's facade - but a powerful tool for generating conversions. By joining sides of email and content strategies, you can come up with synergy from both. In this guide, we’ll cover a few recommendations for content marketers on how to write email messages that work. Tips for email marketing Segment your list Split the batch of email recipients into smaller groups based on chosen criteria, and mail distinct relevant messages - for each. You can use recipients' GEO, demographic characteristics, or purchase history to distinguish homogeneous clusters and proceed with the content planning. Segmentation is the basic premise for personalization, and if you still doubt why bothering about the latter - here are just a few numbers we took from Instapage: 52% of customers claim they do care if the message was tailor-made or not 82% of marketers say that mail personalization increases the open ratio custom emails have 41% more unique clicks than mass-produced ones. To avoid a fragmented approach, use data from CRMs, website analytics tools, and other sources to define segments. Concerning phrasings, a good idea is to create Buyer personas profiles. Thus, you'll be able to choose the appropriate message length and wording. Say, design a newsletter to promote paid subscription for an email validator service. You've decided to distinguish corporate clients based on their company size and determined the following groups: #1 - B2Bs and #2 - sole entrepreneurs. Possible messages for the two: #1. Our "XXL" plan is perfect for agencies and enterprises. One can add unlimited users and conduct up to 100,000 checks per month. #2. With our "S" you get 1,000 credits and 5,000 unique recipients - for only $33 per month. Plus - a 7-days free trial. Use interactive content The best content marketers know that interactive content came into vogue a long time ago. As to emails, here are the most common examples: CSS animated buttons If you include CTAs buttons (that we hope you do) - liven them up a bit. Add an animated hover effect, so that every time a recipient puts a cursor on a button, it changes shape, shade, color, or text. “Add hover to emphasise objects”, source This shouldn’t necessarily be something dramatic - add tiny accents that will yet grab the user's attention. starring “Add a star rating component to engage readers with content”, source Including ranking or reviewing widgets in the email body is one of the most working ways to engage the reader with the message. Ask recipients to assess your product or service with stars. Add the link to Google Forms if you want to receive an extended opinion on overall customer satisfaction. pictures' rollovers “Use animated images to describe goods better”, source The effect is eagerly used by the ones who promote online stores. Using The rollover allows to show goods from different angles or even play with recipients, if relevant. Take into account that this feature only works on desktops - mobile mail users will see the very first picture only. images carousel “Add pieces of text directly on images”, source If you want to enhance goods cards with descriptive content, say - price and shipping details, use a carousel instead of a rollover. As so, you can add more info pictures to the email body and, hopefully, convert more recipients into customers. a countdown “Countdowns work well for limited in time offers”, source Again, this type of interactive content fits the online shopping niche. Animated clocks amplify urgency and theoretically increase conversions. But it's important to stay extremely careful and not to sound desperate - otherwise, the newsletter will end up in the recipient's "Spam". Improve design The attractiveness of an email is something granted on certain terms, indeed. Not all emails need to be flashy or include expensive designs. However, there are some prevailing common trends in the matter. By following them, you seem to show the recipient that your company is moving in step with the times, and not stuck in the 2000s. Here's the shortlist from the TOP email design trends list that a 99designs provides - as of 2021: magazine-styled “Make newsletters to look a bit editorial”, source More and more newsletters tend to look like a centerfold from good old printed media. With a strict following to the "Less is more" principle - clear fonts, short phrases, HD-quality images with a few objects on them, and short CTAs. hand-made illustrations “Unique pictures create a distinct flavour of your brand”, source Tailored icons or sketchy images - whatever fits your mailing purpose, just make sure it's not too bright, contrast, or overloaded with details. Give preference to clean colors. skeuomorphic objects This is when a design resembles a real object. To see an example - just open a reader App on your smartphone. “A skeuomorphic bookshelf”, source HD photographies “If you operate in the luxury segment, do not skimp on email visuals”, source These are expensive content, but if you work in fashion or other chick industries - it may be worth the effort. animated content Yeap, we've covered this in a previous tip. single scroll “Looks especially good on smartphones”, source Place the entire email content, including buttons, on the endless-looking long frame. Focus on conversions Stay focused on what's your mailing purpose. Don't forget that everybody expects to see a good ROI from email actions at the end of the reporting period. Craft effective CTAs - perceive these not as a sole button with a "Download now" text or so, but as an entire sense of a message that you write. To create a captivating CTA copy, adhere to the below advices: include win-win propositions Even though you’re not providing a customer with a discount or cash refund at the moment, your proposition may include a non-monetary incentive. New arrivals, selection of the latest news, free copies, advice from experts - the only rule here is to offer what’ll hold in high esteem. trigger on emotions Don't long-windedly list benefits. Instead, simulate a life situation and show how your product or service can help. use several CTAs throughout the email Email body may be viewed in several scrolls, especially when via small mobile devices’ screens. If you add a call to action at the beginning of the message, a mere number of users will get back to it after finishing reading the content. Thus, you may lose potential conversion. Include several buttons throughout the email body, but don’t sound repeatedly - change calls’ forms and wording. Encourage readers to reply Driving recipients to reply is challenging yet able to be done. First, choose the proper writing tone. According to an extensive study of emails that didn’t get a response, the most preferable is a 3rd-grade reading level. “Too elementary or too proficient tone may scare away readers”, source Of course, you must apply this recommendation with an eye on the recipient. If you mail to a professor or a government agency, a “3rd-grade” rule isn’t applicable. But all else being equal - simplify the lexicon to the level a schoolchild can understand it. Another trick is to sound overall happy. Emails that are enhanced with positive emotions get 10-15% more replies, on average than neutral ones. The best manner is to choose a slightly warm tone. Exaggerated excitement may look weird and even suspicious, especially when reaching out to business partners. And don’t forget about courtesy. A rare person will respond if you address him or her with a hair-raising “To whom it may concern” phrase. Make it personal Personification shouldn’t be confused with personalization. The second is rather about mailing fitting content from a commercial perspective, while the first term - about addressing the recipient as a one-off personality. Personal emails start with the recipient’s name - and no other way. They include references to the user's interests or past actions. For example, if your tourist agency’s client is interested in island vacations - you shall approach him or her with respective offers. They also shall contain personalized promotions, if any. The best way to expand this approach on hundreds or thousands of recipients is to launch trigger-based email campaigns. Create delivery scenarios for different segments or stages of a sales pipeline. Then prepare a fitting sequence of relevant content - for every single scenario. To give a human face to mailing, one can practice greetings, as well. Birthdays, state holidays, anniversaries, a new status in the loyalty system - there are a lot of examples of what one may congratulate the customer with. Keep your emails out of spam folders It is better not to launch mailing at all than to use an untrustworthy emails’ database. The risks are much higher than a slew of undelivered messages - from harming a sender's reputation to being banned by mailing systems. So it's better to stay proactive: tidy away broken, misspelled, temporary, or other worrisome emails from the database - either manually or with the help of software collect a valid email address only - through email finders avoid spam-trigger words establish a double opt-in validation set the correct mailing frequency. Make sure your emails look clean and crisp Newsletters shall afterall bring revenues - whether you want it or not. But in a bid of quantity, don’t lose the overall content integrity and sense: a subject line, pre-header, header, email body, and calls shall be consistent with one another the copy must be of the proper size; although the length depends on many factors, stick to an “ideal” interval - 50 to 125 words if can, don’t attach too many files or links to external websites - mailing filters are suspicious to these adapt the layout to fit smaller screens - nothing looks worse than broken email elements when you open it on mobile. Wrapping up It doesn't make much difference whether you create mailing content for personal or business purposes - these email marketing tips will serve both. No strains here - the recipient’s interest should be at your forefront. If you can hook him or her with the content by using tricks we've covered, you’ll never fail with enough conversions.

{ "cells": [ { "cell_type": "markdown", "metadata": {}, "source": [ "# Guide to Web Scraping\n", "\n", "Let's get you started with web scraping and Python. Before we begin, here are some important rules to follow and understand:\n", "\n", "1. Always be respectful and try to get premission to scrape, do not bombard a website with scraping requests, otherwise your IP address may be blocked!\n", "2. Be aware that websites change often, meaning your code could go from working to totally broken from one day to the next.\n", "3. Pretty much every web scraping project of interest is a unique and custom job, so try your best to generalize the skills learned here.\n", "\n", "OK, let's get started with the basics!\n", "\n", "## Basic components of a WebSite\n", "\n", "### HTML\n", "HTML stands for Hypertext Markup Language and every website on the internet uses it to display information. Even the jupyter notebook system uses it to display this information in your browser. If you right click on a website and select \"View Page Source\" you can see the raw HTML of a web page. This is the information that Python will be looking at to grab information from. Let's take a look at a simple webpage's HTML:\n", "\n", " <!DOCTYPE html> \n", " <html> \n", " <head>\n", " <title>Title on Browser Tab</title>\n", " </head>\n", " <body>\n", " <h1> Website Header </h1>\n", " <p> Some Paragraph </p>\n", " <body>\n", " </html>" ] }, { "cell_type": "markdown", "metadata": {}, "source": [ "Let's breakdown these components.\n", "\n", "Every <tag> indicates a specific block type on the webpage:\n", "\n", " 1.<DOCTYPE html> HTML documents will always start with this type declaration, letting the browser know its an HTML file.\n", " 2. The component blocks of the HTML document are placed between <html> and </html>.\n", " 3. Meta data and script connections (like a link to a CSS file or a JS file) are often placed in the <head> block.\n", " 4. The <title> tag block defines the title of the webpage (its what shows up in the tab of a website you're visiting).\n", " 5. Is between <body> and </body> tags are the blocks that will be visible to the site visitor.\n", " 6. Headings are defined by the <h1> through <h6> tags, where the number represents the size of the heading.\n", " 7. Paragraphs are defined by the <p> tag, this is essentially just normal text on the website.\n", "\n", " There are many more tags than just these, such as <a> for hyperlinks, <table> for tables, <tr> for table rows, and <td> for table columns, and more!" ] }, { "cell_type": "markdown", "metadata": {}, "source": [ "### CSS\n", "\n", "CSS stands for Cascading Style Sheets, this is what gives \"style\" to a website, including colors and fonts, and even some animations! CSS uses tags such as **id** or **class** to connect an HTML element to a CSS feature, such as a particular color. **id** is a unique id for an HTML tag and must be unique within the HTML document, basically a single use connection. **class** defines a general style that can then be linked to multiple HTML tags. Basically if you only want a single html tag to be red, you would use an id tag, if you wanted several HTML tags/blocks to be red, you would create a class in your CSS doc and then link it to the rest of these blocks." ] }, { "cell_type": "markdown", "metadata": {}, "source": [ "### Scraping Guidelines\n", "\n", "Keep in mind you should always have permission for the website you are scraping! Check a websites terms and conditions for more info. Also keep in mind that a computer can send requests to a website very fast, so a website may block your computer's ip address if you send too many requests too quickly. Lastly, websites change all the time! You will most likely need to update your code often for long term web-scraping jobs." ] }, { "cell_type": "markdown", "metadata": {}, "source": [ "## Web Scraping with Python\n", "\n", "There are a few libraries you will need, you can go to your command line and install them with conda install (if you are using anaconda distribution), or pip install for other python distributions.\n", "\n", " conda install requests\n", " conda install lxml\n", " conda install bs4\n", " \n", "if you are not using the Anaconda Installation, you can use **pip install** instead of **conda install**, for example:\n", "\n", " pip install requests\n", " pip install lxml\n", " pip install bs4\n", " \n", "Now let's see what we can do with these libraries.\n", "\n", "----" ] }, { "cell_type": "markdown", "metadata": {}, "source": [ "### Example Task 0 - Grabbing the title of a page\n", "\n", "Let's start very simple, we will grab the title of a page. Remember that this is the HTML block with the **title** tag. For this task we will use **www.example.com** which is a website specifically made to serve as an example domain. Let's go through the main steps:" ] }, { "cell_type": "code", "execution_count": 51, "metadata": { "collapsed": true }, "outputs": [], "source": [ "import requests" ] }, { "cell_type": "code", "execution_count": 52, "metadata": { "collapsed": true }, "outputs": [], "source": [ "# Step 1: Use the requests library to grab the page\n", "# Note, this may fail if you have a firewall blocking Python/Jupyter \n", "# Note sometimes you need to run this twice if it fails the first time\n", "res = requests.get(\"http://www.example.com\")" ] }, { "cell_type": "markdown", "metadata": {}, "source": [ "This object is a requests.models.Response object and it actually contains the information from the website, for example:" ] }, { "cell_type": "code", "execution_count": 53, "metadata": {}, "outputs": [ { "data": { "text/plain": [ "requests.models.Response" ] }, "execution_count": 53, "metadata": {}, "output_type": "execute_result" } ], "source": [ "type(res)" ] }, { "cell_type": "code", "execution_count": 54, "metadata": {}, "outputs": [ { "data": { "text/plain": [ "'<!doctype html>\\n<html>\\n<head>\\n <title>Example Domain</title>\\n\\n <meta charset=\"utf-8\" />\\n <meta http-equiv=\"Content-type\" content=\"text/html; charset=utf-8\" />\\n <meta name=\"viewport\" content=\"width=device-width, initial-scale=1\" />\\n <style type=\"text/css\">\\n body {\\n background-color: #f0f0f2;\\n margin: 0;\\n padding: 0;\\n font-family: -apple-system, system-ui, BlinkMacSystemFont, \"Segoe UI\", \"Open Sans\", \"Helvetica Neue\", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif;\\n \\n }\\n div {\\n width: 600px;\\n margin: 5em auto;\\n padding: 2em;\\n background-color: #fdfdff;\\n border-radius: 0.5em;\\n box-shadow: 2px 3px 7px 2px rgba(0,0,0,0.02);\\n }\\n a:link, a:visited {\\n color: #38488f;\\n text-decoration: none;\\n }\\n @media (max-width: 700px) {\\n div {\\n margin: 0 auto;\\n width: auto;\\n }\\n }\\n </style> \\n</head>\\n\\n<body>\\n<div>\\n <h1>Example Domain</h1>\\n <p>This domain is for use in illustrative examples in documents. You may use this\\n domain in literature without prior coordination or asking for permission.</p>\\n <p><a href=\"https://www.iana.org/domains/example\">More information...</a></p>\\n</div>\\n</body>\\n</html>\\n'" ] }, "execution_count": 54, "metadata": {}, "output_type": "execute_result" } ], "source": [ "res.text" ] }, { "cell_type": "markdown", "metadata": {}, "source": [ "____\n", "Now we use BeautifulSoup to analyze the extracted page. Technically we could use our own custom script to loook for items in the string of **res.text** but the BeautifulSoup library already has lots of built-in tools and methods to grab information from a string of this nature (basically an HTML file). Using BeautifulSoup we can create a \"soup\" object that contains all the \"ingredients\" of the webpage. Don't ask me about the weird library names, I didn't choose them! :)" ] }, { "cell_type": "code", "execution_count": 55, "metadata": { "collapsed": true }, "outputs": [], "source": [ "import bs4" ] }, { "cell_type": "code", "execution_count": 56, "metadata": { "collapsed": true }, "outputs": [], "source": [ "soup = bs4.BeautifulSoup(res.text,\"lxml\")" ] }, { "cell_type": "code", "execution_count": 57, "metadata": {}, "outputs": [ { "data": { "text/plain": [ "<!DOCTYPE html>\n", "<html>\n", "<head>\n", "<title>Example Domain</title>\n", "<meta charset=\"utf-8\"/>\n", "<meta content=\"text/html; charset=utf-8\" http-equiv=\"Content-type\"/>\n", "<meta content=\"width=device-width, initial-scale=1\" name=\"viewport\"/>\n", "<style type=\"text/css\">\n", " body {\n", " background-color: #f0f0f2;\n", " margin: 0;\n", " padding: 0;\n", " font-family: -apple-system, system-ui, BlinkMacSystemFont, \"Segoe UI\", \"Open Sans\", \"Helvetica Neue\", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif;\n", " \n", " }\n", " div {\n", " width: 600px;\n", " margin: 5em auto;\n", " padding: 2em;\n", " background-color: #fdfdff;\n", " border-radius: 0.5em;\n", " box-shadow: 2px 3px 7px 2px rgba(0,0,0,0.02);\n", " }\n", " a:link, a:visited {\n", " color: #38488f;\n", " text-decoration: none;\n", " }\n", " @media (max-width: 700px) {\n", " div {\n", " margin: 0 auto;\n", " width: auto;\n", " }\n", " }\n", " </style>\n", "</head>\n", "<body>\n", "<div>\n", "<h1>Example Domain</h1>\n", "<p>This domain is for use in illustrative examples in documents. You may use this\n", " domain in literature without prior coordination or asking for permission.</p>\n", "<p><a href=\"https://www.iana.org/domains/example\">More information...</a></p>\n", "</div>\n", "</body>\n", "</html>" ] }, "execution_count": 57, "metadata": {}, "output_type": "execute_result" } ], "source": [ "soup" ] }, { "cell_type": "markdown", "metadata": {}, "source": [ "Now let's use the **.select()** method to grab elements. We are looking for the 'title' tag, so we will pass in 'title'\n" ] }, { "cell_type": "code", "execution_count": 7, "metadata": {}, "outputs": [ { "data": { "text/plain": [ "[<title>Example Domain</title>]" ] }, "execution_count": 7, "metadata": {}, "output_type": "execute_result" } ], "source": [ "soup.select('title')" ] }, { "cell_type": "markdown", "metadata": {}, "source": [ "Notice what is returned here, its actually a list containing all the title elements (along with their tags). You can use indexing or even looping to grab the elements from the list. Since this object it still a specialized tag, we cna use method calls to grab just the text." ] }, { "cell_type": "code", "execution_count": 8, "metadata": { "collapsed": true }, "outputs": [], "source": [ "title_tag = soup.select('title')" ] }, { "cell_type": "code", "execution_count": 9, "metadata": {}, "outputs": [ { "data": { "text/plain": [ "<title>Example Domain</title>" ] }, "execution_count": 9, "metadata": {}, "output_type": "execute_result" } ], "source": [ "title_tag[0]" ] }, { "cell_type": "code", "execution_count": 11, "metadata": {}, "outputs": [ { "data": { "text/plain": [ "bs4.element.Tag" ] }, "execution_count": 11, "metadata": {}, "output_type": "execute_result" } ], "source": [ "type(title_tag[0])" ] }, { "cell_type": "code", "execution_count": 12, "metadata": {}, "outputs": [ { "data": { "text/plain": [ "'Example Domain'" ] }, "execution_count": 12, "metadata": {}, "output_type": "execute_result" } ], "source": [ "title_tag[0].getText()" ] }, { "cell_type": "markdown", "metadata": {}, "source": [ "### Example Task 1 - Grabbing all elements of a class\n", "\n", "Let's try to grab all the section headings of the Wikipedia Article on Grace Hopper from this URL: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grace_Hopper" ] }, { "cell_type": "code", "execution_count": 13, "metadata": { "collapsed": true }, "outputs": [], "source": [ "# First get the request\n", "res = requests.get('https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grace_Hopper')" ] }, { "cell_type": "code", "execution_count": 14, "metadata": { "collapsed": true }, "outputs": [], "source": [ "# Create a soup from request\n", "soup = bs4.BeautifulSoup(res.text,\"lxml\")" ] }, { "cell_type": "markdown", "metadata": {}, "source": [ "Now its time to figure out what we are actually looking for. Inspect the element on the page to see that the section headers have the class \"mw-headline\". Because this is a class and not a straight tag, we need to adhere to some syntax for CSS. In this case" ] }, { "cell_type": "markdown", "metadata": {}, "source": [ "<table>\n", "\n", "<thead >\n", "<tr>\n", "<th>\n", "<p>Syntax to pass to the .select() method</p>\n", "</th>\n", "<th>\n", "<p>Match Results</p>\n", "</th>\n", "</tr>\n", "</thead>\n", "<tbody>\n", "<tr>\n", "<td>\n", "<p><code>soup.select('div')</code></p>\n", "</td>\n", "<td>\n", "<p>All elements with the <code>&lt;div&gt;</code> tag</p>\n", "</td>\n", "</tr>\n", "<tr>\n", "<td>\n", "<p><code>soup.select('#some_id')</code></p>\n", "</td>\n", "<td>\n", "<p>The HTML element containing the <code>id</code> attribute of <code>some_id</code></p>\n", "</td>\n", "</tr>\n", "<tr>\n", "<td>\n", "<p><code>soup.select('.notice')</code></p>\n", "</td>\n", "<td>\n", "<p>All the HTML elements with the CSS <code>class</code> named <code>notice</code></p>\n", "</td>\n", "</tr>\n", "<tr>\n", "<td>\n", "<p><code>soup.select('div span')</code></p>\n", "</td>\n", "<td>\n", "<p>Any elements named <code>&lt;span&gt;</code> that are within an element named <code>&lt;div&gt;</code></p>\n", "</td>\n", "</tr>\n", "<tr>\n", "<td>\n", "<p><code>soup.select('div &gt; span')</code></p>\n", "</td>\n", "<td>\n", "<p>Any elements named <code class=\"literal2\">&lt;span&gt;</code> that are <span><em >directly</em></span> within an element named <code class=\"literal2\">&lt;div&gt;</code>, with no other element in between</p>\n", "</td>\n", "</tr>\n", "<tr>\n", "\n", "</tr>\n", "</tbody>\n", "</table>" ] }, { "cell_type": "code", "execution_count": 16, "metadata": {}, "outputs": [ { "data": { "text/plain": [ "[<span class=\"mw-headline\" id=\"Early_life_and_education\">Early life and education</span>,\n", " <span class=\"mw-headline\" id=\"Career\">Career</span>,\n", " <span class=\"mw-headline\" id=\"World_War_II\">World War II</span>,\n", " <span class=\"mw-headline\" id=\"UNIVAC\">UNIVAC</span>,\n", " <span class=\"mw-headline\" id=\"COBOL\">COBOL</span>,\n", " <span class=\"mw-headline\" id=\"Standards\">Standards</span>,\n", " <span class=\"mw-headline\" id=\"Retirement\">Retirement</span>,\n", " <span class=\"mw-headline\" id=\"Post-retirement\">Post-retirement</span>,\n", " <span class=\"mw-headline\" id=\"Anecdotes\">Anecdotes</span>,\n", " <span class=\"mw-headline\" id=\"Death\">Death</span>,\n", " <span class=\"mw-headline\" id=\"Dates_of_rank\">Dates of rank</span>,\n", " <span class=\"mw-headline\" id=\"Awards_and_honors\">Awards and honors</span>,\n", " <span class=\"mw-headline\" id=\"Military_awards\">Military awards</span>,\n", " <span class=\"mw-headline\" id=\"Other_awards\">Other awards</span>,\n", " <span class=\"mw-headline\" id=\"Legacy\">Legacy</span>,\n", " <span class=\"mw-headline\" id=\"Places\">Places</span>,\n", " <span class=\"mw-headline\" id=\"Programs\">Programs</span>,\n", " <span class=\"mw-headline\" id=\"In_popular_culture\">In popular culture</span>,\n", " <span class=\"mw-headline\" id=\"Grace_Hopper_Celebration_of_Women_in_Computing\">Grace Hopper Celebration of Women in Computing</span>,\n", " <span class=\"mw-headline\" id=\"Notes\">Notes</span>,\n", " <span class=\"mw-headline\" id=\"Obituary_notices\">Obituary notices</span>,\n", " <span class=\"mw-headline\" id=\"See_also\">See also</span>,\n", " <span class=\"mw-headline\" id=\"References\">References</span>,\n", " <span class=\"mw-headline\" id=\"Further_reading\">Further reading</span>,\n", " <span class=\"mw-headline\" id=\"External_links\">External links</span>]" ] }, "execution_count": 16, "metadata": {}, "output_type": "execute_result" } ], "source": [ "# note depending on your IP Address, \n", "# this class may be called something different\n", "soup.select(\".toctext\")" ] }, { "cell_type": "code", "execution_count": 17, "metadata": {}, "outputs": [ { "name": "stdout", "output_type": "stream", "text": [ "Early life and education\n", "Career\n", "World War II\n", "UNIVAC\n", "COBOL\n", "Standards\n", "Retirement\n", "Post-retirement\n", "Anecdotes\n", "Death\n", "Dates of rank\n", "Awards and honors\n", "Military awards\n", "Other awards\n", "Legacy\n", "Places\n", "Programs\n", "In popular culture\n", "Grace Hopper Celebration of Women in Computing\n", "Notes\n", "Obituary notices\n", "See also\n", "References\n", "Further reading\n", "External links\n" ] } ], "source": [ "for item in soup.select(\".toctext\"):\n", " print(item.text)" ] }, { "cell_type": "markdown", "metadata": {}, "source": [ "### Example Task 3 - Getting an Image from a Website\n", "\n", "Let's attempt to grab the image of the Deep Blue Computer from this wikipedia article: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Deep_Blue_(chess_computer)" ] }, { "cell_type": "code", "execution_count": 18, "metadata": { "collapsed": true }, "outputs": [], "source": [ "res = requests.get(\"https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Deep_Blue_(chess_computer)\")" ] }, { "cell_type": "code", "execution_count": 19, "metadata": { "collapsed": true }, "outputs": [], "source": [ "soup = bs4.BeautifulSoup(res.text,'lxml')" ] }, { "cell_type": "code", "execution_count": 20, "metadata": { "collapsed": true }, "outputs": [], "source": [ "image_info = soup.select('.thumbimage')" ] }, { "cell_type": "code", "execution_count": 22, "metadata": {}, "outputs": [ { "data": { "text/plain": [ "[<img alt=\"\" class=\"thumbimage\" data-file-height=\"601\" data-file-width=\"400\" decoding=\"async\" height=\"331\" src=\"//upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/b/be/Deep_Blue.jpg/220px-Deep_Blue.jpg\" srcset=\"//upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/b/be/Deep_Blue.jpg/330px-Deep_Blue.jpg 1.5x, //upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/b/be/Deep_Blue.jpg 2x\" width=\"220\"/>,\n", " <img alt=\"\" class=\"thumbimage\" data-file-height=\"600\" data-file-width=\"800\" decoding=\"async\" height=\"165\" src=\"//upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/6/6f/Kasparov_Magath_1985_Hamburg-2.png/220px-Kasparov_Magath_1985_Hamburg-2.png\" srcset=\"//upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/6/6f/Kasparov_Magath_1985_Hamburg-2.png/330px-Kasparov_Magath_1985_Hamburg-2.png 1.5x, //upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/6/6f/Kasparov_Magath_1985_Hamburg-2.png/440px-Kasparov_Magath_1985_Hamburg-2.png 2x\" width=\"220\"/>]" ] }, "execution_count": 22, "metadata": {}, "output_type": "execute_result" } ], "source": [ "image_info" ] }, { "cell_type": "code", "execution_count": 24, "metadata": {}, "outputs": [ { "data": { "text/plain": [ "2" ] }, "execution_count": 24, "metadata": {}, "output_type": "execute_result" } ], "source": [ "len(image_info)" ] }, { "cell_type": "code", "execution_count": 25, "metadata": { "collapsed": true }, "outputs": [], "source": [ "computer = image_info[0]" ] }, { "cell_type": "code", "execution_count": 26, "metadata": {}, "outputs": [ { "data": { "text/plain": [ "bs4.element.Tag" ] }, "execution_count": 26, "metadata": {}, "output_type": "execute_result" } ],

This application is smart. Daily exercises, encouragement, psychology facts, and more. Sent straight to your email when you least expect it. This isn't a counseling session. This isn't a therapy system. It's the best first step towards a healthier brain. When a user registers with his credentials (email and password inclusive) the application sends a periodic email to the user with mental health support in mind.